I can see why . . .. . r hi he wander foreigners don' t like americana i mean our mascot looks like the bird man of a who takes gym class tata SHEEN that is the
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I can see why . . .

r hi
he wander foreigners don' t like americana i mean our mascot looks like the
bird man of a who takes gym class tata SHEEN
that is the heel damn description I have ever heard
...
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Views: 62128
Favorited: 134
Submitted: 09/30/2013
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Comments(191):

[ 191 comments ]
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#7 - mrthezho (09/30/2013) [-]
#39 to #7 - themormanbear (09/30/2013) [-]
Quack.
Quack.
User avatar #4 - anniethreeone (09/30/2013) [-]
Ironically, bald eagles have about the most non-threatening call ever
like a squeaky shopping cart
bald eagle call
#40 to #4 - John Cena (09/30/2013) [-]
What a bitch.
User avatar #97 to #4 - skinjacker (09/30/2013) [-]
That call is actually really cute.
User avatar #117 to #4 - cudlefish (09/30/2013) [-]
Yeah the thing you hear in the Colbert Report is like a red vulture's call
User avatar #180 to #4 - halbeardy (10/01/2013) [-]
sounds kinda like a raptor from Jurassic park or something, but more high pitch
#34 to #4 - jaydarkwater (09/30/2013) [-]
Reminds me of sneakers against a basketball court.
User avatar #126 to #4 - fadetometallica (09/30/2013) [-]
"Screech softly and carry a dickload of bigass nukes" or some **** like that.
User avatar #19 to #4 - semenslurpinglily ONLINE (09/30/2013) [-]
I want to hug it.
#14 to #4 - Grom (09/30/2013) [-]
*****		 thats a 			*******		 velociraptor from Jurassic Park, 'non-threatening' my ass. If I heard that behind me in the middle of a forest/jungle I would 			****		 my pants.
***** thats a ******* velociraptor from Jurassic Park, 'non-threatening' my ass. If I heard that behind me in the middle of a forest/jungle I would **** my pants.
#15 to #14 - amegaara (09/30/2013) [-]
really? are you kidding me? what do you do when you hear birds tweet in the morning?
#42 to #15 - pwnmissilereborn **User deleted account** (09/30/2013) [-]
you ******* prey and hope they don't learn how to open doors
#44 to #42 - pwnmissilereborn **User deleted account** (09/30/2013) [-]
pray*


holy **** how did I **** up that bad?
User avatar #73 to #44 - playerdous (09/30/2013) [-]
It was a good pun
User avatar #18 to #4 - harbingerwolf (09/30/2013) [-]
I dont know why but i ******* love that call, its beautiful.
User avatar #8 to #4 - camdonwin (09/30/2013) [-]
dats sum velociraptor **** right there.
User avatar #11 to #8 - osamathemamalama (09/30/2013) [-]
Super secret bird message: Birds of prey are called raptors. Pass it on ;)
User avatar #105 to #8 - retardedboss (09/30/2013) [-]
Holy **** you're right. That makes them more threatening in my eyes. Although the red tail hawk's death scream is pretty ******* badass.
User avatar #36 to #4 - iamchicken (09/30/2013) [-]
Mean while the bird from hell red tailed hawk. red-tailed hawk screaming
User avatar #127 to #36 - fadetometallica (09/30/2013) [-]
Holy **** that's terrifying.
#13 - studbeefpile (09/30/2013) [-]
"Takes gym too seriously"






What does that even mean?
User avatar #157 to #13 - buttdudebrah (10/01/2013) [-]
gym class
User avatar #170 to #13 - matriculator (10/01/2013) [-]
Is that Fousey?
User avatar #176 to #170 - studbeefpile (10/01/2013) [-]
Nah, that's Dom Mazzetti
User avatar #74 to #13 - weenieandthebutt (09/30/2013) [-]
As a person who endeavours working out in the gym and pumping iron, even I used to resent some of my P.E. lessons where I had all those douchebags shouting at me just because I made a mistake playing football or something. The fitness industry for me is implemented as a method of inspiration and motivation, not being a douchebag and putting others down. That's why I like running and pumping iron instead of playing sports.
User avatar #79 to #74 - studbeefpile (09/30/2013) [-]
I feel you brah. I also see lifting as it's own reward (I don't play any sports). Lifting, or any sort of physical conditioning should be narcissistic in that you should be doing it for yourself, not for what someone else says you should be doing it for.

