When I'm attacked in Civilization 5. . only when nun we will children die before nun will nun understand the Hon have made. Civilization content on the front page? civ 5
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#6 - luthervonappledorf (09/17/2013) [-]
Mother ******* Genghis Khan. That aggressive son of a swine herder ALWAYS ******* goes for me EVERY. ******* . TIME!

Within 10 ******* turns he will be up in my **** claiming I'm 'too close for his liking' or 'getting too friendly with his enemies' and attacks me. That cunt needs to back the **** up, take the great stick of China out of his ass and calm his **** .

One time he destroyed me in 8 ******* turns with his ******* cunt of a battering ram because I didn't get warriors first and my first load were killed by ******* barbarians all up in my **** .
#95 to #6 - lionti (09/18/2013) [-]
I was playing a match the other night, I went Rome and I was in a stable position, good income, people happy, army strong and moving out to take my enemies. My only ally at that moment was Genghis Khan. Out of ******* nowhere "Your extravagant wealth insults my people!" Genghis Cunt's **** load of men come storming down to **** up my **** forcing me to retreat my men to re capture the basses that ******* prick stole, pissed on and burnt to the ground.
#11 to #6 - comradegeneral ONLINE (09/17/2013) [-]
I had the same problem with Attila the Hun, he always claimed my land and settled to ******* close near me, the he got agreesive and said i took his land, he declard war and **** and destroyed me. But Once i had 4 cities made on an half island wich was in perfect strategic position because it was in a big lake, the lake was protected around with mountains. I also got lucky because i found some Ruins where i discoverd many technologies. I made it quick to iron. Then that ****** attacked me, he conquered my fist city but i quickly got it back, his troops where all in the line of this half island so ge could only attack with 1 troop, luckely he had no archers left so i destroyed step by step all of his troops. Then i made my own ******* battering rams and send my troops to him, he wanted to surrender but i rejected the offer, i conquered and burnd all of citys to the ground and wipped his peopel from the face of earth.

Man, i realy feeld like ceaser.
So much rage, even my grammar is mad.
User avatar #12 to #11 - luthervonappledorf (09/17/2013) [-]
Those two ******* , god damn they were cunts. They just attacked no matter what. Even if THEY built their ******* cities next to yours, they were always 'STOP BUILDING SO CLOSE TO ME OR I WILL RAPE YOU!'

I always swear to whatever God I currently make my people worship that I will eradicate every last remnant of those two ******* from the face of the Earth.
#14 to #12 - comradegeneral ONLINE (09/17/2013) [-]
YEA, and also when YOU declraed war to them every other nation was like was like "HURR EVIL WAR MONGER CRIMINAL DURR Denounce HURR" that made me ro much rage out i once declared war to all nations and send all of my nukes everywhere and so did they.

The fallout was all around the world, the troops they and i sended where so weaken, "IF" they finally reached the cities they were nearly death. It ended up that there where nearly no troops left, and still we launched nukes around.
User avatar #16 to #14 - luthervonappledorf (09/17/2013) [-]
******* yes! No matter what you do everyone ******* hates you. I have only ever had one game where I managed to broker peace with EVERYONE and that lasted a whole 15 turns before England decided that Spain was being a cunt and they attacked so OF COURSE I was the one who was at fault there.
#64 to #11 - nirvanafannick (09/18/2013) [-]
Agreed man, I ******* hate Attila. Always have problems with Persia too.
User avatar #61 to #11 - meganinja ONLINE (09/17/2013) [-]
It's always Napoleon for me. The last game I played on Marathon length, Napoleon invaded me while I decided I was going to do a cultural play-through. Since I'm small, I aleady had culture points into that one that gives you double city strength if you have a unit garissonned, and my land was surrounded by mountains and hills, so I destroyed his army as it got within firing range. I then proceeded to not give a **** , and ignored his invasions from stone age until the industrial era. Then I built 2 artillery and 1 infantry and took all of his cities one by one, burning each of them to the ground. I then took his cap, and since I couldn't burn it I sold it to America.
User avatar #109 to #61 - luthervonappledorf (09/18/2013) [-]
Yes. This is how you do it.

