Humans are badass. . it' s runny now science fiction universes so often treat humans as a mung. default everyman species or even the weakest and dumbest I want
x

Humans are badass

it' s runny now science fiction universes so
often treat humans as a mung. default
everyman species or even the weakest and
dumbest
I want to see a set it universe where were
actually considered one of the more hideous
and terrifying species
How do we know our saliva and skin oils
wouldn' t be to most other
sapient rates? What it we actually have the
strongest vocal chords and can paralyze or kill
the inhabitants of other worlds lust
screaming at them‘? What " most sentient the in
the universe toms out to be and
lives in fear or us rare "animal" races who can
moire so quickly and chew **** up with our
teeth?
Like that old story "theate made of meat." only
we' re scarier.
HOLY SHE!" THEY EAT FOR FUN
YOU GUYS I HEARD A HUMAN ONCE ATE AN
A HUMAN CAN KEEP FIGHTING FOR HOURS EVEN
AFTER YOU SHOOT IT
humans are a proud warrior race with a pantheon
of moody gods. named. Schwarzenegger. etc
Blg A LIME WILL NOT FATALLY
HUMANS; ALWAYS DESTROY THE
HEAD.
WARNING: HUMANS CAN DETECT YOU EVEN AT
NIGHT BY TRACKING ‘v" THROUGH THE
ATMOSPHERE
WARNING: HUMANS CAN REPRODUCE ATA
RATE OF 1 PER OFTHEYEAR DESTROY
INFESTATIONS N LY
THE HUMAN MOUTH HAS OVER THIRTY
OUTCROPS OF BONE AND POWERFUL JAIN
Muscles
HUMAN SITES CAN BE FATALLY
EVEN TO OTHER Htj MANS
WARNINGS HUMANS CAN AND IMLU USE
WEAPONS SEE CLASSIFIED DATA
LABELED J. CHAN.
HUMANS CAN PROJECT BIOWEAPONS FROM
ALMOST EVERY ORIFICE cm THEIR BODY DO
NOT 'NEALE
OH GOD THE HUMANS FIGGERED OUT DOOR
HANDLES OH GOD OH GOD
More when sly. humans do have a number of
advantages even among Terrestrial the Our endurance-
shock resistance- and ability to recover from injury is
absurdly high compared to almost any other animal. We
often use the phrase "healthy as a horse" to cahoots
ma moms - but compared to a human. a horse is as
fragile as spun glass There' s mounting evidence that
our ancestors would hunt large prey simply by
following it at a walking pace. without sleep or rest. until
it died of exhaustion: it' s called pursuit predation.
Basically. we' re the Denominator.
The only other animal that can sort or keep up with us’?
Dogs Thats why we use them for hunting. And even
Now extrapolate that to a galaxy in which most sapient
the did not evolve front tanned pursuit
predators;
o {tor strength and speed is nothing to write home
abate. but we don' t need ta overpower or outran
you. We just need to outlast you - and by any
other species‘ standards. we gust plain don' t get
tired
o Where a simple broken leg will ca use most
species to go into shoot: and cite. we can recover
froth virtually any injury that' s not immediately
fatal. Even train' katic isn' t
necessarily a injury fora human.
o we heal hem injuries with extreme rapidity.
recovering in weeks from wounds that would take
others tradition or years to heat. The results aren' t
pretty - humans have hyperactive scar tissue.
among our other traits - but
they' re highly .
I Speaking of scarring. look at our medical science.
we developed surgery centuries before
developing even the most
anesthetics or life support in , humans
have been known to cartoon surgery on
themselves - and survive. Thanks to our
extreme heartiness. we regard as routine medical
procedures what most other species would regard
as inventive terms or murder We even perform
radical surgery on ourselves for purely cosmetic
reasons-
in essence, we' d be Space (tics.
I do nope you realize l' m going to be pic king up this stud and
running with it right?
Outlaws have too many TEETH in mem, so we developed a way
to METAL TO OUR TEETH and FORCE THE BONES Bl
OUR JAW to restructure over the course at years to I' ll them back
into shape. and then we continue to wear metal in out mouths to
keep them in place.
We romeo relationships with tiny mammals and
Insects we keep at tray from bothering us try death. often using
lithe analog traps.
And god. we will eat anything
o We use borderline toxic peppers to season our food.
ii We expose ourselves to potentially lethal solar radiation in the
pursuit of darkening our skin
or We risk hearing was tor the opporunity to see tyur favorite
musicians live.
o We have a game where two people get into an enclosed area
and hit each other until time mos out/ one or them pass out
in We willingly jump out M planes with only a piece of cloth
to prever Us from against the ground.
o ear response to natural disasters is to just rebuild our buildings
in the exact same places.
We climb mountains and risk freezing to death for bragging
rights
or We invented dogs. We took our one time predators and
completely domestic and them
o On a planet toll of lions. tigers and bears. we managed to
advance Mther and taster than any other species on the
planet.
k. ll: and Hogan and ores ain' t got **** on us
can we talk about new pursuit predation is ******* terrifying
it' s one thing to face down a cheetah. which will slam into you at so mph
and break your neck
it' s another thing to run very quickly to getaway from a thing. only to have
it just kind of
show up
to have it be intelligent enough to figure out where you are by the for and
feather you' tell behind. your footprints and piss and **** . and then you
think you' lost it and you bed down for the night but THERE IT s
WAITING
WHEN YOU WAKE UP
and you split! again! but it keeps following you. always in the comer or
your eye. until you just
die
we are scary motherfuc kers
...
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Views: 115675
Favorited: 1619
Submitted: 09/12/2013
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Comments(653):

