Gamerscore over 9000!. . Did "Ali sh nut name. Finished ' U" Blails" BEIGE. Hated lumen’ than 1" Etma' -.%. Super secret secret time okey? >Be 21 >Always jerking it without lube (at least once a day, if not more.) >Dating this chick 7/10. Do love. >"L fuck tags
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Comments(118):

[ 118 comments ]
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User avatar #13 - moviefuckthewhat (09/27/2013) [-]
Super secret secret time okey?

>Be 21
>Always jerking it without lube (at least once a day, if not more.)
>Dating this chick 7/10. Do love.
>"Lets make love mftw"
>Definitely not her first time
>Totally my first time
>I just need to last long enough to satisfy her.
>Please don't let me be a pre-cummer.
>Ram her for like an hour and a half- two hours with a water break.
>Referred to as a sex god for the rest of the school year.
>Looked it up. I was so used to the feeling of dry hand jerking that it took a while to get used to anything else.

That's the story of how I found jesus.
User avatar #14 to #13 - mrfumbles (09/27/2013) [-]
i am just hoping that what you said actually happened. and lulz
User avatar #16 to #14 - moviefuckthewhat (09/27/2013) [-]
It did.
Although from what I hear some other guys got too excited and exploded in the first few seconds and others lasted 20 minutes before cumming.

Also I think the fact that I rubbed one out before the date helped.
#17 to #16 - blackandblueshirts (09/27/2013) [-]
Yeah, got so used to going dry now that I blow like instantly with lube.



Should probably work on that
User avatar #21 to #17 - moviefuckthewhat (09/27/2013) [-]
It also has to do with the fact that your hands know right where to touch while a pussy does not. Although pussy is way more fun.
User avatar #75 to #13 - mexx (09/27/2013) [-]
Thank god i'm not the only one.
My first time lasted 45 minutes and after that i thought ' **** it, this will take forever' and i went to sleep. Worst sex ever.
#77 to #13 - nunuman (09/27/2013) [-]
The cardio! Or maybe just just not humping hard enough. 2hours of sex should be equal to running (fast) for 2hours.
User avatar #81 to #13 - apillow (09/27/2013) [-]
******** ! Thank you! I thought i was the only one.
User avatar #85 to #13 - torexofthenight (09/27/2013) [-]
I know your pain...longest I've lasted was 3 hours. Me and my girl switch up positions and techniques a lot to keep it entertaining though.
User avatar #87 to #13 - BluFlynn (09/27/2013) [-]
is it bad to dry fap? Because I can't use lube, gets all cold and ****
User avatar #103 to #87 - moviefuckthewhat (09/27/2013) [-]
No. But if you do it to vigorously it can cause nerve damage, making your dingdangdoodly number.
User avatar #109 to #13 - mopeye ONLINE (09/27/2013) [-]
Well then I'm ****** ... I've never jerked off with lube. Does this mean I'll never be able to get off with actual girl?
User avatar #115 to #109 - moviefuckthewhat (09/27/2013) [-]
No, no, no. That was just my first time. My second time I lasted about an hour. It now takes me 15-30 minutes everytime, which she likes a lot better then the two hours.
User avatar #31 to #13 - cyborgturtle (09/27/2013) [-]
Got something to look forward to then. Yess
User avatar #33 to #13 - sirfistalot (09/27/2013) [-]
I m fapping always dry and I....www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGYsvR1PTmc
always god damn it...
#38 to #13 - jasir ONLINE (09/27/2013) [-]
Same here, takes me long time to come. Though after an hour or so the girl usually gets dry so it isn't really enjoyable for her, so I stop, many times haven't cum at all after few hours of trying, so I kind of understand woman outlook at sex, especially orgasm.
#41 to #38 - Rascal (09/27/2013) [-]
It's called Deathgrip, if you want to cure it take a look at this site :

curedeathgrip.com/
#53 to #13 - wardylocks (09/27/2013) [-]
im turned on right now and idk why
im turned on right now and idk why
#71 to #13 - joshlol (09/27/2013) [-]
>with a water break
User avatar #101 to #13 - levelninetynine (09/27/2013) [-]
I dry fap but then again I'm not circumcised.
User avatar #113 to #13 - unikornking ONLINE (09/27/2013) [-]
Yea I've noticed this I can do it just fine dry but if im in the shower or im wet at all i fap forever and i just get tired and give up
#37 to #13 - anocheeanochee (09/27/2013) [-]
Dude almost the exact same thing happened to me   
   
