Shit people say in courtrooms. I dont even.... PEOPLE MY IN Attorney: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? Witness: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. Atto Shit people say in courtrooms I dont even PEOPLE MY IN Attorney: What gear were you at the moment of impact? Witness: Gucci sweats and Reeboks Atto
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Shit people say in courtrooms

**** PEOPLE MY IN
Attorney: What gear were you in at the
moment of the impact?
Witness: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Attorney: Are you sexually active?
Witness: No, Must lie there.
Attorney: What is your date of birth?
Witness: July 18th.
Attorney: What year?
Witness: Every year.
Attorney: This grails, does it
affect your memory at all?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And in what way does it affect
your memory?
Witness: I forget.
Attorney: You forget? Can you give us an
example of something you forgot?
Attorney: Now doctor, isn' t it true that when
a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn' t know about it until the
next morning?
Witness: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Attorney: The youngest son, the ,
how old is he?
Witness: He' s 20, much like your IQ.
Attorney: Were you present when your
picture was taken?
Witness: Are you ******** me?
Attorney: So, the date of conception was
August tth?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And what were you doing at that
time?
Witness: Getting laid.
Attorney: She had three children, right?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: How many were boys?
Witness: None.
Attorney: Were there any girls?
Witness: Your Honor, I think I need a
different attorney. Can I get a new
attorney?
Attorney: How was your first marriage
terminated?
Witness: By death.
Attorney: And by who' s death was it
terminated?
Witness: Take a guess.
Attorney: Can you describe the individual?
Witness: He was about medium height and
had a beard.
Attorney: Was this a male or a female?
Witness: Unless the circus was in town, I' m
going with male.
Attorney: Doctor, how many of your
autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
Witness: All of them. The live ones put up
too much of a fight.
Attorney: All of your responses must be oral,
okay? What school did you go to?
Witness: Oral...
Attorney: Do you recall the time that you
examined the body?
Witness: The autopsy started around 8: 30
Attorney: And Mr. Danton was dead at the
time?
Witness: If not, he was by the time I finished.
Attorney: Are you qualified to give a urine
sample?
Witness: Are you qualified to ask that
question?
Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the
autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Witness: No.
Attorney: So, then, is it possible that the
patient was still alive when you
began the autopsy?
Witness: No.
Attorney: How can you be so sure, doctor?
Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my
desk In a jar.
Attorney: I see, but could the patient have
still been alive, nevertheless?
Witness: Yes, it is possible that he could
have been alive and practicing law.
Attorney: Was that the same nose you broke
as a child?
Witness: I only have one, you know.
Attorney: How old is your son, the one living
with you?
Witness: or , I can' t
remember which.
Attorney: How long has he lived with you?
Witness: years.
Attorney: Sir, what is your IQ?
Witness: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
Attorney: How far apart were the vehicles at
the time of the collision?
...
+342
Views: 20076 Submitted: 09/03/2013
Leave a comment Refresh Comments (29)
[ 29 comments ]
Anonymous comments allowed.
20 comments displayed.
#3 - anomorphous
Reply +47
(09/03/2013) [-]
They have to ask these stupid questions to poke holes in any false info.
#5 to #3 - Shmooglavoue
Reply +8
(09/04/2013) [-]
Pretty much. The court session begins with the defendant stating their story under oath, and the rest is pretty much having the lawyers ask them questions about that story over and over until they screw up, or until they can't think of any other way to pry info out of them.
#2 - qosfortyone
Reply +23
(09/03/2013) [-]
"I see but could the patient have been still alive,nonetheless?"
"yes,it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law"
#4 to #2 - Shmooglavoue
0
has deleted their comment [-]
#27 to #2 - saucebawss
Reply 0
(09/04/2013) [-]
can u not
#28 to #27 - qosfortyone
Reply 0
(09/04/2013) [-]
no.
#13 - sixty
Reply +15
(09/04/2013) [-]
Hot Fuzz
Hot Fuzz
#10 - kwanzalord
Reply +14
(09/04/2013) [-]
All your responses must be oral okay?

^ This is not as stupid as you may think.

People can respond with gestures, grunts, nods and such.
The attorney is making sure the witness will actually speak.

Not so stupid when you think logically.
#26 to #10 - anon
Reply 0
(09/04/2013) [-]
its a joke...
#11 to #10 - miwauturu
Reply +11
(09/04/2013) [-]
Saying that all responses must be oral is one thing, actually replying with "oral" is pretty dumb.
#25 to #11 - empithree
Reply 0
(09/04/2013) [-]
i think it was clever
#7 - steelhawk
Reply +8
(09/04/2013) [-]
One of the reasons they have to ask dumb ass questions is they can not lead the witness, take the nine children one for example. You can not, after being told that none of them are boys say: So all of them are girls, correct? as that would be leading the witness.
#17 - arijan ONLINE
Reply +3
(09/04/2013) [-]
Gumshoe: [To Phoenix] Anyway, get the name right. And don't go calling me "Dick"...   
Police: Hey, Dick! Get over here!   
Gumshoe: Y-yes, sir!
Gumshoe: [To Phoenix] Anyway, get the name right. And don't go calling me "Dick"...
Police: Hey, Dick! Get over here!
Gumshoe: Y-yes, sir!
#19 to #17 - straightbusta
Reply +4
(09/04/2013) [-]
God, that game was a piece of art.
#24 to #19 - cosmicapprentice
Reply -1
(09/04/2013) [-]
I'm always wishing and praying to the highest gods of the Olympus for them to make a manga or an anime or both based on it.
#29 to #24 - straightbusta
Reply 0
(09/05/2013) [-]
They made a film..is that good enough for you?
#22 - bboyman
Reply +3
(09/04/2013) [-]
defense lawyers have said these things?
#12 - ROTFLcopter **User deleted account**
Reply +3
(09/04/2013) [-]
I like the fact that some of them are the witnesses saying dumb things and some are the attorneys.
#21 - shishiko **User deleted account**
Reply +2
(09/04/2013) [-]
Most of those were just him ******* up again and getting penalties.
Most of those were just him ******* up again and getting penalties.
#15 - slesbian
Reply +2
(09/04/2013) [-]
These may seem stupid, but they can't make leading questions, which is where the witness can only answer yes/no, the lawyers have to give open ended questions.
[ 29 comments ]
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