The Greatest Thing I Ever Read. Saw this whilst browsing.... All credit goes to wilfredfanforever (poster of the comment) Original post here: /funny_pictures/47 epic power amazing bowels lolz super
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The Greatest Thing I Ever Read

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The Greatest Thing I Ever Read. Saw this whilst browsing.... All credit goes to wilfredfanforever (poster of the comment) Original post here: /funny_pictures/47

Saw this whilst browsing.... All credit goes to wilfredfanforever (poster of the comment)
Original post here: /funny_pictures/4778066/Superpowers/

it Jig;
H PM
I want the power to control **** and bowel . I would be able to make people have the most powerful
bowel movement of their life. And I could control how it would come out. Large. long. and painful or
l excruciatingly lug but hot. wet, and foul smelling diarrhea. I would be the ultimate warrior. The more would
aim their pistols and have the German Shepherds on leashes, ready to : e.- and l would just laugh and
with a sange were of nut; arm it would be over. They' d drop their weapons and cience their stomachs as they
l . experience the most patkelly hot, wettest **** of their trees the dogs too. I would simply walk away
I I E _ a post about superpowers comes up, most this. Because what could be better?
...
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Views: 50048
Favorited: 132
Submitted: 09/08/2013
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Comments(270):

[ 270 comments ]
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#22 - wardylol (09/08/2013) [-]
****************** it's telekinesis time for you piss sacks. Every ******* post about superpowers, it's just beta **** nuggets saying "Oh s-s-stopping time would be cool, maybe invisibility so i don't have to interact with p-p-people.."

Well i'm going to ******* tell you why telekinesis is best superpower and you're going to ******* like it.

Wanna fly? pick yourself up and fly like a majestic creature of the heavens with TELEKINESIS.
Super strength? pick up/destroy anything you want (even from a distance) with TELEKINESIS.
Invulnerability? create an impenetrable shield around your body with your godamn TELEKINESIS.
Mind control? control your foes every movement like a puppet with ************* TELEKINESIS.
Sex god status? stimulate any and every nerve of your prey's body with your mighty TELEKINESIS.

************* better recognize this power of the gods.

User avatar #66 to #22 - admiralen ONLINE (09/08/2013) [-]
controlling gravity would be pretty metal too
#79 to #22 - yomommabinshoppin (09/08/2013) [-]
Time control, with infinite time, you can figure out how do genetically enhance yourself to do anything else, including telekinesis
User avatar #80 to #79 - telekinesis (09/08/2013) [-]
Including me? <3
I'm never included in activities.
#84 to #80 - yomommabinshoppin (09/08/2013) [-]
I'll give you every power once I figure out how, and you and I can kick ass together
User avatar #99 to #22 - imnotkickthecat (09/08/2013) [-]
But does telekinesis bring healing powers like wolverine? Thats what I want.
User avatar #151 to #22 - newforomador (09/08/2013) [-]
Even better then telekinesis, complete control over space. It's like telekinesis, but times 10. You could do the equivalent of freezing time by stopping the movement of everything in existence. You could break the laws of physics, because you control physics. Feel like going swimming? Materialize a pool right in front of you. You want to be invisible? Multiple options, turn your body into pure energy while keeping your consciousness, or just warp light around your body. You could also have omnipresence if you wanted to, so that you could know everything. I know what you're saying, "The human mind isn't capable of processing all that knowledge." Well you know what, **** the human mind! You control everything, create a giant database on Pluto (or turn Pluto into a giant database, your practically a god, why should you give a **** ) that stores all data of everything ever that lets you look anything up by saying a few words.
User avatar #167 to #22 - nommonsterbaa (09/09/2013) [-]
Why are you not using telekinesis to flip that table?
User avatar #28 to #22 - vanoreo (09/08/2013) [-]
^
#106 to #22 - anon (09/08/2013) [-]
What about my power over matter and anti-matter?
Whatever your best defense is... I must merely think you don't exist and viola.... gg
User avatar #148 to #22 - jouten (09/08/2013) [-]
Good luck telekineting somebody who can control time
User avatar #152 to #148 - newforomador (09/08/2013) [-]
If you stop the electrical currents in their head but keep blood flowing to keep them alive they wouldn't be able to stop time.
User avatar #157 to #22 - telekinesis (09/09/2013) [-]
YEAH, TELEKINESIS IS BEST POWER, **** ALL THOSE OTHER GUYS I AM THE STRONGEST-EST.
User avatar #43 to #22 - tehpwnz (09/08/2013) [-]
reality manipulation>telekinesis
#58 to #22 - witislimited ONLINE (09/08/2013) [-]
Warning: there's science in this 			****		.   
   
Telekinesis also offers other more direct benefits. Besides reading minds, you could insert an idea into their head such as &quot;Your wife is cheating on you&quot; or &quot;You have pressing business at work.&quot; and once they leave, could just sneak in and rob em quick.   
   
