The Greatest Thing I Ever Read. Saw this whilst browsing.... All credit goes to wilfredfanforever (poster of the comment) Original post here: www.funnyjunk.com/
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The Greatest Thing I Ever Read

Saw this whilst browsing.... All credit goes to wilfredfanforever (poster of the comment)
Original post here: www.funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/4778066/Superpowers/

it Jig;
H PM
I want the power to control **** and bowel . I would be able to make people have the most powerful
bowel movement of their life. And I could control how it would come out. Large. long. and painful or
l excruciatingly lug but hot. wet, and foul smelling diarrhea. I would be the ultimate warrior. The more would
aim their pistols and have the German Shepherds on leashes, ready to : e.- and l would just laugh and
with a sange were of nut; arm it would be over. They' d drop their weapons and cience their stomachs as they
l . experience the most patkelly hot, wettest **** of their trees the dogs too. I would simply walk away
I I E _ a post about superpowers comes up, most this. Because what could be better?
...
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Views: 49763
Favorited: 134
Submitted: 09/08/2013
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Comments(263):

[ 263 comments ]
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#279 - undergroundangel (09/14/2013) [-]
Okay I'll bite: What's the difference between **** and a bowel movement?
#249 to #248 - ragingspacepanda (09/09/2013) [-]
I applaud you sir
#244 - bdowns (09/09/2013) [-]
**bdowns rolled a random image posted in comment #60 at Miley Has Gone Downhill **
#243 - hakuoftehdance (09/09/2013) [-]
Relevancy at it's finest...
User avatar #233 - waterbottlemanboy (09/09/2013) [-]
The power to control and morph atoms. Someone has a gun up to you? Turn it into a glass of milk, take it from their hand, and splash it in their hands. that's the example for the power I always bring up when the question,"What superpower would you want?" comes up.
User avatar #239 to #233 - blacklightsun (09/09/2013) [-]
I would like to bend time at my will, and not being affected by it
Like
wanna do something different? rewind time!
wanna have more time? No problemo! stop time, or slow it down at will (x.5 speed, x.25 speed, x.000001 speed)
things too slow? fast forward as you please! (x1.5 speed, x2 speed, x50 speed)
wanna watch something? just travel trough time! (maybe i would like to travel trough space too...)
And most of it, control the time under a certain space (like being able to make some centuries old wine in seconds)
#215 - TopDawg (09/09/2013) [-]
The power to create anything... Because well, if you can create anything that means you can create a watch that gives you other super powers and whatnot... Kinda wins.
The power to create anything... Because well, if you can create anything that means you can create a watch that gives you other super powers and whatnot... Kinda wins.
#223 to #215 - lordpancake (09/09/2013) [-]
Didn't have that gif, thank you. ^^
Didn't have that gif, thank you. ^^
#207 - blakebarber (09/09/2013) [-]
The power i thought is what i like to call "save and load power". You can have an unlimited amount of saves and you could load a save at any time, when you die you load save. You could be 80 and load a save you had when you were 20. You could accomplish anything.
User avatar #210 to #207 - ragingspacepanda (09/09/2013) [-]
so you can follow the average gamers save/load policy?
"is this guy important? *save* lets find out *kill* yep he is *load* yep"
#217 to #210 - blakebarber (09/09/2013) [-]
You could also charm any girl, every time you **** up with her you just load save.
User avatar #221 to #217 - ragingspacepanda (09/09/2013) [-]
OR!!!! if you can't decide between two girls.... save... choose one... see how that goes.... load... PROFIT!!!! also.... could you have multiple saves? like... on fallout I save at key points.... and now have like 5 separate... each with a different path... and i periodically switch between them
#255 to #221 - blakebarber (09/09/2013) [-]
**** yes you could, I have actually put a lot of thought into this power. My friend and I talk about it all the time, the downside is that you would become a psycho. If you had the power to do anything without consequences you would begin to do more and more ****** up things until others would consider you a psycho.
User avatar #206 - masterofshakes (09/09/2013) [-]
This reminded me of my plan to prevent getting raped in prison. Just eat something old and get diarrhea and just **** all over people when they try to rape you.
User avatar #201 - themastertroller (09/09/2013) [-]
why is the internet obsessed with feces?
User avatar #202 to #201 - Obsessed (09/09/2013) [-]
I'm the internet with feces? what?
#197 - swiggityswooty (09/09/2013) [-]
insane resoursefulness. i would be able to give myself wolverine claws and spiderman webshooters with just vines and some sheet metal.
User avatar #188 - PkBoolet (09/09/2013) [-]
wtf did this nigg just say...
#185 - ProperInsanityWolf ONLINE (09/09/2013) [-]
If i could have any ONE power i would only want the ability to push ideas into the minds of others. not control their thoughts exactly just like a whisper in their ear that provokes them. i would have people covering themselves in Vaseline rolling on the floor 						*****					 and whatnot
If i could have any ONE power i would only want the ability to push ideas into the minds of others. not control their thoughts exactly just like a whisper in their ear that provokes them. i would have people covering themselves in Vaseline rolling on the floor ***** and whatnot
User avatar #186 to #185 - ragingspacepanda (09/09/2013) [-]
"we need to go deeper"
User avatar #183 - meganinja ONLINE (09/09/2013) [-]
I like the ability to manipulate reality to my will. But that's kinda stretching the difference between a super-power and god-status. If I had to tone it down a bit, it would be the power to change any atom/molecule into a different atom/molecule.

