It seems like people’s lives are moving along just fine. Every time I log into Facebook I see the pictures. Picture of them strengthening friendships and showing off their social lives. Meanwhile I’m just sitting here in my room passing the time alone. It feels as If life is just passing me by. Maybe it’s them, but I’m almost certain it’s me. I’ve always had a hard time making friends. All I can really do is hold on to the ones I already have. Sometimes I ask myself if that’s ok. See that’s the thing. I live in a world forged for extroverts. A place where it’s not ok to spend your time curled up in a book, where it’s unacceptable to play video games all day because you rather not go outside. Frankly I’m just so sick of it. To live in a place where I can’t feel happy doing what I want. Society has corrupted my being in such a way that when I do as I please I can’t help but feeling unsatisfied. I always think to myself “I should go outside. I should make new friends; I shouldn’t spend so much time alone”. It’s quite a contradiction because I enjoy doing what I do. The world does not agree with me so it seems. There is a famous phrase that goes: “Time you enjoy wasting, isn’t wasted”. I just wish it was true.
I guess my problem is that I don’t have enough faith in myself. When I think of this I’m reminded of the movie “It’s Kind of a Funny Story”. Except I’m not suicidal, I’m just sad. I have a roof over my head, a family that loves me, good health and food in my plate. There are people that would be so happy just to have a fourth of what I have, yet day to day it’s difficult to find reasons to smile. Maybe humans are just dissatisfied creatures. We find problems to bitch about, when really we should be grateful. I just wish things were easier. I just wish living wouldn’t take so much out of me you know?
Sorry for rant. Just had to get some things off my chest.