Except I just met the girl at some bar, and we went back to hers with a few friends, they all went to bed and one thing led to another I just went at it for almost 2 hours   
   
Never did finish, or see her again (I left the country soon after)   
Nice to see it wasn't only me
Dude almost the exact same thing happened to me

Except I just met the girl at some bar, and we went back to hers with a few friends, they all went to bed and one thing led to another I just went at it for almost 2 hours

Never did finish, or see her again (I left the country soon after)
Nice to see it wasn't only me
#86 to #37 - realiwill (09/27/2013) [-]
Basically the same happened to me, except I was sober and so was the girl and we were just like "da **** ?"
#89 to #86 - anocheeanochee (09/27/2013) [-]
The best part about mine though?   
   
She was 23 and I was 18 (as of 3 days prior to meeting her)   
   
HFW I told her how old I was   
   
Gratz on the sober stuff though, must be nice
The best part about mine though?

She was 23 and I was 18 (as of 3 days prior to meeting her)

HFW I told her how old I was

Gratz on the sober stuff though, must be nice
#90 to #89 - realiwill (09/27/2013) [-]
Thanks dood. For me, she was this really cute 16 asian chick and I was 18 and we quit because she was really sore and couldn't take it any longer. All in all, I didnt think it was that great. We did like 6 positions and the whole dry-hand jerking off a few times a week ****** me over for pleasure but she enjoyed.
MFW
User avatar #93 to #90 - anocheeanochee (09/27/2013) [-]
Hahhaha holy **** did thats exactly why we stopped too

This is some top kek stuff dude

That was MFW as well after feeling like a champ
#91 to #90 - realiwill (09/27/2013) [-]
16 year old*
oops
User avatar #49 to #13 - iwasonaboat (09/27/2013) [-]
So basically.
You can go for as long as you want, meaning you can please the vast majority of women.
All because you stayed a virgin for longer-than-average time.

This leads credance to the theory that if you stay a virgin till 30, you become a wizard. Look at the powers you got by hanging on till 21.
#3 - shrapnels (09/26/2013) [-]
Jokes on you, would never even get past the first achievement
#4 to #3 - imnotnew (09/26/2013) [-]
i stay screaming your moms name
#5 to #3 - adu ONLINE (09/27/2013) [-]
Sucks when you're just not sure if you can love anyone as much as your first.
User avatar #9 to #5 - tastycrisps (09/27/2013) [-]
hey don't worry man it gets better. I just got over a break up, and I mean just got over a breakup that happened over a year ago. Everyone says that time heals all wounds but I never understood that. It didn't feel like I'd ever be happy or love someone else, ever. But over the past month I just, felt better. Nothing significant happened to give me some sort of apifany I just got over it. I stopped thinking about that first love all the time. And when i did, i didn't feel hopeless or sad or lonely. I felt free for the fist time since the breakup.

Imma describe this with an analogy: Experiencing a breakup from a loved one is like someone attaching a ball and chain to your feet. For months it drags you down, it cripples you. You try to live your life normally and forget it's there, but you can't. Every day, one way or another, you're reminded of it's presence. You get used to the initial shock of the ball and chain, and maybe even think that one day you'll forget it's there, but you don't. As you drag the weight along you notice that the chain develops some wear and tear, but you couldn't possibly believe that a chain that huge could break. But, almost suddenly, the chain does breaks. You're incredibly relieved, but you have forgotten what is was like to live without the ball and chain. Of course you are thrilled of it's disappearance, but are unsure how to live like you did before the ball.

Your life changes constantly, and forever is a long time. No matter how much it feels like it, you will change and so will your emotions. It does get better, it really do.
User avatar #10 to #9 - adu ONLINE (09/27/2013) [-]
That's good advice. It's been two months since it happened, but it was on good terms, and she's never stopped being my best friend. She's the only girl I've ever heard of with the courage to help hold together a trainwreck she caused. She's special like that. I was absolutely debilitated for the first month. I didn't want to kill myself or anything, I'm not that niave, but it just... hurt to be alive. Things didn't get a whole lot better 5 or 6 weeks after, but things have been picking up recently as we've learned to laugh and talk as platonic friends. I'm getting better and better at loving myself for who I am, forgiving myself of my failures, realizing I have a future even if she might not be in it. Thanks to her though, I know for a fact that I have what it takes to make a girl happy, truly happy, and with that in mind I'll be more confident and better equipped for the next sweet girl that wriggles her way into my heart. And hopefully I'll be the kind of man that can give her the joy she deserves.
User avatar #64 to #10 - Mumford (09/27/2013) [-]
Tell you one thing it gets easier after the first love. Like a lot easier. The first girl I loved I thought she was it. We ****** up well mostly she ****** up but I didnt handle things well. After that I just had fun for a good 6 months till I met another girl. We broke up over a year ago and although sometimes I look back on those times with a sad smile on my face, my god, I have enjoyed that last year. I've done so much and look back on myself with embarrased pride.

