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Erotic Potatoe

 
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Views: 35424 Submitted: 08/17/2013
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#3 - zestyfiesta
Reply +123
(08/17/2013) [-]
>I once summoned a Daedric Lord to fight for me
>Fighting Draugar outside Windstad Manor
>Kill everything, decide to go inside, my Daedric Lord follows
>Find my housecarl wearing one of my Dwemer Helmets
>Bard singing away as my son is eating in the dining hall
>No big deal, decide to just talk to my housecarl, ask him to buy things, etc.
>Leave to do something else, completely forgot what it was
>Return a few days later, seemed like a normal day
>Walk into my armory, see my Daedric Lord smithing something
>Watch him for a good 5 minutes
>Decides he's done, yells "A challenger as appeared!"
>Runs out of room, kills my bard as she's singing, runs back into the room, and starts smithing again
#23 to #3 - alphahacker
Reply +2
(08/17/2013) [-]
#60 to #3 - EdwardNigma ONLINE
Reply +3
(08/18/2013) [-]
How did the Daedric Lord just stay forever...don't they disappear eventually?
Is it like, a master spell?
#66 to #60 - zestyfiesta
Reply 0
(08/18/2013) [-]
Yea, i used it, which completely took out all of my magika, and it killed a few things. I guess since it was smithing it wasn't able to just disappear, and it glitched to the point where he was just there for awhile.

My Dwemer helmeted housecarl actually had to kill him eventually.
#24 to #3 - wallsbad
Reply +19
(08/17/2013) [-]
i wish that would happen for me. i've told my bard to leave near 100 times, she says she'll leave, but then sits down at my kitchen table and proceeds to eat my ******* food.
#13 - Welshhobo
Reply +81
(08/17/2013) [-]
Brb, getting the rights for a sitcom. I'm thinking "Everyone loves Dovahkiin" or "Two and a half Mer"
#21 to #13 - robotvoice ONLINE
Reply +7
(08/17/2013) [-]
so would it be about two high elves and a breton?
with a lovable nord uncle?
#54 to #21 - foelkera
Reply 0
(08/18/2013) [-]
"In this week's episode, the Dovahkiin goes on a blind date... with Alduin's daughet?!" [Canned laughter]
#18 to #13 - razthough
Reply +13
(08/17/2013) [-]
How I met your mothers
#38 to #18 - anon
Reply 0
(08/18/2013) [-]
How I met your Dovah

god, how was that not the first idea.
#58 to #38 - amusingtoaster
Reply 0
(08/18/2013) [-]
Because it's a dumb name
#96 to #58 - anon
Reply 0
(08/18/2013) [-]
youre a dumb name
joke dont crucify me yet

I mean cmon, there are always jokes about someone bangin a dragon. Seemed a logical progression to me.
#97 to #96 - amusingtoaster
Reply 0
(08/18/2013) [-]
i never thought of it that way....
#35 to #13 - foelkera
Reply +14
(08/18/2013) [-]
Fus Ro Dad

The Fresh Thane of Whiterun
#26 - europe
Reply +69
(08/17/2013) [-]
>about to be executed
>dragon attacks
>escape from the attack into a keep
>followed by a fellow prisoner with the most horrifying face of all time
>he must want to help me
>unbind him
>he won't stop punching me
>he helps kill some imperials, he can't be all bad
>spend entire time punching and stabbing me, gets an axe, hacks up my flesh
>**** it, I've dealt with worse soldiers
>make our way out
>recommend he visit my sister in riverwood, she can help him out
>he knocks me over the head with his axe until I double over in pain
>get up later, he's gone
>go to riverwood
>entire town slaughtered by axe-wielding psycho
>what have I done
#4 - lolerbot ONLINE
Reply +64
(08/17/2013) [-]
This was in Fabe, not skyrim, but still related
> Be near endgame
> Have house in Barrowstone
> Have wife in Barrowstone
> Find much better house in oakvale
> buy it, go to sell house in barrowstone
> Cant sell house because wife lives there.
> Cant figure out how to get wife to other house
> Getting really pissed off cause i need the money from selling my house
> find my wife, kill her
> sell house
> Go to oakvale
> Get new wife
> a few minutes later, im upgrading my house
> suddenly, barrowstone wife comes through door
> screams "You filthy man! I ought to tear them right off!"
> Im like WTF? so i head back to barrowstone
> find dead woman in my house, same player model as wife
> oh **** i killed the wrong person
> Go back to oakvale, find that Oakvale wife and Barrowstone wife are fighting it out
> Slaughter them both
> Sell house
#64 to #4 - EdwardNigma ONLINE
Reply -1
(08/18/2013) [-]
The body would have disappeared though, when you fast travelled or by the time you got back.