This game has made me more aggressive and hateful than any other I have played. It teaches you to be patient and to drain the very life from your enemies through embargoes and attrition no matter the cost in terms of life or money you always end up draining every last drop from the poor foolish bastard who crosses you first.
User avatar #21 to #6 - blokrokker (09/17/2013) [-]
Genghis Khan has always been my total bro. I've never actually been to war with him, or any of the other warlike civs. It's always ******* like Sweden, the Ottomans, or Austria that try to take me down.
User avatar #108 to #21 - luthervonappledorf (09/18/2013) [-]
HOW DID YOU ACHIEVE THIS?!

I swear he has the highest chance of hating your empire no matter who you are?
User avatar #110 to #108 - blokrokker (09/18/2013) [-]
I dunno, he's just never been upset with me. Granted, I generally play the diplomacy game, because warfare is inconvenient and costly. Not to mention I've never had a fulfilling war with AI because they always bitch out after I gain momentum. So I just play nice most of the time.
User avatar #112 to #110 - luthervonappledorf (09/18/2013) [-]
So do I though. I concentrate on getting as many people on my side as I can and building up a stable base of economic progression so I can sustain a war for long periods of time. Generally only after I get tanks and artillery do I even bother making an army.
User avatar #113 to #112 - blokrokker (09/18/2013) [-]
Artillery is hilariously broken, especially if you can get the extra range promotion. Rocket Artillery is even better
User avatar #114 to #113 - luthervonappledorf (09/18/2013) [-]
It was quite beautiful. Just 3 and you can conquer everything just from the range they have. Although the limitations can be ridiculous when you have, say, a hill in front and it somehow saps 2 range.
User avatar #115 to #114 - blokrokker (09/18/2013) [-]
Yeah, that's ******** . Solution: put em on a hill. Play Inca, never suffer hill movement penalty. Good times for everyone.
User avatar #116 to #115 - luthervonappledorf (09/18/2013) [-]
Ah I like to play as Rameses. I have a routine I like to do. I always get a city by the sea, make sure I build The Colossus and The Oracle so sea tiles give me a ton of **** when worked.
User avatar #117 to #116 - blokrokker (09/18/2013) [-]
I only ever build coastal cities, and I almost go insane trying to build every wonder. I'm obsessed with building wonders. BNW is a trying experience now.
User avatar #119 to #117 - luthervonappledorf (09/18/2013) [-]
Hahaha, I can imagine. I hated that. Although I always turn Espionage off because that really ******* pisses me off when they just let you get ahead and steal all your **** -.- same with those ******* missionaries coming in and spreading their lies!
#120 to #119 - blokrokker (09/18/2013) [-]
I caved in and downloaded the In-Game Editor mod after the third consecutive game of having my Holy City erased by somebody's 			*******		 Great Prophet.
I caved in and downloaded the In-Game Editor mod after the third consecutive game of having my Holy City erased by somebody's ******* Great Prophet.
User avatar #121 to #120 - luthervonappledorf (09/18/2013) [-]
Same. **** religion in that game. I always got it how I wanted it, then BAM! Right in the kisser! Some ****** would swagger on over and introduce his heathen beliefs and all my people just blindly follow.