It also gives the benefit of pyrokinesis- increasing the vibrations of the molecules of anything, so you can pull an explosive fireball out of air or get something to burst into flames from a distance. Another possibility is to form a thin disc of super heated plasma/fire and force many small pockets of air through it, instantly forming a 			*******		 fireball machine gun.   
   
The reverse (cryokinesis) is also possible, chilling it till water (or other gases like oxygen, carbon dioxide, etc.) liquefy or solidify and crystallize. Use with nitrogen for best results.   
   
Theoretically, you could also pull electrons from nearby matter which can not only react whatever the hell you want, but can also let you manipulate electricity. This might be challenging, and definitely more so with protons due to the strong nuclear force. Still, doing so would make you a walking chemical and nuclear reactor.   
   
Superpowers can be more then just a daily convenience.
Warning: there's science in this **** .

Telekinesis also offers other more direct benefits. Besides reading minds, you could insert an idea into their head such as "Your wife is cheating on you" or "You have pressing business at work." and once they leave, could just sneak in and rob em quick.

It also gives the benefit of pyrokinesis- increasing the vibrations of the molecules of anything, so you can pull an explosive fireball out of air or get something to burst into flames from a distance. Another possibility is to form a thin disc of super heated plasma/fire and force many small pockets of air through it, instantly forming a ******* fireball machine gun.

The reverse (cryokinesis) is also possible, chilling it till water (or other gases like oxygen, carbon dioxide, etc.) liquefy or solidify and crystallize. Use with nitrogen for best results.

Theoretically, you could also pull electrons from nearby matter which can not only react whatever the hell you want, but can also let you manipulate electricity. This might be challenging, and definitely more so with protons due to the strong nuclear force. Still, doing so would make you a walking chemical and nuclear reactor.

Superpowers can be more then just a daily convenience.
#146 to #58 - slashendrix (09/08/2013) [-]
much like inception
#147 to #146 - witislimited ONLINE (09/08/2013) [-]
Indeed. The idea of an ability to manipulate thoughts is scary as 			*****		 example, how are you certain those are your own thoughts and you are not in fact being manipulated by a telepath?
Indeed. The idea of an ability to manipulate thoughts is scary as ***** example, how are you certain those are your own thoughts and you are not in fact being manipulated by a telepath?
User avatar #169 to #147 - stupidaccounts (09/09/2013) [-]
And now a thought that scared the crap out of me a while ago that I managed to get out of my head, is back.
User avatar #64 to #58 - elephantxmaster (09/08/2013) [-]
the first thing you described was telepathy, not telekinesis
User avatar #67 to #64 - Saeka (09/08/2013) [-]
Not with that attitude.
User avatar #88 to #64 - witislimited ONLINE (09/08/2013) [-]
True, but telepathy could extend from telekinesis. Thoughts are just electrical signals running through the brain- still electrons, which could still be read and moved. However, the necessity of the comprehension of every synapse makes this method extremely ineffective for a slow, distracted human brain. Still, similar to how scientists invent new technology and bring to light new knowledge, there is likely a better way still possible with telekinesis.
#158 to #88 - blackrookfiend (09/09/2013) [-]
There's really no point in going this far, as if you were to say that a being would have a mastery of telekinesis of this magnitude, they might as well be a god anyway.

Which just makes them the phoenix. You know, arguably the most powerful Marvel creation ever. So honestly, not really that original of an idea. Jean Grey was a powerful mutant for a reason.
#246 to #58 - Jesusnipples (09/09/2013) [-]
That gif makes this comment ******* perfect. Take my thumb
User avatar #253 to #246 - witislimited ONLINE (09/09/2013) [-]
I'm glad you liked it.
User avatar #236 to #58 - hydraetis ONLINE (09/09/2013) [-]
Isn't the mind-related **** Telepathy?
#214 to #58 - stopsdropsand (09/09/2013) [-]
How would you insert thoughts into people's mind with telekinesis?
User avatar #218 to #214 - witislimited ONLINE (09/09/2013) [-]
See #88, then read the following:

Using your inhuman comprehension of the human brain's computer logic, you inject electrons into the right neurons and fire them through the correct synapses to create a thought.
#227 to #218 - stopsdropsand (09/09/2013) [-]
If you can manipulate an object with the size of 2.82 X 10^15 meters with the precision and accuracy to create a specific thought, then you have transcended every aspect of being a psychokinetic in the first place. There wouldn't be a point in inserting thoughts into people. You could just split a few atoms and be on your way.
User avatar #232 to #227 - witislimited ONLINE (09/09/2013) [-]
I was talking about the utility of the ability (telekinesis) to move objects around not just on a human size or even molecular level but on a subatomic level. So I'm not sure how the idea of discussing psychokinesis came in. Besides, that's just an idea (not sure how telepathy works) put there just for the hell of being an idea.
#235 to #232 - stopsdropsand (09/09/2013) [-]
psychokinesis is telekinesis, but it also refers to the stuff the #22 was talking about such as self levitation and what not. But again, creating artificial thoughts through such mechanisms seems convoluted as hell.
User avatar #252 to #235 - witislimited ONLINE (09/09/2013) [-]
Psychokinesis = many abilities influenced by mind+telekinesis

I was only mentioning telekinesis and how mind reading is possible with telekinesis only, as in opposed to psychokinesis and telepathy. I don't like being painfully obvious.