Anyway, let's exchange stats, because that's what you do when you meet another lifter on the internets.

235lb Bench Press

405lb Deadlift

505lb Parallel Box Squat (I say Box squat because I'm recovering from an ankle injury that hasn't allowed me to go ATG for the past couple of months, so I honestly have no idea what I can get ATG at the moment. It used to be 385 though.)
#116 to #79 - ruckanucka (09/30/2013) [-]
Any tips on how to grow my chest man? I'm 140lbs, benching 140 at 8 and 180 at 4 reps, doing incline benchs, flys, everything and i still have the chest of a prepubescent 12 year old girl.
User avatar #123 to #116 - studbeefpile (09/30/2013) [-]
Get yourself some heavy decline action going on. Everyone seems to really like working upper chest, but you don't get a lot of raw mass that way.

Also, make sure you're benching with your chest and not your triceps, basically you might need to widen your grip to a more powerlifting or strength type stance, that kind of stance is stronger because it allows the chest to do more work, and the chest is naturally stronger than the triceps.

All those things aside though, you need to start eating. You're 140? Unless you're 4ft tall you're pretty underweight (unless you just don't have any leg muscle, but that's a different problem all together). Everyone is so afraid of gaining a little bit of fat, but that's just what you have to do in order to put on some muscle in a reasonable period of time. So yeah, try bulking for 4 months. It doesn't necessarily have to be a dirty bulk, but do bulk.

Also, Also, make sure you're doing your squats and deadlifts. I know what you're thinking "What the **** does deadlifting have to do with my chest?" your answer: Large compound movements promote your body's natural production of HGH, when you're pulling some heavy-ass weight off the ground your body thinks to itself "boy, I better start ejaculating hormones into this bitch if I'm gonna keep up the activity level" and so it does, and with the increased amount of HGH in your body, all of your muscle groups become easier to progress.

tl;dr Wide grip bench, stuff your face, and do your deadlifts children.
#128 to #123 - ruckanucka (10/01/2013) [-]
Thanks for the tips!

I'm 140, Sort if because I don't have much muscle in my leg, Just the one because I was born with a tight tendon in my hamstring so I favoured my other in my youth alot , Also I'm convinced I have a tapeworm I've put myself on a high varb/ protein diet and a seeing slight gains but not lots

I don't want to bulk because I'm not looking to get like bodybuilder physique, just i good shape, but My chest is way out of proportion to the rest of me.

I do my squats like a good boy, but no deadlifts yet, I dunno, I just see all these guys grabbing like 200lbs for each side, I'd look foolish with 90, y'know?
User avatar #131 to #128 - studbeefpile (10/01/2013) [-]
1. You gotta work that out bro, do some bioenergetics and fix that stuff.

2. You probably just have a fast metabolism, which = you having to stuff your face more to counterbalance that.

3. No one accidentally becomes huge. Becoming too big is the absolute last of your worries. Just do the bulk bro.

4. You gotta start somewhere man, ain't nobody that walks into the gym and pulls 405 their first time. You just have to get to work.

All of this is just advice, you can go and do whatever the **** you wanna do.
#136 to #131 - ruckanucka (10/01/2013) [-]
What're bioenergetics? Cause I definitely will do that, That **** has caused my such confidence issues
I'll think about the bulk, isn't alot of that just water weight?
The thing with the Lifts is, I just look like I should be able to do more, If I had have that probelm, I'd probably be a healthy 160, I have next to no body fat bro, that why I feel my chest is outta place, my core is solid, my arms are chiseled, my one good leg is pretty good, for someone who can't work them out properly.
User avatar #141 to #136 - studbeefpile (10/01/2013) [-]
Bioenergetics is basically a fancy term for corrective stretching, although it does entail a few other things the internet will be happy to tell you about.

The point of the bulk is to increase the amount you're eating in order to gain muscle. You have to be eating a certain amount of calories and protein in order to build muscle. Even if you're working out really hard every day you wont build muscle unless you're eating enough to actually construct the muscle.

