(untitled). . c) gladius. c) gladius. hahahaha you came out of a vagina bisection mar You were never burn then. Just removed. ouch. I was too fat to be born naturally.
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c) gladius.
c) gladius.
hahahaha you came out of a vagina
bisection mar
You were never burn then. Just removed.
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Views: 44186
Favorited: 130
Submitted: 09/19/2013
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#10 - Denmarrk (09/19/2013) [-]
I was too fat to be born naturally.
User avatar #34 to #10 - profkitty (09/20/2013) [-]
I was 10 lb 15 oz when I was born.
And I was the result because my father refused to get a vasectomy.
User avatar #125 to #34 - Denmarrk (09/20/2013) [-]
Hey, at least heard of birth control. That's how parents end up with 7 kids.
User avatar #69 to #10 - aaauuuggghhh (09/20/2013) [-]
At least your mother got a trim off her belly in the process.
#71 to #10 - dreamsyourfollow (09/20/2013) [-]
I was so fat, I was supposed to be born the day before I actually was...
User avatar #115 to #10 - fridgelogic (09/20/2013) [-]
I also was too fat to born naturally, was about twice the size of normal babies by some accounts. Moreover, the nurse who pulled out was a ******* novice who pulled my right arm so vigorously, my nerves were damaged and my arm was paralysed. Had to undergo tons of surgeries after my birth just so it can move again. Good news is, I can move it. Bad news is, It's much weaker than my left arm, it doesn't go straight, and I can't left moderately heavy weights for a long time.
User avatar #123 to #115 - Denmarrk (09/20/2013) [-]
That sounds horrible man. I'm just going to hope it doesn't affect you nowadays and that you were too young to remember 80% of the surgeries.
User avatar #136 to #123 - fridgelogic (09/20/2013) [-]
Thanks bro, really appreciate it.
User avatar #137 to #136 - Denmarrk (09/20/2013) [-]
Not an issue man. I just feel like people need a boost if their life is harder than mine.
User avatar #120 to #10 - pandastasia **User deleted account** (09/20/2013) [-]
I couldn't be born naturally either, apparently my head was too big.
User avatar #122 to #120 - Denmarrk (09/20/2013) [-]
Hopefully it didn't come with a big ego as well c:
User avatar #134 to #122 - pandastasia **User deleted account** (09/20/2013) [-]
You hoped wrong, I am incredibly full of myself.
User avatar #135 to #134 - Denmarrk (09/20/2013) [-]
Well **** . Better to be confident in yourself rather than low self esteem.
User avatar #143 to #10 - toncheky (09/20/2013) [-]
Are you still fat?
User avatar #144 to #143 - Denmarrk (09/21/2013) [-]
User avatar #50 to #10 - gayboard (09/20/2013) [-]
No, you're just big muscled.

We are tough little babies will will puncha yo buns!
User avatar #124 to #50 - Denmarrk (09/20/2013) [-]
Thanks man. Nice to know not all guys on the internet are asses c:
#11 to #10 - infinitereaper (09/19/2013) [-]
I wasn't even wanted to begin with.
User avatar #12 to #11 - Denmarrk (09/19/2013) [-]
Can we just make this thread into birth issues, I feel that people need to share their complaints.
#17 to #12 - operationcomando (09/20/2013) [-]
I was born black.

They said there was no cure.
User avatar #18 to #17 - Denmarrk (09/20/2013) [-]
I feel ya bro. My mom disowned me because I came out to her that I was black.
#13 to #12 - caramelfox (09/20/2013) [-]
Sure thing   
My dad left my mom after she found out she was pregnant.   
 Luckily they got back together so I guess it all works out. But she kept it a secret from me until my 16th birthday
Sure thing

My dad left my mom after she found out she was pregnant.

Luckily they got back together so I guess it all works out. But she kept it a secret from me until my 16th birthday
#22 to #13 - trollofhalo (09/20/2013) [-]
I wasn't even born...
User avatar #94 to #13 - aerosol (09/20/2013) [-]
True Facts About The Mantis Shrimp
User avatar #23 to #13 - tippidyt (09/20/2013) [-]
So you're black too?
User avatar #133 to #13 - Denmarrk (09/20/2013) [-]
Rough for your mom, but it all worked out I guess. But you can give your dad **** for that, so merry travels broski.
#40 to #12 - xnotcreative (09/20/2013) [-]
I don't have a complaint but I keep thinking...

It takes about a quarter of a million dollars to raise a child from birth to their 18th birthday.

