Humans are badass. . it' s runny now science fiction universes so often treat humans as a mung. default everyman species or even the weakest and dumbest I want
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Humans are badass

it' s runny now science fiction universes so
often treat humans as a mung. default
everyman species or even the weakest and
dumbest
I want to see a set it universe where were
actually considered one of the more hideous
and terrifying species
How do we know our saliva and skin oils
wouldn' t be to most other
sapient rates? What it we actually have the
strongest vocal chords and can paralyze or kill
the inhabitants of other worlds lust
screaming at them‘? What " most sentient the in
the universe toms out to be and
lives in fear or us rare "animal" races who can
moire so quickly and chew **** up with our
teeth?
Like that old story "theate made of meat." only
we' re scarier.
HOLY SHE!" THEY EAT FOR FUN
YOU GUYS I HEARD A HUMAN ONCE ATE AN
A HUMAN CAN KEEP FIGHTING FOR HOURS EVEN
AFTER YOU SHOOT IT
humans are a proud warrior race with a pantheon
of moody gods. named. Schwarzenegger. etc
Blg A LIME WILL NOT FATALLY
HUMANS; ALWAYS DESTROY THE
HEAD.
WARNING: HUMANS CAN DETECT YOU EVEN AT
NIGHT BY TRACKING ‘v" THROUGH THE
ATMOSPHERE
WARNING: HUMANS CAN REPRODUCE ATA
RATE OF 1 PER OFTHEYEAR DESTROY
INFESTATIONS N LY
THE HUMAN MOUTH HAS OVER THIRTY
OUTCROPS OF BONE AND POWERFUL JAIN
Muscles
HUMAN SITES CAN BE FATALLY
EVEN TO OTHER Htj MANS
WARNINGS HUMANS CAN AND IMLU USE
WEAPONS SEE CLASSIFIED DATA
LABELED J. CHAN.
HUMANS CAN PROJECT BIOWEAPONS FROM
ALMOST EVERY ORIFICE cm THEIR BODY DO
NOT 'NEALE
OH GOD THE HUMANS FIGGERED OUT DOOR
HANDLES OH GOD OH GOD
More when sly. humans do have a number of
advantages even among Terrestrial the Our endurance-
shock resistance- and ability to recover from injury is
absurdly high compared to almost any other animal. We
often use the phrase "healthy as a horse" to cahoots
ma moms - but compared to a human. a horse is as
fragile as spun glass There' s mounting evidence that
our ancestors would hunt large prey simply by
following it at a walking pace. without sleep or rest. until
it died of exhaustion: it' s called pursuit predation.
Basically. we' re the Denominator.
The only other animal that can sort or keep up with us’?
Dogs Thats why we use them for hunting. And even
Now extrapolate that to a galaxy in which most sapient
the did not evolve front tanned pursuit
predators;
o {tor strength and speed is nothing to write home
abate. but we don' t need ta overpower or outran
you. We just need to outlast you - and by any
other species‘ standards. we gust plain don' t get
tired
o Where a simple broken leg will ca use most
species to go into shoot: and cite. we can recover
froth virtually any injury that' s not immediately
fatal. Even train' katic isn' t
necessarily a injury fora human.
o we heal hem injuries with extreme rapidity.
recovering in weeks from wounds that would take
others tradition or years to heat. The results aren' t
pretty - humans have hyperactive scar tissue.
among our other traits - but
they' re highly .
I Speaking of scarring. look at our medical science.
we developed surgery centuries before
developing even the most
anesthetics or life support in , humans
have been known to cartoon surgery on
themselves - and survive. Thanks to our
extreme heartiness. we regard as routine medical
procedures what most other species would regard
as inventive terms or murder We even perform
radical surgery on ourselves for purely cosmetic
reasons-
in essence, we' d be Space (tics.
I do nope you realize l' m going to be pic king up this stud and
running with it right?
Outlaws have too many TEETH in mem, so we developed a way
to METAL TO OUR TEETH and FORCE THE BONES Bl
OUR JAW to restructure over the course at years to I' ll them back
into shape. and then we continue to wear metal in out mouths to
keep them in place.
We romeo relationships with tiny mammals and
Insects we keep at tray from bothering us try death. often using
lithe analog traps.
And god. we will eat anything
o We use borderline toxic peppers to season our food.
ii We expose ourselves to potentially lethal solar radiation in the
pursuit of darkening our skin
or We risk hearing was tor the opporunity to see tyur favorite
musicians live.
o We have a game where two people get into an enclosed area
and hit each other until time mos out/ one or them pass out
in We willingly jump out M planes with only a piece of cloth
to prever Us from against the ground.
o ear response to natural disasters is to just rebuild our buildings
in the exact same places.
We climb mountains and risk freezing to death for bragging
rights
or We invented dogs. We took our one time predators and
completely domestic and them
o On a planet toll of lions. tigers and bears. we managed to
advance Mther and taster than any other species on the
planet.
k. ll: and Hogan and ores ain' t got **** on us
can we talk about new pursuit predation is ******* terrifying
it' s one thing to face down a cheetah. which will slam into you at so mph
and break your neck
it' s another thing to run very quickly to getaway from a thing. only to have
it just kind of
show up
to have it be intelligent enough to figure out where you are by the for and
feather you' tell behind. your footprints and piss and **** . and then you
think you' lost it and you bed down for the night but THERE IT s
WAITING
WHEN YOU WAKE UP
and you split! again! but it keeps following you. always in the comer or
your eye. until you just
die
we are scary motherfuc kers
...
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Views: 108999
Favorited: 1631
Submitted: 09/12/2013
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Comments(651):

