My name is Elmo,
I once was a pedophile, but those days are over.
Now I go behind the Wal-Mart at the end of Sesame Street, and smoke a joint with Big Bird and Cookie Monster.
You know you wish you were me.
I make money by being a hooker, seeing that I am homeless and using Cookie Monster's computer while he's out on dates.
And remember kids, eat your veggies!