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I Am Monkey

Rank #8 on Comments
I Am Monkey Avatar Level 400 Comments: God
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Personal Info
Consoles Owned: Walkman
Video Games Played: Battletoads 3D, Mike Tyson's Punch-Out
Date Signed Up:11/11/2008
Last Login:12/20/2014
Location:Jew York
Funnyjunk Career Stats
Content Ranking:#2178
Comment Ranking:#8
Highest Content Rank:#164
Highest Comment Rank:#2
Content Thumbs: 70745 total,  79383 ,  8638
Comment Thumbs: 284560 total,  299993 ,  15433
Content Level Progress: 68.5% (685/1000)
Level 269 Content: Pure Win → Level 270 Content: Ninja Pirate
Comment Level Progress: Level Maxed!
Content Views:1938621
Times Content Favorited:5095 times
Total Comments Made:13277
FJ Points:150987
Favorite Tags: the (3) | Draco Malfoy (2) | oil spill (2) | tags (2)
This is your social life and it's ending one mouse click at a time.

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funny pictures

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    Comments: 343
    Favorites: 148
    Uploaded: 05/13/12
    Grammar Nazi Grammar Nazi
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    Comments: 621
    Favorites: 110
    Uploaded: 04/10/12
    The Obama The Obama
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    Comments: 235
    Favorites: 230
    Uploaded: 09/12/12
    He Will Haunt Your Dreams/Nightmares He Will Haunt Your...
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    Comments: 457
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    Uploaded: 10/16/11
    Seems Legit Seems Legit
  • Views: 75505
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    Comments: 292
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    Uploaded: 09/24/12
    How The EU Works How The EU Works
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    Comments: 387
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    Uploaded: 07/15/12
    Obama Vs. Ice Cream Obama Vs. Ice Cream
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 > [ 87 Funny Pictures Total ]
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funny videos

  • Views: 46374
    Thumbs Up 735 Thumbs Down 96 Total: +639
    Comments: 637
    Favorites: 1
    Uploaded: 07/17/10
    Here it is Here it is
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youtube videos

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funny gifs

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latest user's comments

#16 - I'm going to go into the police force when I graduate college …  [+] (22 new replies) 12/19/2014 on FSF? +105
User avatar #167 - vycanismajoris (9 hours ago) [-]
Not to be rude but:
>reasonable intelligence
Compared to whom?
Also what do you learn in college that you need to get in the police force? I thought in most if not all countries you only need to do highschool first.
User avatar #156 - infinitereaper (9 hours ago) [-]
You know nothing John Snow
User avatar #154 - riggyrigs (10 hours ago) [-]
become top police chief and make exercising obligatory
then observe the butthurt
#151 - anonymous (10 hours ago) [-]
just do the cooler thing and go firefighter
User avatar #147 - gatorade (10 hours ago) [-]
Either join the State troopers cause none of them are fat but they're typically hardasses who are ridiculous when they pull you over, but at least you feel like a damn cop.

Or join a Local PD, you'll love it, just don't get lazy. Get fit as hell and make the rest of the PD follow suit.
#145 - enzothesomething (10 hours ago) [-]
The king of Dank Memes himself patrolling the streets and keeping our cities safe.
I can picture it now.
#125 - anonymous (11 hours ago) [-]
I wish the majority of police forces were made up of people like you, I'd like cops in general a lot more.
User avatar #78 - jokerjack (13 hours ago) [-]
Please still do it. Most aren't what the news show, and we need more good ones to offset the ones I'm realizing aren't a freak chance in a million, but like 1 or 2% which is actually frightening.
#62 - applescryatnight (15 hours ago) [-]
just one bit of advice, take a little extra time with people who dont speak english that well.
its easier to get mad at them, because there is a small communication barrier, but they are people too. the job of a policeman is to be fair and to help people first and foremost.

#60 - stalini (15 hours ago) [-]
> I'm of reasonable intelligence
this is what every retard thinks
#99 - questionableferret (12 hours ago) [-]
To be fair, that's what most people of above reasonable intelligence thinks too.
#110 - stalini (12 hours ago) [-]
nope, they don't.
User avatar #49 - civilizedwasteland (16 hours ago) [-]
Be the best, get promoted, whip those newbies and complacents into shape, do you're country a service.
#41 - anonymous (17 hours ago) [-]
in certain states in america, they won't allow you into the police force if you have a certain IQ or higher. They want mindless retards who have no judgment and can only follow orders. They don't want a free thinker that can question them.
User avatar #50 - yunoavailable (16 hours ago) [-]
citation needed
#104 - questionableferret (12 hours ago) [-]

Citation provided.

