One Liners. Repost. EPIC ONE LINERS 1] Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting a tomato in a fruit salad. 2) The early bird might get th
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One Liners

Repost

EPIC ONE LINERS
1] Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not
putting a tomato in a fruit salad.
2) The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets
the cheese.
2) Children: You spend the first two years of their life teaching
them how to walk and talk. The next sixteen? Spent telling them
to sit down and shut up.
A) He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
5] My mother never realized the irony in calling me a -
bitch.
E] Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They
should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.,
Tl I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted
paychecks.
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the
answer.
9} " I agreed with you, we' d both be wrong.
10] To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from
many is research,.
11] I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn' t work that way.
So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
12] Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people
appear bright until you hear them speak.
13] We live in a society where pizza gets to your house faster than
the police.
14] A bus station is where a bus stops,, A train station is where a
train stops. m, my desk, I have a work station.
15] I should' known it wasn' t going to work out between my ex-
wife and me. After all, I' m a Libra and she' s a bitch.
15] How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it
takes a whole box to start a campfire'?
IT) I didn' t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a
vegetarian.
13) A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for
me at kick boxing.
19) I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it... so
I said "Implants?"
20) The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
21} Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
22) Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
23) (Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
24) The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows
where all the bad girls live.
25} Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few
weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very
edge of the pool and throw them fish?
26) God must love stupid people. He made so many.
2?} I didn' t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
28) Fighting for peace is like ******* for virginity.
29) Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down
the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they
are sexy.
30) Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won' t expect "
back.
31} Some people say "If you can' t beat them, join them". I say "If
you can' t beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting
you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
32) Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
23) We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
34) A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such
a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Bti) Money can' t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier
to live with.
36) Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others...
whenever they go.
27) I discovered I scream the same way whether I' m about to be
devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed
touches my foot.
wtt) I don' t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn' t
die.
39) War does not determine who is right. " determines who is
left.
...
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Views: 27955
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Submitted: 08/25/2013
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Comments(44):

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#8 - gnorfell (08/25/2013) [+] (7 replies)
"Fighting for peace is like ******* for virginity" is one of the most retarded comments I have ever heard.

It belongs to our retarded "Swag Yolo 420 Blaze it" generation of ********* who think that sharing a facebook status is going to end the involuntary recruitment of child soldiers in Uganda.

Mankind is a conflict ridden species and we'll continue to be long after I'm dead but some fight because they see economical, territorial or some other personal gain in it while others fight for their right to live happily in a hut built of **** .

Here's a ******* picture for you, OP. Take it and look at the two sides. Exterminate either and you will have peace. Your choice.

The best quote I've ever read is: "Si vis pacem, para bellum." Which means "If you want peace, prepare for war." And was said by a Roman author named Publius Flavius Vegetius Renatus.

******* SPOILERS DIDN'T WANT TO WORK THE FIRST TWO TIMES
#3 - megazoidubertron **User deleted account** (08/25/2013) [-]
the irony most of these took 2 or more lines to say. hue.
#35 - feg (08/26/2013) [-]
was that last image really necessary?
User avatar #15 - atrumaliger (08/26/2013) [-]
These are not one liners, friend. They're cliches.
User avatar #46 - dazbones (08/26/2013) [-]
"Don't you worry about blank, let me worry about blank."
User avatar #22 - SirSheepy ONLINE (08/26/2013) [-]
Did I stumble into a time machine and end up in 2009?
User avatar #29 - MythBuster (08/26/2013) [-]
please someone explain "He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame"
User avatar #20 - ForReal (08/26/2013) [-]
A lot of these are in L.A. Noire said by random NPCs
User avatar #12 - sirmctree (08/26/2013) [+] (1 reply)
If anyone didn't notice already, there's a faint 'The Game' in the lower right corner
User avatar #18 to #12 - thewowpimp ONLINE (08/26/2013) [-]
Holy **** , how OLD is this image?
User avatar #44 - Deeticky (08/26/2013) [-]
As long as you never try, you'll never fail.
0
#24 - icewraith has deleted their comment [-]
#23 - ncisagentgibbs **User deleted account** (08/26/2013) [-]
I read them all in his voice
#17 - virginmaker (08/26/2013) [-]
Hmm.. #9 should be made into a shirt.

Oh wait..
User avatar #16 - buttholee (08/26/2013) [-]
And Jesus said unto John "John, come fourth, and I shall grant you eternal life.

John came fifth and won a toaster.
#13 - Womens Study Major (08/26/2013) [-]
I read all of this in JC Denton's voice
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#7 - gnorfell has deleted their comment [-]
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#6 - gnorfell has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #5 - joedudeman (08/25/2013) [-]
I Will use the one about research every time a teacher questions my paper.
#4 - AnonymousDonor (08/25/2013) [-]
except tomatoes in a fruit salad is delicious

but probably because im italian and tomatoes are delicious in everything
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