Scrubs?. No. A lessen I learned in the B! ! ! liltle! yen t' while attached iri'. a heart ngunit: ', it scares the nurses a let. etait _ -if doctormaniac. No, W Scrubs? No A lessen I learned in the B! ! liltle! yen t' while attached iri' a heart ngunit: ' it scares nurses let etait _ -if doctormaniac W
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#29 - sexualsenpai
Reply +916
(08/25/2013) [+] (70 replies)
stickied
Looks like he....Had a stroke
#188 to #29 - kristovsky ONLINE
Reply +2
(08/25/2013) [-]
you earned every thumb dude
#107 to #29 - phycopath
Reply +3
(08/25/2013) [-]
You deserve this
You deserve this
#104 to #29 - skeptical
Reply +4
(08/25/2013) [-]
#191 to #29 - HOBOwithISSUES
Reply +4
(08/25/2013) [-]
THIS is how you get past level 2
#162 to #29 - marzipancity
Reply -21
(08/25/2013) [-]
I just wanted to let you know that I thumbed you down ONLY for the purpose of trying to keep your thumbs to 666 because I thought that added to your clever comment. I did think your comment was very clever and deserves each of those green goobers. Have a nice day.
#175 to #162 - lukchy
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
And im going to thumb YOU down just because your comment is bad
Have a nice day.
#173 to #162 - anon
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
Watch out guys, this guy thumbed down a 750+ thumb comment.
#106 to #29 - connorjacks
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
That's cock and bull I am sorry it not even half as good as his
#186 to #29 - matuemco
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#64 to #29 - diegotan ONLINE
Reply +12
(08/25/2013) [-]
I love comments like these. They double the fun from a good content!
I love comments like these. They double the fun from a good content!
#148 to #131 - binomancha
Reply +11
(08/25/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#40 to #29 - PIPExDAD
Reply +13
(08/25/2013) [-]
YEAAAAAAAAAAA
YEAAAAAAAAAAA
#67 to #40 - sexualsenpai
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
Thanks
#71 to #29 - bizzar
Reply +15
(08/25/2013) [-]
Oh you...Bastard
Oh you...Bastard
#59 to #29 - lawlbear
Reply +16
(08/25/2013) [-]
10/10

Would Lol again.
#127 to #29 - gustaviaable
Reply +21
(08/25/2013) [-]
FunnyJunk has become Funny again
#79 to #29 - dross
Reply +28
(08/25/2013) [-]
YFW
YFW
#147 to #79 - thekeeperofthumbs ONLINE
Reply +2
(08/25/2013) [-]
lol'd for a solid minute, thanks man
#34 to #29 - Zeigh ONLINE
Reply +2
(08/25/2013) [-]
#50 to #34 - ninjahitman
Reply +2
(08/25/2013) [-]
That hurt my ears.
#197 to #29 - anon
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
ASIANS CAN ACTUALLY READ MINDS!!!!!!!!!!!!
They can hear, and see what you're visually thinking. This is the absolute complete truth!!!!!

Asians hide their mind reading abilities by a lot of them having completely expressionless faces so they don't accidentally show facial expressions when people think things they don't like, find funny, astonishing, etc, and Asians segregate so their not nearly as susceptible to that happening.
Asians also segregate, and are untalkative to avoid accidentally saying things that are similar to what people are thinking and going to say.

Try thinking, and visually picturing things that are as wild as you can when you are around Asians, and look for Asians who give people dirty/particular looks for what appears to be for completely no reason.