Part of the reason you chest appears to be small could be thanks to bad posture due to muscular imbalances. You say you have a strong core (and by core, I'm almost certain you actually mean abs), but you don't do deadlifts. When you do a bunch of situps, that's contracting your abs, and pulling your spine into a bent over position. Healthy proportioning involves the muscles in your back being equal enough to counter-balance this, and allow you to maintain good posture without thinking about it, however, if you don't have that balance, the muscles in the anterior chain (the front of your body) will pull you into a kyphotic state where your head is pushed forward, your shoulders are pushed forward, and your butt appears to not exist (because your pelvis is tilted backward from the situps). So, if you're in this kyphotic state, your chest will appear to be smaller because it's on a flat plain with your shoulders, and not up and out like proper posture entails.

So how the **** do you fix it? (if that is actually your problem, this is just a guess. I've never seen you, so I don't know.)

Do your deadlifts. Deadlifting will strengthen your posterior chain (The back of your body), and help to balance out your posture. Another exercise you can do is to lay over an inflatable yoga ball, and focus on stretching your arms out and back, and expanding your ribcage. That's what I recommend.

I hope this helps. Like I said, I don't know if what I mentioned actually was your problem or not, hopefully it helps.
#143 to #141 - ruckanucka (10/01/2013) [-]
Ah, okay, my doc did give me stretches to do, just no fancy name, aha

I'll admit my posture isn't the greatest, but by core I did mean Obliques, My lats and yeah abs, but I think its just cause i'm skinny that I got the abs.
Alright, you convinced me, I'll look up healthy bulking methods

My doc told me, they'll never match, but I can keep it limber and and not so troublesme,
User avatar #148 to #143 - studbeefpile (10/01/2013) [-]
This is what you do: 1. Fix your tendon 2. start working out that leg, bring it up to your other leg 3. Slap that bitch-ass doctor in the face for telling you that you can't fix yourself.

I naturally have a slow metabolism, which means I'm naturally inclined to be a fatass. 2 years ago I weighed 250lbs, I could bench press 155, squat 185, and deadlift 215. I could've accepted my fate and became a fatter-ass, and keep gaining weight, but instead I said ' **** my natural metabolism', and I got to ******* work. Now I weigh 205, I bench 235, deadlift 405, and box squat 505.

Dont you ever let anyone tell you what you can and cant do with your ******* body. The only person that can stop you from fixing yourself is you.
#159 to #148 - ruckanucka (10/01/2013) [-]
Can't argue with that man.

and I like your progression! hell of a alot better than mine! 2 years ago I was 120, max bench of like 90, and didn't even know about squats!

Appreciate the advice man, i'll be sure to put it to practice tomorrow!
Also, whats your take on the protein shakes? My buddy says the shakes are a waste cause you"ll just piss it all out. I thicken mine with peanut butter and stuff, for hopefully more gains.
User avatar #165 to #159 - studbeefpile (10/01/2013) [-]
Personally I just take 100% whey protein shakes and mix them in RAW milk, I'm talking straight up from a farm (if you don't live near a local farm that sells raw milk just look for whole organic milk, it's close enough. That homogenized ******** is next to worthless). Other than shakes I eat a ton of meat, my main meal of the day is a 2/3rds lb burger with lots of cheese, and I usually have eggs for breakfast.

For someone like yourself with a fast metabolism I'd recommend mixing giant protein shakes. So like, 2 scoops of 100% whey, definitely add peanutbutter (you're right on the money with that), mix in a banana or two, and throw some honey in that bitch (All of this in milk of course). The best way to consume it would be to slowly drink it over an hour, so your body has enough time to get everything it can out of what you're giving it, if you just guzzle down something of that size you will piss a lot of it out because your body can't deal with that much at a time.

