John cleese Ladies and gentlemen
ALERTS TD THREATS
Fran JOHN CLEESE
The English are feeling the pinch in relation recent event: in Syria and have therefore
raked their :eca. rity level from "Miffed" "Peeved." Seen, thaugh, security level: may be
raked yet again "Irritated" er even "gt Bit Cross." The English have net been "gt Bit
wen" :ince the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-
category: ed from "Tire: eme" ht "gt Bloody ." The last time the British issued a
Bloody " warning level m: in ISM, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Samt: have raked their threat level from "Pissed off" N "Let: get the Bastards." They
don' t have any ether gavels. This is the they have been med en the frend line of the
British army for the last year:
The French government announced yesterday that it has raked its 'terror alert level from
Run" "Hide." The only we higher level: in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The
rise m: precipitated by a recent fire that : trayed France 's white flag factory,
effectively paralyzing the country': military capability.
Italy has Andrea: ed the alert level from "Sheet madly and E: 11: " N "Elaborate Military
Posturing." Tm mere levels remain: "Ineffective Combat " and "change sides."
The German: have Andrea: ed their alert :tate from " " "bug in
Uniform and Sing Songs." They also have ' higher level:: "Invade a Neighbour"
Belgian, en the ether hand, are all on holiday a: usual: the only threat they are wearied
about is HATS pulling out of Brussels ..
The Spanish are all excited we their new :nhmarine: ready deploy. Then beautifully
designed subs have glass m the new Spanish navy can get a really good leek at the
old Spanish navy.
Australia, meanwhile, has raked its security level from "He worrie:" "She' ll be right,
Mate." Tm mere e: canadien level: remain: "Crikey! I think we' ll need cancel the barbie
this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." Se far PM situation has ever warranted we of
the last final e: canadien level.
John Gleam ,
British writer, and tall person
And a: a final theslight - Greece is collapsing, the Iranian: are getting aggressive, and Heme
is in disarray. Welcome back BC.