Superpowers. This guy seems pretty cool.. it If I had superpowers l I would tletm' just want he fly. But I thort' t think I' d ever save people so much as just
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Superpowers

Superpowers. This guy seems pretty cool.. it If I had superpowers l I would tletm' just want he fly. But I thort' t think I' d ever save people so much as just

This guy seems pretty cool.

it If I had superpowers l
I would tletm' just want he fly. But I thort' t think I' d ever save people so much
as just mess with them. Loire___ if SUEDE? bumped into me, I 1; -meld make
myself slowly drift away into the star. screaming in tmorrow. Or stand in Central
Park and held on to the grass and matte my legs float up and scream "NO, ND.
Ncr, Ncr, NO. Ncy, I think that' s a better use net everyones time. I had
fun and they had a story to tell their friends.
...
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Views: 47217
Favorited: 195
Submitted: 09/07/2013
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Comments(176):

[ 176 comments ]
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
User avatar #3 - apocalypticburrito ONLINE (09/07/2013) [-]
If i was hit by a fat person i would just float around like being stuck in their orbit
User avatar #55 to #3 - useroftheLOLZ (09/08/2013) [-]
Better yet, when a fat person walks by you...

>Start acting supper scared
>Start screaming for help
>Begin to act like you are floating towards said fat person
>Grab onto something for dear life
>Make it look like your personal mass is being pulled into the gravity of the fat person
>continue to start shouting
"THE GRAVITY WELL IS MALFUNCTIONING! IT'S TOO STRONG!"
>Let go
>Begin to float around fat person
>Scream at other people warning them to not approach, lest they get caught into the fat persons personal gravity
>Tell other people that only Weight Watchers or Jarred can help me, since Zyzz is no longer with us
>If a fatter person gets close to the fat person I am orbiting, start screaming
MOTHER ****** , NOW ITS GOING TO BE EVEN HARDER TO GET ME OUT OF THIS MESS
>Start orbiting fatter person

#49 - wilfredfanforever (09/08/2013) [-]
I want the power to control 			****		 and bowel movements. I would be able to make people have the most powerful bowel movement of their life. And I could control how it would come out. Large, long, and painful or excruciatingly long but hot, wet, and foul smelling diarrhea. I would be the ultimate warrior. The cops would aim their pistols and have the German Shepherds on leashes, ready to pounce.. and I would just laugh and with a single wave of my arm it would be over. They'd drop their weapons and clench their stomachs as they experience the most painfully hot, wettest 			****		 of their lives. the dogs too. I would simply walk away.    
   
Whenever a post about superpowers comes up, I post this. Because what could be better?
I want the power to control **** and bowel movements. I would be able to make people have the most powerful bowel movement of their life. And I could control how it would come out. Large, long, and painful or excruciatingly long but hot, wet, and foul smelling diarrhea. I would be the ultimate warrior. The cops would aim their pistols and have the German Shepherds on leashes, ready to pounce.. and I would just laugh and with a single wave of my arm it would be over. They'd drop their weapons and clench their stomachs as they experience the most painfully hot, wettest **** of their lives. the dogs too. I would simply walk away.