So yeah, I hope that helps. If you ever have anymore questions, just leave a comment on my profile and I will do my best to answer it. Goodluck sir.
#129 to #128 - ruckanucka (10/01/2013) [-]
Carb*

Also, my bench grip is elbows are at 90 degrees to my chest, flat, Should I go wider?
User avatar #85 to #79 - weenieandthebutt (09/30/2013) [-]
I've been doing it for months, not years so my record's really sucky compared to yours. Prior to that, I've been doing basic bodyweight exercises and running for years. My records for lifting:

60kg bench press: 8 reps
100kg deadlifts: 8 reps
70kg Squats: 8 reps

and as for running, my personal record was 15 miles for LISS and as for HIIT, I do 30 secs Sprint, 15 secs rest for 10 mins (trust me, it's as tiring as hell). Yeah, my record's not great but I'm progressing each month.
User avatar #113 to #85 - studbeefpile (09/30/2013) [-]
It definitely takes time. You ever 1 rep max? It's a good exercise for strengthening your nervous system.

As far as cardio goes, I've never done long distance running, though I did hike 13 miles on a mountain once, which was a bit taxing. I have done HIIT though, that's my main squeeze for cardio, I typically do them after squats to get that extra work on my legs done. I do 5 sets of uphill sprints that last about 20 seconds, and the rest is however long it takes me to walk back down the hill.

Also, I forgot. I weigh 205lbs, I've been cutting for a while though, I was 235 with slightly weaker lifts, I'm trying to get to about 190. Almost there.
User avatar #149 to #13 - imnotkickthecat (10/01/2013) [-]
REPS FOR JESUS!
User avatar #150 to #149 - studbeefpile (10/01/2013) [-]
THAT'S JUSTICE
#156 to #13 - John Cena (10/01/2013) [-]
I agree, what the hell does that mean, I was so confused when I found this on front page.
#43 to #13 - jakeduck (09/30/2013) [-]
Gym class, as in Physical Education.
#2 - hallis (09/30/2013) [-]
#120 to #2 - trash (09/30/2013) [-]
I read "protester" as "pornstar" I think I need to stop
User avatar #146 to #2 - SuperBubbleWrap (10/01/2013) [-]
Knows no borders? What about the US/Mexico border?
User avatar #64 to #2 - fargtwo (09/30/2013) [-]
This is what happens when you don't buy Genuine Grade A American Made effigies.
#93 to #2 - aslis (09/30/2013) [-]
They couldn't handle their freedom.
#12 - halor (09/30/2013) [-]
#9 - oceanmist (09/30/2013) [-]
The 			****		 you say bout merica
The **** you say bout merica
#137 to #9 - mixedvegetables (10/01/2013) [-]
Get that dirty communist gun out of here.
User avatar #32 to #9 - andnowducks (09/30/2013) [-]
I love how he missed most of those shots.
User avatar #58 to #32 - lesolan (09/30/2013) [-]
Usually the crowd is bigger, so aiming is generally less of a requirement.
User avatar #196 to #58 - andnowducks (10/01/2013) [-]
What?
#48 to #9 - infedel ONLINE (09/30/2013) [-]
that gif is a perfect representation of my character in my Saint's Row IV playthrough. an American stripes and stars suit, with an blad eagle mask.
#139 - latinotornado (10/01/2013) [-]
So, what you're saying is, America lifts
User avatar #142 to #139 - smithforprez (10/01/2013) [-]
god lift america
#20 - gayboard ONLINE (09/30/2013) [-]
I feel that I always need to declare that not all Americans are fat, loud, and ignorant.

Racism is for losers.
#35 to #20 - John Cena (09/30/2013) [-]
American isn't a race. We killed all the actual Americans a while back. And we lead in obesity and are very low in school systems world wide, so they kinda have every right to make jokes about it.
User avatar #38 to #35 - gayboard ONLINE (09/30/2013) [-]
Let's not get technical.

Also, I can take a joke, It's just some people go overboard.
User avatar #72 to #35 - reaperriley ONLINE (09/30/2013) [-]
We actually aren't the leading nation in obesity anymore and obesity is slowly going down in fact. And your right, Americans aren't a race. We are an ethnic group. Indians, Asians, Europeans, etc. are races.
User avatar #53 to #20 - alhemicar (09/30/2013) [-]
Chauvinism =/= Racism