PLEASE SPREAD THE MESSAGE!!!!! THE WORLD NEEDS TO KNOW THIS!!!!!
#52 to #29 - infektio
Reply +10
(08/25/2013) [-]
Good ******* lord

That got me caught in a vicious 9am burst of laughtery. Good one
#142 to #29 - MotorstormLegend
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#150 to #29 - binomancha
Reply +9
(08/25/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#167 to #29 - joeygriffiths
-2
has deleted their comment [-]
#115 to #29 - killerblue
Reply +9
(08/25/2013) [-]
I like you
#30 to #29 - austoboyko [OP]
Reply +34
(08/25/2013) [-]
Good god i love puns so much. heres some sticky stuff
#66 to #30 - sexualsenpai
Reply +17
(08/25/2013) [-]
Did my joke rub off on you?
#108 to #29 - sexualsenpai
Reply +8
(08/25/2013) [-]
WHOOO Top comment on all of FunnyJunk ATM, thanks guys, it was my first ever comment on this site, glad you like my puns!
#183 to #29 - stealthpsybeast
Reply +4
(08/25/2013) [-]
#70 to #29 - darkbringer
Reply +8
(08/25/2013) [-]
Rad joke, bro. Take my thumb.
Rad joke, bro. Take my thumb.
#102 to #29 - shypotato
Reply +4
(08/25/2013) [-]
Best pun of the day
#109 to #29 - albertjester
Reply +7
(08/25/2013) [-]
wow, today's a good day for you, eh?
wow, today's a good day for you, eh?
#99 to #29 - anticitezenone
Reply +3
(08/25/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#85 to #29 - donaldducksdick
Reply +7
(08/25/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#174 to #29 - adamroth
Reply +2
(08/25/2013) [-]
#180 to #29 - forcequest
Reply +6
(08/25/2013) [-]
mfw
mfw
#100 to #29 - albertjester
Reply +1
(08/25/2013) [-]
ah ha, good old cockney sense of humor.
#110 to #29 - guiguito
Reply +6
(08/25/2013) [-]
dude...
#194 to #29 - darksideofthebeast
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
That was ******* glorious.
#92 to #29 - saturninepariah
Reply +6
(08/25/2013) [-]
Take my thumb you magnificent bastard.
Take my thumb you magnificent bastard.
#172 to #29 - anon
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
Looks like he...had a cardiovascular attack

Did I do it right?
#195 to #29 - ehzio
Reply +5
(08/25/2013) [-]
Senpai~!
Senpai~!
#113 to #29 - magnusraiden
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
Goddamnit, I was thinking of that. Good joke though, you deserve a green thumb.
#121 to #113 - anon
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
Stop trying to steal credit for something someone else made up. The world would be a better place if people like you were more prone to commit suicide.
#124 to #121 - magnusraiden
Reply +5
(08/25/2013) [-]
Jeez. I'm sorry, but I also thought of the same pun then saw someone else thought of it and posted it before me.
#126 to #124 - anon
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
Which makes you unfunny and probably autistic, ********.
#128 to #126 - magnusraiden
Reply +1
(08/25/2013) [-]
That...... doesn't make any sense. If people loved that joke and if I posted it before him, I would be funny (But he posted it before me, so it's a fair game). And I think I would have some major problems communicating with you right now if I was autistic.
#196 to #128 - sexualsenpai
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
I'm sorry that this guy's bugging you man :/
#137 to #126 - thatoneiranianguy ONLINE
Reply -4
(08/25/2013) [-]
Autism is just a made up disorder to make people like yourself with poor social skills feel better.
#184 to #29 - fnordyy
Reply +5
(08/25/2013) [-]
#93 to #29 - jellybaby
Reply -1
(08/25/2013) [-]
It's going to take a lot of scrubbing to clean that up...
#94 to #93 - sexualsenpai
Reply +5
(08/25/2013) [-]
#notfunnyMia
#95 to #94 - jellybaby
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
I tried.
#96 to #95 - sexualsenpai
Reply +3
(08/25/2013) [-]
<3
#97 to #96 - jellybaby
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
<3333333333
#149 to #29 - microbrony
Reply +5
(08/25/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#181 to #29 - willindor
-3
has deleted their comment [-]
#182 to #181 - SubjectThree
Reply +2
(08/25/2013) [-]
Yes.
#143 to #29 - ghostofgemini
Reply +5
(08/25/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#41 to #29 - chuckey
Reply -23
(08/25/2013) [-]
#88 to #29 - iphoneguy
Reply +5
(08/25/2013) [-]
oh for ***** sake
oh for ***** sake
#49 to #29 - zorororonoa
Reply +62
(08/25/2013) [-]
good one
#1 - crazyolitis
Reply +262
(08/24/2013) [-]
HFW he thinks it's going to be like porn.
HFW he thinks it's going to be like porn.
#204 to #1 - megatheman
Reply 0
(08/27/2013) [-]
That gif cracks me up every time i see it, i dont know why...