Whenever a post about superpowers comes up, I post this. Because what could be better?
User avatar #64 to #49 - ragingspacepanda (09/08/2013) [-]
Sir.... I'm going to screen-cap this comment and upload it..... and also give you all credit.... Is that okay with you? I don't wanna be a douche and steal your infinite wisdom.
+1
#177 to #49 - Sunset has deleted their comment [-]
#54 to #49 - ffinfinity ONLINE (09/08/2013) [-]
your only weakness would be people who just had enemas. Their face when you try your power.
your only weakness would be people who just had enemas. Their face when you try your power.
User avatar #6 - useroftheLOLZ (09/07/2013) [-]
>Write suicide note
>Have friend contact police
>Go to tall building
>Stand on edge
>Wait for large crowd to gather
>Negotiate with police
>Talk about how I can never do anything right
>Break down
>Jump
>Switch orientation so that I am upside down
>Scream
SEE I ******* TOLD YOU SO!
>Float up into the sky
>Hide for three days
>Dress up like Jesus
>Finally, on the third day of being gone, and making sure third day is on the 2013 new year, descend from the sky, into a heavily populated area
>Say you are Jesus, and that I am just checking up on everyone
>After a few days, "tell the truth" that I am an alien, and my race was just trying to raise humans into something great, and confess that humans are a failure
>Laugh as religion goes ape **** , finally, on last day, say that humans can redeem themselves, by finding us in space, then and only then, will we be equals, and humans be great
>Ascend back into the sky
>Comeback
>Enjoy humanity getting it's **** together
#25 to #6 - blackboyssjten (09/07/2013) [-]
make me lvl 2 so I can thumb this comment/ content
#30 to #25 - rakoom (09/08/2013) [-]
No.
User avatar #135 to #6 - wargeneralwest (09/08/2013) [-]
or they just shoot you
#162 to #6 - vikingesnumerouno (09/08/2013) [-]
thas genius
thas genius
#8 to #6 - raggiemuffin (09/07/2013) [-]
BRiLLiANT
#24 to #6 - arreatface (09/07/2013) [-]
oh wait...
User avatar #29 to #6 - ompalomper ONLINE (09/08/2013) [-]
you are the hero humanity doesn't deserve but the one it needs right now
#34 to #6 - rakoom (09/08/2013) [-]
What I like the most about this is the "3 days in the sky" thing. I can imagine you being up there for three days and then having to take a crap. It would probably float upwards (or if it just felt down, which would be just as hilarious, people would be dodging falling crap everywhere randomly and you've just invented a new form of terrorism). And then, as it floats out, freezing completely, astronauts would discover a new, strange material. They would identify that it smells like **** , is icky and has a dark colour, and would declare that there are aliens out there filling space with crap. Philosophers decide that having flying **** in space would be bad in the long-term, and scientists discern that it would be bad for our ozone-layer to recieve too much of it if a huge-ass load were to burn up in the atmosphere.

And that, would be the day when humanity decided that it wouldn't take crap from anyone.
User avatar #169 to #34 - supamonkey (09/08/2013) [-]
surely you would just fly up high enough that people couldn't see you anymore and then fly on over to barbados or something for the three days
#170 to #169 - rakoom (09/08/2013) [-]
Barbados? What difference would that make?
User avatar #171 to #170 - supamonkey (09/08/2013) [-]
I'm pretty sure there's rum in barbados.
#172 to #171 - rakoom (09/08/2013) [-]
In the sky?
User avatar #173 to #172 - supamonkey (09/08/2013) [-]
No I mean fly and land in barbados, where no-one is going to recognise you.
#174 to #173 - rakoom (09/08/2013) [-]
Nah, but I'm sure that if anybody ever noticed you before landing, it'd be as big news there as anywhere else.
#26 to #6 - darkace (09/07/2013) [-]
Just putting this out there, how will a major hunt for aliens in space help humanity get its **** together, you didn't tell them to not kill and other crap that might make the human race better off in order to redeem our selves you just said find your non existent alien race in outer space...
User avatar #50 to #26 - useroftheLOLZ (09/08/2013) [-]
I forgot to write the part that I would claim that all the major figures and saints, from the bible, were actually a race of alien beings, who wanted to make humanity progress. So humans believing that aliens exist and that they have been trying to help humanity + aliens saying that humans failed + offer of redemption from what they believe to be their creators = Humanity searching for something that isn't there, because of a false hope, and though that hope may be a lie, it would be a necessary one, because when you think about it, are not ideas like Good, Evil, and Justice, just lies we need to believe in order for society to function? And while my actions would fade into history and legend as centuries go by, the consequences won't, I would have saved humanity from it's self, by scattering humans into the stars, so that when you would look up into the sky, you would know that at least, you are not alone in the vast nothingness.
#88 to #26 - creepyunclebob (09/08/2013) [-]
Space programs need more funding. This would give it to them.
User avatar #10 to #6 - metalmind (09/07/2013) [-]
That sounds like stalins son, who tried to shoot himself about beeing gay.