[ 653 comments ]
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#15 - felixjarl ONLINE (09/12/2013) [+] (110 children)
stickied
I have scoured the internet for it. And what i found was one of the damn best things i have ever seen. Will commence a dump shortly.
#39 - sorrowfulone (09/12/2013) [-]
I saw this tv show once about the durability of humans or something years back. There was this guy who survived being sucked up by a tornado and spit to the ground from a very high up distance. The reason he survived? He was knocked out by a lamp striking him in the head just before he was sucked up by the tornado, meaning his body just flowed with the wind and because he couldn't tense up as he was falling his body just absorbed the impact of hitting the ground. He walked back to his house a little dizzy from the injury he got from the lamp.
I saw this tv show once about the durability of humans or something years back. There was this guy who survived being sucked up by a tornado and spit to the ground from a very high up distance. The reason he survived? He was knocked out by a lamp striking him in the head just before he was sucked up by the tornado, meaning his body just flowed with the wind and because he couldn't tense up as he was falling his body just absorbed the impact of hitting the ground. He walked back to his house a little dizzy from the injury he got from the lamp.
#374 to #39 - anon (09/13/2013) [-]
"Sucked" is censored? What?
User avatar #134 to #39 - comandante (09/12/2013) [-]
i saw that! holy crap it was amazing i wish i could watch it again. do you remember the program's name?
User avatar #289 to #39 - motherfuckingkenji (09/13/2013) [-]
Holy **** , I even saw that despite how little TV I see.
If he were conscious when he hit the ground, his chest muscles would have been too tense and his torso would have pretty much exploded. However, because he was unconscious his ribcage could bend just enough not to cause death. I think he got away with it with just a couple cracked ribs or something.
#473 to #39 - kroople (09/13/2013) [-]
My. God.
My. God.
#579 to #39 - hit **User deleted account** (09/13/2013) [-]
User avatar #612 to #39 - tazzerz (09/13/2013) [-]
Seen that, one of the best shows on discovery channel.
User avatar #78 to #39 - bonlino (09/12/2013) [-]
wouldnt his face break? or his head split?
User avatar #123 to #78 - Relinies (09/12/2013) [-]
www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWl67Cv5c6c
This is what he's talking about- it's in a show called Human Body: Pushing the Limits. Specifically, episode one.
The quality of that video is beyond **** , but it's the best I can find.
I went looking because I knew I'd seen the video myself before, but couldn't remember where.
User avatar #114 to #78 - bipolarprobe (09/12/2013) [-]
Nope, the guy just rolled. Despite the fact that our natural reaction is to tense up for pain large forces like a car crash and, for example, being thrown out of a tornado, are worsened by having your muscles tight. It prevents your body from moving naturally and the force is exerted directly onto your bones rather than being distributed around.
User avatar #116 to #114 - bonlino (09/12/2013) [-]
im talking about contact with the lamppost when he's still conscious. it wouldn't be a light tug up to the tornado i'd guess.
User avatar #118 to #116 - bipolarprobe (09/12/2013) [-]
The lamp shattered, which, again, means the force is being distributed. He showed up at his torn apart motor home groggy and bleeding slightly from the head. Nothing more.
User avatar #121 to #118 - bonlino (09/12/2013) [-]
right, that makes sense then. im thinking of the none glass metal part (england or rather essex has lampposts that are 90% metal)
User avatar #122 to #121 - bipolarprobe (09/12/2013) [-]
Yeah it was a ceramic one 'Murica
#397 to #39 - drizztrocks (09/13/2013) [-]
"his body just absorbed the impact from hitting the ground"
#198 to #39 - effthree (09/12/2013) [-]
And then you have my second-grade teacher, a man in his early thirties who lifted a large crate of books, set it down, passed out and died. brain aneurism.
User avatar #255 to #198 - linktheherooftime (09/12/2013) [-]
Did you witness it?
User avatar #268 to #255 - effthree (09/12/2013) [-]
Yeah, we were taken out of the room right away by the gym teacher, thought for a long time he had died in the hospital, ambulance came and got him and stuff. Didn't find out until much later that he was dead when he hit the floor.
#576 to #198 - lolollo ONLINE (09/13/2013) [-]
It's the silent killer!
#37 - mankey ONLINE (09/12/2013) [-]
Most of these facts would go great into Courage Wolf pics.   
   
