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tale of a hero

Tags: sexy time
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Views: 89056
Favorited: 354
Submitted: 08/28/2012
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Comments(666):

[ 666 comments ]
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#261 - creosote (08/28/2012) [-]
>Me, 18, virgin   
>Be at party    
>Nobody talks to me   
>Awaken the next day to continue my life as a virgin
>Me, 18, virgin
>Be at party
>Nobody talks to me
>Awaken the next day to continue my life as a virgin
#284 to #261 - onkii (08/28/2012) [-]
>me, 18
>never invited to a party

mfw
#298 to #284 - creosote (08/28/2012) [-]
We are not worthy :/
We are not worthy :/
#328 to #298 - onkii (08/28/2012) [-]
Comment Picture
User avatar #155 - kernelstack (08/28/2012) [-]
> be 16 year old virgin
> being at nice huge hotel for holidays
> 1st day, leaving hotel room after unpacking
> meet really hot Italian girl at pool
> she's older than me but I say **** it and start flirting
> response is positive
> we decide to meet that night at extremely lame hotel nightclub
> night arrives, she's at the nightclub
> she wears some damn sexy clothes
> we drink a few drinks and talk a while
> she wants to take a walk at the beach
> go to the beach
> she tells me to take a sunbed and drag it to a less lit area
> be really horny but also stressed out
> get to a nice quiet place, lie on sunbed
> starting to make out
> she starts undressing, tells me to lie on my back
> she starts blowing me off like a pro
> after about a minute she stops and pulls out a condom from her purse
> she puts on the condom
> i try to escape
> she's stronger
> i try to hit her
> she evades and locks me down
> my anal virginity was lost a few moments later
#209 to #155 - patpatty (08/28/2012) [-]
you needed to prepare. Picture very related
#232 to #155 - anon (08/28/2012) [-]
"she puts on condom" .........wait, what!?!?
+4
#574 to #155 - divide **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#205 to #155 - anon (08/28/2012) [-]






RAPE
#177 to #155 - imogiant (08/28/2012) [-]
Comment Picture
#185 to #177 - peppebronie (08/28/2012) [-]
Amazing gif response if i do say so myself
Amazing gif response if i do say so myself
+45
#159 to #155 - driken **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #162 to #159 - kernelstack (08/28/2012) [-]
There are still nights that she'll come in my dreams and I'll awake, screaming in agony.
#184 to #162 - brothergrimm (08/28/2012) [-]
damn bro................. that sucks........
#67 - gantzel ONLINE (08/28/2012) [-]
#614 - cumwhore (08/28/2012) [-]
>be 18
>virgin
>don't get invited to party
>do laundry instead
+5
#684 to #614 - cerealisticbeing **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #685 to #684 - cumwhore (08/29/2012) [-]
I couldn't think of anything and had dubs decide my username. I was expecting something like this.
+3
#687 to #685 - cerealisticbeing **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#169 - justtapout (08/28/2012) [-]
HFW coming down stairs to cheers.
HFW coming down stairs to cheers.
#176 to #169 - anon (08/28/2012) [-]
That gif is so perfect for this situation
+1 for you
#102 - baconception (08/28/2012) [-]
HFW
HFW
#111 to #102 - corundum (08/28/2012) [-]
"Quick! Into the lovebox before my two boners go away!"
"Quick! Into the lovebox before my two boners go away!"
User avatar #246 - mrfourtysevenman (08/28/2012) [-]
>me, 18
>meet a girl at a party
>bring her upstairs
>get her in the bed
>she says she wants to try anal
>i go "but how do i know youre not gonna clench my dick off"
>she looks at me
>right in the eye
>and says


>goofi pls
User avatar #247 to #246 - ZakisBak (08/28/2012) [-]
gooby*, still funny tho
#230 - anon (08/28/2012) [-]
>be 22
>still virgin
....
User avatar #240 to #230 - pixy (08/28/2012) [-]
not a bad thing...
User avatar #248 to #230 - hatewolf (08/28/2012) [-]
well on the bright side you got some thumbs for that comment :D
#166 - lronjeremy (08/28/2012) [-]
This legit amused me. Well done OP.
This legit amused me. Well done OP.
#79 - frozo (08/28/2012) [-]
OP's face whenever he tells this cool story.
OP's face whenever he tells this cool story.
#231 - yurilowenthall (08/28/2012) [-]
This image has expired
**yurilowenthall rolled a random image posted in comment #8 at Girlfriend stripping **
#241 to #231 - anon (08/28/2012) [-]
**anonymous rolled a random image posted in comment #54 at Memeball ** Relevant rolls are relevant.
User avatar #137 - doctorhax (08/28/2012) [-]
True story

