One Liners. Repost. EPIC ONE LINERS 1] Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting a tomato in a fruit salad. 2) The early bird might get th

One Liners

1] Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not
putting a tomato in a fruit salad.
2) The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets
the cheese.
2) Children: You spend the first two years of their life teaching
them how to walk and talk. The next sixteen? Spent telling them
to sit down and shut up.
A) He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
5] My mother never realized the irony in calling me a -
E] Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They
should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.,
Tl I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the
9} " I agreed with you, we' d both be wrong.
10] To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from
many is research,.
11] I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn' t work that way.
So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
12] Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people
appear bright until you hear them speak.
13] We live in a society where pizza gets to your house faster than
the police.
14] A bus station is where a bus stops,, A train station is where a
train stops. m, my desk, I have a work station.
15] I should' known it wasn' t going to work out between my ex-
wife and me. After all, I' m a Libra and she' s a bitch.
15] How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it
takes a whole box to start a campfire'?
IT) I didn' t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a
13) A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for
me at kick boxing.
19) I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it... so
I said "Implants?"
20) The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
21} Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
22) Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
23) (Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
24) The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows
where all the bad girls live.
25} Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few
weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very
edge of the pool and throw them fish?
26) God must love stupid people. He made so many.
2?} I didn' t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
28) Fighting for peace is like ******* for virginity.
29) Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down
the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they
are sexy.
30) Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won' t expect "
31} Some people say "If you can' t beat them, join them". I say "If
you can' t beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting
you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
32) Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
23) We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
34) A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such
a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Bti) Money can' t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier
to live with.
36) Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others...
whenever they go.
27) I discovered I scream the same way whether I' m about to be
devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed
touches my foot.
wtt) I don' t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn' t
39) War does not determine who is right. " determines who is
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Submitted: 08/25/2013
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#8 - gnorfell (08/25/2013) [-]
"Fighting for peace is like ******* for virginity" is one of the most retarded comments I have ever heard.

It belongs to our retarded "Swag Yolo 420 Blaze it" generation of ********* who think that sharing a facebook status is going to end the involuntary recruitment of child soldiers in Uganda.

Mankind is a conflict ridden species and we'll continue to be long after I'm dead but some fight because they see economical, territorial or some other personal gain in it while others fight for their right to live happily in a hut built of **** .

Here's a ******* picture for you, OP. Take it and look at the two sides. Exterminate either and you will have peace. Your choice.

The best quote I've ever read is: "Si vis pacem, para bellum." Which means "If you want peace, prepare for war." And was said by a Roman author named Publius Flavius Vegetius Renatus.

#21 to #8 - chasskika (08/26/2013) [-]
to add more to it being retarded, ******* for virginity actually makes sense
have sex, make baby, baby is virgin..
which makes that line a whole lot better, the deeper part of it you have to think for
sort of like, fighting now, for peace later (granted it won't last, so repeat the cycle)
User avatar #32 to #8 - thenukecity (08/26/2013) [-]
The first time I heard it was when George Carlin said it.
User avatar #47 to #8 - madmario (08/26/2013) [-]
but that's the same argument used by all the pro-war politicians and look where that's gotten everyone who the US touched in the last 10 years. Hardly any of the "humanitarian" wars are actually there to make peace. just saying.
#50 to #8 - anon (09/01/2013) [-]
But both sides are already at peace. One side has jobs and wealth. The other side is birds.
#14 to #8 - anon (08/26/2013) [-]
I was reading a book once that talked about how war and peace are related. It was indirect, just dialog between characters, but the philosophy went kind of like this:

In order to gain peace war must be had. When peace finally exists there will be people that wish to end that peace for their own ambition. So even in peace we must be able to defend ourselves.
#42 to #19 - chopsaw (08/26/2013) [-]
"if there is justice in vengeance then justice will only breed more vengeance"
#35 - feg (08/26/2013) [-]
was that last image really necessary?
User avatar #15 - atrumaliger (08/26/2013) [-]
These are not one liners, friend. They're cliches.
#3 - megazoidubertron **User deleted account** (08/25/2013) [-]
the irony most of these took 2 or more lines to say. hue.
#9 - anon (08/25/2013) [-]
This is doomminion's content. Way to blur out his name up top.
User avatar #46 - dazbones (08/26/2013) [-]
"Don't you worry about blank, let me worry about blank."
User avatar #22 - SirSheepy (08/26/2013) [-]
Did I stumble into a time machine and end up in 2009?
User avatar #29 - MythBuster (08/26/2013) [-]
please someone explain "He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame"
User avatar #20 - ForReal (08/26/2013) [-]
A lot of these are in L.A. Noire said by random NPCs
#30 - anon (08/26/2013) [-]
B-but, these are more than one line.
User avatar #25 - drunkhippie (08/26/2013) [-]
Really OP? You're going to start "The Game" again?

Bottom left corner for you blind fellows
User avatar #26 to #25 - baditch (08/26/2013) [-]
Bottom-right corner for you mixed-up fellows.
User avatar #27 to #26 - drunkhippie (08/26/2013) [-]
Thank you, kind sir. I'm a wee bit retarded
User avatar #2 - semilunarknight (08/25/2013) [-]
The present is simply the future of the past. Since we seem to be saying random ****
User avatar #1 - symmiie (08/25/2013) [-]
I will now post some of these to Facebook. *prepares myself*
User avatar #49 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (08/26/2013) [-]
No, they aren't epic one liners, they're just stupid facebook quotes teens use in order to sound more clever than they are; which is explains why they're all awful
User avatar #44 - Deeticky (08/26/2013) [-]
As long as you never try, you'll never fail.
User avatar #43 - mrsloppy (08/26/2013) [-]
You can't always do it right, you can always do what's left!
I personally like this one. For those who wonder it's from this amazing song by Them Crooked Vultures.
Them Crooked Vultures---No One Loves Me And Neither Do I
#40 - anon (08/26/2013) [-]
Tomato is a vegetable over here..
#39 - nemitheundefiable (08/26/2013) [-]
i have the first one on a shirt
#6 - gnorfell has deleted their comment [-]
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