You wear braces?   
To force your bones to submit to your will!   
   
Feeling weak?   
Humans wiped out entire species!   
   
Alcohol is toxic   
You drink it for fun!   
   
They have more speed?   
Prove you have more endurance!
Most of these facts would go great into Courage Wolf pics.

You wear braces?
To force your bones to submit to your will!

Feeling weak?
Humans wiped out entire species!

Alcohol is toxic
You drink it for fun!

They have more speed?
Prove you have more endurance!
#9 - dreamcast (09/12/2013) [-]
I am no orc!
#4 - anon (09/12/2013) [-]
Funny, when people write crap like this, they forget that there is a lot of variability with regard to the "toughness' of our species. Most of the people sitting on their couch experiencing a swell of pride after reading this would just lay down and die if exposed to the wild.
#386 to #4 - anon (09/13/2013) [-]
If they're alone, sure; but if there was at least one other person with them, then they'd have a probably have a good chance of survival. Pooling their knowledge and all that.

Also, I don't think you should assume that most people don't have survival skills. Even if not trained or instructed, there are people out there who can survive based on their own knowledge. Even if they didn't have the knowledge, I'm sure the survival instinct would kick in and they would find a way to stay alive (although, it's probably more likely that these people will fail).
User avatar #571 to #4 - fukkendragonite (09/13/2013) [-]
Some of these things do apply to most, if not all of us though. The rapid rate of healing and scarring etc...

I mean, some humans (like me), allow other humans to intentionally scar them for life with sharpened needles that have been inked. Doesn't it sound badass when you put it like that? It's all spin really.
User avatar #231 to #4 - ilovehitler (09/12/2013) [-]
Any creature that lives like a lot of humans have the benefits of living would be like that as well.
But, for the sake of comparison, we must take a fit human and compare it to fit other animals.
User avatar #227 to #105 - ilovehitler (09/12/2013) [-]
To be fair, at the time he wasn't really widely considered a god, and even today, he really isn't "our god"
So really, it's more of that we crucified someone who some people consider a god.

