Discharge your "guns". . glistening to music up my man cave sgf says she is going to the store seaside it' s time for a mp swart a few minutes after she left sa
x

Discharge your "guns"

glistening to music
up my man cave
sgf says she is going to the store
seaside it' s time for a mp
swart a few minutes after she left
satrap naked because that' s how I do
fer that perfect mp video
stetting close hearths door spen and shut
***** my computer down but keep fapping hoping gskill same down and finish me off
seaside I am going to surprise her and has the second she walks in (seemed better at the time)
shear sameone walking down the stairs
seaside to stand forthis
sas the door spens shoot my load all sum same dude in a ski mask
literally fall back stunned and reach for my gun
she is yelling wtf
sheld him at gunpoint until the saps same
ssup asks what is all sheathe guys shirt and pants
and give my statement
can still hearth's laughing-.
...
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Views: 65357
Favorited: 394
Submitted: 09/30/2013
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Comments(151):

[ 151 comments ]
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#5 - fantomen (09/30/2013) [-]
There are always good stories on /k/.
Paramedics tend to have really good ones, here's an example.
User avatar #162 to #5 - theincrediblemrk (10/01/2013) [-]
That was ******* brilliant.
User avatar #102 to #5 - elcreepo (09/30/2013) [-]
More please. PM them if you can.
#106 to #102 - fantomen (09/30/2013) [-]
How about going to /k/ and finding some yourself you lazy cunt?!
User avatar #108 to #106 - elcreepo (09/30/2013) [-]
Because I don't feel like sifting through garbage.
User avatar #161 to #108 - fantomen (10/01/2013) [-]
it was just a bad a joke dude. But seriously, I have a ******** /k/ folder, and I really cant go though it all for some stranger on FJ.
#26 to #5 - plwmar ONLINE (09/30/2013) [-]
LOLING SO HARD!!!
User avatar #43 to #5 - lgninjaleetful (09/30/2013) [-]
what is k again?
#45 to #43 - fantomen (09/30/2013) [-]
/guns&weapons/
User avatar #48 to #45 - lgninjaleetful (09/30/2013) [-]
thanks sir.
User avatar #56 to #5 - leafonthewind (09/30/2013) [-]
"durr raffle"
#16 to #5 - spacetequila (09/30/2013) [-]
boom headshot, and the crowd goes wild

Probably the single greatest line I've ever read from 4chan.
User avatar #62 to #5 - optimussum (09/30/2013) [-]
I swear, 4chan has the best story tellers
#52 to #5 - rabidaardvark (09/30/2013) [-]
Pure unabashed shear goddam brilliance right there
Pure unabashed shear goddam brilliance right there
#25 to #5 - PVTDickStryker (09/30/2013) [-]
"...Redguards"
User avatar #33 to #25 - fantomen (09/30/2013) [-]
For the longest time you got auto-banned when using the word " ****** " or the word "jew" on /k/.
So there was an epic thread where it was decided that the term "redguard" should be used, because they have negative intelligence in Oblivion which was found to be hilarious.

Before that the term "Upstanding African American citizen" was frequently used, but it was a bit tedious to type.
User avatar #38 to #33 - trivdiego (09/30/2013) [-]
why would someone get banned for that and why was it on that board specifically?
User avatar #44 to #38 - fantomen (09/30/2013) [-]
Before the creation of /pol/ most of the /pol/-content and opinions were on a board called /new/, for (incredibly biased) news.
Because /k/ is a fairly right wing board /new/ contents and users would pretty often spill over onto /k/. So to prevent /k/ just turning into /new/ you got auto-banned for a day for using the words ****** or jew on /k/. And in the b& message it would say "keep /new/ off of /k/", to make sure people knew where to post random racist posts on /new/ instead of /k/.

So if you wanted to post something like a greentext containing any of those words you needed to use alt-codes to avoid getting auto-banned. However it had the side effect of keeping small children, /b/-tards, and newfags away from the /k/-board. Something which would be greatly appreciated these days. Now /k/ is unreadable before 2AM because it's crammed full of ponyfags and small children discussing airsoft and anime.
#46 to #44 - trivdiego (09/30/2013) [-]
but for real
but for real
#51 to #44 - pentol (09/30/2013) [-]
/k/ was the official friendship board of /mlp/ for some months after /mlp/'s creation.
this period is over, and /k/ is just as hostile to /mlp/ as any other board nowadays. airsoft is still around for mysterious reasons. /asp/ exists.
User avatar #54 to #51 - fantomen (09/30/2013) [-]
"/k/ was the official friendship board of /mlp/ for some months after /mlp/'s creation"

