Shit people say in courtrooms. I dont even.... PEOPLE MY IN Attorney: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? Witness: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. Atto
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Shit people say in courtrooms

**** PEOPLE MY IN
Attorney: What gear were you in at the
moment of the impact?
Witness: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Attorney: Are you sexually active?
Witness: No, Must lie there.
Attorney: What is your date of birth?
Witness: July 18th.
Attorney: What year?
Witness: Every year.
Attorney: This grails, does it
affect your memory at all?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And in what way does it affect
your memory?
Witness: I forget.
Attorney: You forget? Can you give us an
example of something you forgot?
Attorney: Now doctor, isn' t it true that when
a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn' t know about it until the
next morning?
Witness: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Attorney: The youngest son, the ,
how old is he?
Witness: He' s 20, much like your IQ.
Attorney: Were you present when your
picture was taken?
Witness: Are you ******** me?
Attorney: So, the date of conception was
August tth?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And what were you doing at that
time?
Witness: Getting laid.
Attorney: She had three children, right?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: How many were boys?
Witness: None.
Attorney: Were there any girls?
Witness: Your Honor, I think I need a
different attorney. Can I get a new
attorney?
Attorney: How was your first marriage
terminated?
Witness: By death.
Attorney: And by who' s death was it
terminated?
Witness: Take a guess.
Attorney: Can you describe the individual?
Witness: He was about medium height and
had a beard.
Attorney: Was this a male or a female?
Witness: Unless the circus was in town, I' m
going with male.
Attorney: Doctor, how many of your
autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
Witness: All of them. The live ones put up
too much of a fight.
Attorney: All of your responses must be oral,
okay? What school did you go to?
Witness: Oral...
Attorney: Do you recall the time that you
examined the body?
Witness: The autopsy started around 8: 30
Attorney: And Mr. Danton was dead at the
time?
Witness: If not, he was by the time I finished.
Attorney: Are you qualified to give a urine
sample?
Witness: Are you qualified to ask that
question?
Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the
autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Witness: No.
Attorney: So, then, is it possible that the
patient was still alive when you
began the autopsy?
Witness: No.
Attorney: How can you be so sure, doctor?
Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my
desk In a jar.
Attorney: I see, but could the patient have
still been alive, nevertheless?
Witness: Yes, it is possible that he could
have been alive and practicing law.
Attorney: Was that the same nose you broke
as a child?
Witness: I only have one, you know.
Attorney: How old is your son, the one living
with you?
Witness: or , I can' t
remember which.
Attorney: How long has he lived with you?
Witness: years.
Attorney: Sir, what is your IQ?
Witness: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
Attorney: How far apart were the vehicles at
the time of the collision?
...
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Views: 19084
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Submitted: 09/03/2013
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User avatar #3 - anomorphous (09/03/2013) [-]
They have to ask these stupid questions to poke holes in any false info.
#5 to #3 - Shmooglavoue (09/04/2013) [-]
Pretty much. The court session begins with the defendant stating their story under oath, and the rest is pretty much having the lawyers ask them questions about that story over and over until they screw up, or until they can't think of any other way to pry info out of them.
#13 - sixty (09/04/2013) [-]
Hot Fuzz
Hot Fuzz
#7 - steelhawk ONLINE (09/04/2013) [-]
One of the reasons they have to ask dumb ass questions is they can not lead the witness, take the nine children one for example. You can not, after being told that none of them are boys say: So all of them are girls, correct? as that would be leading the witness.
User avatar #10 - kwanzalord (09/04/2013) [-]
All your responses must be oral okay?

^ This is not as stupid as you may think.

People can respond with gestures, grunts, nods and such.
The attorney is making sure the witness will actually speak.

Not so stupid when you think logically.
#26 to #10 - Rascal (09/04/2013) [-]
its a joke...
#11 to #10 - miwauturu (09/04/2013) [-]
Saying that all responses must be oral is one thing, actually replying with "oral" is pretty dumb.
User avatar #25 to #11 - empithree ONLINE (09/04/2013) [-]
i think it was clever
#2 - qosfortyone (09/03/2013) [-]
"I see but could the patient have been still alive,nonetheless?"
"yes,it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law"
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#4 to #2 - Shmooglavoue has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #27 to #2 - saucebawss ONLINE (09/04/2013) [-]
can u not
User avatar #28 to #27 - qosfortyone (09/04/2013) [-]
no.
