Why they got divorced. . My wile and I were watching who Wants To lie A Millionaire while we were In hen. I turned to her and said, ‘Ito you want to have Sex?‘
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Why they got divorced

My wile and I were watching
who Wants To lie A Millionaire while we were In hen.
I turned to her and said, ‘Ito you want to have Sex?‘
lio.' she answered.
I then said, 'ls that your line! answer?‘
She didn‘ t even look at me this time, slowly saying. "Veal
so I said. ‘then " like to none a Friend.'
And than when the tight started...
I tot my wile to a restaurant.
the waiter. tor some reason. took my order inst.
I' ll have the rum: steak, rare, muse."
said, “Aren' t you worried about the mad cow?"
Mit, she can order Ir Perseid."
And that' s when the tight started...
My wile and I were sitting metallic at her high school
reunion. and she kent staring at a drunken man swinging
his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
tasked her. "tin you know him?"
yes". she sighed.
Ito' s my old boyfriend. I understand hematite drinking
right alter we shill till those many years ago.
and I hear he hasn' t new sohey since."
My God!" I said, who would think 8 nelson could no on
celebrating that long?”
Mtl than WHEN tint light ...
My wile sat down next to me as I was mourns channels.
She asked. ‘what’: on '
And that' s when the light started...
My wile was hinting ainut what she wanted tor our
anniversary.
She said. " want something shiny that lines
mm ll to 150 in about it seconds.“
thought her a bathroom scale.
Mr [NETS WHEN ttwtt fight starta...
MY HIM WIS starme MIM,
In the mirror.
she was not nanny with what she saw and said to me,
Iuei ; I look oldie! and uly. I really need you
I retitled. "your ' s damn near normal.‘
s when ttwtt tight started...
the starlets MAIN had out
MIDI! till at me and Salli 1 am NIH Manny!‘
I said. 'Wiill. which lit '
Hill "HTS HIM“ tite light ...
one year. I decided to My my a
cemetery llot " a Christmas gilt...
the out year, I didn' t My her at em.
when she asked me why. I mulled.
Well. you still haven' t used the
gill I nought you last year!“
Mil that' s WHEN ttwtt tight .
...
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Submitted: 09/12/2013
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Comments(128):

[ 128 comments ]
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
User avatar #20 - houseofscarlet (09/13/2013) [-]
I'm watching a horror movie on T.V.. My wife walks into the room right as I'm screaming "Don't do it! No! NOO!" She asks me "What are you watching?"

I say "Our wedding video."

And that's when the fight started...
#41 - vatra (09/13/2013) [-]
Dust. That one word is somehow one of the most passive aggressive statements I've ever heard or read.
Dust. That one word is somehow one of the most passive aggressive statements I've ever heard or read.
#2 - derfying (09/12/2013) [-]
"Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"   
"Nah, she can order for herself"
"Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself"
User avatar #8 to #2 - keiishiyama (09/13/2013) [-]
Thou hath emptied thy musket! Ready your extremities, gentlemen!
#88 to #2 - niggershrimps (09/13/2013) [-]
waiters face when
waiters face when
User avatar #30 to #2 - waaw (09/13/2013) [-]
How did I end up on youtube?
#101 - noutvissers (09/13/2013) [-]
**noutvissers rolled a random image posted in comment #17 at a niel ** Why my fight started.
#33 - realreality (09/13/2013) [-]
Must be an expensive scale.
#59 to #33 - kipluck (09/13/2013) [-]
Why, takes fat and ugly people 3 seconds to get on a scale fully. And they usually are shiny at first too.
#60 to #59 - anon (09/13/2013) [-]
Noooo..... it takes a longer time to measure your weight using a mechanical scale because there is some human effort required to note it down but the electronic scales can give you an exact measurement instantly and as electronic scales are more expensive than the mechanical scale hence the joke.....and you ruined it for everyone. I hope you're proud of yourself.
#87 to #60 - anon (09/13/2013) [-]
Really? I immediately thought of the kind of scale with the needle that moved when you stepped on it. I don't think they're that expensive.
#14 - batmanbeyonddgrave (09/13/2013) [-]
That second to last one...
That second to last one...
User avatar #26 to #14 - tittystargalactica (09/13/2013) [-]
Fun fact:

The word "Penultimate" means "Second to last".

You may thank me later, random citizen.

(I love saying it out loud... it makes me feel important for about half a second...)
User avatar #27 to #26 - batmanbeyonddgrave (09/13/2013) [-]
really? that works in english? i know penultima is used when describing diptongo's in spanish, but had no idea penultimate was an english word, gracias!
User avatar #115 to #27 - tittystargalactica (09/13/2013) [-]
I now know some Spanish

<3
User avatar #32 - rhetoricalfunny (09/13/2013) [-]
Why do people marry when their relationship is dysfunctional
User avatar #113 to #32 - rieskimo (09/13/2013) [-]
Often people marry because they feel pressured to by their significant other, their family, or even their age. They feel it's what they "should do" because they've been with a person long enough and haven't felt the need to murder them or some **** . Then years down the road when the looks have gone, they're saddled with little brats who won't shut up, and they don't have any sex life to speak of they realize that they shouldn't have kowtowed to external pressures and instead should have considered if they were actually compatible mates and not just good roommates.