His fathers remarks when he failed:
"He can't even shoot straight".
User avatar #9 to #6 - sanguinesolitude ONLINE (09/07/2013) [-]
try that in america and you will just get shot. Goddamn aliens hating our freedom.
#27 - rasp (09/07/2013) [-]
vimeo.com/69882318 it can be creepy too
User avatar #115 to #27 - corpsedolly (09/08/2013) [-]
It's like deathnote except no notebook or shinnigami.
User avatar #133 to #27 - indigoflows (09/08/2013) [-]
do you mind explaining to me what the ending was about? Im not good at movie analysis
User avatar #69 to #27 - Weekendman (09/08/2013) [-]
That was awesome.
User avatar #42 to #27 - mynameiskeanu ONLINE (09/08/2013) [-]
i want more
User avatar #51 to #27 - astrozombies **User deleted account** (09/08/2013) [-]
pretty sure that needs to be turned into a movie.
User avatar #28 to #27 - ompalomper ONLINE (09/08/2013) [-]
now that was some tight ****
User avatar #70 - mindsculptorjace (09/08/2013) [-]
pssstt...guys:
>click link
> acquire superpower
powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Special:Random
User avatar #119 to #70 - veteranoguy ONLINE (09/08/2013) [-]
powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Gun_Protrusion

I'm very pleased with mine.
User avatar #124 to #70 - spooooce (09/08/2013) [-]
I'm like a Demi-God ... I ... I am pleased powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Lunar_Manipulation
User avatar #146 to #70 - xXMAQXx (09/08/2013) [-]
powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Pessimism_Inducement

i basically turned into a a douche bag
User avatar #77 to #70 - reginleaf (09/08/2013) [-]
powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Electromagnetic_Pulse_Emission

But I live on the internet, so it's basically the same as not having powers...
User avatar #79 to #77 - mindsculptorjace (09/08/2013) [-]
Wouldn't an EMP affect human nervous system?
User avatar #117 to #79 - mitchr (09/08/2013) [-]
It scrambles circuits, I thought.

If I could choose any one power, though, I'd choose magnetism. For one thing, you have control over all iron-based-alloys everywhere. That's just about everything, so you could level countries and raise cities.

Oh, and do remember that iron is used in the human bloodstream to carry oxygen.
User avatar #94 to #93 - mindsculptorjace (09/08/2013) [-]
Anything organic will do, not just insects.

IE, you could cut off and use the arm of someone who cut yours off
User avatar #98 to #94 - exhaustedheadcase (09/08/2013) [-]
i dont think im going to be making any friends if people come upon me eating the dead flesh of my enemies either
i mean i could chase after them and explain the situation but i think the damage would already by done
User avatar #100 to #98 - mindsculptorjace (09/08/2013) [-]
Anyone who DOESN'T want to befriend you is a fool.
User avatar #102 to #100 - exhaustedheadcase (09/08/2013) [-]
you raise a very valid point
User avatar #149 to #70 - knightshalberd (09/08/2013) [-]
Um holy crap guys. I kinda became a god. powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Grand_Design_Construction
#161 to #70 - heroicvenom (09/08/2013) [-]
powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Biological_Manipulation

I feel this is appropriate for me

semi related pic
#163 to #70 - samxixam (09/08/2013) [-]
powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Digestive_Shapeshifting
but.. i don't want to be a cannibal...
User avatar #176 to #70 - hdherpderp ONLINE (09/08/2013) [-]
powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Power_Source_Creating

I am the demon of empire city.
User avatar #108 to #70 - mitchr (09/08/2013) [-]
powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Melancholy_Manipulation

Not bad. I would be guilt tripping people all over the place.
Actually, I wouldn't want to use it. So I shall reroll for the hell of it.
User avatar #111 to #108 - mitchr (09/08/2013) [-]
powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Non-Corporeal_Form

I have ascended creation. I am now... wait. Does this along with sadness make me a ghost?
That was my nickname in Middle School because I am so pale.
User avatar #147 to #70 - ultiomos (09/08/2013) [-]
powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Hypercompetence
I think that's pretty good.
#131 to #70 - klaedarkness (09/08/2013) [-]
powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Vertigo_Inducement
My God I could have fun with this.
User avatar #82 to #70 - charlesnightmare (09/08/2013) [-]
Well. I think I am the winner here.

powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Game_Over
User avatar #83 to #82 - mindsculptorjace (09/08/2013) [-]
**mindsculptorjace clicks a couple more times in vain attempt at victory**
well well well....powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Meta_Ability_Creation