wunderbar
#75 to #1 - mercado
Reply +12
(08/25/2013) [-]
#2 - flemsdfer
Reply +230
(08/24/2013) [-]
Is it REALLY the time and place to jerk it while admitted to a hospital?
Is it REALLY the time and place to jerk it while admitted to a hospital?
#25 to #2 - heartlessrobot
Reply +2
(08/25/2013) [-]
Name a time and place it's not ok to jerk off in, and I'll tell you you're wrong.
#33 to #25 - tehfalconguy
Reply +5
(08/25/2013) [-]
The funeral of a guy you raped.
#201 to #33 - heartlessrobot
Reply 0
(08/26/2013) [-]
You're wrong too.
#31 to #25 - IamEllis
Reply +2
(08/25/2013) [-]
chronic masturbation clinic?
#202 to #31 - heartlessrobot
Reply 0
(08/26/2013) [-]
You're wrong.
#58 to #2 - snakefire
Reply +2
(08/25/2013) [-]
Sometimes you're there for days..

as a teenager you cant always wait.
#76 to #2 - drastronomy
Reply +2
(08/25/2013) [-]
if your'e in there long enough its hard not to
#28 to #2 - BowChickaBowWow
Reply +3
(08/25/2013) [-]
Hey, you could be dead by the end of the day. Might as well get one last handie in.
#6 to #2 - themightymrplow
Reply +43
(08/25/2013) [-]
Is it ever NOT a place to jerk it?
#185 to #6 - wtfduud
Reply +1
(08/25/2013) [-]
A Funeral.
#189 to #185 - anon
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
ikr, there's a perfectly fresh corpse to **** right there. why would anyone wack off?
#155 to #2 - anon
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
hey when youve been in that bed for weeks and you have nothing else to do, you feel the URGE
#47 to #2 - lordlucifer
Reply +1
(08/25/2013) [-]
Of course it is
#139 to #2 - miscarriage
Reply +6
(08/25/2013) [-]
This image has expired
#35 to #2 - blueghost
Reply +8
(08/25/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#36 to #2 - cactusphalus
Reply +9
(08/25/2013) [-]
it's ALWAYS the time and place
#5 to #2 - mattyjay
Reply +12
(08/25/2013) [-]
everywhere isthe time and place
#27 to #5 - killerliquid
Reply +8
(08/25/2013) [-]
mattyjay has spoken. Everywhere is now a term related to time.
#26 to #2 - pridefulmatthew
Reply +15
(08/25/2013) [-]
#7 to #2 - fitemeirlbro
Reply +32
(08/25/2013) [-]
some times you just have to jerk it
#32 to #2 - hurblurb
Reply +36
(08/25/2013) [-]
It's never a bad time.
It's never a bad time.
#170 to #2 - swimmingprodigy
Reply +1
(08/25/2013) [-]
go hard or go home
#171 to #170 - swimmingprodigy
Reply +1
(08/25/2013) [-]
and since you can't go home cuz youre in a hospital, you have to go hard. And that's the only way I know of getting rid of that sort of thing alone
#48 to #2 - burningsmurfs
Reply +1
(08/25/2013) [-]
I dunno at that age I think even a rock could somehow get me thinking about girls and I remember being so turned on sometimes I'd almost try anything to fix it, so I dunno if I could judge that kid or not.
#38 to #2 - pensivepangolin
Reply +5
(08/25/2013) [-]
#46 to #2 - crazedguy
Reply +1
(08/25/2013) [-]
The question is just when isnt the time to give yourself some love?
#89 to #2 - lukagamer
Reply +4
(08/25/2013) [-]
Its always the time and place
Its always the time and place
#144 to #2 - alltimetens
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
yes
#4 to #2 - taurusguy
Reply +4
(08/24/2013) [-]
I once beat off in a hospital bathroom, i regret it now.
#3 to #2 - austoboyko [OP]
Reply +73
(08/24/2013) [-]
His body was ready,so he beat off. come on reggie
#11 - KayRed
Reply +42
(08/25/2013) [-]
I asked my mom about this, and she's called ********. Granted, this was back in the 80's, so porn wasn't as available, and she also worked in the cardiac department, so it was mostly old fat dudes she had to deal with. I do not deny that old fat dudes masturbate, but if that was the case, she probably chose to forget.
#12 to #11 - austoboyko [OP]
Reply +4
(08/25/2013) [-]
How that went "Mom did any dude beat off in the hospital?"
"No." Whispers to herself "i beat them off
#15 to #12 - KayRed
Reply +1
(08/25/2013) [-]
I actually asked her about it after visiting her mother in the hospital after she (my gandmom) had a stroke, so probably not the best timing.
#16 to #15 - austoboyko [OP]
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
Oh, i hope your grandmothers ok. that was a bit insensitive of me
#17 to #16 - KayRed
Reply +2
(08/25/2013) [-]
Dude, I asked my mother about hospital fapping while visiting her sick mother, so I think it's evident that I don't give a **** about sensitivity.