Also, it's Bowerstone.
#67 to #64 - lolerbot ONLINE
Reply 0
(08/18/2013) [-]
Ok gentlemen, you caught me. It's not a real story, but it made 42 people laugh at least.   
(it is semi true in that i killed the wrong person when i tried to kill my wife)
Ok gentlemen, you caught me. It's not a real story, but it made 42 people laugh at least.
(it is semi true in that i killed the wrong person when i tried to kill my wife)
#6 to #4 - anon
Reply 0
(08/17/2013) [-]
But how could you sell your house if she was still alive?
#7 to #6 - lolerbot ONLINE
Reply +1
(08/17/2013) [-]
Sorry, I guess that could be a bit confusing. I couldn't sell the house because there was
someone in it. As long as no one is in the house, it can be sold, regardless of who is living there.
#16 to #4 - RyanTheLeet
Reply 0
(08/17/2013) [-]
You must have really wanted that house if you were willing to kill someone IN Bowerstone.
#57 to #4 - mrdudeface
Reply 0
(08/18/2013) [-]
where'd your first wife go? WAS SHE CHEATING ON YOU!?
#5 to #4 - lolerbot ONLINE
Reply +1
(08/17/2013) [-]
*fable, sorry
#8 to #5 - adu
Reply +1
(08/17/2013) [-]
Bowerstone*
seriously folks
#9 to #8 - lolerbot ONLINE
Reply 0
(08/17/2013) [-]
**** i knew i had it wrong. I hadnt played it in a few years.
#36 to #9 - angered
Reply 0
(08/18/2013) [-]
Just played fable yesterday. Did you play on PC? Because without mods you can't kill anyone in Bowerstone.
#40 to #36 - lolerbot ONLINE
Reply 0
(08/18/2013) [-]
i played on xbox a few years back. I was pretty sure i did? Maybe it was a differnt town. I
barely remember. Bowserstone is the one in the dark forest right? with the werewolves?
#50 to #40 - angered
Reply 0
(08/18/2013) [-]
That is Darkwood so you were thinking of Barrow fields. Great game though I recommend playing it again.
#41 to #40 - gunthar
Reply 0
(08/18/2013) [-]
no thats knothle island or something like that
#55 - ericbeagles
Reply +23
(08/18/2013) [-]
>Be me, playing Skyrim for the millionth time   
>Go to Bleak Falls, raid the **** out of it, collect so much crap that I'm very near to being over-encumbered   
>Go to smith in Riverwood in order to sell the assortment of random guff I'm carrying   
>Pan round to the Blacksmith's face, hit E accidentally and pick up an iron ingot on the way round   
>"You are carrying too much to run"   
>nobiggienexttotheblacksmith.jpg   
>Engage him in conversation, just about to sell my stuff, when he suddenly looks directly upwards, fists raised, screaming something like "You'll never leave here alive"   
>********.jpg   
>Turns out a dragon has just landed on his roof and the entire town has assembled to battle it   
>Me, still being over-encumbered, can't do anything   
>The dragon gets killed after what seemed like hours of random NPCs having a round of fisty cuffs with it   
>Assume the smith will come back to where he's supposed to, and I'll be able to sell my stuff ******* finally   
>He walks almost into my reach, then turns on his heel, and jogs off into the distance, heading towards the river   
>Never see him again   
I haven't played that ******* game since
>Be me, playing Skyrim for the millionth time
>Go to Bleak Falls, raid the **** out of it, collect so much crap that I'm very near to being over-encumbered
>Go to smith in Riverwood in order to sell the assortment of random guff I'm carrying
>Pan round to the Blacksmith's face, hit E accidentally and pick up an iron ingot on the way round
>"You are carrying too much to run"
>nobiggienexttotheblacksmith.jpg
>Engage him in conversation, just about to sell my stuff, when he suddenly looks directly upwards, fists raised, screaming something like "You'll never leave here alive"
>********.jpg
>Turns out a dragon has just landed on his roof and the entire town has assembled to battle it
>Me, still being over-encumbered, can't do anything
>The dragon gets killed after what seemed like hours of random NPCs having a round of fisty cuffs with it
>Assume the smith will come back to where he's supposed to, and I'll be able to sell my stuff ******* finally
>He walks almost into my reach, then turns on his heel, and jogs off into the distance, heading towards the river
>Never see him again
I haven't played that ******* game since
#94 to #55 - stringfingerable
Reply 0
(08/18/2013) [-]
I remember a dragon came down and killed both the Blacksmith and his wife leaving their daughter an orphan.
#65 to #55 - vatra
Reply +9
(08/18/2013) [-]
But.. You can drop ****. Drop something unimportant.
#88 to #65 - pwnmissilereborn **User deleted account**
Reply 0
(08/18/2013) [-]
I can't! I must have it all!
#89 to #88 - vatra
Reply 0
(08/18/2013) [-]
I get that, I like to hoard ****, so I have chests that I know are safe that I drop my takes in and usually never look back.
#90 to #89 - pwnmissilereborn **User deleted account**
Reply 0
(08/18/2013) [-]
Yeah I know. I was kidding though, mostly I just hoard potion/enchantment/smithing ingredients and ebony armor, just because ebony armor is the ****.