Pricks, the lot of them.
User avatar #125 to #121 - blokrokker (09/18/2013) [-]
I want to write a mod so that Inquisitors actually reduce population by a few, for thematics. Damn heretics.
#38 - ScruffytheJanitor (09/17/2013) [-]
>Indonesia and Assyria declares war on Brazil (My Ally)   
>I declare war on both nations   
>have six units defend Brazil's capital (It had a bunch of units attacking it and was going to fall) and my City State "Ur".   
>Fend of Indonesians from Brazil   
>Push them back to own land   
>Proceed to roll through their lands, taking every single city   
>Soon they are defeated.   
>March right through, take Assyria's Capitol.   
>Assyria calls for peace.   
>I accept.   
>Get an angry message from Brazil.   
>Brazil just adopted the Order Ideaology   
>I have freedom.   
>They now hate me.   
>Time to kill some 			*******		 Commies.
>Indonesia and Assyria declares war on Brazil (My Ally)
>I declare war on both nations
>have six units defend Brazil's capital (It had a bunch of units attacking it and was going to fall) and my City State "Ur".
>Fend of Indonesians from Brazil
>Push them back to own land
>Proceed to roll through their lands, taking every single city
>Soon they are defeated.
>March right through, take Assyria's Capitol.
>Assyria calls for peace.
>I accept.
>Get an angry message from Brazil.
>Brazil just adopted the Order Ideaology
>I have freedom.
>They now hate me.
>Time to kill some ******* Commies.
User avatar #66 to #38 - urbancohort (09/18/2013) [-]
You didn't defend us right. hue
#69 to #38 - CactusFantastico (09/18/2013) [-]
those pesky Brazilians...
#26 - iamchicken (09/17/2013) [-]
MFW AI gives me basically war threats.
#8 - cadaverbox (09/17/2013) [-]
Civilization content on the front page?
Civilization content on the front page?
User avatar #9 to #8 - klina (09/17/2013) [-]
I hate to break it to you, but, we've been clicking next for a very long time.

This is not the front page.
#13 to #9 - cadaverbox (09/17/2013) [-]
huh one minute i was there and next i was here   
fj you crazay
huh one minute i was there and next i was here
fj you crazay
#76 to #13 - bellbottomshark (09/18/2013) [-]
"In one minute Earth, the next the heavens"
#81 to #9 - telfyr ONLINE (09/18/2013) [-]
well it is now
+16
#17 - raimichek **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #101 to #17 - lectonar (09/18/2013) [-]
"Gandhi has completed the Manhattan Project!"
#92 to #53 - scorpiom ONLINE (09/18/2013) [-]
As an avid Civ 5 player, i can confirm this
#49 - infinitereaper (09/17/2013) [-]
Playing on Emperor mode is an absolute *********** every game.

>About to finish World Wonder in 1 move. Another Civ has completed the Hanging Gardens
>Try to build a peaceful prosperous Civ War were declared
>You manage to overcome all the AI's unfair advantages and become the biggest and strongest everyone declares war
>Work hard to get a religion (Shinto **** yeah) and desired upgrades every ******* civ tries to convert your cities with never dying prophets
>All barbarian encampments have been destroyed except
one really far away and on the other side of the map next to another civ BA-BA-BA-BARBARIANS only for you because **** you
#77 to #49 - bellbottomshark (09/18/2013) [-]
I hate how biased barbarians seem against the player.
#55 to #49 - mitchr (09/17/2013) [-]
That... that sounds terrible. Mental note: Don't play Emperor Mode.   
   
Picture mostly unrelated.
That... that sounds terrible. Mental note: Don't play Emperor Mode.

Picture mostly unrelated.
User avatar #30 - plainarcane **User deleted account** (09/17/2013) [-]
The AI in Civilization summed up in two sentences:

Weak military? Hahaha, hey everybody, let's take this ****** over!

Strong military kicking everyone's ass? War mongering slime!
#39 to #30 - Gewdaism (09/17/2013) [-]
You should be published good sir
User avatar #44 to #39 - ninjacowboy (09/17/2013) [-]
The author plainarcane has published his greatwork!