But I'm just splitting hairs.
#114 to #20 - seaofcoltrane (09/30/2013) [-]
This ***** nos what hes talking about
#115 to #20 - John Cena (09/30/2013) [-]
>Racism is for losers
>FJ
You have any idea how many racism stereotypes we have on FJ when it comes to asians, blacks, mexicans, and white people? Why is there always that amerifag that complains about racism/stereotypes directed towards them, but there's racism and stereotype directed towards other race and nobody ever complains? I'd like to see you go on a ****** post and complain about racism against blcks.
#184 to #20 - John Cena (10/01/2013) [-]
and losing is for the french
User avatar #26 to #20 - herecomesjohnny (09/30/2013) [-]
you don't see every ethnic group declaring they're never like americans stereotype them at every post, a joke's a joke
User avatar #31 to #26 - gayboard ONLINE (09/30/2013) [-]
Some people take their jokes too far.
User avatar #33 to #31 - herecomesjohnny (09/30/2013) [-]
i'm french AND asian, if i had to take every chauvinist american joke seriously i'd have ragequit the internet by now
User avatar #47 to #33 - achimp (09/30/2013) [-]
Oh Jesus, here comes the "I'm have a RIGHT to be more upset than you do, I'm XYZ!" ******** . No one gives two ***** about how people are more offensive to your culture.
You just made one giant ******* generalization, I hope you realize. You definitely know that ever "chauvinist joke" has come from America, and and that other countries/people don't have jokes that are very similar right? Secondly, you stereotyped Americans right off the bat, with they "Americans stereotype them at every post." Hypocrisy blows. Get your head out of your ass and stop bitching.
Gayboard was simply making a point, not bitching and moaning over something relevant on a post.
User avatar #54 to #47 - herecomesjohnny (09/30/2013) [-]
I never blamed america for every chauvinist joke, though
User avatar #56 to #54 - achimp (09/30/2013) [-]
"if I had to take every chauvinist American joke seriously."

Okay buddy.
User avatar #57 to #56 - herecomesjohnny (09/30/2013) [-]
every chauvinist american joke doesn't mean every chauvinist joke
User avatar #59 to #57 - achimp (09/30/2013) [-]
Jesus titty ******* Christ. You know what you meant. Stop trying to cover because you know you're ****** sideways.
User avatar #60 to #59 - herecomesjohnny (09/30/2013) [-]
you're being overdefensive, and you're overblowing what i mean, i'm just saying it's stupid to get vexed over stereotypes and a lil bit stupider when you're american and your media propagated the much lesser harsh ones.

Also, you should definitely take your words of "stop bitching'' and apply them to yourself
User avatar #62 to #60 - achimp (09/30/2013) [-]
You're a ******* riot, buddy.

And I'm only pointing out your obvious hypocrisy. You're like the 6 year old kid who says "nuh-uh, you !" when confronted with criticism.
User avatar #63 to #62 - herecomesjohnny (09/30/2013) [-]
how? i tell jokes about foreigners all the time, and i laughed about jokes about french surrendering and asians having squinty eyes. What the **** are you talking about?
User avatar #153 to #26 - Conquistador (10/01/2013) [-]
You do realize Americans are probably the most bashed on people in this site right?
User avatar #182 to #153 - herecomesjohnny (10/01/2013) [-]
they're also the most boasted along with british, americans aren't exactly martyrs in the comments heh
User avatar #187 to #182 - Conquistador (10/01/2013) [-]
Hmm... Not really. I think Canadians are the most jingoistic on here.
User avatar #190 to #187 - herecomesjohnny (10/01/2013) [-]
even if they were people should just take a joke as a joke.

