post your most brutal joke

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Submitted: 06/27/2013
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User avatar #136 - princesssakura (06/27/2013) [-]
Hitler walks into the meeting room and turns to his trusted staff, “I want you to organize the execution of 10,000 Jews and 1 kitten."
Everyone looks around the table and after a long silence, Goering pipes up, “Mein Führer, why do you want to kill a kitten?"
Hitler smiles and turns to the rest of the table, “You see, no one cares about the Jews."
#92 - crosskill (06/27/2013) [-]
A woman is giving birth at the hospital and the baby is finally crowning.

"Push! Push!", said the doctor.

After much pushing the baby finally comes out.

The doctor looks at the baby.

Then he starts beating it in the face.

Then he passes the baby to the nurse. The nurse starts kicking the baby like a ball.

During this the mother is freaking out.

"What the hell is going on!?", she screams.

After slam dunking the baby into the floor the doctor looks up at the woman and says, "April Fools it was already dead!"
#368 to #92 - anon (06/28/2013) [-]
The version I hear also has him dribbling the baby down the hallway...
#443 to #92 - superanonymouspers ONLINE (06/28/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
User avatar #448 to #92 - harshy (06/28/2013) [-]
doctor looks up and says " **** you, i do what i want"
#527 to #448 - anon (06/30/2013) [-]
"I'm a doctor! I know what I'm doing!"
#82 - anon (06/27/2013) [-]
There was a blackout in the street today. We weren't allowed to leave untill the police shot him.
User avatar #11 - phantomi ONLINE (06/27/2013) [-]
What did the Jewish pedophile say?
"Would you like to buy some candy?"
#485 to #11 - anon (06/28/2013) [-]
**** you lol
User avatar #23 - whycanticaps (06/27/2013) [-]
Did you guys know Princess Diana had dandruff?

They found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment
#331 to #23 - golbot (06/28/2013) [-]
What do pink floyd and princess diana have in common?

Their last big hit was The Wall.
User avatar #332 to #331 - whycanticaps (06/28/2013) [-]
Did Princess Diana drive a Ford or a Mercedes?

A Mercedes, she wouldn't get caught dead in a Ford
#22 - puppetstigma **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#394 to #22 - chosencausefuckyou **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#529 to #394 - puppetstigma **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #518 to #22 - effort (06/28/2013) [-]
Thought it was like this, a black man and a latino jump off a building, who lands first?

The latino, since the black man was stopped by the rope.
#229 to #22 - dandannyboyclark (06/27/2013) [-]
there was a black out in my street the other night!

so i went out and shot him.
#402 to #229 - RiflemanFunny (06/28/2013) [-]
George, I thought you were in court.
User avatar #354 to #229 - bladebites (06/28/2013) [-]
I think you might have gotten that joke across more clearly if you had written "blackout" with no space. I didn't really read that right.
User avatar #395 to #354 - PadreRasta (06/28/2013) [-]
If it was written "blackout", together, it would mean a light shortage, but the way he wrote, can mean both a light shortage and a black man out.
User avatar #460 to #395 - dunkleosteus (06/28/2013) [-]
I didn't read "blackout" either. My thoughts immediately jumped to a black man and then the whole joke becomes rather horrible and racist instead of surprising, funny and racist
User avatar #508 to #460 - articulate ONLINE (06/28/2013) [-]
Agreed, it just became "I killed a black man because he was black."
#484 to #395 - jamiemsm ONLINE (06/28/2013) [-]
i only read it as a black (person) out since there was space betweem tbh
#1 - xxenriquejuansonxx (06/27/2013) [-]
How do you know if a girl is too young for you?

You have to make airplane noises to stick your cock in her mouth
#5 to #1 - zestyfiesta has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #549 to #1 - damphyr (07/24/2013) [-]
There isnt a reaction image that can possibly sum up the sheer amount of wrong and awesome contained herein.
User avatar #462 to #1 - tehpoonages (06/28/2013) [-]
Jimmy Carr <3
#475 to #1 - dandyhandy **User deleted account** (06/28/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
User avatar #356 to #1 - haydenmonty (06/28/2013) [-]
How do you get one hundred babies into a 5 gallom bucket? Blender.
How do you get them out? Tortilla chips.
User avatar #17 to #1 - therealtjthemedic (06/27/2013) [-]
thats actually kinda hot
#399 to #1 - nyawgga ONLINE (06/28/2013) [-]
#407 to #1 - awomanscorned (06/28/2013) [-]
MFW reading this.   
This joke was so tasteless, it was delicions :3
MFW reading this.
This joke was so tasteless, it was delicions :3
#190 to #1 - noutvissers (06/27/2013) [-]
How do you make a gay guy **** a woman?

**** in her cunt.

#228 to #1 - dandannyboyclark (06/27/2013) [-]
what runs up walls and kills jews?

gass pipes.
#125 to #1 - kez (06/27/2013) [-]
Jimmy carrs supposed most offensive joke.

If only Africa had more mosquito nets, then every year we could save miiillions... of mosquitos dying needlessly of AIDs.
User avatar #184 - varrlegrimscythe (06/27/2013) [-]
An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Czech are out exploring, and they're captured by cannibals. The king of the cannibals says "We're going to eat you now, because we're cannibals and that's what we do. But we're not savages like we used to be, so we're not going to torture you for three days first...in fact, you can kill yourselves any way you like, we don't care."

The explorers all look rather crestfallen at this news, and the chief hastens to reassure them: "Oh, I know what you're thinking, we've seen it before---you're thinking your life has been a waste, you're going to die out here for nothing, and so on. Well, let me assure you, that just isn't true. We'll use your skin to make our excellent canoes, your hair to make twine, and we'll eat every edible part of you. So really, it's not a waste at all. Now, please get on with it."