I guess what i'm really trying to say is that it gets a lot easier after the first love
#48 to #5 - CXJokerXD ONLINE (09/27/2013) [-]
Don't you dare give me that thought.
Don't you dare give me that thought.
#32 - braveblue ONLINE (09/27/2013) [-]
#54 - unbelievable ONLINE (09/27/2013) [-]
What ex-girlfriend? What girlfriend? Two whole minutes?
What ex-girlfriend? What girlfriend? Two whole minutes?
#104 to #54 - megustan (09/27/2013) [-]
I know that feel.
I know that feel.
#110 to #54 - mode (09/27/2013) [-]
It's okay bro.

It's okay.
#22 - imashitbricks (09/27/2013) [-]
I'm pretty bored so I guess I'll tell you a little tale. I'm 17 I've never had a girlfriend, haven't had my first kiss, still a virgin. Don't get my wrong I'm only 17 I know I shouldn't be frettin. But when I was 14 (freshman year) my mom convinced me to do online school (my parents are divorced and my mom moved a whole state away and this was her way of getting me to see her more. Wish I would've realized that) she tells me I'll graduate early all that kinda **** . So because I don't go to regular highschool anymore I end up not talking to or seeing most of my friends anymore (except about 3 of them). I also don't interact with girls anymore (except that one friend. I feel like I'm turning into such a beta). But while I was in school I was that funny fat kid that everyone knew but didn't really know (I'm going to assume girls didn't find me attractive because I was so fat.), once I did online school though I ended up on my ass even more than ever. Eventually I decided to get off my ass and start going to the gym. Right now I'm benching near 200 and I'm still climbing (people said being fat beforehand helped me out). And now that I'm nearing my 18th birthday I'm 100% sure I'm joining the Marines. Needless to say everybody says that I'm going to die. Which is why I felt like typing this, everybody is basically saying I'm going to die a virgin. 0 Gamerscore.
Pic related, It's what made me want to go to the gym (I couldn't tell you why)
User avatar #34 to #22 - fuzzyballs (09/27/2013) [-]
22
had one
lasted 2 weeks, crazy ******* bitch had to die
User avatar #46 to #22 - nimba (09/27/2013) [-]
why even go to school if you're going to die
User avatar #68 to #46 - rieskimo (09/27/2013) [-]
"Why try to learn or better yourself if you're just going to die"

Everybody dies, that's a fact buddy. One should always strive to be a better person.
#119 to #68 - nimba (09/28/2013) [-]
I aint your buddy, guy
User avatar #50 to #22 - Gandalfthewhite (09/27/2013) [-]
well before you're sent off go on a wekend trip to amsterdam and **** a **** tonne of hookers (they're 83 euro's btw)
#76 to #22 - vytros (09/27/2013) [-]
Hope everything works out for you man, don't give up hope on such a thing as love, it will find you, just don't look constantly for it, also don't totally ignore it

You still got time, even I got my first girfriend this summer, also first kiss and love-making, so just keep on walking.

And don't die. That's the best I can wish for your coming 50-60 years. Cheerio.
User avatar #92 to #22 - xtwinblade (09/27/2013) [-]
you know thats a great story and all... but i cant come with feedback unless you learn how to save a full image instead of the thumbnail
#105 to #22 - swagbot ONLINE (09/27/2013) [-]
Good job on the gainz...