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What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#15 - felixjarl ONLINE (09/12/2013) [+] (109 children)
stickied
I have scoured the internet for it. And what i found was one of the damn best things i have ever seen. Will commence a dump shortly.
#39 - sorrowfulone (09/12/2013) [+] (19 replies)
I saw this tv show once about the durability of humans or something years back. There was this guy who survived being sucked up by a tornado and spit to the ground from a very high up distance. The reason he survived? He was knocked out by a lamp striking him in the head just before he was sucked up by the tornado, meaning his body just flowed with the wind and because he couldn't tense up as he was falling his body just absorbed the impact of hitting the ground. He walked back to his house a little dizzy from the injury he got from the lamp.
I saw this tv show once about the durability of humans or something years back. There was this guy who survived being sucked up by a tornado and spit to the ground from a very high up distance. The reason he survived? He was knocked out by a lamp striking him in the head just before he was sucked up by the tornado, meaning his body just flowed with the wind and because he couldn't tense up as he was falling his body just absorbed the impact of hitting the ground. He walked back to his house a little dizzy from the injury he got from the lamp.
#152 - afreeti ONLINE (09/12/2013) [+] (3 replies)
still makes me chuckle
#4 - xxxsonic fanxxx (09/12/2013) [+] (7 replies)
Funny, when people write crap like this, they forget that there is a lot of variability with regard to the "toughness' of our species. Most of the people sitting on their couch experiencing a swell of pride after reading this would just lay down and die if exposed to the wild.
#94 - mikeW ONLINE (09/12/2013) [+] (13 replies)
Hello, Earth.
#120 to #94 - grimgilmore (09/12/2013) [-]
oh the reapers, you mean that race of all powerful genocide machines that wrecked havoc and destruction across the galaxy for countless eons until one HUMAN hunted them down and systematically destroyed ( or enslaved) them
#9 - dreamcast (09/12/2013) [-]
I am no orc!
#37 - mankey ONLINE (09/12/2013) [-]
Most of these facts would go great into Courage Wolf pics.   
   
You wear braces?   
To force your bones to submit to your will!   
   
