Hey Assbutt. You're sexy.. Don' t Shave That Hair'.'.'. I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error moist
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Hey Assbutt

Tags: moist
Don' t Shave That Hair'.'.'.
I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I
offer my story to you, that you may learn from my
error. " all started, as many things do, with me
having trouble ******** .
No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity
problem but a matter of technique. " seems my
had grown to such a length that tiny
krogans were constantly getting tied up in the
matted jungle between my asscheeks. " led to
much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had
something to drop, but unable to shake the
tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling.
Eventually I would have to do two things: either
reach down with some paper and try to pinch off
the lingering loaf (which required careful precision
to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear,
especially since I had no way of seeing what I was
doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope
that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter
before the toilet paper reached its Cart'
I was contemplating this problem, when I had what
seemed at the time to be a bright idea. “Hey! This
is my butt and my , right'. So why don' t I
Just eliminate all the hair, and then my krogans will
flow out like Beer from a keg!” I said to myself. " is
a statement that will go down in history with a lot
of other regretted statements. "How many Indians
could there be?” said by General Custer. "Looks
like a good day for a drive!” by JFK. “There!
America onlline now has complete Usenet
access!” by some idiot system tech. Such was my
anal shaving idea.
I performed the operation that night, with a cheap
disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting
from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the
cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my
ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean
the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous
slime, which I did by wiping " on the towel. Slowly,
my twin mounds and the Began to
resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby.
Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and
surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a
pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled,
satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.
Little did I know.
I now have a great respect tor . Like
everything in this world God created, it has its
mighty purpose in existence. " was only after I had
removed it that I started to Idam how much I had
been taking it for granted. For one, it provides
friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked
out into the sun heading for class. After climbing
two nights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started
to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was
accumulating in my crack, and was causing the
unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding
past each other with every step. I thought about
going to the bathroom and wiping " off, but had to
get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.
Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling
with the microscopic ***** molecules lingering
around my brown starfish. When I stood up after
class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy
sticky **** / sweat combination. As I made my way
back to my dorm, it started to itch. , did
it itch'. Felt like a swarm of ants was making its
way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from
Jamming my hand down there and scratching away,
I rushed back to the dorm.
Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to
sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my
cheeks were sliding back and forth against each
other like a pair of horny . I quickly
dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off
by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my
cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart,
a horrible stench burst free and filled the room.
Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I
had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering
**** / sweat went into the fan and blew back into my
face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat
there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and
dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body
odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own ****
blowing right into my face, I had only one thought:
It will be like this until the hair grows back.
Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my
ass at every opportunity, I discovered another
wonderful use for - ventilation. I attempted
to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between
my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two
pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the
result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down
between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.
As if that wasn' t enough, I am now enduring further
torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything
knows, when hair is first growing m, it comes in as
stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a
brine pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now.
IS a hellish torture, and there are many times
when I Just look out the window and contemplate
why I shouldn’ t Just Jump out and get " all over
with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this
constant agony.
Friends, DON’ T SHAVE YOUR '.
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Views: 11227
Favorited: 20
Submitted: 08/05/2013
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What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
User avatar #5 - funnychemaster ONLINE (08/06/2013) [-]
I know your pain, but have never been able to put it into words. You sir, should write books. I didn't laugh at all, but you have my most sincere thumb.
User avatar #27 to #5 - polarboyicecream (08/06/2013) [-]
You do realise this Iritis person did not write this? He/she/it just added his/her/its name. This has been around a looong time.

Just sayin'
Let the red thumbs commence.
User avatar #29 to #27 - funnychemaster ONLINE (08/06/2013) [-]
No, I didn't know, but thanks. I don't like to give red thumbs btw
#4 - emberstar (08/06/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
User avatar #32 - feolthenos ONLINE (08/06/2013) [-]
Such vibrant vulgarity, I salute you sir, intelligence and humor are attempted oft but rarely accomplished with such finesse.

Lost my **** at "a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil"

Makes me wonder, how the hell did we manage without ass hair?
#17 - xxvampirepriestxx (08/06/2013) [-]
This is possibly one of the most educated ways to say "My ass hair artificially constipated me."
#12 - aboxoftoast (08/06/2013) [-]
why not just trim the ass hair?
User avatar #6 - heartlessrobot (08/06/2013) [-]
I don't know, my ass is just fine after shaving it.
User avatar #19 to #6 - iamthelaww (08/06/2013) [-]
yeah mine 2. Idk why people are making such a big deal about it :/
#28 - jaigurudevaom (08/06/2013) [-]
As a female, I do not know of this pain