The strongest military's of the age.
User avatar #2 - unicornwithpolio (09/17/2013) [-]
This is so accurate..
#37 - verycoolcat (09/17/2013) [-]
>Playing as British
>Fighting early French, Germans, etc
>Time Passes
>Discover new continent...
>India had control of large continent, has Infantry
>Wtf... my continent barely got riflemen
>Mass alliance and invasion against India
>Invasion fails
>France Falls, Germany Falls...
>Get armor.... modern armor appear from nowhere
> **** ....
User avatar #62 - unclaimedusername (09/18/2013) [-]
>Playing Civ 4
>Being Gandhi
>Doin' Gandhi stuff
>Chillin'
>Not much military **** goin' on
>Suddenly Napoleon attacks one of my scouts
>Oh no you didn't ************
>Start buying huge-ass army
>Two turns later
>Napoleon starts begging for ceasefire
> ******* FRENCH!!
#70 to #62 - sorinshrouds (09/18/2013) [-]
>Doin' Gandhi stuff
#1 - griffintalons (09/17/2013) [-]
The truth of this is............staggering.
User avatar #48 to #1 - stagger (09/17/2013) [-]
indeed.
+8
#20 - sircollinshaw **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #29 to #20 - zomaru ONLINE (09/17/2013) [-]
You kidding me? That cunt will be your best friend one min, then turn around and denounce you because you saved his ass from the Egyptians. He's no better then Caesar.
0
#122 to #29 - sircollinshaw **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #124 to #122 - zomaru ONLINE (09/18/2013) [-]
I was almost always chill with him though. He and Catherine are destine to become world powerhouses, and unfortunately for me that means choosing a side. Ultimately, Catherine will build armies to scale with her country, and Bismarck would have less, but more experienced and advanced. Me, well, I just sat back as they fought and used the time to slowly build armies larger and more advanced then the two of them combined.
What's that? Mortars Vs archers is unfair? Well, suck it the **** up!
User avatar #58 - bramy (09/17/2013) [-]
This is what happened to me a few days back.
>Playing Civ 5.
>Being the dutch.
>Meet other civilizations.
>Finally meet russia, calls me a lesser nation.
>Started building an army, and befriending the rest of the Civilizations.
>Russia first goes to war with Siam.
>Defense pact kicks in.
> 5 Civilizations against russia.
>After destroying almost all the cities they make peace treaties except for me.
> Take over Russia.
>Other Civs hate me for that.
>Go to war with all of them.
>Way more advanced then all of them combined.
>Won in the next 50 turns.
>And that was the day the Dutch ruled the world
#59 - mkchillin (09/17/2013) [-]
Total War Master Race
0
#84 to #59 - crazyitalian has deleted their comment [-]
#89 to #59 - thesovereigngrave ONLINE (09/18/2013) [-]
Paradox Master Race
User avatar #93 to #89 - paradox (09/18/2013) [-]
PARADOX MASTER RACE REPORTING IN!!!!!
User avatar #94 to #93 - thesovereigngrave ONLINE (09/18/2013) [-]
I should have known you'd pop up...
User avatar #96 to #94 - paradox (09/18/2013) [-]
im sorry i just couldnt help myself. you make it to easy
User avatar #72 to #59 - feralwargaming (09/18/2013) [-]
True dat
#5 - theaphasic (09/17/2013) [-]
In the original Civ, there would be a preset number that determined which leader would be more prone to nuclear weapons. The number would increase or decrease, depending on which policies they adopted. Gandhi's number was zero. But if he adopted a peaceful policy, instead of going to the negatives, a bug made the number jump to 10, the most likely. Which would basically result in an Indian Kim Jong-Un minus all the cake eating. It became a running joke and in Civ 5, the devs made Gandhi the leader with highest nuke prone rating on purpose.