So that means it's going to take at least 750,000 dollars for my mom to raise me and my two brothers.

Long story short? My mom would be sooo happy if we were never born with all that money.
User avatar #109 to #40 - jellybaby (09/20/2013) [-]
But if you don't have children, you probably won't have that money anyway, since you don't need to work for it.
User avatar #116 to #12 - OldSnake ONLINE (09/20/2013) [-]
When I was to be born, the doctor had told my parents that my mother's water broke. It didn't break until I was crowning, so I ended up with a face full of water for at least a minute or so before my mom pushed me out. When she finally got me out, the rest of the medical staff ran to hide from the imminent geyser. The only people in the room to witness my birth firsthand were my mother and my dad.

Needless to say, we haven't gone back to those quacks since.
User avatar #130 to #116 - Denmarrk (09/20/2013) [-]
Damn, you could have technically sued them for not doing the duties you paid them for.
User avatar #43 to #12 - adrilazzaro (09/20/2013) [-]
i supposed to either die or kill my mother because she didnt have enough womb juices to keep me alive, and the supplement was toxic to her. we both lived happily ever after though
except that i'm 5'8
User avatar #131 to #43 - Denmarrk (09/20/2013) [-]
Lucky man. Enjoy life.
#31 to #12 - passwordismine (09/20/2013) [-]
I was born 3 months early...
User avatar #132 to #31 - Denmarrk (09/20/2013) [-]
You survived man. Most kids don't. Be happy.
#51 to #11 - linktheherooftime (09/20/2013) [-]
My mom tried to have my step dad kill me.
User avatar #126 to #51 - Denmarrk (09/20/2013) [-]
That's rough bro. Your step dad must be a good man to not have killed you and step up as a father to you, at least i'm assuming that's the case. Please correct me if i'm wrong.
User avatar #138 to #126 - linktheherooftime (09/20/2013) [-]
My step dad was a prick while my mom was married to him. I only really started to like him after she and him divorced. Of course my moms constant bitching is probably what made him out to be an asshole..
User avatar #139 to #138 - Denmarrk (09/20/2013) [-]
I don't mean to be rude/mean/whatever but what happened to your real dad? If you don't want to say that's fine man, but i'm always here for you guys.
User avatar #140 to #139 - linktheherooftime (09/20/2013) [-]
My real dad lives in Oklahoma. He was married to another woman at the time he and my mom conceived me. I met him for the first and last time when I was 13. He added me on Facebook, but I don't really talk to him for the simple fact that I get pissed off at him pretty easily. He also owes like a **** load of child support that nobody is making him pay.
User avatar #141 to #140 - Denmarrk (09/20/2013) [-]
Yup. Your dad is a dick. Make him buy you presents to make up for the payments.
User avatar #52 to #51 - infinitereaper (09/20/2013) [-]
To be honest I would have rather never been born. Having tasted life is cruel. Like someone dangling the most beautiful thing in the universe right in front of your face while keeping you prisoner and torturing you.
#102 to #52 - Rascal (09/20/2013) [-]
inb4 suicide
User avatar #127 to #52 - Denmarrk (09/20/2013) [-]
That's real metal man.
Anyway, I felt the same way last year. Life will look up. Life gave me 5 new friends since forever, all of my bullies moved away, and guys are actually considering me now. It feels nice to be loved man. I'm here for you.
User avatar #57 to #52 - linktheherooftime (09/20/2013) [-]
I wouldn't go that far. Despite how ****** my life used to be I still like to look at the bright side of things (which is really hard considering the fact that I'm naturally a pessimist.) Life's what you make it man, and I try to make it as best I can.
#58 to #57 - infinitereaper (09/20/2013) [-]
I'm just not sure how much I have left me. I know that as long as my heart still beats I have to fight, but man... I've been running on empty for years.
User avatar #129 to #58 - Denmarrk (09/20/2013) [-]
Are you still in school? Keep your grades up. Trust me. No Gf/Bf? Now's not the time. Rude people? Cut them out of your life. Parents mean/ beat you? Roll with the punches, but keep your head up. It will work out. Don't worry your poor little head <3
#81 to #58 - hektoroftroy (09/20/2013) [-]
you can do it. i believe in you.
User avatar #59 to #58 - infinitereaper (09/20/2013) [-]
left in me*
#6 - Rascal (09/19/2013) [-]
I can kill Macbeth, though.
User avatar #73 to #6 - legamethatyoulost (09/20/2013) [-]
I get that reference
User avatar #107 to #6 - venoshto (09/20/2013) [-]
does anybody have a gif of blackadder with those two guys who started slapping each other everytime somebody said macbeth?
#66 to #6 - TheSchwartz (09/20/2013) [-]
But that means you have to avenge your family!
But that means you have to avenge your family!
#72 to #6 - hypocritical ONLINE (09/20/2013) [-]
only medieval reaction   
 and it isn't even really medieval
only medieval reaction
and it isn't even really medieval
#24 to #6 - ragingcacti (09/20/2013) [-]
Sweet Jesus... you're right!
Sweet Jesus... you're right!
#91 to #6 - diegotan (09/20/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#75 - kiwirulestwo (09/20/2013) [-]
User avatar #111 to #75 - mutzaki ONLINE (09/20/2013) [-]
At least I'm not a virgin!
#113 to #111 - kiwirulestwo (09/20/2013) [-]
y u do dis to me
User avatar #114 to #113 - mutzaki ONLINE (09/20/2013) [-]
I'm sorry. I'm just secretly mad because I lost my virginity at birth...to my mom.
User avatar #78 to #75 - cantfindausername ONLINE (09/20/2013) [-]
Sucks for you. It was amazing.
#79 to #78 - biddo (09/20/2013) [-]
#96 to #77 - happyfatkid (09/20/2013) [-]
here have this
#121 to #96 - demideus (09/20/2013) [-]
here have this~
#41 - EdwardNigma ONLINE (09/20/2013) [-]
Look on the bright side. Being born as a c-section is both defying nature AND metal as **** .