...but don't join the marines.
User avatar #112 to #22 - ultimatebadass (09/27/2013) [-]
No worries I didn't lose my V-card till I was 17, start trying to go to some parties that's when I starting to get laid, one of the best ways to meet girls
#117 to #22 - Rascal (09/27/2013) [-]
Just do you, dude. All of my respect goes to you for wanting to join the marines and if people say you're gonna die a virgin, so ******* what? You're dying defending your country and that is the sexiest thing I can think of.
User avatar #23 to #22 - aherorising (09/27/2013) [-]
do you have a bigger version of that? I can't read it
#26 to #23 - newhinji **User deleted account** (09/27/2013) [-]
This image has expired
This one should (at least) be readable
#94 to #27 - xtwinblade (09/27/2013) [-]
great example. Look at dwayne, he is huge and he can throw a guy over his head, because of his big stable waist.
User avatar #25 to #23 - imashitbricks (09/27/2013) [-]
No, sorry I saved that years ago and tineye doesn't want to find a bigger version.
User avatar #36 to #22 - sedativechunk (09/27/2013) [-]
That's a stupid thing for people to say to you, just because you join the marines doesn't mean you are going to die. You'll most likely end up getting deployed somewhere someday but not every location in the world is a deadly war zone. And by the way, a very nerdy old friend of mine (whom I don't talk to), he got alot more social and started dating girls when he joined the army. He never even got any better looking but he definitely got around with women. You may meet quiet a few women on-duty. Girls love military men, but just be careful, if you're going away for long periods of time you may not want to get in a committed relationship. Otherwise you won't think straight and girls like to (sadly) cheat. Take it from me, I've had more than one friend join the military (not always the marines but other branches).

Good luck and thank you ahead of time for your service. And don't lose who your humanity! Unfortunately one of my best friends became an egotistical asshole after joining the military. Just keep your head on straight.
User avatar #70 to #36 - rieskimo (09/27/2013) [-]
This, big heaping helpings of this.

I have a lot of military friends. This is good advice.
User avatar #1 - Mumford (09/26/2013) [-]
Can't wait to see this episode of achievement hunter
User avatar #2 to #1 - iamnotgoodwithname ONLINE (09/26/2013) [-]
three achievements ray wont get
User avatar #102 - OoJesusoO (09/27/2013) [-]
Crying is a usual thing? :o
User avatar #106 to #102 - richardastley (09/27/2013) [-]
You're not alone, brother.
User avatar #107 to #106 - OoJesusoO (09/27/2013) [-]
no no no no no. I mean I was suprised that people cry while having sex. I'm not saying it's bad for being emotional at all and in fact, it's great but, I'm still suprised people cry during or after sex.
User avatar #108 to #107 - richardastley (09/27/2013) [-]
I was just joking, dude. It's just a part of the joke, along with "Lasted longer than two minutes." Most people can do that too.
User avatar #51 - ldial ONLINE (09/27/2013) [-]
Am i the only one on Xbox Live that gives zero ***** about achievements?
User avatar #56 to #51 - swagasauruss ONLINE (09/27/2013) [-]
Im kinda on the fence about em. I dont go out of my way to get the achievements unless I've beaten the game and have done all side quests and endings and what not.
User avatar #57 to #56 - ldial ONLINE (09/27/2013) [-]
Exactly. After i finish game sometimes i try. Skyrim is the one I have the most on.
User avatar #58 to #57 - swagasauruss ONLINE (09/27/2013) [-]
I'm not sure which I have the most on. I've done most of them on the games I own. Quite a few from Saints Row 3
User avatar #59 to #58 - ldial ONLINE (09/27/2013) [-]
I liked the Saints Row series.
User avatar #62 to #59 - swagasauruss ONLINE (09/27/2013) [-]
I've only had the chance to play the third, my sister-in-law gave it to me because she hated it. I thought it was an amazing game.
Also who the **** does that.
"This game sucks so much, I want you to have it."
User avatar #63 to #62 - ldial ONLINE (09/27/2013) [-]
Hahaha. Try 2. It's the best in the Series. Not as over the top
User avatar #65 to #63 - swagasauruss ONLINE (09/27/2013) [-]
I will when I get the chance, Right now Im on a Fable Series binge until the new one comes out. Occupying most of my free time with modding and stuff.
#72 to #65 - Dwarf (09/27/2013) [-]
**Dwarf rolled a random image posted in comment #4 at Hipster = Nazis? ** FABLE ROLL GET
User avatar #66 to #65 - ldial ONLINE (09/27/2013) [-]
Same as SR. 2 is the best.
User avatar #78 to #66 - swagasauruss ONLINE (09/27/2013) [-]
One of the reasons I'm still modding tlc is I sold my copy of 2 so
User avatar #79 to #78 - ldial ONLINE (09/27/2013) [-]
i dont play many PC games. I lack the funds for a setup. i've been tinkering with RPG Maker xp tho.
User avatar #80 to #79 - swagasauruss ONLINE (09/27/2013) [-]
My laptops specs are quite low and run Fable Tlc just fine. Never doubt. Havent used RPG maker might have to look it up
User avatar #60 to #51 - dreadedsin (09/27/2013) [-]
I have had 146 games and only ever completed two, Minecraft and Dash of destruction
User avatar #61 to #51 - dreadedsin (09/27/2013) [-]
As in the terms of achievments.
User avatar #111 to #51 - ultimatebadass (09/27/2013) [-]
I went years not giving a **** , but the past few months my buddies got me hooked on em, we just kinda have friendly competition if we both have a game. Like right now we are with gta 5, working on some as we speak actually
User avatar #15 - secretdestroyers (09/27/2013) [-]
More like "Didn't shout your sister's name."
#42 - notafunnyguy (09/27/2013) [-]
am i the only one who has the exact opposite problem of finishing too quick?