Feeling weak?   
Humans wiped out entire species!   
   
Alcohol is toxic   
You drink it for fun!   
   
They have more speed?   
Prove you have more endurance!
Most of these facts would go great into Courage Wolf pics.

You wear braces?
To force your bones to submit to your will!

Feeling weak?
Humans wiped out entire species!

Alcohol is toxic
You drink it for fun!

They have more speed?
Prove you have more endurance!
#184 - thechosentroll (09/12/2013) [+] (4 replies)
There's also a little thing people forget - the power of love. Well, the kind of love you clean up with a mop and bucket. We reproduce pretty damn quickly even compared to some creatures on our planet. We're one of the few species on the planet who can use "Throw men at the enemy. Eventually it'll tire out or drown in all the blood." as a viable strategy. Even if aliens are stronger, faster and smarter than us, we'd still **** them up with sheer numbers and persistence.

We have more men than you have bullets and more tanks than you have men.
User avatar #209 to #199 - thechosentroll (09/12/2013) [-]
Well, we ARE the only race in the universe that has russians, so it makes sense.
#54 - realreality (09/12/2013) [+] (4 replies)
You humans sure are a contentious people.
#62 to #54 - instakill (09/12/2013) [-]
YOU JUST MADE AN ENEMY FOR LIFE!
#53 - hueyfreeman (09/12/2013) [+] (6 replies)
The average human can bite down with a force of 175 pounds per square inch, and the strongest recorded human bite was 975 pounds.

You could easily bite your own finger off, like a carrot, but your body stops you from doing so.

Human race ftw
#44 - felixjarl ONLINE (09/12/2013) [+] (13 replies)
User avatar #13 - bakinboy ONLINE (09/12/2013) [+] (1 reply)
i want a movie based on this premise
#67 - svtsandman (09/12/2013) [+] (4 replies)
#285 - zionsype (09/13/2013) [+] (65 replies)
>"Our endurance, shock resistance, and ability to recover from injury is absurdly high compared to almost any other animal"   
You cannot be serious.   
A bear can be shot in the chest with a shotgun 3 times, kill you, and survive with no medical care. Most people can't even walk after being shot in the body with a pistol once.   
Nearly every animal there is has more shock resistance than us, and many of use shocking as a defense.   
We SUCK at recovering from injury, the only reason we don't die from a bullet to the arm is we have highly advanced medical care.   
Nearly every animal there is on this planet can easily kill us. We die to things so small we don't even notice them.   
Humans are incredibly weak. The only reason we are even alive is technology.
>"Our endurance, shock resistance, and ability to recover from injury is absurdly high compared to almost any other animal"
You cannot be serious.
A bear can be shot in the chest with a shotgun 3 times, kill you, and survive with no medical care. Most people can't even walk after being shot in the body with a pistol once.
Nearly every animal there is has more shock resistance than us, and many of use shocking as a defense.
We SUCK at recovering from injury, the only reason we don't die from a bullet to the arm is we have highly advanced medical care.
Nearly every animal there is on this planet can easily kill us. We die to things so small we don't even notice them.
Humans are incredibly weak. The only reason we are even alive is technology.
User avatar #56 - danster (09/12/2013) [-]
It's quiet simple actually. We're depicted as the weakest because we already killed everything weaker than us.
#109 - thekirbs (09/12/2013) [+] (6 replies)
those fights can get pretty gruesome though
those fights can get pretty gruesome though
#431 - xathrix (09/13/2013) [+] (3 replies)
I have this to share with everyone. A story I came across a while ago.
User avatar #301 - brenton (09/13/2013) [-]
"Our response to natural disasters is to just rebuild our buildings in the exact same places."

We may be idiots, but we are badass idiots.
#604 - guanyu (09/13/2013) [-]
We can also use the organs of other humans as spare parts for our own body. Alternatively, we can create our own spare parts.
#2 - teranin ONLINE (09/12/2013) [-]
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