>create ability to exsist outisde totality
User avatar #84 to #83 - charlesnightmare (09/08/2013) [-]
Well I guess we are in a Mexican stand off then.
User avatar #87 to #84 - mindsculptorjace (09/08/2013) [-]
....I'm pretty sure I win. Even when there is nothing left to exist, or not exist for that matter, in; I yet live.
User avatar #89 to #87 - charlesnightmare (09/08/2013) [-]
Pretty empty existence. Then again your power can probibly come up with somthing.
User avatar #85 to #82 - delio (09/08/2013) [-]
well **** , thats not over powered in anyway or anything. Still wouldnt that mean you'd have to be suicidal to use it?
User avatar #86 to #85 - charlesnightmare (09/08/2013) [-]
Pretty much, totally a supervillan power so if my plan fails I just ruin everything for everyone else.
User avatar #123 to #70 - ulash (09/08/2013) [-]
powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Broom_Flight

of all the god damned things I could have had...
#157 to #70 - pokemonmastersteve **User deleted account** (09/08/2013) [-]
Smog Manipulation
User avatar #156 to #70 - battlecheese (09/08/2013) [-]
powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Boundless_Inner_World
This thing is like a package of other OP powers.
User avatar #158 to #154 - spyisspy ONLINE (09/08/2013) [-]
so you can make people get over there?
#120 to #70 - mikepetru (09/08/2013) [-]
I can make people go INSANE!!!!   
   
powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Sanity_Theft
I can make people go INSANE!!!!

powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Sanity_Theft
User avatar #168 to #153 - kingarturi (09/08/2013) [-]
well that isn't op
#183 to #168 - Echoe (09/12/2013) [-]
Yeah no doubt eh
User avatar #109 to #70 - andromedika (09/08/2013) [-]
powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Typhokinetic_Combat

I guess I'm the new "Infamous: Second Son" hero.
User avatar #150 to #70 - zaruthalus (09/08/2013) [-]
powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Chrono_Vision I actually really like this one! Lucky!
#107 to #70 - corpsedolly (09/08/2013) [-]
I got swordarm and I immediately thought of Edward
User avatar #148 to #70 - theincrediblemrk (09/08/2013) [-]
I got omnipotence, woohoo.
#103 to #70 - John Cena (09/08/2013) [-]
Can we reroll once? The one I got is completely useless.
User avatar #104 to #103 - mindsculptorjace (09/08/2013) [-]
What is it?
#106 to #104 - John Cena (09/08/2013) [-]
powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Mass_Reduction
If I could control size/mass in both directions, it would be awesome, but when it's only one way it kind of sucks.
User avatar #128 to #106 - kingarturi (09/08/2013) [-]
can you not imagine what you could do with this?
#164 to #128 - John Cena (09/08/2013) [-]
I could make myself not fat anymore, but that's about it.
User avatar #165 to #164 - kingarturi (09/08/2013) [-]
not just yourself everything you can make that one girl you like less dense than air and she would literally float away or make her so heavy she would fall through the earth make planes fall out of the sky and cars fly into space you can make yourself fly. make it so no one can pick up a 100 dollar bill there is lots of fun stuff you can do.
#166 to #165 - John Cena (09/08/2013) [-]
Nope, the one I actually rolled only lets you decrease size and mass. I could shrink something or make it lighter, but then I couldn't undo it. If I could increase and decrease them, it would be great, but the one I rolled isn't that good. But if you look down a few comments, you'll see that I rerolled and got something unarguably badass.
User avatar #110 to #106 - mindsculptorjace (09/08/2013) [-]
You don't change their size. just their mass.
#112 to #110 - John Cena (09/08/2013) [-]
Look at the applications section. It includes size. Either way though, if I can't regrow something or increase it's mass too, it's not very useful (in my opinion).
#116 to #112 - John Cena (09/08/2013) [-]
OH SHI-
Rerolled and got powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Dragon_Magic
That's more like it.
User avatar #97 to #95 - mindsculptorjace (09/08/2013) [-]
We can chill together after charlesnightmare uses his power
User avatar #99 to #97 - letsmakeout (09/08/2013) [-]
That would be fun
User avatar #137 to #70 - faithrider (09/08/2013) [-]
powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Black_Hole_Manipulation

i can finally **** EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
User avatar #92 to #91 - mindsculptorjace (09/08/2013) [-]
"The user can only use this power when a rule or law has been broken. "

Haha, I can banish anyone.
User avatar #132 to #70 - blackmore ONLINE (09/08/2013) [-]
The embodiment of war. **** YA!
User avatar #130 to #70 - invshika (09/08/2013) [-]
TEMPORAL ENTITY PHYSIOLOGY