i tend to take too long. to the point i am phsyically exhausted before finishing. sometimes i even go soft just because i take too long and dont finish at all
User avatar #44 to #42 - nimba (09/27/2013) [-]
you're probably too nervous, your solution being to quit worrying and relax
User avatar #43 to #42 - superunclesam (09/27/2013) [-]
My friend Deno has a similar issue. His first time went for two and a half hours and she got so mad she couldnt get him to finish she just quit. I laughed so hard I fell over because thats one hell of a first time story.
#52 to #42 - darkmagegf (09/27/2013) [-]
hey man im like that. My first time i went over an hour...and before that i hadnt even seen ******* boobs. I find that relaxing, having her do foreplay for you and not masterbating makes the difference. Now i comfortably go twenty minutes to a half hour with my wife.
User avatar #73 to #52 - Dwarf (09/27/2013) [-]
I thumbed both of you down for getting girls when I can't get one.
User avatar #83 to #73 - fizzor (09/27/2013) [-]
And I thumbed them both back up to 0.
User avatar #84 to #42 - ofmiceandmen (09/27/2013) [-]
I assume it's probably anxiety related. I used to have a hard time lasting very long when I first started having sex, but then I realized that if I just calm myself down and go with the flow instead of worrying about everything that's happening that I could last much longer and eventually have full control.

I would think that the two would be related, but hey, I'm not a doctor.
User avatar #100 - krodellicious (09/27/2013) [-]
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------

There have been a lot of these achievement unlocked things lately

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#7 - include (09/27/2013) [-]
tfw no gf.
#6 - xjester ONLINE (09/27/2013) [-]
uhh, why do some people cry when they have sex?
User avatar #11 to #6 - com ONLINE (09/27/2013) [-]
regrets?
#97 to #6 - kryk (09/27/2013) [-]
When you orgasm, your brain releases a hormone called oxytocin, which can unleash an intense rush of feelings.
User avatar #19 to #6 - habakkuk (09/27/2013) [-]
rape
User avatar #30 to #6 - ilovehitler (09/27/2013) [-]
well, four year olds cry often enough anyways, so why wouldn't they during sex?
#35 - mintyfreshmenthol (09/27/2013) [-]
oh god ******* most awkward bed time ever

>gfs name is Lauren and my ex is Erin both sound similar k?
>after cuddlefux ready to pass out
>"goodnight love you Erin"
>my eyes pop wide open i know whats coming
>"did you just call me Erin?"
>"omg im so sorry !! tried to explain that the names were similar
>the couch was cold that night
User avatar #45 to #35 - nimba (09/27/2013) [-]
call all your girlfriends the same pet name
never have to remember their names
User avatar #67 to #45 - rollmenot (09/27/2013) [-]
at first I thought you meant an actual pet's name. I was like "Why the **** would I call my girl "Pete"? my actual dogs name
User avatar #74 to #67 - Dwarf (09/27/2013) [-]
"OH, SCRAPPY!!!!"
#118 to #45 - Rascal (09/27/2013) [-]
>"goodnight love you faggot"

problem solved
#116 - cocainecowboy (09/27/2013) [-]
I've only ever had 1 girlfriend... and sometimes I can't get hard when i need so I guess I can KINDA feel.....
cena unrelated
#114 - Rascal (09/27/2013) [-]
no gf to the max
#98 - Rascal (09/27/2013) [-]
Well the second one is just impossible!
User avatar #96 - timmywankenobi (09/27/2013) [-]
Fun Fact: USA has the highest rate of erectile dysfunction in the world followed by Isreal.
#95 - micekill (09/27/2013) [-]
lel, five minutes lower race, behold me, 45-60 minutes forever alone man
can't enjoy sex dammit, take too much time
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