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Last status update:
Date Signed Up:1/30/2010
Last Login:8/24/2016
FunnyJunk Career Stats
Comment Ranking:#3552
Highest Content Rank:#2223
Highest Comment Rank:#77
Content Thumbs: 3444 total,  3603 ,  159
Comment Thumbs: 76537 total,  81447 ,  4910
Content Level Progress: 43% (43/100)
Level 134 Content: Respected Member Of Famiry → Level 135 Content: Respected Member Of Famiry
Comment Level Progress: 19.5% (195/1000)
Level 370 Comments: Immortal → Level 371 Comments: Immortal
Content Views:17246
Times Content Favorited:218 times
Total Comments Made:10546
FJ Points:43937

latest user's comments

#67 - Raid the fridge. 04/09/2016 on you wake they ass up,... 0
#4 - I've always wanted to drive Kowalski's route from the movie Va… 04/07/2016 on Must-Do Road Trips In The US 0
#9 - Asian is the new white.  [+] (3 new replies) 04/04/2016 on wolf blitzer +10
#10 - xnotcreative (04/04/2016) [-]
Wow. I've only been white for the shortest period of time but I already want to kill myself.

How do I go back to NOT being white? This is just too much for me.
#19 - anon (04/04/2016) [-]
On the plus side...


I'm sure being white has it's perks somewhere.
#11 - geese (04/04/2016) [-]
Get rid of Cultural Marxism.
#2 - in GIF form. 04/03/2016 on Top gear 0
#10 - Same. Maybe you have to go into the big city for this kind of …  [+] (3 new replies) 04/03/2016 on Raising Hand is Evil +1
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#15 - testaburger (04/03/2016) [-]
Same here.
Never even heard of something like it outside of FJ
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#38 - ipwnallnubz (04/03/2016) [-]
>>#10, >>#9, In one of the dorms here at Purdue last year, there was a table set up with a couple of people talking about microaggressions, and there was also this:
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#62 - thegoblingamer (04/03/2016) [-]
I get that it CAN occur. But with how often you see it on FJ, you'd think every campus everywhere was over-run.
The few odd cases don't mean shit and are just outliers.
#15 - But then what if you chop it off? In my opinion, it'…  [+] (1 new reply) 03/30/2016 on Unpopular +1
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#22 - YoursTruley (03/30/2016) [-]
sex matters for health issues.
#33 - Not over there. 03/29/2016 on Iraqi Swat team lets you vote 0
#5 - source:  [+] (1 new reply) 03/29/2016 on It Gets Better +6
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#15 - shamblerdk (03/29/2016) [-]
I think you need some kind of drug to fully appreciate that.
#2 - Reminds me of this story:  [+] (14 new replies) 03/27/2016 on Wrong number +12
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#15 - deadlyfoez (03/28/2016) [-]
I read that story back about 16 years ago when it was on hackpalace.net
Just for the fact that I read that story I got into a little bit of trouble with someone that I knew who was a navy seal.
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#5 - bme (03/27/2016) [-]
So do I start calling those numbers ooooor.......
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#75 - catburglarpenis (03/28/2016) [-]
Yeah I would leave it the fuck alone if I were you. I exited out as soon as they started listing numbers. I don't want that anywhere even in my memory.
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#94 - bme (03/28/2016) [-]
I am canadian though so what are they gun do.
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#99 - catburglarpenis (03/28/2016) [-]
The Prime Minister will wreck your ass.

"Yeah I'm American so I just called up Vladimir Putin's private nuke stash to ask him if his refrigerator is running. Hah! International lines protect me."

*FBI busts in*

"Sir, you're being arrested for agitating possible nuclear war and screwing up diplomatic relations. You'll be sent to Guantanamo for he rest of your life for endangering all your countrymen and indeed the world. You're a monster. This will take us months to smooth over, you fuck!"
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#101 - bme (03/28/2016) [-]
I see your Point but they are right there.... and it's very temping.
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#102 - catburglarpenis (03/28/2016) [-]
You walk into a room. A nuclear bomb sits next to a ballpin hammer.

If you would like to leave it alone, turn the page. If you want to hit the bomb with the hammer, close the book and shoot yourself IRL.
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#103 - bme (03/28/2016) [-]
Where is this room? If I'm in a room in downtown Toronto obviously not. Am I in the middle of an isis base and they just happen to use the same room for their munitions hostages and hammers?
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#105 - catburglarpenis (03/28/2016) [-]
You are anywhere. The bomb designation is unmarked, but with what little knowledge of international relations you have, you conclude that if this bomb indeed went off, it would do far more harm than good in any scenario. The thing would be a scapegoat, some country would blame another for the detonation and retaliate, someone would be outed for improper use and storage and a war would ignite, or protesters would take over a government through hostile force because they believe they could store it better, or all of the above. You know of one thing for sure: hundreds of thousands of people will die if you interact with this object at all. In the heat of such a moment, you cannot remember where this room is in time and space. Is it a city center? The basement of a loved one's house? Is your loving wife and children there? Are you even married? Nothing comes to mind as you stare deeply into this explosive, with all the power of Satan's armies held within. Your breath catches in your throat. What do you do?
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#106 - bme (03/28/2016) [-]
I sit and consider everything I know about this bizarre situation. And at first I do nothing. As my third day with no food or water aproaches I realize that I will stave to death if left alone. Ive been put in this empty room beyond the grasp of space and time for one purpose This is my destiny, i never even had a choice. With all the force of Thor I slam my lone ballpoint companion into my biggest question.
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#107 - catburglarpenis (03/28/2016) [-]
Your dick falls off. What's worse, as you look around you realize that you're at school wearing no pants, and everyone is laughing at you. You remember now that you contracted leprosy in a bad hunting accident, and you thought that can of beans you ate looked pretty iffy. More embarrassed than ever, your hallucinogenic haze wears thin, and you remember that you were on your way to a funeral before this whole thing kicked off. Your loved ones had perished in a freak accident at a nuclear plant.

The end.

Written by R.L. Stein.
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#108 - bme (03/28/2016) [-]
Your dick falls off wasn't even top 100 on things I thought I would read today.
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#109 - catburglarpenis (03/29/2016) [-]
R.L. Stein books get crazy dawg.
#6 - anon (03/27/2016) [-]

#45 - Older cars will let you try, but you will not succeed. 03/23/2016 on life hack +20