>be in 4th grade
>lunchtime, hungry as a hippo
>open mom-packed lunch, expecting the usual pbj and juicebox
>find nothing but a giant, deformed, slightly blackened burrito
>poke at it with friend's caprisun straw
>burrito rips open, spewing mysterious beans of darkness
>gingerly pick it up and nibble corner
>devour anyway because now hungry as two hippos
>2 hours later
>sitting in history class
>feel rumbling in stomach
>need to ****
>rumbling gets louder, resonates through bowels and soul
>feel hot fluid leaking though butt crack
>colossal silent fart takes half a minute to squeeze out
>OH GOD WHAT IS THIS
>can't breathe, almost lose consciousness
>smells like a skunk with yeast infection ate taco bell
>feel warm burrito fart cloud enveloping area
>as massive burrito cloud expands, kids around me start making faces
>magical burrito cloud eventually reaches teacher
>"and so Washington mar....COUGHWHEEZECOUGH"
> wailing like a seal giving birth, runs to open windows
>"WHO DID THIS"
>everyone looks around
>small fart sound from back of room
>everyone looks at jonas
>"JONAS DID IT"
>teacher drags jonas to nurses office
>doesn't come to school for 3 days
>forever known as fart-boy
>I'm sorry jonas.