> At music festival
> ******* of people surrounding a tent and cheering
> Go over and ask what's going on
> Guy is losing was losing his virginity inside the tent
> Join in cheering him on
> about 2 minutes later a group of about 50 people standing round the tent and chanting 'CUM! CUM! CUM!' over and over
User avatar #696 - dovakihn (08/29/2012) [-]
That's probably the only sex story I've ever heard on Funnyjunk that didn't end with spaghetti or explosive diarrhea.
User avatar #724 to #696 - SuperBubbleWrap (08/29/2012) [-]
I had sex today and spaghetti sounds delicious but it will probably give me some explosive diarrhea.
Yeah, those three seem to go hand in hand on this site.
#314 - currentlyno (08/28/2012) [-]
His brother's face when.
#156 - jaigurudevaom (08/28/2012) [-]
< mfw the first time I had oral sex
#165 to #156 - keylimey (08/28/2012) [-]
What did it taste like?
What did it taste like?
User avatar #167 to #165 - jaigurudevaom (08/28/2012) [-]
Tasted like dicks
#393 to #165 - anon (08/28/2012) [-]
your ass
#607 to #393 - anon (08/28/2012) [-]
The only way he would know that it tasted like his ass is if the guy he blew made a point of telling him "By the way, I just did that guy over there. Hope you like it."
#27 - manirock ONLINE (08/28/2012) [-]
&gt;Be me   
&gt;18 year old virgin   
&gt;At a lame party   
&gt;Some drunk virgin loser talking to my crush   
&gt;Doesn't bother me, because she's clearly out of his league   
&gt;Turn around and they are walking up the stairs holding hands   
&gt;This can't be real, must be hallucinating from the alcohol   
&gt;Few minutes later start to hear screams from coming upstairs    
&gt;Rush upstairs   
&gt;Screams turn into moans   
&gt;I freeze and drop my glass   
&gt;Door opens and my crush and drunk ex-virgin walk out and head down stairs   
&gt;Hear lots of cheering   
&gt;mfw
>Be me
>18 year old virgin
>At a lame party
>Some drunk virgin loser talking to my crush
>Doesn't bother me, because she's clearly out of his league
>Turn around and they are walking up the stairs holding hands
>This can't be real, must be hallucinating from the alcohol
>Few minutes later start to hear screams from coming upstairs
>Rush upstairs
>Screams turn into moans
>I freeze and drop my glass
>Door opens and my crush and drunk ex-virgin walk out and head down stairs
>Hear lots of cheering
>mfw
0
#170 to #27 - wrpen has deleted their comment [-]
-8
#101 to #27 - nazkillah has deleted their comment [-]
#36 to #27 - anon (08/28/2012) [-]
**anonymous rolled a random image posted in comment #267631 at MLP Friendly Board **

Be me
At a party
Everyone is dead.
Mfw

(also, am I the only one to not find the OC funny?)
#171 to #27 - wrpen (08/28/2012) [-]
**wrpen rolled a random image posted in comment #147 at They start out young... ** I hear ya, buddy
>standing in doorway, drunk out of my ******* mind
>party itself is pretty lame though
>hear guy downstairs talking to hot girl
>like, 9/10.
>he and girl come up to room, I move out the way a bit
>they have sex for a while
>after they finish, walk over to me
>open me
>get on the floor
>everybody walk the dinosaur
>mfw I am door
#277 to #171 - itsmewaffle (08/28/2012) [-]
"Drunk out of my ******* mind"