Listen, i'm not trying to get in an argument or get ranted on again, i'm just saying, a joke's a joke, is all. And with that good day to you
User avatar #192 to #190 - Conquistador (10/01/2013) [-]
I know where you're getting at, but I can understand why most Americans are fed up. The front page gets flooded with America bashing content. Way more than any other country. I mean sure, you'd see the occasional jokes on other countries, but every once in a great while. What country are you from anyways? France? I've seen jokes like " french r pussiez xddd" on the front page, but they're rare.
User avatar #193 to #192 - herecomesjohnny (10/01/2013) [-]
mostly china and living in france since a year. But nah french bashing posts aren't rare, all you need is to see a post with a flag and the surrender joke'll come.
User avatar #194 to #193 - Conquistador (10/01/2013) [-]
The last one of those I've seen was probably months ago. I've seen more Mexican bashing jokes than French. But not nearly as much as anti-America crap. And a lot of it doesn't seem like joking either, more like actual hating and conspiracy theories.
User avatar #195 to #194 - herecomesjohnny (10/01/2013) [-]
you're exactly right
User avatar #191 to #190 - herecomesjohnny (10/01/2013) [-]
and i'm pretty sure the french are the most bashed on, like, UNILATERALLY bashed by everyone
User avatar #28 to #20 - thegrimgenius (09/30/2013) [-]
Wow. Such Equal, So Winner
User avatar #41 to #20 - achimp (09/30/2013) [-]
On average, Americans typically work longer hours than the rest of the world.
0
#49 to #41 - thegreenalloy has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #52 to #49 - achimp (09/30/2013) [-]
Not ALL other countries, certainly. You'll notice the phrases "on average" and "typically." We are certainly in the top 10, perhaps in the top 5.

You only have to look at history to see this is true - **** man, look at all of the innovations that came from America, look at how ******* fast we were industrializing - we were almost a decade or more behind Europe, and still caught up. All because of longer hours.

Now, today, it may not be as true as it once was, but it is still true. Results may be skewed, too. For example, teachers are paid for 35 hours of work a week - but they put in more than 50 mostly.
+1
#67 to #52 - thegreenalloy has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #69 to #67 - achimp (09/30/2013) [-]
Yes, they came from Europe, however, it was that American ideal that drove people to do that - to work hard and achieve the American dream.

And **** thumbs, who cares.
+1
#70 to #69 - thegreenalloy has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #71 to #70 - achimp (09/30/2013) [-]
The ideal is still there. Teachers today work hard. The ********* and lazy are propped up to make people feel good about themselves.
User avatar #46 to #41 - gayboard ONLINE (09/30/2013) [-]
Now that's an interesting fact!
User avatar #24 to #20 - payseht (09/30/2013) [-]
racism is a crime, and crime is for *******

I'm sorry, I had .. it's in my contract as a funnyjunker to retell really old jokes
#106 - ochsderp (09/30/2013) [-]
Not so douche-y
#45 - yacchatta (09/30/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#98 to #94 - Loppytaffy (09/30/2013) [-]
Hey fatass, how's the diabetes and low self esteem going?
Hey fatass, how's the diabetes and low self esteem going?
User avatar #100 to #98 - sashathefolx (09/30/2013) [-]
You do know that Mexico has surpassed American in obesity right?
User avatar #104 to #100 - Loppytaffy (09/30/2013) [-]
You know I was telling a joke based on the anime that his picture was from, right?
Pretty sure Britons can cook without killing their offspring, and I'm sure not all Italians are virgins, nor are the Spanish paedophiles. Swedes don't walk into Finland and declare a man their wife, Belarusians don't want to marry their brothers, and you can't summon Russian with demon summoning rituals.
But hey, that's hetalia.
User avatar #103 to #100 - Ruby Demon (09/30/2013) [-]
You do know this is the bickering that happens in Hetalia, right?
#185 - mattymc (10/01/2013) [-]
somewhat relevant
User avatar #197 to #185 - dsrtpnk (10/01/2013) [-]
Funny how Europeans get butthurt from this pic, but it doesn't say that it was a solo effort to achieve champion status. Or that there is only one champ.
User avatar #147 to #135 - hammerzietcht (10/01/2013) [-]
From the raptor most commonly found in canada?
#162 to #147 - vonspyder (10/01/2013) [-]
They are only found their because theyre spying on you to keep your molson drinking asses in line in case you get a little too much hockey.
#152 to #147 - jazzytheferret (10/01/2013) [-]
Only cause people are nicer there.
#84 - slowbroking (09/30/2013) [-]
Finally. A chance to use this.
Finally. A chance to use this.
User avatar #91 to #84 - nyxeos (09/30/2013) [-]
I have no idea why you have that or why it would have ever been created ... but you get a thumb for originality.
#92 to #84 - patofeliz (09/30/2013) [-]
... and this
#21 - ninjabadger (09/30/2013) [-]
The 			****		 you say, brah?
The **** you say, brah?

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