tl;dr Don't **** with Gandhi, he'll **** your **** up.
#73 - HugeBalls (09/18/2013) [-]
>Civ V Brave New World
>Be Bismark, spawn next to Catherine on a Pangaea map.
>Settle on choke point, completely block off Catherine from the rest of the continent.
>Catherine is still able to get a sizable amount of land.
>She constantly denounces me and refuses to trade.
>Invades me five times over the course of the game.
>All her armies are defeated because of my amazing choke point
>Fast forward to 1900's
>Research tanks
>BLITZKRIEG BITCHES
>Start pumping out panzers like crazy.
>Declare war on Russia.
>Capture all her cities in five turns.
>Didn't lose a single unit.
>MFW
#129 to #73 - John Cena (02/08/2014) [-]
Someone was on easy
User avatar #102 - ishallsmiteyou (09/18/2013) [-]
>playing Civ5 G&K
>playing real world map with real start points
>end up playing Germany
>France cheats me on several trades
>launch huge military campaign against Frenchies
>France completely razed to the ground in 20 minutes
>their allies launch relentless attacks on my territory, get demolished by huge network of infantry occupied forts backed by artillery
>everyone else exhausts their resources trying to end my reign of terror
>start the long march from Germany to Russia and Britain after their resources are completely exhausted and their armies decimated
> **** yeah, Germany
User avatar #46 - sirbutterballs (09/17/2013) [-]
>playing as Arabians
>hotseat game
>Was fairly peaceful with both my friends
>Focused a lot on money and trade
>One session my friends stab me in the back
>Both wipe out one of my cities
>Buy an entire army
>Like literally ******** of troops
>Mainly paratroopers and marines
>Bombing cities and capturing in 2 turns
>They started a war and I ended it in half an hour.
>MFW they tried making peace with me before I wiped out both their capitals. You've made a grave mistake.
User avatar #57 to #46 - mitchr (09/17/2013) [-]
The best thing is when the enemy declares war on you, you build a spontaneous army, and then wipe them away. I use the same strategy, only I normally use a single city for teh first several ages; it ends up being a supercity with massive production, growth, gold, so on. Then when someone declares war on you, you can more or less (having likely expanded at this point) wipe them the hell off the map.


Too late for peace now, bitch.
#27 - xxkittypowaxx ONLINE (09/17/2013) [-]
so this happened to me earlier today

>be russia
>chillin
>relaxin
>maxin
>all cool
>siam settles a city right next to my borders
>aww hell naw
>the war begins
>asstects declare war on me
>my troops scattered
>everything going to hell
>when suddenly
> **** it
>use every city i have to create a millitary
>happiness -10
>Gold -8
>huge millitary
> **** siam in the ass
>kill the asstects ********* troops
>claim siams capital
>siam offeres everything for peace
>"SHHHHHHH"
#28 to #27 - xxkittypowaxx ONLINE (09/17/2013) [-]
Part 2

>"The dead to not speak"
>this post
>asstects realize mistake and want peace
>"You live, For now."
>mobalize everything on siam
>within 50 turns he is ashes
>surround his final city
>contact siam
>This post
>Oblitirate the city
>Raze it
>Banish those lands from ever being claimed
>germany shows up with settler some time later
>Claims the ruins of siam
User avatar #42 to #28 - Cookiez (09/17/2013) [-]
It took you 50 damn turns AFTER you beat them to the point they were willing to surrender?
User avatar #118 to #42 - xxkittypowaxx ONLINE (09/18/2013) [-]
their cities where annoying as **** and i didn't have nukes
#33 to #28 - articulate (09/17/2013) [-]
something is come in me as that
>be russia
>do nothing
>mfw
User avatar #34 to #33 - xxkittypowaxx ONLINE (09/17/2013) [-]
o...k?
User avatar #63 to #34 - reginleif (09/18/2013) [-]
think he's referring to the failed German advance in Russia.

Russia's a cold bitch to invade
#105 - DiAnonLord (09/18/2013) [-]
> be arabia   
> only ally is moctezuma, the rest are constantly denouncing for having conquered a few civs   
> pamper the 			****		 out of my ally, he`s a 			******		 ally, constantly give him gold, etc   
> out of the blue he decides to attack me with his very small, and very out of date army   
> ohnoyoudidn't.jpg   
> counter his attack in under 5 turns with my network of mobile army and railroads   
> proceed to conquer all his land, razing every city as i go through   
> eventually only capital is left   
> nuke it 5 times in 2 turns   
> ain't nobody mess with arabia
> be arabia
> only ally is moctezuma, the rest are constantly denouncing for having conquered a few civs
> pamper the **** out of my ally, he`s a ****** ally, constantly give him gold, etc
> out of the blue he decides to attack me with his very small, and very out of date army
> ohnoyoudidn't.jpg
> counter his attack in under 5 turns with my network of mobile army and railroads
> proceed to conquer all his land, razing every city as i go through
> eventually only capital is left
> nuke it 5 times in 2 turns
> ain't nobody mess with arabia
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