And we don't poison everything to weed out the weak, we just do it because we prefer the benefits of tech to the detriments it has on society.
User avatar #10 to #4 - gobber (09/12/2013) [-]
i would say that's another point, what other species on earth can not only look after there old/infirm/broken but also have spare resources and strengths to accommodate the lesser of there own kind?
#152 - afreeti ONLINE (09/12/2013) [-]
still makes me chuckle
User avatar #168 to #152 - thechosentroll (09/12/2013) [-]
"You see that giant mammoth that could easily squish us? Yeah, let's kill that with a stick."
#238 to #168 - spikedude (09/12/2013) [-]
Haha a stick with a funny name though.
User avatar #404 to #238 - fuckpolitics (09/13/2013) [-]
They did a pretty cool episode of Top Shot with that.
#44 - felixjarl ONLINE (09/12/2013) [-]
-2
#46 to #44 - internetrage has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #57 to #46 - numbersixtyseven **User deleted account** (09/12/2013) [-]
Dude, it sounds bad-ass. Even as an atheist, I'd use that line against an alien.
#84 to #57 - anon (09/12/2013) [-]
a second atheist agrees
User avatar #288 to #84 - thessalonaki (09/13/2013) [-]
third atheist as well
User avatar #485 to #288 - liftplus (09/13/2013) [-]
forth agreed
User avatar #58 to #57 - internetrage (09/12/2013) [-]
hmm, i just realised how that sounded. actually the point i was making was that not everyone on the planet is a christian - there are buddhists and jews and whatever else
User avatar #60 to #58 - numbersixtyseven **User deleted account** (09/12/2013) [-]
Yes, but they didn't nail their god to a pair of crossed sticks.
User avatar #61 to #60 - internetrage (09/12/2013) [-]
jesus isnt even the god in that particular faith
User avatar #80 to #61 - commontroll (09/12/2013) [-]
Well, it says plenty of times that Jesus is God. God the Father, God the Son, and the Holy Ghost. The whole three in one thing is pretty confusing and all, but in the end, he's still God in Christianity.
User avatar #69 to #61 - squiresparkle (09/12/2013) [-]
"Mary, Mother of God"

He sort of is, in a way, god is the father the sun and the holy ghost.
User avatar #458 to #69 - GAC (09/13/2013) [-]
the son*
User avatar #646 to #458 - squiresparkle (09/13/2013) [-]
Meh, I'm pagan so I do worship the sun
#184 - thechosentroll (09/12/2013) [-]
There's also a little thing people forget - the power of love. Well, the kind of love you clean up with a mop and bucket. We reproduce pretty damn quickly even compared to some creatures on our planet. We're one of the few species on the planet who can use "Throw men at the enemy. Eventually it'll tire out or drown in all the blood." as a viable strategy. Even if aliens are stronger, faster and smarter than us, we'd still **** them up with sheer numbers and persistence.

We have more men than you have bullets and more tanks than you have men.
#549 to #184 - bummerdrummer (09/13/2013) [-]
LOVE, the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket

like the lost catacombs of egypt

only god knows where we stuck it

you and me baby aint nothin buy mammals,

so lets do it like they do on the discovery channel
User avatar #587 to #549 - thechosentroll (09/13/2013) [-]
AH, SON OF A BITCH! It took 3 years to get that song out of my head.
User avatar #199 to #184 - Vpirate (09/12/2013) [-]
We're the Russians of space.
User avatar #209 to #199 - thechosentroll (09/12/2013) [-]
Well, we ARE the only race in the universe that has russians, so it makes sense.
#54 - realreality (09/12/2013) [-]
You humans sure are a contentious people.
#578 to #54 - anon (09/13/2013) [-]
He just described life and himself what did they do wen one choice of power supply the sun was blacked out oh agent smith you thing machine are any diffrent ?
#631 to #54 - skampletten (09/13/2013) [-]
Now, that's how viruses, locust, certain crabs and many other species do it. Humans is the only race on earth that cares about sustainability
#62 to #54 - instakill (09/12/2013) [-]
YOU JUST MADE AN ENEMY FOR LIFE!
User avatar #13 - bakinboy (09/12/2013) [-]
i want a movie based on this premise
#179 to #13 - sexwithyourwife (09/12/2013) [-]
It's something...
#109 - thekirbs (09/12/2013) [-]
those fights can get pretty gruesome though
those fights can get pretty gruesome though
#145 to #109 - anon (09/12/2013) [-]
Is this real?
#232 to #145 - thekirbs (09/12/2013) [-]
no but this is
no but this is
#400 to #232 - lawlzerfish (09/13/2013) [-]
Jesus, man, you made me spit out my water. I hate that gif.   
 pic related, except I'm not Maisie Williams
Jesus, man, you made me spit out my water. I hate that gif.
pic related, except I'm not Maisie Williams
#196 to #145 - anon (09/12/2013) [-]
No niqqa.
#188 to #145 - pentol (09/12/2013) [-]
lol
#128 to #109 - lightingcrutch (09/12/2013) [-]
Damnn
Damnn
User avatar #56 - danster (09/12/2013) [-]
It's quiet simple actually. We're depicted as the weakest because we already killed everything weaker than us.
#431 - xathrix (09/13/2013) [-]
I have this to share with everyone. A story I came across a while ago.
#451 to #431 - funnygiggles (09/13/2013) [-]
Holy **** that is an amazing story.
#553 to #431 - anon (09/13/2013) [-]
gave me chills man
User avatar #436 to #431 - Ohforf (09/13/2013) [-]
Yeah, it's a cool story, but it's already been posted as a reply to the stickied comment.

