Funny Court Jargon. Jargon is a fun word... I don't even know what it means really but whatever. These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, a lawyers is so dumb
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Funny Court Jargon

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Funny Court Jargon. Jargon is a fun word... I don't even know what it means really but whatever. These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, a

Jargon is a fun word... I don't even know what it means really but whatever

Tags: lawyers | is | so | dumb
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in com
word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm W
these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where an I, Cathy?‘
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My mane is Susan!
ATTORNEY; What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS; Gucci sweats and Reebok;
ATTORNEY; Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY; This graves, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes _ ;
ATTORNEY; And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS; I forget.
ATTORNEY; You forget? can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: Do you know ofyour daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS; We both do,
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS; We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS; Yes, voodoo.
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn' t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn' t know about it um
next morning?
WITNESS; Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY; The youngest son, the , how old is he?
WITNESS; He' s twenty, much like your IQ.
ATTORNEY; Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS; Are you kidding me?
ATTORNEY; So the date of conception (of the baby) was August tth?
WITNESS; Yes.
ATTORNEY; And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS; Getting laid
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS; Yes.
ATTORNEY; How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY; Were there any girls?
WITNESS; Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY; How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS; By death. My Favorite
ATTORNEY; And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS; Take a guess.
ATTORNEY; Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS; He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY; Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the circus was in town, I' m going with male.
ATTORNEY; Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your
attorney?
WITNESS; No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY; Doctor, how many ofyour autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS; All ofthem, The live ones put up too much ofa fight..
ATTORNEY; ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS; Oral.
ATTORNEY; Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WIT NESS : The autopsy started around we pin.
ATTORNEY; And Mr, Deacon was dead at the time?
WINNE SS: Knot, he was by the time I finished.
ATTORNEY; Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS; Are you qualified to ask that question?
ATTORNEY; Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS; No.
ATTORNEY; Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS; No.
ATTORNEY; Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS; No.
ATTORNEY; So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS; No.
All ARNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS; Because his brain was sitting on my desk in acat.
ATTORNEY; I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS; Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Sorry bout all the white space...
Bombarded
...
+590
Views: 19026 Submitted: 08/24/2010
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#25 - SilentBlade
Reply +18 123456789123345869
(08/25/2010) [-]
I'm your attorney. Any questions?
I'm your attorney. Any questions?
User avatar #39 to #25 - Mawxter
Reply -3 123456789123345869
(08/25/2010) [-]
that picture looks familliar
#28 to #25 - TheSneakyjoker
Reply +24 123456789123345869
(08/25/2010) [-]
Oral
#29 to #28 - SilentBlade
Reply +12 123456789123345869
(08/25/2010) [-]
Comment Picture
#33 to #29 - pastapiggy
Reply +5 123456789123345869
(08/25/2010) [-]
Comment Picture
#41 to #33 - MoreDesu
Reply +4 123456789123345869
(08/25/2010) [-]
Comment Picture
User avatar #48 to #41 - JoeTheNinja
Reply -1 123456789123345869
(08/25/2010) [-]
someone please screencap that?
#50 to #33 - wafflemastur
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(08/25/2010) [-]
oral
User avatar #23 - TheOleSweetGod
Reply +13 123456789123345869
(08/25/2010) [-]
The autopsy ones were funny as hell to me. Pathology ftw :D
#31 - Washington
Reply +12 123456789123345869
(08/25/2010) [-]
funny, though i didn't laugh since the last pic was so touching...
User avatar #38 to #31 - Mawxter
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(08/25/2010) [-]
the pokemon one?
User avatar #65 to #38 - Washington
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(08/25/2010) [-]
yes, *sniff* its just so goddamn awesome...
User avatar #16 - idontwanna
Reply +7 123456789123345869
(08/25/2010) [-]
i love the last one
#18 to #16 - anon id: 821fddfe
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(08/25/2010) [-]
Agreed, the last one is epic
User avatar #34 - Silver Quantum
Reply +6 123456789123345869
(08/25/2010) [-]
in the oral one, the attorney got owned
#30 - SithLordMilk
Reply +6 123456789123345869
(08/25/2010) [-]
YES.
YES.
User avatar #44 - Totaler
Reply +5 123456789123345869
(08/25/2010) [-]
"Yes it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law."
User avatar #61 to #44 - TheReich
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(08/25/2010) [-]
Thank you for typing that, or I never would have understood.
User avatar #62 to #61 - Totaler
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(08/25/2010) [-]
sorry, but I laughed for like 5mins straight
#7 - scroul
Reply +5 123456789123345869
(08/25/2010) [-]
******* love it
******* love it
#2 - EpicTie
Reply +4 123456789123345869
(08/25/2010) [-]
oh my god, i laughed so damn hard!
User avatar #36 - beastybaconman
Reply +3 123456789123345869
(08/25/2010) [-]
that oral one sounded like something like something outa family guy