Still the position of matter is everything so you can pick yourself up with telekinesis as in opposed to psychokinesis.
#256 to #252 - stopsdropsand (09/09/2013) [-]
Ok buddy
User avatar #23 to #22 - ragingspacepanda (09/08/2013) [-]
Buy TELEKINESIS for the amazing price of $19.95!!!! You cannot get this in stores ladies gentlemen!!!!
#27 to #23 - ponybroski (09/08/2013) [-]
ill take one
User avatar #75 to #23 - telekinesis (09/08/2013) [-]
Bitch I only accept ADAM as payment, can't have me with your petty human money.
User avatar #170 to #75 - meganinja (09/09/2013) [-]
my name's Adam. If I give you myself, you'll give me yourself?
User avatar #173 to #170 - telekinesis (09/09/2013) [-]
I think we could work this out.
User avatar #45 to #22 - thewhimsicalfox (09/08/2013) [-]
Actually, I'd prefer perfect mimicry.
User avatar #38 to #22 - goobyman (09/08/2013) [-]
watch the movie chronicles.
User avatar #42 to #38 - maxismahname (09/08/2013) [-]
Chronicle*
User avatar #47 to #42 - goobyman (09/08/2013) [-]
sorry, correct.
User avatar #65 to #22 - mrnaanbread (09/08/2013) [-]
Nope, although I see your point, by far best superpower is control over time, i'll explain why:
So you're gonna tear me limb from limb with your mental abilities? Watch what happens as I speed up time for you and you become a dried up corpse before my very eyes.
Too easy? Then stop time and stab you.
Or...
slow down time for everybody else, and suddenly I'm moving too quickly for you to even think, and since your powers are thought based...yeah I'd say you're ****** .
User avatar #220 to #65 - crazyhindu (09/09/2013) [-]
Use telekinesis to create a tiny bubble universe for you, so you actually think you are winning and killing me while you are actually just stuck inside of your own little world, comatose to anyone who sees you.
User avatar #254 to #220 - mrnaanbread (09/09/2013) [-]
So reverse time until the beginning of that bubble universe, which becomes incredibly unstable to the point that you can't keep it in a constant temporal flow because of the massive fluctuation you're causing, this is damaging to your mind and weakens you.
User avatar #258 to #254 - crazyhindu (09/09/2013) [-]
Ah but the bubble universe merely makes you think you are reversing time while you actually just stuck inside of your own mind unaware that you are infact in a lucid state you believe you are victorious and continue your life.
User avatar #260 to #258 - mrnaanbread (09/10/2013) [-]
Which begins a paradox wherein I believe I am corrupting that universe, until the apparent futility of my actions mean I realise i'm inside a bubble universe inside the original bubble universe, so corrupt the temporal chronology of that one, this repeats until you literally can not contain the infinite closet realities, the entire paradigm collapses in on itself, possibly being enough to render you comatose.
User avatar #261 to #260 - crazyhindu (09/10/2013) [-]
You seem to believe that there is a bubble universe, there is no bubble universe that was merely an analogy you see you are stuck inside of your own mind. kind of like another world a dream world and since time does not exist in dreams you are stuck there until you can find a way to get out of the coma or if an outside force pulls you out.
User avatar #262 to #261 - mrnaanbread (09/10/2013) [-]
Then you have to keep me in that bubble universe for eternity, and since I'm alright with time that's cool, but eventually you'll wear out and be forced to obliterate the universe, I travel back into the real world, reassert my molecules to a previous state that wasn't decaying out of age.
User avatar #263 to #262 - crazyhindu (09/10/2013) [-]
Ah you see its self continuing since you are inside your own mind it will continue its self you see I just got the ball rolling, it will only end when you yourself die(or die in the dream but you wouldn't know that but you do now.)
User avatar #264 to #263 - mrnaanbread (09/11/2013) [-]
But I control time, everywhere and everywhen, regardless of which universe I'm in, and I live forever if I choose.
User avatar #265 to #264 - crazyhindu (09/11/2013) [-]
But you are inside of a dream where time does not exist.
User avatar #269 to #265 - mrnaanbread (09/11/2013) [-]
Then everything happens at once? Only someone with a mastery of time could do that.
User avatar #271 to #269 - crazyhindu (09/12/2013) [-]
No, you see everything just happens as it comes along, meaning you would not be able to control "time" in the dream because it is an alien concept, you would think you are but really all that is happening is you are seeing what I want you to see. its kind of like inception well actually it is inception I planted the seed in your mind and it just grew and you followed it like a machine, it happened not because you wanted to happen but because I made it that way. You would live out your life in the dream while your actual body would be aging away. I wouldn't need to be there to control it or keep you in there. you are stuck like a rock, UNLESS you figure it out which you wouldn't it would be impossible it would be very much real unless some how there was some tiny micro minuscule detail I missed and you caught on then it would fall apart another way would be an outside force another telepath or a dreamwalker or something to pull you out, which is honestly the most likely case, you see its a prison for you one you cannot escape but can be saved from. its near perfect if you lived a life with no absolutely no teammates or comrades or someone who wanted to use you for your power(<--most likely)
User avatar #272 to #271 - mrnaanbread (09/12/2013) [-]
But you can't affect time, even in an alternate universe that you created, and after millenia of being alone in a parallel universe, I would eventually guess, because I have eternity to figure it out, from then on I can dismantle the universe and wake up in the real world.
User avatar #273 to #272 - crazyhindu (09/12/2013) [-]
But you wouldn't have time control abilites, your physical body would die before you figured it out.
User avatar #275 to #273 - mrnaanbread (09/12/2013) [-]
Time is the same thing, no matter what dimension you're in, and since all you have is telekinetic powers (I'm assuming we're human in this scenario) you can't imagine a dimension so different that time doesn't exist.
User avatar #274 to #273 - mrnaanbread (09/12/2013) [-]
My physical body can't die, I control time.
User avatar #276 to #274 - crazyhindu (09/12/2013) [-]
but you aren't using you powers to keep yourself young, unless you can subconsciously keep them active. then you are just a comatose guy for a millenia and you would be out of my hair for a long long time, ergo defeated. and out of my way by the time you wake up I would be long gone.
User avatar #277 to #276 - mrnaanbread (09/13/2013) [-]
Why wouldn't I? And If you are dead by the time I escape, then I will turn time backwards for you until you are back and ready for me to time - torture.
User avatar #278 to #277 - crazyhindu (09/13/2013) [-]
Then I would just lather rinse repeat.
User avatar #280 to #278 - mrnaanbread (09/14/2013) [-]
You can't I'm ready for it and you're not, and I would be more careful this time, you could have infinite telekinetic powers and if I was messing with your time there would be nothing you could do, perhaps I could just bring you back but without your brain.
User avatar #266 to #265 - mrnaanbread (09/11/2013) [-]
Time always exists, it's a universal truth.
User avatar #267 to #266 - crazyhindu (09/11/2013) [-]
There is no such thing as time though.
User avatar #268 to #267 - mrnaanbread (09/11/2013) [-]
Yes there is.
User avatar #270 to #268 - crazyhindu (09/12/2013) [-]
No you see time itself isn't real it isn't tangible it is merely a concept( I'm talking real world terms here)
User avatar #26 to #22 - robotvoice (09/08/2013) [-]
prey?
what are you?
a sexual predator?
#231 to #26 - therealluffa (09/09/2013) [-]
No, he's the apex predator.
User avatar #251 to #22 - instakill (09/09/2013) [-]
personally I would say the ability to move at the speed of time (the flash can move this fast) where at full speed to you it would seem that you were moving at a normal rate but in all actuality you were moving so fast that no time at all had passed
User avatar #177 to #22 - ompalomper (09/09/2013) [-]
im not implying that you are wrong. im implying that the chance of being that telekinetically powerful would be either impossible or extremely hard.