I'm not sure if everything in there is accurate or not but one case is referenced within all three of those articles from varying sources with different journalistic styles/leanings. The laws might have changed since then but honestly I just can't be arsed to put the effort in with regards to this subject since it's not one I personally care much about (seeing as I live on a different chunk of rock jutting out of the sea which luckily means no remtard US cops (who I do hope are in the minority) can't do shit to me over here.

It could be a pretty sorry state of affairs indeed and it might spell disaster for I Am Monkey over there. In fact, here's a little notation for him, just in case he misses this.

>>#16 (I hope that's how you do it).

I Am Monkey, I hope you read this, because if you get accepted as a Cop it could be bad news for you depending on what has changed since the source cited in these articles was first made. I wish you luck in passing the IQ test, though, if the circumstances are the same now as they were back then, I don't think I can wish you luck with becoming a cop without it being something of an insult to your intelligence.

... shit's mad fucked in the US, yo.
#105 - questionableferret (12 hours ago) [-]
>> #16

Did that do it? Well, if it did, take a looksie at the comment I just posted up there ^^^.

It could be of interest to you.
#106 - questionableferret (12 hours ago) [-]
God fucking damn it...
#38 - bwiedieter (18 hours ago) [-]
Do your job well and with heart and reason. You´ll be fine as.
#25 - bazda (23 hours ago) [-]
Well, the good thing about the police over the military is if you don't like the job you can quit the police. Some people get into the military and end up in a job they hate and feel swindled, and they're stuck there for 4 years.
User avatar #19 - Sewallman (23 hours ago) [-]
You know? I cannot say I like a majority of cops, but seeing your comments... You'll be arresting the cops that I cannot say I like hearing about.
#36 - doucheonmandic (18 hours ago) [-]
amen, but corruption goes a long way. high chance one will get corrupt or silenced really fast when trying to fighting it.
#38 - I miss Mitt... 12/19/2014 on For once he doesn't sound... +20
#32 - The internet naturally corrects itself. This is why we never h…  [+] (2 new replies) 12/19/2014 on Meninist Activism dot org +15
#138 - anonymous (13 hours ago) [-]
i like how you put Fj next ro Reddit. as if they are even close in popularity and importance
User avatar #35 - cshp (23 hours ago) [-]
The problem is that extremist feminism is affecting (effecting?) the real world and changing things for the worst.
#6 - This is why you have to disguise your nose as a Ninja Turtle. …  [+] (1 new reply) 12/19/2014 on Finished muh exams +3
#25 - gojoe (19 hours ago) [-]
That's Michelangelo you piece of shit uneducated swine
#77 - Picture 12/19/2014 on how to obtain girlfriend +10
#42 - Picture 12/19/2014 on Shit Rappers Say +13
#8 - Picture  [+] (3 new replies) 12/18/2014 on Weird Al's floating orb +309
#127 - enduranceathlete (12/18/2014) [-]
#34 - theevilfusion (12/18/2014) [-]
>not having the one with text.
#41 - jonball (12/18/2014) [-]
>implying you need the one with text on.
#9 - >Talk for a while, find out she has a gf and then get mad t…  [+] (19 new replies) 12/18/2014 on Wow, r00d +81
User avatar #57 - xapplemanx (12/18/2014) [-]
Its like if a girl comes to talk to me and i just say i have a girlfriend
User avatar #49 - wrpen (12/18/2014) [-]
>find out she has a gf
>implying this wasted any time whatsoever
#46 - hackmon (12/18/2014) [-]
gotta love all the retards in the comment who can't tell the difference. It is painfully obvious in the comic....

he isn't 'mad' because she didn't waste his time, he says that because she assumes he wants to get with her when all he said was hi.
#36 - zeroqp (12/18/2014) [-]
No, no.
She shouldn't intentionally mention the BF part unless he's obviously hitting on her and she's taken. If it comes up in a conversation, the guy has to move on without being mad at her.
If she mentions it from him just saying 'hi', she's a conceited bitch that needs to stop assuming that every guy that looks her way wants her.
User avatar #38 - warvolk (12/18/2014) [-]
"obviously hitting on her" has a different meaning for people
User avatar #30 - betastory (12/18/2014) [-]
Not only that, but I feel like, what other motive does the average dude even have anyways? If I'm walking up to a random chick to say "hi", I'm definitely tryin to fuck her.
#23 - ciacheczko (12/18/2014) [-]
-Hi how are you?
-Oh, great, thanks! Just getting ready to go out with my bf, I'll text you when I'm back.

Ta-dah! A simple way of not wasting anyone's time without being a complete cunt.
User avatar #32 - tylosaurus (12/18/2014) [-]
What if you aren't about to go out with your bf, but you still.. posses such a creature?
#40 - anonymous (12/18/2014) [-]
"Hey, how are you?"
"Hit a little bit of a rough patch with my bf, but we're good now."
If the bf finds out just tell him what happened.
User avatar #41 - tylosaurus (12/18/2014) [-]
What if you're not having a rough patch with the bf?
#42 - ciacheczko (12/18/2014) [-]
Jesus, some people just don't want to have nice things.

