Worth the read. remember to thumb in some direction, i dont wanna get 1000 views with 4 people who voted :/<br /> EDIT im 14, mah bad lol<br /> EDIT
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Worth the read

remember to thumb in some direction, i dont wanna get 1000 views with 4 people who voted :/<br />
*EDIT* im 14, mah bad lol<br />
*EDIT 2* 1st front page ever, thanks guys . and as promised before in my comments, enjoy these tea and crumpets

funnyjunk
have i got a story for you (the grammar in this will be shitty)
this isnt as long as the scroll bar looks, its only like halfway
thru, i stretched it too far
So, out, riding bikes on a beautiful friday. Me and friends see
about an 8 year old girl standing at register, and no, this doesnt
end in me raping her. she looks like a complete whore, but i say
nothing, just looknig at her. she then notices, and idc, ijust keep
looking, just looking at the register
I' m a shitty drawer, get over it. Anyway, as she is
leaving, she flips me the bird, and says "fuck you"
through the window. I then get up and chase her
dumbass, where she goes not far down the street, easy
walking distance, to a house of her friend, or hers, idk.
here there are 6 white trash kids. as i go back to
tell my friends what happen, i decide that i will
not let them get off without punishment. we get
back on our bikes, and go down the street
passing their house. The conversation is as
follows, i am passing their house as it start:
random girl: HEY GO FUCK YOURSELF
me: *slams on back brakes, and slide out in
front of their house like a badass* -what' d
you say to me?
girl: I SAID GO FUCK YOURSELF
i cant remember all of it completely, but ill
do my best not to over exaggerate''
me: hey your like 6 years old, you shouldnt be
saying things like that
girl: I DONT CARE FUCK YOU
other girls join in, all about 8 years old*
girls: WERE GONNA CALL THE COPS ON
Y' ALL, Y' ALL WERE EYE' IN US IN THAT
STORE
guys, 14 years old, usually smart
about things like this and walk away, but
today, i felt like being a dick*
me: yea because ijust LOVE little girls
girl: *gasp* HE ADMITTED IT HES A
RAPIST (she doesnt even know difference
from pedophile and rapist)
girls and boys in background: HEY I BET
HES MICHAEL JACKSON
my name is michael mare, people say
michael mare' s just because of the actor, go
ahead troll my facebookers)
me: no my names michael mares dumbasses,
AND MICHAEL JACKSON IS DEAD (
just being an asshole)
kids in background: GONNA KICK
MICHAEL MARES ASS
me: you can' t do shit dumbass
i kinda stopped paying attention here and
let my friends talk, i was loling too hard*
later-
girl: WELL IF YOU DON T LEAVE
GONNA CALL THE COPS
me: for what you dumb whore? (we
probably couldve gotten charged with
something, but 15, so a talking to, slap
on the wrists or something, and they
were 8 year olds and knew nothing)
girl: WELL YOUR HELMET LOOKS
GAY
i wear a helmet bros, its safer*
other kids: YEA YOUR HELMET
LOOKS LIKE A RETARD HELMET
wtf?), IT LOOKS LIKE A GIRL
HELMET( girls get specific helmets?
mine is red)
one kid that pissed me off: helmets are
for FAGS
now fucking RAGED beyond all
belief, not from the insult, from the
stupidity
me'. gonna fucking laugh when you
crash and die dumbass
now trying to think of something
to do to piss them off
girl: HEY GONN-
me: prove it.
girl: WELL I-
me: prove it.
girl: SH-
me: prove it.
diff H' girr. (uncomprehendable bullshit)
me: prove it
but sadly she was unaffected, i needed
something else to do
girl: GONNA GO GET MY STEP
BROTHER, AND HES BEEN IN
REHAB FOR (counting on her fingers)
drunk , and
a bunch of other (she did
say it like this)
me'. wow THATS FUCKING
AWESOME, I HOPE I CAN GO TO
REHAB FOR DRIVING DRUNK AND
USING DRUGS SOMEDAY
girl: SHUTUP HE' LL KICK YOUR
ASS
me: WE' LL BEAT HIS ASS
theirs 4 of us, but i honestly wasnt
that confident
other friend of mine: yea, my cousins a
state trooper so you can call your
retard friend
girl: GUYS GO GET JEFFERY
3 kids run away to get "jeffery"
NOW PAELLAS, i needed something
to do, and fast, this jeffery kid sounds
like the retard in school that no one
likes, but no one can say anything bad
to him because he has the retard
strength and will kick your ass
and what do i see? out of the corner of
my eye, laying in a ditch, its..
could it be?!?
YES, IT WAS. a motha fuckin half
full gatorade bottle, full of sweet sweet
sticky liquid to throw over
those dumb bitches.
so, i tell my friends the plan. and then in the
distance, is fucktard jeffery, who looks like a
fucking house. at this point the girls are turned
around, waving to "jeffery". AND THEN, I CAME
OCEANS... OF GATORADE. all over them, i threw
it all over those whores.
i soaked all of em. it was, infact, gold. i got adrenaline
pumpin, and me and my friends haul ass, away on our
bikes, because jeffery there looks like the dumbass
who would shoot teenagers for doing something he
didnt like. (if we had punched them or something that
wouldve been stupid, but we did nothing, just argued
with them forever.)
BUT WAIT, THERES MORE
my friend, the one with a state trooper cousin? yea. he
was on his way apparently, and got there as we were
leaving. he gets out of his car, and fucktard jeffery
tells him that hes looking for those motherfuckers that
messed with these girls
state trooper: yea well those "motherfuckers" are my
cousins friends
jeffery: WELL GONNA FIND OUT WHERE
THEY LIVE (uh oh, did they get our bikes license
plate numbers?) AND BEAT THEIR ASS
state trooper: no you arent, sir.
fucktard jeffery starts going towards the state
trooper. that, my friends is something you REALLY
dont wanna do
state trooper: *TASER BITCH*
jeffery falls like bricks
And now, my friends, he is going down to the station,
to be charged for assault of an officer. that is the end
of my story, and i hope you enjoyed.
Now please enjoy this comilation of ninjas
...
+821
Views: 23489
Favorited: 137
Submitted: 08/20/2010
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Comments(423):