i would just go for super intelligence and fix the damn world.

some gene plagues there, some genetic therapy elsewhere, a breakethrough in FTL travel , some energy weapons, space ships, AI and quantum computers later and we are golden for the future.

why? because i like humans and i am so ******* tired of us not colonizing mars and exploring the stars. seriously, 10 years of all of humanity not being assholes and anyone could become a demigod or even a god if we find a bunch of worlds with no sentient life on them.
User avatar #245 to #22 - unoriginalaccount ONLINE (09/09/2013) [-]
There was a movie about that.
Didn't end to well.
User avatar #156 to #22 - blackrookfiend (09/09/2013) [-]
Telepathy(and by extension influence over minds) would do the job of most of the stuff you just named pretty well too.

If we're talking about total control, then telepathy has a lot over telekinesis as not only does it allow you to more or less stay in control of your entire life without anyone even knowing, but it also makes it so that you can gain a level of enlightenment beyond a normal human being.

You could be superior without anyone even realizing it. Everyone would be your pawn and there'd be absolutely nothing anyone could do about it, as they wouldn't even be aware.

Of course, if you want to go the route of chaotic evil, then yes, telkinesis would probably be better, as it would place you at the forefront of subjugating and/or destroying all.

#242 to #22 - qqerryday (09/09/2013) [-]
Or the ability to warp reality.
That literally gives all powers you can think of and then some.
Because they don't even have to exist.
Because you control what exists and what doesn't.
User avatar #102 to #22 - bababadsheep (09/08/2013) [-]
I have been saying this for years. It's is literally the best goddamn superpower out there. It's got that power and scales up nicely, crazy ************* utility and you are basically untouchable by anyone ever. Gaining 4th dimensional being status is for pussies.
#129 to #102 - gaaay (09/08/2013) [-]
"best goddamn superpower out there."