doors can get drunk.
#104 to #27 - ObamaCareFTW (08/28/2012) [-]
yfw OP says how great it was
yfw OP says how great it was
User avatar #133 to #104 - luckiestcharms (08/28/2012) [-]
OMG I made that gif :D
#341 - creosote (08/28/2012) [-]
&gt;Be 15 during my own birthday party    
&gt;Friends sister who is about a 9 is showing incredible interest in me    
&gt;It is late and she is in my pool    
&gt;After much begging, she finally gets me to come into the pool    
&gt;I begin to shiver as the pool is colder than Satan's balls    
&gt;She presses me against her body to warm me up    
&gt;I panic and get out of the pool    
&gt;3 years latter, still a virgin.
>Be 15 during my own birthday party
>Friends sister who is about a 9 is showing incredible interest in me
>It is late and she is in my pool
>After much begging, she finally gets me to come into the pool
>I begin to shiver as the pool is colder than Satan's balls
>She presses me against her body to warm me up
>I panic and get out of the pool
>3 years latter, still a virgin.
User avatar #342 to #341 - crazybastard (08/28/2012) [-]
beta as ****
#348 to #342 - creosote (08/28/2012) [-]
&gt;Be at her house   
&gt;We play the game &quot;You've gotta 			****		 one, kill one, and marry one&quot;   
&gt;I kill her to avoid any suspicion...
>Be at her house
>We play the game "You've gotta **** one, kill one, and marry one"
>I kill her to avoid any suspicion...
User avatar #361 to #348 - ilcecchino (08/28/2012) [-]
Both of your stories sound like something i would 100% do
#383 to #361 - creosote (08/28/2012) [-]
I'm so sorry to hear that... I have countless other selfcockblocking moments.
I'm so sorry to hear that... I have countless other selfcockblocking moments.
User avatar #388 to #383 - ilcecchino (08/28/2012) [-]
please do tell. i didn't think there was anyone else more beta than i
#404 to #388 - creosote (08/28/2012) [-]
>Girl in drama class eye ***** me starting on the first day of class
>8/10
>I don't know how to handle the fact that she may be interested in me
>I ignore her for safe measure
User avatar #411 to #404 - ilcecchino (08/28/2012) [-]
Been there done that
User avatar #428 to #411 - creosote (08/28/2012) [-]
I've done that so many times... Now that I think of it, based on all of the women that have ever flirted with me, I must not be half bad looking...
User avatar #512 to #428 - ilcecchino (08/28/2012) [-]
Dosn't stop the beta flowing through out veins lol
#397 to #388 - creosote (08/28/2012) [-]
&gt;Be alone with her lying in a field   
&gt;Not sure if date or not, but might as well be   
&gt;Would the perfect time to make some kind of move, any move, even just to show that I'm interested   
&gt;Talk about serial killers the whole time instead
>Be alone with her lying in a field
>Not sure if date or not, but might as well be
>Would the perfect time to make some kind of move, any move, even just to show that I'm interested
>Talk about serial killers the whole time instead
User avatar #409 to #397 - ilcecchino (08/28/2012) [-]
>At girl i like's house
>hanging out, not sure if date
>She obviously has interest in me
>make up story about having feelings for a made up girl
>we watch t.v the rest of the night
User avatar #417 to #409 - creosote (08/28/2012) [-]
>Show up at her house to hang with her brother
>She is there alone
>She says I can stay
>She is watching a romance film
>I am sitting next to her and eventually get an erection for some reason
>Wait for it to go away
>Leave
User avatar #413 to #409 - ilcecchino (08/28/2012) [-]
Forgot to mention i panic'd big time
User avatar #350 to #348 - crazybastard (08/28/2012) [-]
could have at least said marry her.. It`s not like she`d get all freaked out
#375 to #350 - creosote (08/28/2012) [-]
Yeah, I'm just a sad little man, although, in my defense, her brother almost tried to break my arm earlier that night when I accidentally touched her boob, so I was a bit more tense that night then usual...
Yeah, I'm just a sad little man, although, in my defense, her brother almost tried to break my arm earlier that night when I accidentally touched her boob, so I was a bit more tense that night then usual...
User avatar #386 to #375 - crazybastard (08/28/2012) [-]
oh okay that makes more sense. Gotta muster up the confidence though man. Confidence is key.
#392 to #386 - creosote (08/28/2012) [-]
Yeah, I really do. I'm actually quite charming when I have confidence, but I rarely do :/
Yeah, I really do. I'm actually quite charming when I have confidence, but I rarely do :/
User avatar #243 - mrfourtysevenman (08/28/2012) [-]
>be 18
>having phone sex
>have it every night
>find im saying the same things
>run out of things to say a week later
>end up saying nothing but "yeah, i'd... do that to you too"
User avatar #294 to #243 - onkii (08/28/2012) [-]
i've never had phone sex
#340 to #243 - oreck (08/28/2012) [-]
Your doctor 2 weeks later

"You have hearing aids"
#252 to #243 - ThatFatMummy (08/28/2012) [-]
I know that feel so hard.
I know that feel so hard.
User avatar #258 to #252 - mrfourtysevenman (08/28/2012) [-]
feel so hard
User avatar #257 to #256 - mrfourtysevenman (08/28/2012) [-]
except one hand is on my cock
#187 - bboygoku (08/28/2012) [-]
>me, 20 year old virgin
>be at college party
>nothing happens
>still a virgin
>mfw
#227 to #187 - anon (08/28/2012) [-]
HAHAHA... that was the best comment of the day for me. thank you sir.
#35 - minutes (08/28/2012) [-]
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