The Frenchman says "vive la france", and slits his throat.

The Englishman takes his gun, says "God save the Queen", and shoots himself in the head.

The Czech pulls out a fork and starts stabbing himself---first in the thigh (ouch!), then in the side (yow!), then in the lower leg (argh!)...finally the king of the cannibals says "My god, what are you doing??!!"

And the Czech stabs himself with the fork again and says..." **** your canoe."
#523 to #184 - anon (06/28/2013) [-]
Couldn't the Englishman just shoot the cannibals?
#389 to #184 - anon (06/28/2013) [-]
If the British guy had a gun, why didn't he use it on the cannibals?
User avatar #393 to #389 - varrlegrimscythe (06/28/2013) [-]
Too many cannibals not enough bullets.
User avatar #99 - barbwirepain (06/27/2013) [-]
A little girl is in the shower with her mom, she looks up and sees her moms breasts. Mommy mommy, what are those? she asks. The mother says those are my breasts. The little girl asks, when will i get them? The mother responds, when you're older.

A few days later the little girl is in the shower with her father. She looks and sees his penis and asks. Daddy daddy, what's that? The father responds, that's my penis dear. The little girl asks, when will I get one? The father replies, oh when your mom leaves for work.
User avatar #502 to #99 - Vickkersss (06/28/2013) [-]
Same base of joke, different ending.

A little girl is in the the shower with her mom, she looks points to her breasts and says "Mommy, what are those?" Her mother replies "Those are my head lights" The little girl then points to her mothers vagina and asks "What is that?" Her mother replies "that is my bush"

The next day the little girl is in the shower with her father she points to his penis and asks "what is that?" Her father replies "my snake"

Later that night the girl had a bad dream and asked her parents if she could sleep with them. A while later the little girl screams "Mommy quick turn on your head lights the snakes going into the bush!"
User avatar #432 - ofmiceandmen (06/28/2013) [-]
So what's the deal with airline food?
User avatar #41 - martycamp (06/27/2013) [-]
I was raping a woman the other night and she cried, "Please, think of my children!"

Kinky bitch.
#25 - arthuun (06/27/2013) [-]
Jokes don't kill people.
Muslims who are offended by jokes kill people.
User avatar #311 to #25 - minnesotaids (06/28/2013) [-]
Your picture = thug life
User avatar #9 - damphyr (06/27/2013) [-]
How do you kill a retard?
Give him a knife and ask him "Who is a special guy?"
User avatar #10 to #9 - damphyr (06/27/2013) [-]
i'm going to hell for this
#303 to #10 - anon (06/28/2013) [-]
I dont get it
User avatar #31 to #9 - trojandetected (06/27/2013) [-]
put poison on his shoulder
User avatar #6 - blackscales (06/27/2013) [-]
Statistically speaking, 4 out of 5 people enjoy gang rape.
#388 to #6 - anon (06/28/2013) [-]
3 out 5, her dad is having second thoughts
#48 to #6 - anon (06/27/2013) [-]
i thought it was nine out of ten?
User avatar #202 to #48 - stardustdragonlord (06/27/2013) [-]
19 out of twenty agree more people more fun
#205 - anon (06/27/2013) [-]
A guy was walking to a bar and on his way he found a girl tied up to the railroad tracks. He untied her and they had sex. Guy gets to the bar, friends ask why he's so late, tells them about the girl he found and all the different positions they ****** in. Friends give him props and ask if he got head, guy replies "I couldn't find it."
#243 to #205 - needmesomebacon (06/27/2013) [-]
Surprisingly my friend told me this when I was in year 7... I didn't get it then, now I'm grossed out that he knew it then.
User avatar #26 - cluttershy (06/27/2013) [-]
Have you ever had Ethiopian food?

Neither have they.
User avatar #420 to #26 - nigeltheoutlaw (06/28/2013) [-]
I went to an Ethiopian restaurant once. That was the most I've ever payed for an empty plate in my life.
User avatar #18 - darrenlammoman (06/27/2013) [-]
whats the difference between a watermelon and a baby?
ones fun to hit with a sledge hammer, and the other ones a watermelon
User avatar #329 to #18 - witislimited ONLINE (06/28/2013) [-]
What's the difference between a priest and pedobear?

One of them is a bear.
User avatar #272 to #18 - anthonyh (06/28/2013) [-]
What's the difference between a truck load of bowling balls and a truck load of babies?
You can't unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork

What's better than nine babies nailed to a tree?
One baby nailed to nine trees

How do you fit a thousand babies into a phone booth?
A blender
How do you get them out?

How do you keep a baby from drowning?
Take your foot off of its head

How do you keep a baby from running in circles?
Nail its other foot to the ground

How do you stop a baby that fell off a cliff?
A pitchfork
User avatar #77 to #18 - meathooksodomy (06/27/2013) [-]
What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline?

You take your boots off before you jump on the trampoline.
#27 to #18 - anon (06/27/2013) [-]
whats the difference between a watermelon and a baby?
black people actually care about their watermelons
#35 - ljetibo (06/27/2013) [-]
how do you know your sister is on her period? Your fathers dick tastes like blood.
User avatar #387 - ppeeddoobbeeaarr (06/28/2013) [-]
Helen Keller walks into a bar....then a table.....then a wall.
User avatar #299 - eatmaishorts (06/28/2013) [-]
A 40 year old pedophile and a 9 year old girl were walking into the woods.. the girl looked up to the man and said "i'm scared" the guy looked down and said "you're scared? i have to walk out of these woods alone!"
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