#22 - bboyman (09/04/2013) [-]
defense lawyers have said these things?
#17 - arijan (09/04/2013) [-]
Gumshoe: [To Phoenix] Anyway, get the name right. And don't go calling me "Dick"...   
Police: Hey, Dick! Get over here!   
Gumshoe: Y-yes, sir!
Gumshoe: [To Phoenix] Anyway, get the name right. And don't go calling me "Dick"...
Police: Hey, Dick! Get over here!
Gumshoe: Y-yes, sir!
#19 to #17 - straightbusta (09/04/2013) [-]
God, that game was a piece of art.
User avatar #24 to #19 - cosmicapprentice (09/04/2013) [-]
I'm always wishing and praying to the highest gods of the Olympus for them to make a manga or an anime or both based on it.
User avatar #29 to #24 - straightbusta (09/05/2013) [-]
They made a film..is that good enough for you?
#12 - ROTFLcopter **User deleted account** (09/04/2013) [-]
I like the fact that some of them are the witnesses saying dumb things and some are the attorneys.
#21 - shishiko **User deleted account** (09/04/2013) [-]
Most of those were just him 			*******		 up again and getting penalties.
Most of those were just him ******* up again and getting penalties.
#15 - slesbian (09/04/2013) [-]
These may seem stupid, but they can't make leading questions, which is where the witness can only answer yes/no, the lawyers have to give open ended questions.
User avatar #18 - warbob ONLINE (09/04/2013) [-]
at first looks asking someone "can you give me an example of something you forgot" may looks stupid , but for that person to know he forgets then he must have REALISED he forgets , thus knows he has forgotten something.
User avatar #23 - tehlulzbringer (09/04/2013) [-]
i wish i could be born every year
User avatar #20 - umaya (09/04/2013) [-]