Sometimes it's because they were drunk and high in Vegas.
#62 - justsomechickyo (09/13/2013) [-]
**justsomechickyo rolled a random image posted in comment #15 at Throb Robin ** What always gets me into fights.....
#100 - noutvissers (09/13/2013) [-]
&quot;Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long&quot;
"Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long"
#64 - recognize ONLINE (09/13/2013) [-]
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive... so, I took her to a gas station. And that's when the fight started....
#76 - usernameistaken (09/13/2013) [-]
mfw bathroom scale
#85 to #76 - tonygd (09/13/2013) [-]
After banging her car and making a midget joke. I'd say he is damn near close.
After banging her car and making a midget joke. I'd say he is damn near close.
User avatar #106 to #85 - theshadowed (09/13/2013) [-]
Is that by any chance Sharpe?
User avatar #123 to #106 - tonygd (09/13/2013) [-]
yep. thats sharpe. one of the series that sean bean actually survives
User avatar #124 to #123 - theshadowed (09/13/2013) [-]
I have read Sharpe but only seen Peril.
User avatar #125 to #124 - tonygd (09/13/2013) [-]
books are good. The TV series isnt bad. its worth a watch if you get bored.
#28 - fukkentyranitar ONLINE (09/13/2013) [-]
MFW mad cow.
#58 - onelemonleft (09/13/2013) [-]
Why do they have to say &quot;And that's when the fight started&quot;?   
If it's not the punchline, what's the use, the joke has already been told.   
Gif unrelated
Why do they have to say "And that's when the fight started"?
If it's not the punchline, what's the use, the joke has already been told.
Gif unrelated
User avatar #114 to #58 - rieskimo (09/13/2013) [-]
It's a cue for laughter, it's used often in ****** or loosely written comedy. You'll see cues like that written in to just about every sitcom scene ever made ******* EVER.

It's a tool used to ensure that the audience knows this is a time to laugh because what was previously said was definitely funny and completely not a lazy attempt at humor written half-heartedly.
#55 - tazze (09/13/2013) [-]
**tazze rolled a random comment #18999 posted by enteroreninenine at Brony board ** :
and that's when the fight started
risky move considering how much the roll generator and me hate each other
#138 - nickblaze (09/19/2013) [-]
i tried the scale one on my girlfriend needless to say things didn't go well...
User avatar #103 - alekksandar (09/13/2013) [-]
The dwarf one was hilarious and actually made me laugh, which didn't happen in a very long time on this website.

The wife ones are kind of dull. If you get in fight over something like that, well, it's time for a wife with a sense of humor.
User avatar #105 to #103 - Shitthatscrazy (09/13/2013) [-]
meanwhile, wife with no humor gets the house and kids in court along with a lot of money and child support
User avatar #112 to #103 - cormy (09/13/2013) [-]
Depends how it's presented, some of these jokes are really... Really mean.
User avatar #57 - thedungeonmaster (09/13/2013) [-]
I'm sorry but 0-150 in 3 seconds? Some of the best hyper cars in the world have trouble getting 0-60 in 3 seconds, let alone 0-150. Thats a ridiculously unrealistic request.
User avatar #66 to #57 - morpraptor (09/13/2013) [-]
Of course!

(some)
Women don't know anything about cars, they just want to have fun and go fast.
User avatar #90 to #57 - sparkyoneonetwo (09/13/2013) [-]
its a ******* joke.
User avatar #119 to #90 - thedungeonmaster (09/13/2013) [-]
Oh really? You're telling me that there was a joke on funnyjunk!? Holy **** how could I not tell that it was a ******* joke? I know it was a joke thanks. I was merely trying to play into it.
User avatar #127 to #119 - sparkyoneonetwo (09/13/2013) [-]
you made yourself sound like an idiot that takes things far to seriously.
User avatar #128 to #127 - thedungeonmaster (09/13/2013) [-]
I can turn that right around and say you look like an idiot for not understanding my humour. It takes an idiot to spot an idiot so what does that make you?
User avatar #129 to #128 - sparkyoneonetwo (09/13/2013) [-]
Everyone already knew I was an idiot though.
User avatar #130 to #129 - thedungeonmaster (09/13/2013) [-]
We're all idiots on here. Who actually matters on the internet? No one.
User avatar #131 to #130 - sparkyoneonetwo (09/13/2013) [-]
There are people on the internet that matter greatly to me.
User avatar #132 to #131 - thedungeonmaster (09/13/2013) [-]
They don't matter to me though. They're idiots just like you and I. Welcome to the internet.
User avatar #133 to #132 - sparkyoneonetwo (09/13/2013) [-]
I never said they weren't but you did say no one matters. Well maybe to you but to me they matter.
User avatar #134 to #133 - thedungeonmaster (09/13/2013) [-]
We're collecting a nice assortment of purple lines next to us.
User avatar #135 to #134 - sparkyoneonetwo (09/13/2013) [-]
yup I like the color of them lines.
#52 - anon (09/13/2013) [-]
That's why he divorced a dwarf he didn't know.
User avatar #24 - randolphthebeast (09/13/2013) [-]
that guy is a dick
User avatar #9 - desmondaltairezio (09/13/2013) [-]
i dont get the tv one
User avatar #10 to #9 - mynameisgeorge ONLINE (09/13/2013) [-]
There was dust on the tv

He implied that she needs to clean it
#11 to #9 - anon (09/13/2013) [-]
the woman forgot to clean the tv
User avatar #12 to #9 - Scorchtwentyfour (09/13/2013) [-]
She needs to clean the dust off the tv. basically she needs to clean more.
#13 to #9 - fuckyeahpidgey (09/13/2013) [-]
She asked what was ON the TV, which is technically dust, rather than what she wanted to know, which was what was playing.

Not that she hadn't cleaned it in a while... although I can see how that is another interpretation...
User avatar #21 to #13 - houseofscarlet (09/13/2013) [-]
Hi Samantha.
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