You can just make shit up. You don't even have to have a boyfriend at all, but still can use the same line I gave at first, if you want a dude to fuck off. No one said anything about being honest when telling a guy off - just cover the nice part and you're golden.
User avatar #43 - tylosaurus (12/18/2014) [-]
Why lie to someone when they just said hi though?
User avatar #62 - gentlemanbastard (12/18/2014) [-]
Because who the fuck cares.
User avatar #63 - tylosaurus (12/18/2014) [-]
People with a moral, usually.
#18 - slenderbro (12/18/2014) [-]
User avatar #14 - Indoknight (12/18/2014) [-]
Unless you were only planning on working on the presentation with her.
User avatar #22 - skulldan (12/18/2014) [-]
I understood that reference
User avatar #11 - choobe (12/18/2014) [-]
It all depends on the setting, plus, a "hi" isn't enough to deduce if he's about to hit on her.
User avatar #10 - plasticcup (12/18/2014) [-]
This is how life works it looks like.
#10 - Picture  [+] (1 new reply) 12/18/2014 on Real Super Sand +2
#30 - resty (12/18/2014) [-]
what video is this off
#24 - Immediately after posting this, I remember I had this gif  [+] (3 new replies) 12/18/2014 on Burger Feels +49
User avatar #53 - atma (12/18/2014) [-]
Nobody has been able to answer this thus far
Do you or does anybody else know what the hell this .gif originally was?
#71 - anonymous (12/18/2014) [-]
it's Jameson Parker as Brian Marsh in John Carpenter's "Prince of Darkness" (1987)
User avatar #82 - atma (8 hours ago) [-]
Ahh, excellent, thank you anon

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What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#80 - anonymous (08/29/2013) [+] (2 replies)
You are a worthless piece of ****
User avatar #198 - superblade (12/17/2014) [-]
So you got the oldest funnyjunk account?
User avatar #199 to #198 - I Am Monkey (12/17/2014) [-]
Nah, I've seen a few older. I might be one of the oldest active ones though.
User avatar #197 - admin (12/03/2014) [-]
User avatar #195 - gugek (11/19/2014) [-]
Have a great day.
#194 - Tenxseiga (11/13/2014) [-]
I Am Goldblum
User avatar #192 - jorgethemaster (10/30/2014) [-]
You are Monkey.
#188 - tailsx (09/30/2014) [-]
From what I have been hearing about Destiny, I am glad I stuck with Warframe
#186 - slothminator (09/23/2014) [-]
Here. You can have this
User avatar #187 to #186 - I Am Monkey (09/24/2014) [-]
#184 - itsthetie (09/15/2014) [-]
Dude, you always leave the best comments, luv ya
Dude, you always leave the best comments, luv ya
User avatar #185 to #184 - I Am Monkey (09/16/2014) [-]
#181 - icrapgoldndiamonds (08/15/2014) [-]
i subbed coz you post funny **** .....i like funny **** , have a good day dude
User avatar #179 - plumpbooty (08/13/2014) [-]
you want to actually succed in life?

dont listen to ducks reposted from 9gag

pls don't ban
#177 - include (08/13/2014) [-]
Do you ever respond back to your profile comments?
User avatar #178 to #177 - I Am Monkey (08/13/2014) [-]
User avatar #180 to #178 - include (08/13/2014) [-]
I figured
#176 - anonymous (08/05/2014) [-]
Just wanted you to know, you're my favorite person on Funnyjunk. I love reading your comments, they always manage to make my day ; u ; Thank you for that.
Pls keep being amazing.
#175 - include (08/02/2014) [-]
Hello Monkey.
User avatar #172 - studbeefpile (08/01/2014) [-]
Hey man, I know ********** is a ****** , but he ain't mean no harm. He is jus a boi tryin to find his whey in the worl. 2048 hours is an awful lot, don't you think?
User avatar #173 to #172 - I Am Monkey (08/01/2014) [-]
I only flagged him once for gore. I don't know why the ban is that long unless this is like his thousandth offence.
User avatar #174 to #173 - studbeefpile (08/02/2014) [-]
Oh, I see. I will miss him a bunch.

If only there was some way to reduce the ban time....
#170 - EdwardNigma ONLINE (07/27/2014) [-]
You banned ********** again.
I like the cut of your jib.
User avatar #170 - ffffyou (04/10/2014) [-]
oh wow...finally accepted
User avatar #168 - roflstorm (04/09/2014) [-]
Good god how long ago did i send that request?
User avatar #169 to #168 - I Am Monkey (04/10/2014) [-]
Idk I just accepted like 120 of them. Honestly, I forgot that friend requests existed for a while.
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