If only lawyers were computers, enter info, enter crime, enter laws, all done, judge reviews pc info and makes sure it is correct, sends them on their way.
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#16 - kalima has deleted their comment [-]
#8 - Rascal (09/04/2013) [-]
I lost it at the picture one.
#6 - gabeonetwofour (09/04/2013) [-]
I've seen these before, except someone added those last lines.
#1 - ariusbrightwing (09/03/2013) [-]
=̡͔͎͕̤̅̏͑̉ͨ̃̔̑͂̄́́̉̂ͨ͋͒ͧ̕͘͝͞ =͈̦̘̪̮̟̥̯̏̐̔͒̽ͨ͌͒̿̏͋̃̓̔=̑̏̿̄ͧͬͮ̂̽ ̢̗͖̯̲̤̜̔̏ͩ͛͡=̷ͧ̌͂̃̓ͤ͊̅ͫͩ̆ͥ͐̐ͭ̄̚ ͕̟̟̪=̷̣̥̗̲ͥ̍ͪ̎̔̓͑̈́̍̀̄̒͊͘͢͢=̴̸͛ͫ̐̀͞ ̹͎̥̤̹͔̮̠͕͢=̷̲͕̤̣̟̤ͪ́͑ͯͨͬ̽̐̓̒͞ ̗=̭͕̹̟̲̗̪̠͋ͤ̉͌ͪ̆̿̊ͣ̾͂ͩ͒̚̕=ͪ̇ͤ͂ͦͫ͝ ̹̯̮=̧̱̜̗̃̔̅̏̂ͤ͋͌͌̐ͭͭ̕=ͩ̓ͬ̓ͪ̔̑͊ ̵̸̠̹̗̃=͖͈̥͑̐̃̃ͩ̓͂̔̀=̷̡ͤ̿̒ͦ̈́ͧ̓҉ ̘=̴̤̘̯̯̗͎̐͑͐͗̊ͨ͗ͧͥ̿̃̈̀̚=̄͗̇̊ ̍͒̿҉͖̹͈͘͞͞≠̸̵̜̲̓̇̄̓̀̎̈́̈́̔̌̊̇̔̚= ̨̤̟̤̯̥̊ͣ̆̿ͩͪ̆̃͝=̧ͬ̌̐ͧ̍ͭ̒͐͊ͫ̂́̓ͪ ̵͎̯̹̦͎̭̦̀͘̕=̢̜̪̿̋̈́ͬ͝͡=̒̇̏̂ͭ̀̈́̈̒͢ ̡̧̱̘=̴̵̸̯̐͂ͣ̊̆͑͌̽̓̏̓͐̋͌̋̆͛̀͢ ̪̥̱̤̦̦̠̪=̷̡̥̮͎̘̹̮̜̦͗̃͗̐͛͂̋̒̈͒͘͞ =̷ͮ̓͆̈̎́̔̄̃ͧ̎̃̄҉̨̱̲̲͎=̵̸̊̊̽͗̒͊ͬͫͭ͡ ̹̮=̷̡̢̜̗͈̗̗̦͕͈̥̭͑͐̔̈́̈ͥͣ̈́͗͂̋ͬ̒̒̔͞=̄ͥͫ̋ ̷̢̜͕̦̤̮͎̱ͣͣ̀=̲̱̱͖͎̪̹̠̯̂ͯ̆̀̚ =̡͔ͣ̔̂̐̍̌ͩ͑̔̓ͤͯ̏͒̾ͯ̈̋=̴͋̈̅́͛̋͡ ̘͎=̢͈͔̥̘͖̹̟ͧ̑̔̓̽̈̋̕͞
=̡͔͎͕̤̅̏͑̉ͨ̃̔̑͂̄́́̉̂ͨ͋͒ͧ̕͘͝͞ =͈̦̘̪̮̟̥̯̏̐̔͒̽ͨ͌͒̿̏͋̃̓̔=̑̏̿̄ͧͬͮ̂̽ ̢̗͖̯̲̤̜̔̏ͩ͛͡=̷ͧ̌͂̃̓ͤ͊̅ͫͩ̆ͥ͐̐ͭ̄̚ ͕̟̟̪=̷̣̥̗̲ͥ̍ͪ̎̔̓͑̈́̍̀̄̒͊͘͢͢=̴̸͛ͫ̐̀͞ ̹͎̥̤̹͔̮̠͕͢=̷̲͕̤̣̟̤ͪ́͑ͯͨͬ̽̐̓̒͞ ̗=̭͕̹̟̲̗̪̠͋ͤ̉͌ͪ̆̿̊ͣ̾͂ͩ͒̚̕=ͪ̇ͤ͂ͦͫ͝ ̹̯̮=̧̱̜̗̃̔̅̏̂ͤ͋͌͌̐ͭͭ̕=ͩ̓ͬ̓ͪ̔̑͊ ̵̸̠̹̗̃=͖͈̥͑̐̃̃ͩ̓͂̔̀=̷̡ͤ̿̒ͦ̈́ͧ̓҉ ̘=̴̤̘̯̯̗͎̐͑͐͗̊ͨ͗ͧͥ̿̃̈̀̚=̄͗̇̊ ̍͒̿҉͖̹͈͘͞͞≠̸̵̜̲̓̇̄̓̀̎̈́̈́̔̌̊̇̔̚= ̨̤̟̤̯̥̊ͣ̆̿ͩͪ̆̃͝=̧ͬ̌̐ͧ̍ͭ̒͐͊ͫ̂́̓ͪ ̵͎̯̹̦͎̭̦̀͘̕=̢̜̪̿̋̈́ͬ͝͡=̒̇̏̂ͭ̀̈́̈̒͢ ̡̧̱̘=̴̵̸̯̐͂ͣ̊̆͑͌̽̓̏̓͐̋͌̋̆͛̀͢ ̪̥̱̤̦̦̠̪=̷̡̥̮͎̘̹̮̜̦͗̃͗̐͛͂̋̒̈͒͘͞ =̷ͮ̓͆̈̎́̔̄̃ͧ̎̃̄҉̨̱̲̲͎=̵̸̊̊̽͗̒͊ͬͫͭ͡ ̹̮=̷̡̢̜̗͈̗̗̦͕͈̥̭͑͐̔̈́̈ͥͣ̈́͗͂̋ͬ̒̒̔͞=̄ͥͫ̋ ̷̢̜͕̦̤̮͎̱ͣͣ̀=̲̱̱͖͎̪̹̠̯̂ͯ̆̀̚ =̡͔ͣ̔̂̐̍̌ͩ͑̔̓ͤͯ̏͒̾ͯ̈̋=̴͋̈̅́͛̋͡ ̘͎=̢͈͔̥̘͖̹̟ͧ̑̔̓̽̈̋̕͞
User avatar #9 to #1 - sinonyx (09/04/2013) [-]
how do you do that **** ?
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