The Greatest Thing I Ever Read. Saw this whilst browsing.... All credit goes to wilfredfanforever (poster of the comment) Original post here: www.funnyjunk.com/
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The Greatest Thing I Ever Read

Saw this whilst browsing.... All credit goes to wilfredfanforever (poster of the comment)
Original post here: www.funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/4778066/Superpowers/

it Jig;
H PM
I want the power to control Shit and bowel . I would be able to make people have the most powerful
bowel movement of their life. And I could control how it would come out. Large. long. and painful or
l excruciatingly lug but hot. wet, and foul smelling diarrhea. I would be the ultimate warrior. The more would
aim their pistols and have the German Shepherds on leashes, ready to : e.- and l would just laugh and
with a sange were of nut; arm it would be over. They' d drop their weapons and cience their stomachs as they
l . experience the most patkelly hot, wettest shit of their trees the dogs too. I would simply walk away
I I E _ a post about superpowers comes up, most this. Because what could be better?
...
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Views: 49826
Favorited: 133
Submitted: 09/08/2013
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Comments(270):

[ 270 comments ]

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#22 - wardylol (09/08/2013) [+] (97 replies)
GOD-FUCKING-DAMMIT it's telekinesis time for you piss sacks. Every fucking post about superpowers, it's just beta fuck nuggets saying "Oh s-s-stopping time would be cool, maybe invisibility so i don't have to interact with p-p-people.."

Well i'm going to fucking tell you why telekinesis is best superpower and you're going to fucking like it.

Wanna fly? pick yourself up and fly like a majestic creature of the heavens with TELEKINESIS.
Super strength? pick up/destroy anything you want (even from a distance) with TELEKINESIS.
Invulnerability? create an impenetrable shield around your body with your godamn TELEKINESIS.
Mind control? control your foes every movement like a puppet with motherfucking TELEKINESIS.
Sex god status? stimulate any and every nerve of your prey's body with your mighty TELEKINESIS.

Motherfuckers better recognize this power of the gods.

#5 - anonymousbrony (09/08/2013) [+] (5 replies)
Would you like me to make a better crop of this for you?   
   
Seeing this hurts...
Would you like me to make a better crop of this for you?

Seeing this hurts...
User avatar #30 - summerizer (09/08/2013) [+] (9 replies)
I would chose being able to lick windows to determine how old they are.
#109 - wilfredfanforever (09/08/2013) [+] (1 reply)
I always knew I'd be famous one day.
#52 - alstorp (09/08/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
User avatar #121 - Noah (09/08/2013) [+] (5 replies)
My friend has an entire superhero persona based around this.
His name is Shitstorm.
His lair is a cave that looks like an ass, and the cheeks spread to reveal an exit for his signature vehicle, a large brown bus.
#103 - teckemeier (09/08/2013) [+] (1 reply)
User avatar #111 - wlflvr (09/08/2013) [+] (22 replies)
The ability to change the grain of wood would be nice...
#172 - applerapist (09/09/2013) [+] (9 replies)
I would like pyrokinesis so I can burn anything and anyone i want in an instant.
#32 - CommonJoo (09/08/2013) [+] (8 replies)
on a somewhat related subject, i've always wondered: if a genie or something offered you 1 wish, just ONE (no trying to get around it for more than 1 wish) what is the best way to use it IF he limits you to something achievable in reality (ie nothing that defies laws of physics and such). Superpowers are obviously out of the question, and nothing magical. The only thing magical is limited to the actual granting of the wish
User avatar #46 to #32 - maxismahname (09/08/2013) [-]
$10,000,000,000,000,000
I donate billions to charity and change my name to Cunty Mcshitballs, then I open a ginormous chain of stores named "Shit ass piss fuckers" that sells nothing but pencils for $1,000,000 each. I'd still have enough money to do whatever the fuck I'd want. I'd buy every sports team in America and make them all wear short skirts to games. I'll make my own tv channel and all it'll have is a picture of a piece of shit 24/7, and you'll need to pay a monthly subscription fee of $1000. After all of that I'll still have more money than pretty much all of the US. I will have a huge house, and 100 butlers all fighting to be the very best, like no one ever was, to get a paycheck of $1,000,000 that month. Then I will ship a picture of my dick to every house in the US
#185 - ProperInsanityWolf (09/09/2013) [+] (1 reply)
If i could have any ONE power i would only want the ability to push ideas into the minds of others. not control their thoughts exactly just like a whisper in their ear that provokes them. i would have people covering themselves in Vaseline rolling on the floor naked and whatnot
If i could have any ONE power i would only want the ability to push ideas into the minds of others. not control their thoughts exactly just like a whisper in their ear that provokes them. i would have people covering themselves in Vaseline rolling on the floor naked and whatnot
#101 - anonymous (09/08/2013) [-]
In misfits a character killed and brain damaged everyone with his power of milk. Who's laughing at that shitty power now
#60 - anonymous (09/08/2013) [-]
Am I the only one who wants to be invisible so I can walk around and fuck chicks in public?
#244 - bdowns (09/09/2013) [-]
**bdowns rolled a random image posted in comment #60 at Miley Has Gone Downhill **
User avatar #183 - meganinja ONLINE (09/09/2013) [+] (6 replies)
I like the ability to manipulate reality to my will. But that's kinda stretching the difference between a super-power and god-status. If I had to tone it down a bit, it would be the power to change any atom/molecule into a different atom/molecule.

You may be thinking "oh that sounds pretty cool, you could like, turn a brick into solid gold and then sell it to make money" or something along those lines. Yeah, I guess you could do that. But guess what, the air is made out of atoms. Do you get what that fucking means? That means that if somebody shoots at you, you fucking make a steel wall, or a lead wall, or a kevlar wall out of fucking thin air. Or better yet you could turn the bullet into air as it's coming at you. Or better yet you could turn the gun into air as it's coming at you. Or better yet, turn the person's joints into solid bone, so they can't move anything. Or better yet, change the synapses in the person's brain so they don't even want to shoot at you anymore.

Don't like somebody, there's different ways to take care of that too. Delete their intestines and let nature take care of itself, delete a finger, add cancer, make their wang smaller, or add on a wang if they're a chick, take small chunks out of their brain to make them mentally inferior, put little clusters of Uranium atoms throughout their body, implant a lego onto their foot so they step on it with every step, put fecal matter in their colon so they have to take a dump then and there, etc.
User avatar #191 to #189 - meganinja ONLINE (09/09/2013) [-]
yes you could. You'd be like the ultimate alchemist.
User avatar #76 - tittylovin (09/08/2013) [+] (1 reply)
wilfredfanforever
you are a god among men
+2
#72 - zmbz **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [+] (16 replies)
User avatar #34 - shibe (09/08/2013) [+] (2 replies)
The Gerogerigegege - The Most Epic Bowel Movement EVER

Gonna put this here...
#159 - sirbutterballs (09/09/2013) [-]
Reminds me of the Shitnote
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