But she is fine, took the stroke like a champ.
#19 to #17 - stoicnick
Reply +1
(08/25/2013) [-]
**stoicnick rolled a random image posted in comment #312 at Description. ** took the stroke like a champ....YES I GET A GOLD METAL IN STROKE
#20 to #19 - KayRed
Reply +2
(08/25/2013) [-]
Mother ******! This bitch (the said bitch being my grandmother), grew up in south philly, raised by a professional boxer, grew up during the depression, had ten ******* kids, a dickhead husband who she told to gtfo, and beat severe alcoholism, so yes, if she want's a gold medal in beating a stroke, then goddamnit she's gonna get a gold medal.
#21 to #20 - stoicnick
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
...where do you get a gold medal for that?
#22 to #21 - KayRed
Reply +3
(08/25/2013) [-]
One of her 32 ******* grandchildren will figure that out.
#24 to #22 - sweener
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
My grandmother has 12 brothers and sisters..(well, had), and her husband had 11. My mother has 76 FIRST cousins. Their parents actually had to stop sleeping in the same room to stop having kids.



I'm glad I'm not the only one who knows how ridiculous that amount of people is.



God medals for Great Grandmas.
#138 to #24 - danniegurl
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
My grandpa has 3 sisters and 5 brothers, i know the feeling of a large family too!
I always have to ask how I'm related to people.
#193 to #138 - sweener
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
My mother was from a small town, and there is a joke in the family that the reason they let her marry my dad is because he moved there from California.
#87 to #24 - KayRed
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
Irish catholic I'm guessing? Like mine.
#23 to #22 - stoicnick
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
i think you should
#42 to #19 - marksey
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
That's so metal, I got a medal
#18 to #17 - austoboyko [OP]
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
ok thats good
#13 to #11 - redtooth ONLINE
Reply +191
(08/25/2013) [-]
Must be awkward to have a mom called ********

yeah I realize it's a typo
#14 to #13 - KayRed
Reply +2
(08/25/2013) [-]
Ha, I probably should've realized that. "She has".
#103 to #13 - biggydy
Reply +1
(08/25/2013) [-]
I don't remember the last time i laughed this hard at a joke on the internet. i love you
#55 to #13 - boneristic
Reply +1
(08/25/2013) [-]
sir, I will probably be thumbed down for this but your comment is one of the funniest things I have ever read on the internet
#61 - ffffyou
Reply +45
(08/25/2013) [-]
This image has expired
#57 - snakefire
Reply +40
(08/25/2013) [-]
I'm going to be having surgery soon. About 5 days recovery time in the hospital.   
   