I dunno bro, The Flash outran the concept of Death. None of this reaper ******** , he literally outran a concept, a ******* CONCEPT. Now imagine being hit by something moving faster than a concept. You're ****** . Telekinesis can't help you, he'll just outrun the concept of it.

Speed Force is some OP **** .
User avatar #132 to #129 - bababadsheep (09/08/2013) [-]
I would like to take a moment to silently appreciate how ******* powerful Flash has been built up to be. He used to just be the guy than ran fast, now he has all of this crazy **** like being faster than instantaneous travel, outrunning the concept of death, and making clothes out of fast. However I do stand by my assertion of best superpower out there. It might not be the most powerful, but you get to keep your humanity while becoming a god on Earth. I can settle for calling it subjective best at a bare minimum.
#136 to #132 - gaaay (09/08/2013) [-]
I will give you that, Speed Force is some mighty OP **** , but there's not much utility to it.

Also, the guy who wrote the comic where Flash outran the concept of death was a massive Flash fanboy, he just wanted his hero to be invincible. Though you have to hand it to him, it was within the confinements of the Speed Force power, so it's canon.
#241 to #22 - jjsh (09/09/2013) [-]
Freeze time faggot
User avatar #92 to #22 - rakdinas (09/08/2013) [-]
YOU FOOL.
the ultimate power is always be right, always telling the truth! the universe will be your playground! other than that, creation out of imagination is also very ******* powerfull.
User avatar #237 to #22 - iamcraig ONLINE (09/09/2013) [-]
Everything you say is true
Best power ever

You could even reverse what you've done with your powers
**** your telekinesis
I could just say you don't have telekinesis
#71 to #22 - arsenalthegunners (09/08/2013) [-]
welp, there is acceleration
User avatar #216 to #71 - crazyhindu (09/09/2013) [-]
dude accelerator was waaaaaaaay to ******* powerful and I loved it, another thing it wasn't acceleration more vector control
User avatar #250 to #216 - arsenalthegunners (09/09/2013) [-]
welp he could multiply that power too. But I myself, would choose this too
User avatar #230 to #22 - alltimetens (09/09/2013) [-]
Time control allows me to go back in time and kill your parents so you would have never been born. Conversation over.
#63 to #22 - mostcertainlynotop (09/08/2013) [-]
But can it tell you why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch?
User avatar #212 to #22 - crazyhindu (09/09/2013) [-]
I say the same thing with teleportation, any power can be the ultimate power, as long as you are clever.
User avatar #39 to #22 - diabolicgnome (09/08/2013) [-]
Perfect Immortality
User avatar #96 to #39 - zezenzerg (09/08/2013) [-]
that is my worst nightmare. I'd have explosive diarhhea every day for the rest of my life than be immortal.

**** that ****
User avatar #97 to #96 - diabolicgnome (09/08/2013) [-]
**** you im imortal
User avatar #203 to #22 - burningsmurfs (09/09/2013) [-]
You say that but you know half of the world would sit around masturbating without moving their hands.
User avatar #33 to #22 - anonymousbrony (09/08/2013) [-]
The power to control time can still beat someone who is telekinetic.

They can just stop everything, and age your ass until you're old as **** and your body fails on you.
User avatar #44 to #33 - maxismahname (09/08/2013) [-]
but what if you're not talking about fighting, and just other stuff
User avatar #70 to #44 - anonymousbrony (09/08/2013) [-]
I just felt like putting that out there.

In my opinion I'd rather be able to control time.
#200 to #22 - wilyamn (09/09/2013) [-]
but what happens when chronicle happen?
User avatar #24 to #22 - listerthepessimist (09/08/2013) [-]
but I want to set things on fire
User avatar #25 to #24 - huszti (09/08/2013) [-]
use lighter to set something on fire, pick up the fire with telekinesis, throw it wherever you want.
User avatar #196 to #22 - MikhailMBK (09/09/2013) [-]
And with that power you can control your own blood! think about it you prick your own finger and you have blood bullets!
User avatar #29 to #22 - Jesusnipples (09/08/2013) [-]
You could also use your telekinesis to **** with people's bowels!
User avatar #30 - summerizer (09/08/2013) [-]
I would chose being able to lick windows to determine how old they are.
User avatar #31 to #30 - ragingspacepanda (09/08/2013) [-]
no man should have that level of power over the world.... they would be to great...
User avatar #35 to #31 - summerizer (09/08/2013) [-]
These are the original Georgian windows he proclaimed, the crowd cheered as he looked to the sky knowing he had saved the day.
User avatar #36 to #35 - ragingspacepanda (09/08/2013) [-]
"Thank you Window Man!!!" shouted the people as their new hero looked upon them with his deserved bravado
User avatar #40 to #36 - summerizer (09/08/2013) [-]
By the time he had realised the widow pane was poisoned it was already too late. The poison slowly drained the life from him. As he lay dying he thought of what he loved most, being alive. A sinister figure watched from the alleyway next to the cake shop. The residential redevelopment fiend had defeated his greatest foe, the only person capable of standing in the way of his plans to flip houses evilly.