Cut open and pulled from the womb when you should have been dead, yet you SURVIVE, because we are the coolest species on the planet.
User avatar #44 to #41 - adrilazzaro (09/20/2013) [-]
that is a very high resolution picture
User avatar #45 to #44 - EdwardNigma ONLINE (09/20/2013) [-]
I have higher.
User avatar #46 to #45 - adrilazzaro (09/20/2013) [-]
show me
User avatar #47 to #46 - EdwardNigma ONLINE (09/20/2013) [-]
It's not the same image, I should mention.
User avatar #48 to #47 - adrilazzaro (09/20/2013) [-]
i dont care
#49 to #48 - EdwardNigma ONLINE (09/20/2013) [-]
Okey dokey.
User avatar #62 to #49 - redrex (09/20/2013) [-]
HOLY ****
User avatar #85 to #49 - spainisbad (09/20/2013) [-]
What kind of ******* high resolution is that?
User avatar #86 to #85 - EdwardNigma ONLINE (09/20/2013) [-]
User avatar #87 to #86 - spainisbad (09/20/2013) [-]
Holy ******* Jesus Christ man!
#28 - lifeanddeath (09/20/2013) [-]
Q_Q wut? Today is my birthday...and I was a C-section.

Thanks bro...thanks a lot
User avatar #80 to #28 - daentraya (09/20/2013) [-]
According to GLaDOS, twins don't have souls. So all in all, i'm a soulless tumor.
#128 to #80 - GLaDOS (09/20/2013) [-]
Congrats you soulless monster
User avatar #82 to #28 - rumpeball (09/20/2013) [-]
same with me...
User avatar #117 to #28 - Senic (09/20/2013) [-]
Happy removal day, tumor baby
User avatar #147 to #28 - jimthegoat (09/24/2013) [-]
Happy removal day tumour baby
User avatar #60 to #28 - daviid (09/20/2013) [-]
happy birthday bro
#101 to #28 - bribrian (09/20/2013) [-]
jappy birthday
#55 to #28 - tastycrisps (09/20/2013) [-]
Happy removalday!   
Enjoy the celebration of your yearly survival   
 Honestly i think c-sections are better because you can say that never in your life have you touched your mother's vagina
Happy removalday!

Enjoy the celebration of your yearly survival

Honestly i think c-sections are better because you can say that never in your life have you touched your mother's vagina
User avatar #63 to #55 - jackknapp (09/20/2013) [-]
When you were a sperm cell you did. In fact, you actively swam around in there and looked for the egg.
User avatar #64 to #63 - tastycrisps (09/20/2013) [-]
People always think that they started out as a sperm cell, but that's a misconception.

Our development started once the egg and sperm met, you know "conception". The egg is part of it too, actually it's just about half.