Otherwise I only pick up stuff when they are valuable/unique or stronger than my current gear.
#93 to #90 - vatra
Reply 0
(08/18/2013) [-]
Yeah, I may hoard, but I usually only pick up special stuff.
#20 - McBalls
Reply +22
(08/17/2013) [-]
Except this isn't yours, dickbag.
www.funnyjunk.com/text/4457712/Skyrim+Family+Values/
#61 to #20 - nativninja
Reply 0
(08/18/2013) [-]
how rude!
#22 - goldfangz
Reply +19
(08/17/2013) [-]
my stupid kids never find anything.

one time my son gave me clothes as a present

i was like ''what are you implying?''
#10 - bestestname
Reply +14
(08/17/2013) [-]
>Kill Morokei
>Put mask on
>Oh god the stench
#1 - manbearpiglet
Reply +13
(08/17/2013) [-]
Pic related to title.
#25 to #1 - chaossniper
Reply +2
(08/17/2013) [-]
thats one hot potato

thank you i know the way out
#37 - foelkera
Reply +12
(08/18/2013) [-]
I think one of my mods might've glitched my game
>Own mansion with all sorts of cool **** in it
>Mannequins with armor and stuff on them
>Get Dark Brotherhood armor, put it on mannequin
>Rest in bed
>Wake up
>Mannequin is AT THE FOOT OF THE ******* BED
>Delete save, start new game from scratch
#44 to #37 - tapeboy
Reply 0
(08/18/2013) [-]
Nope that just a creaky glitch that happens sometimes. You nuked everything for a harmless coatrack tucking creepy but harmless.
#46 to #44 - foelkera
Reply 0
(08/18/2013) [-]
mannequins are creepy ***** though
#47 to #46 - tapeboy
Reply 0
(08/18/2013) [-]
Agreed.
#82 to #37 - sooperxcool
Reply +1
(08/18/2013) [-]
I've had only one thing like that happen to me.
>Be in house in solitude
>"cool mannequins"
> leave them alone
>pause the game
>watch something crazy on laptop right quick that made me realize how much of a bitch I am
>Go back on skryim to relieve thoughts
> press start
> mannequins is right next to my character in the middle floor.
> turned off xbox
>didn't play for 2 weeks
#43 to #37 - thankins
Reply +2
(08/18/2013) [-]
If real, 10/10
#45 to #43 - viscerys ONLINE
Reply 0
(08/18/2013) [-]
It's real. Its a bug that happens in the game, and can be caused by mods. It happened to me as well, its ******* horrifying.
#79 to #37 - icametocomment
Reply +2
(08/18/2013) [-]
I feel your pain.

>Downloaded sexy Thane's Breezehome mod, house is awesome.
>Old comp died, reloaded Skyrim on new one
>Get mod again, go into Breezehome to see if my stuff is gone
>It is, ****
>Look down hallway
>MANNEQUIN ******* WALKS BACK TO IT'S PEDESTAL
>Nope outta there so hard I leave little clouds of nope in my wake
>Delete save (I was going to anyway to start over and get stuff back)
>Stay in comp chair for a little while with my knees drawn up to my chin
#59 to #37 - AresX
Reply +6
(08/18/2013) [-]
The Mannequins of Skyrim - Don't Tease Those Creepy Things!
#81 to #59 - icametocomment
Reply +2
(08/18/2013) [-]
I tried to view mannequins as benign house spirits who kept the place dusted when I was away.

Thanks for ******* shattering that headcanon.
#73 to #59 - xerros
+1
has deleted their comment [-]
#70 to #59 - anon
Reply 0
(08/18/2013) [-]
>End of video
NOPE.
#71 to #70 - AresX
Reply +2
(08/18/2013) [-]
Yeah I ******* cringed
#48 to #37 - thelordofrepost
Reply +7
(08/18/2013) [-]
The mannequins are actually npcs and sometimes the proper scripts don't load, so they can move. I know a guy whose mannequins heads would watch him because of when npcs look at you but the rest of the mannequin was stuck in place. It doesn't have to do with mods. It happens to me on 360.
#49 to #48 - foelkera
Reply +3
(08/18/2013) [-]
******* christ
#52 to #49 - thelordofrepost
Reply +3
(08/18/2013) [-]
Yeah it's pretty creepy. Nothing as major as the turning heads has happened to me but sometimes my mannequins are a few feet out of place. Also this mod should fix it skyrim.nexusmods.com/mods/10652/? . Sadly the mod also fixes the item dupe glitch but oh well.