Thumbed anyway because it's ******* awesome.
#604 - guanyu (09/13/2013) [-]
We can also use the organs of other humans as spare parts for our own body. Alternatively, we can create our own spare parts.
User avatar #301 - brenton (09/13/2013) [-]
"Our response to natural disasters is to just rebuild our buildings in the exact same places."

We may be idiots, but we are badass idiots.
#130 - ariusbrightwing (09/12/2013) [-]
This is one of the most.... motivational things I've ever seen...   
   
We should do more guys... our lives have such potential...   
   
*Clicks next*   
Aaahahaha hey, it's Gandalf!
This is one of the most.... motivational things I've ever seen...

We should do more guys... our lives have such potential...

*Clicks next*
Aaahahaha hey, it's Gandalf!
#593 - jacobhasfunnies (09/13/2013) [-]
there is already a scifi where humans are the most disgusting species
User avatar #606 to #593 - ldial (09/13/2013) [-]
I actually watched it with my wife. I was fascinated by the way they actually acted and thought. like little lab rats.
#620 to #606 - deckbox (09/13/2013) [-]
try the english Geordie Shore, its someikind of otherworldly nastiness.
#150 - xoyv (09/12/2013) [-]
done
User avatar #153 to #150 - thechosentroll (09/12/2013) [-]
It takes a special kind of balls to take on a tyranid with a bolt action flashlight and a bayonet.
User avatar #277 to #153 - XTakedownpaladinX (09/12/2013) [-]
Guardsmen come equpied with standard issue flashlight, toilet paper armor, and balls of steel.
#378 to #153 - anon (09/13/2013) [-]
I've got Balls of Steel.
User avatar #75 - CactusFantastico (09/12/2013) [-]
How about the fact that our main source of life is a highly corrosive gas called oxygen?
User avatar #383 to #75 - bipolarprobe (09/13/2013) [-]
"Highly corrosive" A bit more on the side of selectively corrosive. But corrosive none the less. Oxygen is vital to fire and we breath that **** would be a slightly more accurate if not better one in my opinion.
User avatar #354 - wolverinebamf (09/13/2013) [-]
I have read so much HFY.

My favorite is wear it turns out Earth is what the galactic community calls a death planet. Competing predators, natural disasters, unpredictable weather, all that, and while a death planet is not to uncommon, it is uncommon for a race to advance very far from one.

Humans are one of the rare species that do it, and they are terrified. Being raised on a death planet has it's effects on everything, we are more violent, more durable, more crazy, etc.

Most races never have intraspecies wars, while we have grown on it, and we thrive in it.

A lot of the whole "You ever met a human?" type of stuff.
#677 to #354 - anon (05/08/2015) [-]
Do you have a link to one of these stories? I'd be very interested to read one.
User avatar #481 to #354 - dblej (09/13/2013) [-]
Mind sharing some of these titles? I've been looking for a good scifi story to read lately.
User avatar #654 to #481 - wolverinebamf (09/13/2013) [-]
I'm afraid I haven't downloaded any, somewhere in these comments someone posted a bunch though.
User avatar #363 to #354 - sabcy (09/13/2013) [-]
hfy. What's that.
User avatar #364 to #363 - wolverinebamf (09/13/2013) [-]
"Humanity, **** Yeah"
User avatar #427 to #364 - ArtifactMind (09/13/2013) [-]
I thought it was hell ******* yeah!
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