Window licker man 1234-2013
User avatar #41 to #40 - ragingspacepanda (09/08/2013) [-]
This plan had been in the works for years.... Break window with messenger brick Man had been unsuccessful in every try... Random Retarded Bird Guy had lost entire armies of minions.... and Windex Girl had thwarted the attempts of Window Shopper.... The League of Window Related Villains had nearly given up hope.... until one of them stepped forward with his plan.... it was simple.... poison the Window Man... it was the only way to stop his magnificent power...
User avatar #50 to #41 - summerizer (09/08/2013) [-]
You've ruined it, it was never meant to be this way. You've sullied the memory of window licker man, you are the true villain.
User avatar #51 to #50 - ragingspacepanda (09/08/2013) [-]
I have been hiding the secret for years..... I am..... THE WINDOW SELLER!!!!!!! Now that my greatest enemy is dead none can stop me from passing off cheap windows as antiques!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
User avatar #57 to #51 - summerizer (09/08/2013) [-]
That was the hint to stop.
User avatar #59 to #57 - ragingspacepanda (09/08/2013) [-]
But I was having fun my plan was to have a epic story of awesomeness.... which I would screepcap... and later post
#109 - wilfredfanforever (09/08/2013) [-]
I always knew I'd be famous one day.
User avatar #114 to #109 - batmanbeyonddgrave ONLINE (09/08/2013) [-]
nice power, would be nice, but telekinesis wins, hands, and asses, down.
#52 - alstorp (09/08/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#5 - anonymousbrony (09/08/2013) [-]
Would you like me to make a better crop of this for you?   
   
Seeing this hurts...
Would you like me to make a better crop of this for you?

Seeing this hurts...
User avatar #6 to #5 - ragingspacepanda (09/08/2013) [-]
go ahead
#219 to #7 - megusters (09/09/2013) [-]
Nice job.
Nice job.
#238 to #219 - anonymousbrony (09/09/2013) [-]
I'm flattered by all these thumbs and your compliment, but what I did isn't hard.   
It only takes a minute
I'm flattered by all these thumbs and your compliment, but what I did isn't hard.
It only takes a minute
User avatar #247 to #238 - megusters (09/09/2013) [-]
I know. I just wanted an excuse to use the only Dwight gif I had.
User avatar #121 - Noah (09/08/2013) [-]
My friend has an entire superhero persona based around this.
His name is ********* .
His lair is a cave that looks like an ass, and the cheeks spread to reveal an exit for his signature vehicle, a large brown bus.
User avatar #123 to #121 - ragingspacepanda (09/08/2013) [-]
does he have a sidekick? maybe named Dookie Boy?
User avatar #125 to #123 - Noah (09/08/2013) [-]
I think his name is **** Drizzle, he's Canadian.



He talks about this a lot.
User avatar #165 to #125 - leonhardtv (09/09/2013) [-]
Sure likes to talk **** .
User avatar #149 to #121 - wilfredfanforever (09/08/2013) [-]
I would like to meet this extraordinary individual
User avatar #181 to #121 - mangostormlegend (09/09/2013) [-]
Is the bus named the ********* ?
User avatar #111 - wlflvr (09/08/2013) [-]
The ability to change the grain of wood would be nice...
User avatar #112 to #111 - ragingspacepanda (09/08/2013) [-]
so you can turn a unsanded plank of wood into a high class table at the snap of a finger? Profit!!
User avatar #115 to #112 - wlflvr (09/08/2013) [-]
Nah. Just the direction of the grain. You're building it up too much...
User avatar #116 to #115 - ragingspacepanda (09/08/2013) [-]
so I guess you could go to someones house.... and change the coffee table.... just to **** with them...
User avatar #118 to #116 - wlflvr (09/08/2013) [-]
Yup that's about it... I don't have much ambition
User avatar #119 to #118 - ragingspacepanda (09/08/2013) [-]
or.... you could be the ultimate super villain..... no hero's wood furniture is safe.... from.... GRAIN CHANGE MAN!!!!!
User avatar #120 to #119 - wlflvr (09/08/2013) [-]
It doesn't really effect the structural integrity. Just makes sanding inconvenient.
User avatar #122 to #120 - ragingspacepanda (09/08/2013) [-]
well.... your power could potentially cause some splinters..... so.... BEWARE GRAIN CHANGER MAN!!!
User avatar #124 to #122 - wlflvr (09/08/2013) [-]
Yeah... Because the name "Splinter" is already taken. I'm good with GCM
User avatar #127 to #124 - ragingspacepanda (09/08/2013) [-]
"Thanks Superman for inviting me for tea!!! say.... is that table.... mahogany?.... oh? it is? shame if you were .... GET A SPLINTER!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!" (evil laughter and runs off)
User avatar #128 to #127 - wlflvr (09/08/2013) [-]
I don't think wood can puncture Superman's flesh if a bullet can't...
User avatar #130 to #128 - ragingspacepanda (09/08/2013) [-]
even Superman is susceptible to the worst things in existence..... like paper cuts.... jamming finger in door.... and stubbing of the toe..... I have thought up a entire group of super villains that just cause inconveniences for super heroes...
User avatar #131 to #130 - wlflvr (09/08/2013) [-]
Well, I hope that I could be amongst them
User avatar #135 to #131 - ragingspacepanda (09/08/2013) [-]
they are....
Stubbman!!! With the power to divert your toe to any cornered surface!
PaperCunt!!! With the amazing ability to even cut steel with his paper of doom!
DoorJam!!! Who can break oak with his diabolical door slamming
and.... the evilest of all....
SplinterSinister..... he who can use all wood items to cause splinters that even the finest tip tweezers cannot pull out!!!!! (SplinterSinister was easier to say than Grain Changer Man)