You may be thinking "oh that sounds pretty cool, you could like, turn a brick into solid gold and then sell it to make money" or something along those lines. Yeah, I guess you could do that. But guess what, the air is made out of atoms. Do you get what that ******* means? That means that if somebody shoots at you, you ******* make a steel wall, or a lead wall, or a kevlar wall out of ******* thin air. Or better yet you could turn the bullet into air as it's coming at you. Or better yet you could turn the gun into air as it's coming at you. Or better yet, turn the person's joints into solid bone, so they can't move anything. Or better yet, change the synapses in the person's brain so they don't even want to shoot at you anymore.

Don't like somebody, there's different ways to take care of that too. Delete their intestines and let nature take care of itself, delete a finger, add cancer, make their wang smaller, or add on a wang if they're a chick, take small chunks out of their brain to make them mentally inferior, put little clusters of Uranium atoms throughout their body, implant a lego onto their foot so they step on it with every step, put ***** matter in their colon so they have to take a dump then and there, etc.
User avatar #211 to #183 - warioteam (09/09/2013) [-]
To judge "fairness" of a superpower (like if you pitched the idea to marvel/dc)
I like to see if there is a partial piece of logic you could use to get it.
like spider-man got bit and got climbing powers, batman is just really good at martial arts and has money.
User avatar #184 to #183 - ragingspacepanda (09/09/2013) [-]
so.... if a girl breaks up with you.... turn her ****** into fire?
User avatar #187 to #184 - meganinja ONLINE (09/09/2013) [-]
well, pretty much yeah. Or if she doesn't break up with you, you could make her boobs bigger or something. Do what you want man.
#189 to #187 - ProperInsanityWolf ONLINE (09/09/2013) [-]
can i make bacon out of thin air? because that would be the only practical use of this power
User avatar #191 to #189 - meganinja ONLINE (09/09/2013) [-]
yes you could. You'd be like the ultimate alchemist.
#192 to #191 - ProperInsanityWolf ONLINE (09/09/2013) [-]
easy there buddy, i wouldn't go that far
User avatar #179 - masdercheef (09/09/2013) [-]
Then they use a hidden sniper on you. Or an unmanned drone strike. Problem solved.
User avatar #182 to #179 - ragingspacepanda (09/09/2013) [-]
do you doubt his abilities? he shall make that drone **** itself
User avatar #240 to #182 - greatgranpapy (09/09/2013) [-]
One could drone on about his abilities.
#175 - melonllama ONLINE (09/09/2013) [-]
**melonllama rolled a random image posted in comment #78 at Internet usage throughout the day. ** My dream power.
User avatar #174 - beisenherg (09/09/2013) [-]
Bowel Bending?
#172 - applerapist (09/09/2013) [-]
I would like pyrokinesis so I can burn anything and anyone i want in an instant.
User avatar #199 to #172 - goodatlosing (09/09/2013) [-]
Same video as that ProperInsanityWolf guy posted. But better. vimeo.com/53020467
#204 to #199 - ProperInsanityWolf ONLINE (09/09/2013) [-]
I posted the edited one because children use this site, and you go and ruin things for them
User avatar #205 to #204 - goodatlosing (09/09/2013) [-]
Any children on this site are ****** up worse than the people in the video. If there's one thing FunnyJunk disapproves of its censoring.
User avatar #208 to #205 - ProperInsanityWolf ONLINE (09/09/2013) [-]
actually we dont care for unnecessary censoring. clearly you dont have kids which is alright because you shouldn't reproduce.
User avatar #234 to #208 - goodatlosing (09/09/2013) [-]
Because I posted the link to the original? I think the one who is enraged by the fact that someone appreciates the original regardless of content, may be the one who should keep their seed. I'm sure any other "reproduction worthy" person would agree.
#178 to #172 - ProperInsanityWolf ONLINE (09/09/2013) [-]
damn dude that's pretty ******* harsh. burning alive is not something to laugh about. watch this video.

User avatar #180 to #178 - applerapist (09/09/2013) [-]
I would really only burn someone if they were trying to do something like say mug me or rape me. But I agree burning alive is a terrible fate
User avatar #193 to #180 - ProperInsanityWolf ONLINE (09/09/2013) [-]
rape you? your name is apple rapist. I hope you drown in apple juice
User avatar #195 to #193 - applerapist (09/09/2013) [-]
Apples arent the only thing I get my hands around
Citrus and other fruits cry at the sight of me
User avatar #168 - javalavalay **User deleted account** (09/09/2013) [-]
But guise..

we ran out of mana!
User avatar #166 - desmondaltairezio (09/09/2013) [-]
i choose micro-telekinesis
i can move atoms
with this power i can move the air around me and fly
i can morph my skin and basically shape shift
i can liquidize your brain
and if get real good i could even perform precision surgeries
User avatar #161 - assdoreponyfucker (09/09/2013) [-]
** ***************** rolled a random comment #3801654 posted by zetsumeitaka at Friendly ** :
My To do list:
To do
To do
To do To do To do To do To dooooo
my power
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