[ 423 comments ]

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User avatar #5 - Pizarock (08/20/2010) [-]
"This doesn't end with me raping her"

*Stops reading*

Loljk awesome man, thumbs up :)
#400 - MatchboxBullard (08/21/2010) [+] (4 replies)
I was elected to lead, not to read.
#187 - IDyslexiaHave (08/21/2010) [-]
SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST READ.
SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST READ.
+17
#171 - proweroneonetwo **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#145 - Penguinn (08/21/2010) [-]
I wish I was cool enough to take on a bunch of children.
I wish I was cool enough to take on a bunch of children.
#284 - freeSpirit (08/21/2010) [+] (3 replies)
it's amzing that he was 14 in the begining and 15 towards the end
#194 - ZeGentleman (08/21/2010) [-]
Seems legit.
#305 - DrJeans (08/21/2010) [-]
a bike helmet saved my dad's life
User avatar #243 - Bojangless (08/21/2010) [+] (3 replies)
You were losing an argument to a bunch of 8 year olds so you threw gatorade on them and ran away
You are a man
User avatar #192 - APoliteGentleman (08/21/2010) [-]
I tried to lay an egg once but nothing happened.
#185 - freakaleak (08/21/2010) [-]
Comment Picture
#164 - krazykracker (08/21/2010) [+] (1 reply)
WHO THE FUCK WEARS HELMETS REALLY? that was retarded
#169 to #164 - RuthlssUnicorn (08/21/2010) [-]
People who care about their safety.
#391 - Soilwork (08/21/2010) [+] (1 reply)
You damn kids are hurtin' my diabetis.
#196 - Jezi (08/21/2010) [-]
I love a happy ending
I love a happy ending
#159 - FJheartless (08/21/2010) [-]
You took care of jeffery for me... an you got them wet???
Thanks man.
+9
#31 - killfourchan has deleted their comment [+] (2 replies)
#405 - devout feminist (08/21/2010) [+] (1 reply)
thought this as gonna be funny til he said "we get back on our bikes" i loled so hard x] love the way his age changes midway from 14 to 15. nice. . .
User avatar #313 - iFaRtRaINboWZzz (08/21/2010) [+] (1 reply)
did anyone else read "but wait theres more!" in billy mays voice?
#44 - derpasaurusrex **User deleted account** (08/21/2010) [-]
i hope this makes to the top of funnyjunk cuz it original
User avatar #41 - Aliensfear (08/21/2010) [-]
I hate when you get rage, not from insults but from the stupidity of the argument like that
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