I call ******** .
Posting ANY MLP content outside of /mlp/ was severely bannable as soon as /mlp/board was created. I even remember seeing a guy on /k/ getting banned for posting a photo of a bullet-riddled MLP poster he took into the desert to shoot. People even got banned for just saying that they liked the show.
#29 to #5 - jacobomexicano (09/30/2013) [-]
"durr raffle" oh dear lord
"durr raffle" oh dear lord
#9 to #5 - capnfappy (09/30/2013) [-]
MFW Explosively redistributed
MFW Explosively redistributed
#58 to #9 - fantomen (09/30/2013) [-]
Considering this is what happens when you nail something with a ".30-30 durr raffle"    
I have to say that "explosively redistributed" is the correct term to describe the situation.
Considering this is what happens when you nail something with a ".30-30 durr raffle"
I have to say that "explosively redistributed" is the correct term to describe the situation.
#151 to #58 - mytrakytra (10/01/2013) [-]
Watermelons are a bad example though. The bullet must have hit more towards the left or right side taking a large chunk out. If it were near the middle it would more splatter blood and bits of skull.
#85 to #5 - ICEDgrunge (09/30/2013) [-]
"Having a completely bisected lung tends to severely impact one's survival potential"   
   
I've never heard words more wise come from any written text.
"Having a completely bisected lung tends to severely impact one's survival potential"

I've never heard words more wise come from any written text.
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#13 to #5 - kenbizzle has deleted their comment [-]
0
#12 to #5 - kenbizzle has deleted their comment [-]
#65 to #5 - fbiagent (09/30/2013) [-]
my favorite is the one about the army medic who " ****** a dude in the ass just to prove [he] would"
#69 to #65 - fantomen (09/30/2013) [-]
This one?
#70 to #69 - fbiagent (09/30/2013) [-]
yes! that one exactly haha thats my favorite one

i deleted all my /k/ stuff a few months ago for some odd reason...
#66 to #65 - fbiagent (09/30/2013) [-]
>got no more males after that
#18 to #5 - mattdoggy (09/30/2013) [-]
"explosively redistributed"   
"as is the custom when fatally stabbed"   
"nobody kills redneck A and gets away with it"   
   
whoever wrote this is a beautiful person and should be writing novels
"explosively redistributed"
"as is the custom when fatally stabbed"
"nobody kills redneck A and gets away with it"

whoever wrote this is a beautiful person and should be writing novels
#11 - teranin (09/30/2013) [-]
#24 to #11 - vorack **User deleted account** (09/30/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#1 - therealslim (09/30/2013) [-]
*******		 amazing
******* amazing
#21 - nylak (09/30/2013) [-]
It's **** like this that makes me appreciate having dogs, which is going to sound really stupid until you experience how nice it is for yourself.

And by that, I mean, I have my dog, who barks stupidly at everyone who walks near the house that he doesn't know (or will probably eat them if they somehow wander in, because he has some issues), and then I have my girlfriend's dog, who somehow recognizes both of our cars coming down the street and will do a happy-run-around-the-house whenever one of us drives near. So I have two lovely alarms that let me know when someone-not-of-the-house is coming, and when someone-I-need-to-put-my-porn-away-for is coming.

...It's very convenient.
User avatar #27 to #21 - thejerseyjenn (09/30/2013) [-]
My cats also act like an alarm. They will run to where ever I am (usually upstairs) if someone walks in that doesn't live here.
User avatar #61 to #27 - dragonock (09/30/2013) [-]
i wish mat cat was that useful all mine does is roll off her chair
User avatar #114 to #61 - thejerseyjenn (09/30/2013) [-]
Notice it's not even your chair anymore. It's her chair.
#150 - smeckles (10/01/2013) [-]
I guess that guy came at the right time
I guess that guy came at the right time
#4 - hallis (09/30/2013) [-]
what's the point of grabbing a guns since you already shoot him
#101 to #4 - anon (09/30/2013) [-]
*Shot
#50 - amil (09/30/2013) [-]
Burglar's FW
#20 - anon (09/30/2013) [-]
He tried to steal your stuff.
You stole his dignity.

9/10, cool story OP.
#40 - killerblue (09/30/2013) [-]
Looks like he came to the wrong place
#23 - studbeefpile (09/30/2013) [-]
>Intruder's fw
#94 - kompleteciller (09/30/2013) [-]
i think the burgler was just waiting for that moment
#71 - mustbethatguy (09/30/2013) [-]
Girlfriend going to store?
#22 - mudkipftw (09/30/2013) [-]
I almost just burst out laughing during Calculus
User avatar #68 - mrgoodlove (09/30/2013) [-]
I guess you can say he came into the wrong house
User avatar #88 to #68 - magnusraiden (09/30/2013) [-]
You glorious bastard
#139 to #68 - obliviousretard (10/01/2013) [-]
that was his own house you idiot
User avatar #160 to #139 - mrgoodlove (10/01/2013) [-]
Shut up you oblivious retard
#97 to #82 - alucardthemagician (09/30/2013) [-]
stop documenting me for your amusement
#124 - masterbetty (09/30/2013) [-]
**masterbetty rolled user tortalis ** Here you go.
**masterbetty rolled user tortalis ** Here you go.
#17 - mattdoggy (09/30/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#78 - thesinful (09/30/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
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