Funny Court Jargon. Jargon is a fun word... I don't even know what it means really but whatever. These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, a
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Funny Court Jargon

Jargon is a fun word... I don't even know what it means really but whatever

Tags: lawyers | is | so | dumb
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in com
word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm W
these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where an I, Cathy?‘
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My mane is Susan!
ATTORNEY; What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS; Gucci sweats and Reebok;
ATTORNEY; Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY; This graves, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes _ ;
ATTORNEY; And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS; I forget.
ATTORNEY; You forget? can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: Do you know ofyour daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS; We both do,
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS; We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS; Yes, voodoo.
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn' t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn' t know about it um
next morning?
WITNESS; Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY; The youngest son, the , how old is he?
WITNESS; He' s twenty, much like your IQ.
ATTORNEY; Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS; Are you kidding me?
ATTORNEY; So the date of conception (of the baby) was August tth?
WITNESS; Yes.
ATTORNEY; And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS; Getting laid
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS; Yes.
ATTORNEY; How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY; Were there any girls?
WITNESS; Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY; How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS; By death. My Favorite
ATTORNEY; And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS; Take a guess.
ATTORNEY; Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS; He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY; Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the circus was in town, I' m going with male.
ATTORNEY; Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your
attorney?
WITNESS; No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY; Doctor, how many ofyour autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS; All ofthem, The live ones put up too much ofa fight..
ATTORNEY; ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS; Oral.
ATTORNEY; Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WIT NESS : The autopsy started around we pin.
ATTORNEY; And Mr, Deacon was dead at the time?
WINNE SS: Knot, he was by the time I finished.
ATTORNEY; Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS; Are you qualified to ask that question?
ATTORNEY; Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS; No.
ATTORNEY; Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS; No.
ATTORNEY; Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS; No.
ATTORNEY; So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS; No.
All ARNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS; Because his brain was sitting on my desk in acat.
ATTORNEY; I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS; Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Sorry bout all the white space...
Bombarded
...
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Views: 18507
Favorited: 228
Submitted: 08/24/2010
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Comments(65):

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What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#25 - SilentBlade (08/25/2010) [+] (7 replies)
I'm your attorney. Any questions?
I'm your attorney. Any questions?
User avatar #23 - TheOleSweetGod (08/25/2010) [-]
The autopsy ones were funny as hell to me. Pathology ftw :D
#31 - Washington (08/25/2010) [+] (2 replies)
funny, though i didn't laugh since the last pic was so touching...
#17 - anonymous (08/25/2010) [-]
MOAR
User avatar #16 - idontwanna (08/25/2010) [+] (1 reply)
i love the last one
User avatar #34 - Silver Quantum (08/25/2010) [-]
in the oral one, the attorney got owned
#30 - SithLordMilk (08/25/2010) [-]
YES.
YES.
User avatar #44 - Totaler (08/25/2010) [+] (2 replies)
"Yes it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law."
#7 - scroul (08/25/2010) [-]
*******					 love it
******* love it
#2 - EpicTie (08/25/2010) [-]
oh my god, i laughed so damn hard!
#40 - Manacrazed (08/25/2010) [-]
Retoast i know,
But i laughed through ever one of them XD
Thanks for the post XD
User avatar #36 - beastybaconman ONLINE (08/25/2010) [-]
that oral one sounded like something like something outa family guy
#32 - monfu **User deleted account** (08/25/2010) [-]
seen it before no problem but wait to cut of the ******* right edge
#26 - givemepornnow (08/25/2010) [-]
dude ******* win comp i lol'd for like 20 minutes
#13 - voicebox (08/25/2010) [-]
ya im gonna need a different lawyer
ya im gonna need a different lawyer
#5 - CanadianNuts (08/25/2010) [-]
Best Pic today!
Best Pic today!
User avatar #20 - squeaky (08/25/2010) [+] (2 replies)
If I'm ever in court, I'm being my own lawyer.
Or I'll get Alanah 'cuz she's smart and heartless.
User avatar #22 to #20 - RansomNote (08/25/2010) [-]
if ur ever in trouble by the law get pheonix wright. He HAS to win all of his cases because if not the games wouldnt be very fun. SO its a sure bet youll win!
#12 - anonymous (08/25/2010) [-]
fantastic
User avatar #11 - SkinWatch (08/25/2010) [+] (1 reply)
My dad's a lawyer. :/
#14 to #11 - qpcughjk (08/25/2010) [-]
i'm so sorry for you, it must be difficult having to put up with a heartless, brainless bastard...
#8 - sylphz (08/25/2010) [+] (4 replies)
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