How do you make a little girl cry twice?
You wipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear
What's the difference between old people and slinkies?
Nothing, they're both usless but fun to watch after you push them down a flight of stairs
What is so special about babies?
They're the only person in the world that you can give anal to and receive a blowjob from at the same time
Why can't Jesus eat skittles?
Because of the holes in his hands
A man and a boy are walking through the woods.
Boy: It sure is scary in this forest
Man: You're tellin' me! I have to walk home alone.
A cannibal goes up to his best friend, who is also a cannibal, and he’s taking a huge crap.
Cannibal: Are you okay man? You sounded like you were ********
Best Friend: Yeah I just dumped my girlfriend.
What’s the most popular public transportation for the unemployed?
The underground railroad
How do you make a baby float really well?
1 scoop of ice cream, 2 scoops of dead baby
What do a jew and hard nipple have in common?
They both go away after a hot shower
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None, it should be open by the time she brings it
What’s better than being blind, deaf, paralyzed, mute, having cancer and AIDS?
How do you get a gay man to have sex with a woman?
Take a ****
in her vagina
Hot girl walks into a bar.
Bartender: Wow, you’re gonna get laid tonight!
Hot girl: Why do say that?
Bartender: Because I’m stronger than you
What’s the fastest way to paint your house red?
The shirt shooter from basketball games, and live babies
How do you get a baby to crawl in a circle?
Nail one of its hands to the floor
What’s the difference between Jesus and his picture?
You only need one nail to hang the picture
Why was the black jew mad?
He had to get in the back of the gas chamber
How can you tell your sister’s on her period?
Your dad’s dick tastes funny
Why did the cripple die?
I shot it in the face
Why’d I set the leper on fire?
I thought it was a Gremlin
Why do pill bottles have a cotton top?
So black people can remember they were cotton pickers before they were drug dealers
How do you stop black guys from hanging out in front of your house?
Hang them in the back
A woman gets hit by a car and…
“Hey wait, what was the car doing in the kitchen?”
I kid about all the women in the kitchen jokes, that’s absurd.
How could they clean the rest of the house if they were?
If you laughed...