Now I find out I cant masturbate...   
   
First they break my ribs, then I have to go blueballing for a week...
I'm going to be having surgery soon. About 5 days recovery time in the hospital.

Now I find out I cant masturbate...

First they break my ribs, then I have to go blueballing for a week...
#145 to #57 - meganinja
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
I just got back from Hell Week for the Corps of Cadets at my College. I didn't fap all week.
#146 to #145 - snakefire
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
I'm 16....
#151 to #146 - meganinja
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
and?
#152 to #151 - snakefire
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
My hormones are much stronger.
#153 to #152 - meganinja
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
Well I got dropped off Saturday morning. I hadn't fapped the day before. I spent the week in camp. That's 8 days. Then I had a parade on Saturday, the 9th day. I got home exhausted and was trying to sort **** out. And on the 10th day, today, I fapped.

I think twice the duration makes up for the fact that I'm two years older.
#156 to #153 - majormoron
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
You think that's tough? I'm about to go for 8 1/2 weeks basic training, and I would be mortified to be caught fapping. I don't know what is going to happen when I do, but I can't imagine needing less than 50 buckets.
#158 to #156 - meganinja
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
nah it's not the fact that I was embarrased to fap. I literally didn't have time.
#159 to #158 - majormoron
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
Forget embarrassment (although I imagine if they kept you you would NEVER hear the end of it), but they would probably kick me out for public indecency or something like that. Plus, if its like what I hear its like, I won't have the time either.
#160 to #159 - meganinja
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
Just fap in a bathroom stall (provided you do have the time, if you don't there's really nothing you can do)
#161 to #160 - majormoron
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
Dude we get like a minute and a half to shower, I don't think they give leisure time in there.
#164 to #57 - dummerbaztard
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
Well but look at the bright side, if you can last 5 days without it, you'll have a grear time once you're out
#168 to #57 - anon
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
Well once your out of the hospital prepare for the best.
#112 to #57 - kittywithclaws ONLINE
Reply +2
(08/25/2013) [-]
Hope it goes alright man
#120 to #112 - snakefire
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
Thanks.
#114 to #57 - windmagevaati
Reply +2
(08/25/2013) [-]
Oh yeah, I forgot you're going into surgery.
I hope everything goes well for you.
#119 to #114 - snakefire
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
Me too, thanks.
#117 to #57 - skilgannon
Reply +3
(08/25/2013) [-]
Best of luck, dude.
#118 to #117 - snakefire
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
Thank you..
#123 to #57 - cookiecoketwo
+9
has deleted their comment [-]
#62 - stocxt
Reply +37
(08/25/2013) [-]
If this was a hentai they'd end up having a seven-way.
But nothing happens in life like it does in hentai...
#206 to #62 - superintrovert
Reply 0
(08/30/2013) [-]
You never know. Somewhere is in this big beautiful world of ours there's probably lots of people who have LOTS of sevenways. Maybe if you work really hard and dream big you too could be one of those lucky- who am I ******* kidding life is never ending void of disappointment and everything that's happy is a lie. Santa, Pokemon, The Cake. . .lies. . .
#81 to #62 - heafi
Reply +10
(08/25/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#73 - malinko
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
if this kid didnt make some comment like, "ya know that though or 6 nurses in my room is what started this"