Had to delete and resend cause I messed up first time
User avatar #137 to #135 - ragingspacepanda (09/08/2013) [-]
also... didn't realize till now... but PaperCunt is supposed to be a she
User avatar #138 to #135 - wlflvr (09/08/2013) [-]
Bothersome 5! Assemble!
User avatar #139 to #138 - ragingspacepanda (09/08/2013) [-]
5? damn.... now I have to figure out a fifth villain... hmmm.....
Tacobellerina! Her delicious tacos will make even Batman have the runs!
User avatar #141 to #139 - wlflvr (09/08/2013) [-]
Quick! To the Fortress of Inconvenience! Located at the North Pole
User avatar #142 to #141 - ragingspacepanda (09/08/2013) [-]
In our patented 5 seated Inconvenmobile!!!
User avatar #143 to #142 - wlflvr (09/08/2013) [-]
Time to plan for world domination.
1)Put all headphone chords into desk chair wheels
2)Replace all dollar menu items from $1 to $1.01
3)Make all Stoplights last long enough for only 1 car to go through
4)????
5)Profit
#257 to #143 - chords (09/09/2013) [-]
i am refusing to do so
User avatar #145 to #143 - ragingspacepanda (09/08/2013) [-]
and.... borrow some change from people! so that when they go to a vending machine they will not have enough for their delicious snack or beverage!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!
0
#133 to #130 - ragingspacepanda Comment deleted by ragingspacepanda [-]
#172 - applerapist (09/09/2013) [-]
I would like pyrokinesis so I can burn anything and anyone i want in an instant.
User avatar #199 to #172 - goodatlosing (09/09/2013) [-]
Same video as that ProperInsanityWolf guy posted. But better. vimeo.com/53020467
#204 to #199 - ProperInsanityWolf (09/09/2013) [-]
I posted the edited one because children use this site, and you go and ruin things for them
User avatar #205 to #204 - goodatlosing (09/09/2013) [-]
Any children on this site are ****** up worse than the people in the video. If there's one thing FunnyJunk disapproves of its censoring.
User avatar #208 to #205 - ProperInsanityWolf (09/09/2013) [-]
actually we dont care for unnecessary censoring. clearly you dont have kids which is alright because you shouldn't reproduce.
User avatar #234 to #208 - goodatlosing (09/09/2013) [-]
Because I posted the link to the original? I think the one who is enraged by the fact that someone appreciates the original regardless of content, may be the one who should keep their seed. I'm sure any other "reproduction worthy" person would agree.
#178 to #172 - ProperInsanityWolf (09/09/2013) [-]
damn dude that's pretty ******* harsh. burning alive is not something to laugh about. watch this video.