If you go back in time from birth the fetus shrinks until it splits into the two sex cells, not just the sperm.
#76 to #64 - macbookfan (09/20/2013) [-]
But still: the first part of your being (be it half or whole, that's really not that important) did, in fact swim around in your mother's vagina.
#92 - mooghens (09/20/2013) [-]
Realizing you were c-sec'd and then realizing that was your only goddamn chance in life of ever getting in touch with a pussy and even that you failed at.

The ultimate beta.
#105 to #92 - dontknowmeatall (09/20/2013) [-]
Why would I ******* want to be in touch with my mother's vagina, you incestuous **** ?
#104 - trishaferr (09/20/2013) [-]
I seemed to be trying to piss my mum off as much as possible right before I was born.
> 2 weeks late
> Mum went into labour naturally
> C-Section already booked for later that day
> Midwife thinks, 'what the hell', go for a natural birth, might get me out faster
> NOPE.jpg
> I am upside down, midwife tries to turn me
> Not happening
> "Looks like it'll have to be the C-Section after all"
> Mum being prepped for surgery
> They do quick ultrasound to check my position right before
> "Oh look, she's turning by herself now"
> Too late, have to go ahead with the C-Section anyway

#89 - Rascal (09/20/2013) [-]
for the guys who were born naturally, your penis touched your mums vagina
#100 to #89 - wartroll (09/20/2013) [-]
I think my whole body touched my mom's vagina...
#61 - Rascal (09/20/2013) [-]
I was a ******* huge baby, born a couple weeks too early, they had to take me out cause I was too big.
Look on the bright side, being a c-section baby means you head didn't get misshapen on the way out.
User avatar #103 to #61 - romeosdistress (09/20/2013) [-]
I had to be taken out two months ahead of schedule. I was a ten pounder.
User avatar #8 - aedai (09/19/2013) [-]
Plebs. I was a c-section for the best of reasons:

I wrapped the umbilical cord around my neck while in the womb. Had I been born normally, I would've been hanged by my own nutrient tube.
User avatar #9 to #8 - justinishere (09/19/2013) [-]
bro same here
#56 to #8 - xtremedeath (09/20/2013) [-]
nature can be so ironic at times
User avatar #74 to #8 - legamethatyoulost (09/20/2013) [-]
I was born naturally and the umbilical cord was wrapped around my head, but nobody knew.
So they tried to pull me out, but I was stuck. They used a plunger-like device to try to get me out.
User avatar #32 to #8 - squalllionhart (09/20/2013) [-]
i did that twice
#2 - fuckoatmeal (09/19/2013) [-]
** *********** rolled a random image posted in comment #194912 at Shin Anime Social Board ** cut baby out before 9 months...scientists and health profesionals are baffled by premature birth numbers rising!
User avatar #4 to #2 - SuitUp (09/19/2013) [-]
I'm pretty sure premature birth statistics are classified by going into labour early and don't count being induced or C-sectioned early.
#19 to #2 - mitchr (09/20/2013) [-]
Would that by any chance be Fuko-chan?
#3 to #2 - rimjobmcgee (09/19/2013) [-]
Sometimes c-sections are for late babies, I was cutout at ten months, though I see your point and nice roll
User avatar #90 - MrShaggy (09/20/2013) [-]
I was a really ******* metal baby.

My umbilical cord had been wrapped around my neck so I was cut out of my mother's stomach.

& I can kill Macbeth.
#25 - swiftshadow (09/20/2013) [-]
I came in one.
User avatar #88 - kierz (09/20/2013) [-]
I remember when your mom had to get herself a C-Section.

That was the saddest section of her life.
#84 - raberintodesu (09/20/2013) [-]
My mother is metal as 			****		. Chose to be C-section'ed for all three of us. And we're not even triplets.
My mother is metal as **** . Chose to be C-section'ed for all three of us. And we're not even triplets.
User avatar #95 to #84 - huffe ONLINE (09/20/2013) [-]
why don't one of them try parrying?
User avatar #30 - srskate (09/20/2013) [-]
I came out my dad's dick, what the hell is wrong with the rest of you?
#29 - baditch (09/20/2013) [-]
I can kill Macbeth
I can kill Macbeth
User avatar #33 to #29 - cannibislover (09/20/2013) [-]
People who've never read Macbeth thumbing you down.
#42 to #33 - toastableduckling (09/20/2013) [-]
No, people who read comment #6 are thumbing him down.
User avatar #145 to #42 - baditch (09/21/2013) [-]
I should read the comments before I comment.
User avatar #35 to #29 - toadkillerdog (09/20/2013) [-]
aye, and that which was never truly born can never truly die
User avatar #67 - Mebeshe (09/20/2013) [-]
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