******* WRECKING ****
User avatar #127 to #70 - cosmicapprentice (09/08/2013) [-]
LOL I don't see how would this be helpful
powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Sonic_Psychometry
User avatar #140 to #127 - bikester (09/08/2013) [-]
wut
User avatar #134 to #127 - kingarturi (09/08/2013) [-]
you'd make an amazing detective.
User avatar #139 to #134 - cosmicapprentice (09/08/2013) [-]
Yeah now that I think of it it would be handy for investigations, but then again, imagine just at the beginning, if I'm wasn't able to control my power there would be an innumerable amount of stories, and I think that could **** me up lol.
User avatar #143 to #139 - kingarturi (09/08/2013) [-]
ya that could get annoying fast. but imagine the stories you could here from ancient artifacts or painting, the stories you could hear.
User avatar #136 to #126 - kingarturi (09/08/2013) [-]
after reading others i want a reroll. mine seems tame.
User avatar #145 to #136 - kingarturi (09/08/2013) [-]
powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Perfect_Activation I would make an amzing support character. I think. i don't really understand what this does but it sound cool.
#73 to #70 - arrogant (09/08/2013) [-]
Well clearly I got ****** over
User avatar #181 to #73 - kevlar (09/09/2013) [-]
you could be Buddha.
User avatar #74 to #73 - mindsculptorjace (09/08/2013) [-]
I know there's a pun here somewhere.
#7 - dedaluminus (09/07/2013) [-]
No no no no no no no noooooo!
No no no no no no no noooooo!
User avatar #33 - fightforfate (09/08/2013) [-]
get someone to punch you and fly away shouting: we're blasting off again!
#59 - kaycie (09/08/2013) [-]
Before this movie came out I always thought that if I got the ability to fly I'd do a talent show and show off, and just fly around and see the world, go as high as I could and let myself free fall just for thrills, fly over the ocean, levitate around only inches about the ground...   
   
It's probably why I 			*******		 loved Chronicle because it was like my fantasy come to life.
Before this movie came out I always thought that if I got the ability to fly I'd do a talent show and show off, and just fly around and see the world, go as high as I could and let myself free fall just for thrills, fly over the ocean, levitate around only inches about the ground...

It's probably why I ******* loved Chronicle because it was like my fantasy come to life.
#46 - AxeexA (09/08/2013) [-]
Id get really drunk loud then get the attention of cops let them cuff me on the ground then float into the air yelling noone will believe you
User avatar #4 - mattymattwithahat (09/07/2013) [-]
I would **** with so many people on judgement day.
#151 - biggrand (09/08/2013) [-]
> learn to fly   
> order hot dog at hot dog stand   
> do this when the food touches my hand as he hands it to me   
> people assume glitch in the matrix   
> 			****		 bitches
> learn to fly
> order hot dog at hot dog stand
> do this when the food touches my hand as he hands it to me
> people assume glitch in the matrix
> **** bitches
User avatar #80 - darkjustifier ONLINE (09/08/2013) [-]
I would actually like meat vision.
User avatar #67 - superpower (09/08/2013) [-]
Oh, this post is why I'm getting notified so much.
#175 - darthtiberius (09/08/2013) [-]
I always thought that if I ever got superpowers, I'd pretend they had massive limitations. Like if I could fly, I'd tell people I can only pilot invisible vehicles as long as I'm making their noise. So I'd just be like this cruising around going "Vroom Vroom Vroom!"
User avatar #144 - wonderlandman (09/08/2013) [-]
i would buy a balloon and just let it pull me up into the sky
+1
#178 - seelcudoom has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #160 - spawnsy (09/08/2013) [-]
Y'all ************* would do some weird **** , I like it
User avatar #57 - agentdennis ONLINE (09/08/2013) [-]
If I could fly, I'd do lots of fun **** . I go out in public and just do regular stuff until at some random moment, launch myself flailing straight up into the sky as high as I could go.

Imagine the horror on people's face when a man just launches into the air while screaming his lungs out and flailing all his limbs.
#36 - thegamerslife (09/08/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
User avatar #56 - orangepikmin (09/08/2013) [-]
I WOULD WANT THE POWERS OF WALDO

NO ONE WOULD EVER FIND/ CATCH ME
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