I LAUGHED so HARD I BARE.'' r '
After I retired. my wife insisted that I / her on her trips to Walmart.
Unfortunately. We most men. I him: st' hrvati) boring and to get in and
get out, Equally , my wife is he reisst ‘Aachen - she loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the ' letter from the local 'Stalwart
Dear Mrs, Woolf.
Over the past six months. your busier" -5 has caused quite a commotion in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and notte been forced to ban both of you from the
store. Our complaints against your (, Mr, 'Adolf, are listed below and are
documented by our video surveillance cameras".
l, June 15: He took 24 boxes of CW? and randomly put them in other people' s
carts when they weren' t looking,
2. July , Set all the alarm clocks m -so-._. . ~. ares to go off at 5-
3, July P, He made a trail of tomato we on the floor leading to the
women' s restroom,
4, July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Getty" ''. This caused the
employee to leave her asigned saw and Mintue a reprimand from her Supervisor
that in turn resulted in management 1: 3 causing management to lose
time and costing the company misery-
5. August -1: Went to the Service Desire and tried to reserve a bag of
6, August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area,
I August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children
8, August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed, 'Why can' t you people just leave me alone?'
Emergency Medics were called.
9, September q Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while
he picked his nose,
IO, September IO', While handling guns in the Sports department, he
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were,
ll, 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly
humming the l Mission Impossible' theme,
12. E: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look‘ by using
different sizes of funnels,
13. 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
M, 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed
the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT' S THOSE V( DACES AGAIN!
15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room
And last, but not least:
16, 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There' s no toilet paper in
here,' One of the Staff passed out.