then hes just wasting everyones time.
#86 to #73 - pizzacat
Reply +4
(08/25/2013) [-]
what did you just say
#74 to #73 - malinko
Reply +20
(08/25/2013) [-]
wow i really typo'd the **** out of that didn't i?
#130 - qballextraction
Reply +10
(08/25/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#135 to #130 - romeosdistress
Reply +2
(08/25/2013) [-]
I logged in just to thumb because Anya. &lt;3
I logged in just to thumb because Anya. <3
#39 - laelaps
Reply +6
(08/25/2013) [-]
who the hell decides to yank it in a ******* hospital?
#44 to #39 - dedaluminus
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
It's a good way to cheer up after you find out you have total renal failure
#98 to #39 - ishalltroll
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
This might sound ultra-beta but I actually get terribly over-aroused whenever I sleep at foreign places such as other people's houses, hotels and the likes.
It's really ******* annoying actually.
#45 to #39 - biggrand
Reply +2
(08/25/2013) [-]
i've gotten off in school and never gotten caught, i've gotten off at camp in a tent full of dudes sleeping and not been caught, i've gotten off on the top bunk of a bunk bed in a cabin without getting caught. You know the only times i've ever been caught? in my own ******* room when the door was already closed and they just come in here like they pay rent. Point is, touch yourself
#84 to #45 - zakaizer
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
Okay, you've caught my curiosity, how did you get off at school? Tent and bunk bed, I can kinda understand, but school?
Okay, you've caught my curiosity, how did you get off at school? Tent and bunk bed, I can kinda understand, but school?
#91 to #84 - evilwheatleycore
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
>Sit and front far corner of room
>Teacher giving lecture in back of class
>Pinch-wank through trousers
>Finish
>Fall asleep
>Pass class with flying colors

I wish I was making this up, this was at least a bi-weekly thing
#116 to #91 - catburglarpenis
Reply +3
(08/25/2013) [-]
You do realize that people usually just ignore intensely weird **** like that?

Everyone on Earth isn't oblivious, and your sneak skill isn't 100. Things that happened in my life:

One kid on the bus jerked off under his coat on the way to school every day. Every. Day.

One kid liked to put his penis on people. He'd get behind you in line and whip his dick out and rub it on your pantleg or something, then put it back in his pants.

One kid in Boy Scouts jerked off in the top bunk. He probably thought he was so ******* sneaky. He would rock that bunk so hard the squeaking would wake us all up. When he would get going and the light was still on, his bunkmate would roll over and lock eyes with me with the most disappointed look on his face.

Bonus one: Class 163 from US Navy boot camp Recruit Training Command, Great Lakes (my class) has one special entry in their deck log: "Seaman (name withheld) was caught in head... Not using head" (head is bathroom).

You're not sneaky, you're just "the weirdo". Just think: what would you do if you caught you doing it? What would you do if you were the teacher? What do you say to the dude jerking off under his coat on the school bus? "Stop"? Just like every guy that's naked from the waist down at a urinal you ignore, you ignore it and hope it goes away.
#134 to #116 - torchrose
Reply 0
(08/25/2013) [-]
This, ladies and gentlemen, is why I'm the most cautious person ever when it comes to fapping. I refuse to become "the weirdo"
#141 to #84 - biggrand
Reply -1
(08/25/2013) [-]
so i've told this a bunch of times on this site already, so here's what i did in summery. in first grade I was pretty much leaning back, and then my erection just so happened to end up between my thighs and the desk shell that all desk used to have. this was tight as **** and felt really ******* great, so I kept squeezing my cack with my thighs and eventually I jizzed. I didnt what the **** I was actually doing, but it felt great so I did this every day until 5th grade when I realized what I was doing and desk didnt have those shells underneath anymore. I still fap by squeezing my dick with a tv remote or something, it just feels 10x better than my hand in most cases. I'd recommend trying it but if you didnt figure it out on your own you might end up popping a nut
#56 to #39 - exhaustedheadcase
Reply +10
(08/25/2013) [-]
dude come on think about it
your 16 and probably been in the hospital for over 3 days
its a miracle he had enough forethough to wait til late at night