User avatar #180 to #178 - applerapist (09/09/2013) [-]
I would really only burn someone if they were trying to do something like say mug me or rape me. But I agree burning alive is a terrible fate
User avatar #193 to #180 - ProperInsanityWolf (09/09/2013) [-]
rape you? your name is apple rapist. I hope you drown in apple juice
User avatar #195 to #193 - applerapist (09/09/2013) [-]
Apples arent the only thing I get my hands around
Citrus and other fruits cry at the sight of me
#185 - ProperInsanityWolf (09/09/2013) [-]
If i could have any ONE power i would only want the ability to push ideas into the minds of others. not control their thoughts exactly just like a whisper in their ear that provokes them. i would have people covering themselves in Vaseline rolling on the floor naked and whatnot
If i could have any ONE power i would only want the ability to push ideas into the minds of others. not control their thoughts exactly just like a whisper in their ear that provokes them. i would have people covering themselves in Vaseline rolling on the floor naked and whatnot
User avatar #186 to #185 - ragingspacepanda (09/09/2013) [-]
"we need to go deeper"
#101 - anon (09/08/2013) [-]
In misfits a character killed and brain damaged everyone with his power of milk. Who's laughing at that ****** power now
#60 - anon (09/08/2013) [-]
Am I the only one who wants to be invisible so I can walk around and **** chicks in public?
#244 - bdowns (09/09/2013) [-]
**bdowns rolled a random image posted in comment #60 at Miley Has Gone Downhill **
User avatar #76 - tittylovin (09/08/2013) [-]
wilfredfanforever
you are a god among men
User avatar #78 to #76 - ragingspacepanda (09/08/2013) [-]
wilfredfanforever is love...
wilfredfanforever is life...
+2
#72 - zmbz **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #73 to #72 - telekinesis (09/08/2013) [-]
I am best power.
No bitches beat me.
0
#74 to #73 - zmbz **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#77 to #72 - Silver Quantum ONLINE (09/08/2013) [-]
come at me bro
User avatar #107 to #77 - renegadesparks **User deleted account** (09/08/2013) [-]
as deadpool proves, mixing stupid fast regeneration and cancer is a dangerous thing
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#82 to #77 - zmbz **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #87 to #82 - Silver Quantum ONLINE (09/08/2013) [-]
dude, he can regenerate entire organs
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#90 to #87 - zmbz **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
0
#89 to #87 - zmbz **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #93 to #89 - Silver Quantum ONLINE (09/08/2013) [-]
when i said he can regenerate entire organs, i meant his healing ability eats cancer cells for breakfast. sounds pretty retarded that he can regenerate and heal almost instantly but his weakness would be cancer
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#95 to #93 - zmbz **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #222 to #95 - crazyhindu (09/09/2013) [-]
Wolverine doesn't have a regen factor he in fact has a healing factor.
User avatar #98 to #95 - Silver Quantum ONLINE (09/08/2013) [-]
"he can't "heal" like "oh, i've got aids, let me get rid of that""
how do you know?
#81 to #72 - yomommabinshoppin (09/08/2013) [-]
control time
I do a time stop, stops deterioration of body whilst I go find the cure to cancer
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#85 to #81 - zmbz **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#86 to #85 - yomommabinshoppin (09/08/2013) [-]
I control time, meaning everybody and everything will stop moving unless I release it. That means teachers, test subjects, scientists, and I can pause the electrons sending pain to my brain, I can pause the cancer from spreading, all I need to do it pause certain things in time
0
#83 to #81 - zmbz **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #34 - shibe ONLINE (09/08/2013) [-]
The Gerogerigegege - The Most Epic Bowel Movement EVER

Gonna put this here...
#162 to #34 - ihavedabigboob (09/09/2013) [-]
what the actual ****
User avatar #163 to #162 - shibe ONLINE (09/09/2013) [-]
Musique Concrete is something special isn't it?

Of yea and it's music.

Art.

Avant-Garde
#243 - hakuoftehdance (09/09/2013) [-]
Relevancy at it's finest...
User avatar #183 - meganinja (09/09/2013) [-]
I like the ability to manipulate reality to my will. But that's kinda stretching the difference between a super-power and god-status. If I had to tone it down a bit, it would be the power to change any atom/molecule into a different atom/molecule.

You may be thinking "oh that sounds pretty cool, you could like, turn a brick into solid gold and then sell it to make money" or something along those lines. Yeah, I guess you could do that. But guess what, the air is made out of atoms. Do you get what that ******* means? That means that if somebody shoots at you, you ******* make a steel wall, or a lead wall, or a kevlar wall out of ******* thin air. Or better yet you could turn the bullet into air as it's coming at you. Or better yet you could turn the gun into air as it's coming at you. Or better yet, turn the person's joints into solid bone, so they can't move anything. Or better yet, change the synapses in the person's brain so they don't even want to shoot at you anymore.

Don't like somebody, there's different ways to take care of that too. Delete their intestines and let nature take care of itself, delete a finger, add cancer, make their wang smaller, or add on a wang if they're a chick, take small chunks out of their brain to make them mentally inferior, put little clusters of Uranium atoms throughout their body, implant a lego onto their foot so they step on it with every step, put fecal matter in their colon so they have to take a dump then and there, etc.
User avatar #184 to #183 - ragingspacepanda (09/09/2013) [-]
so.... if a girl breaks up with you.... turn her vagina into fire?
User avatar #187 to #184 - meganinja (09/09/2013) [-]
well, pretty much yeah. Or if she doesn't break up with you, you could make her boobs bigger or something. Do what you want man.
#189 to #187 - ProperInsanityWolf (09/09/2013) [-]
can i make bacon out of thin air? because that would be the only practical use of this power
User avatar #191 to #189 - meganinja (09/09/2013) [-]
yes you could. You'd be like the ultimate alchemist.
#192 to #191 - ProperInsanityWolf (09/09/2013) [-]
easy there buddy, i wouldn't go that far
User avatar #211 to #183 - warioteam (09/09/2013) [-]
To judge "fairness" of a superpower (like if you pitched the idea to marvel/dc)
I like to see if there is a partial piece of logic you could use to get it.
like spider-man got bit and got climbing powers, batman is just really good at martial arts and has money.
#175 - melonllama (09/09/2013) [-]
**melonllama rolled a random image posted in comment #78 at Internet usage throughout the day. ** My dream power.
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