But I am glad
User avatar #33 to #28 - Smidgit (08/06/2013) [-]
I don't know, shaving the downstairs is a necessary hell...
User avatar #47 to #28 - Zyklone (08/06/2013) [-]
as a female, you should shave your asscrack more often than men. no dude wants a safari when he goes down
User avatar #48 to #47 - jaigurudevaom (08/06/2013) [-]
I mean I don't get hair down there D:
#56 to #48 - Zyklone (08/06/2013) [-]
This image has expired
so your 12?

every human has that hair
User avatar #68 to #56 - stultum (08/06/2013) [-]
NOT AROUND OUR ARSEHOLES WE DON'T. Females are just less hairy than males. Our hair is less noticeable, and grows in fewer places.
User avatar #69 to #68 - Zyklone (08/06/2013) [-]
yes you do....

ive seen and touched many naked women who all have butt hair
User avatar #70 to #69 - stultum (08/06/2013) [-]
Well, at least, we don't have as much as you do, do we?
User avatar #73 to #70 - Zyklone (08/06/2013) [-]
everyone is different, so i cannot accurately say.

some women have beards, while i at 21 cannot grow one
#59 to #56 - jaigurudevaom (08/06/2013) [-]
I'm just abnormal    
I don't have to shave my legs either
I'm just abnormal
I don't have to shave my legs either
User avatar #61 to #59 - Zyklone (08/06/2013) [-]
don't have to or chose not to?

they have hair even if its clear and short

(nice gif)
User avatar #62 to #61 - jaigurudevaom (08/06/2013) [-]
Well, its just really really fine, and really really short, so you can't really feel it or see it

Star Trek ftw
#63 to #62 - Zyklone (08/06/2013) [-]
This image has expired
User avatar #23 - insaneiare (08/06/2013) [-]
next time just braid it!
#22 - WMDxVeLoCiTy (08/06/2013) [-]
tfw you realize it was a huge mistake shaving your ass
User avatar #45 - Zyklone (08/06/2013) [-]
very simple solution....

dont SHAVE
simply TRIM
User avatar #49 to #45 - timmywankenobi (08/06/2013) [-]
User avatar #44 - mrjweezy (08/06/2013) [-]
in honesty.
I try to pull mine out
User avatar #53 to #44 - yunablade (08/06/2013) [-]
User avatar #54 to #53 - mrjweezy (08/06/2013) [-]
#31 - anon (08/06/2013) [-]
this is why i wear a thong.
User avatar #20 - laky (08/06/2013) [-]
Don't shave, trim with an electrical trimmer.
User avatar #39 to #20 - skysailor (08/06/2013) [-]
I usually stay away from electric trimmers when shaving anything down there. If you're going to trim, I would use scissors.
User avatar #80 to #39 - laky (08/07/2013) [-]
electrical trimmers usually come with a cover piece so that the the metal blade isnt going against your skin.

Also trying to trim your pubic hair with scissors? Buddy if you finger or hand slip you ****** . I had it happen to me before (though it wasnt nothing too bad) but it still sucked.
User avatar #81 to #80 - skysailor (08/07/2013) [-]
I have steady hands so scissors work well for me.
Electric ones, on the other hand, are not so nice.
#14 - anon (08/06/2013) [-]
I'm a girl, and the itchiness is the exact reason I delay shaving my butt hairs until the last minute.
#15 to #14 - ofalo (08/06/2013) [-]
just dont and find a man that likes hair, done
User avatar #16 to #15 - epicalania (08/06/2013) [-]
I cut it short, just longer than stubble.
And I only do this when Its getting overly long
#13 - quiescat (08/06/2013) [-]
this is sadly the 2nd time i have replied basically this to a post, fiber is a friend of your ass it makes all things crap related easier.
#7 - sirensinger ONLINE (08/06/2013) [-]
I have a hairless womans bum and I've never had this problem
User avatar #10 - sweener (08/06/2013) [-]
I have done this. Everything said is to be taken as fact. DONT SHAVE IT.
#1 - kommandantvideo has deleted their comment [-]
#37 to #1 - anon (08/06/2013) [-]
it takel ike five minute how old are you twelve ?
User avatar #3 to #1 - whycanticaps (08/05/2013) [-]
You, and people like you, are honestly the worst type of people

yes, even worse than Hitler
#82 to #3 - johnpoppy (08/07/2013) [-]
But Hitler did nothing wrong.
User avatar #78 - privoxy (08/06/2013) [-]
How do girls do it?
#71 - bandykoot (08/06/2013) [-]
Hear me out on this one....

You ever try using a manpon?
User avatar #72 to #71 - Iritis (08/06/2013) [-]
#74 to #72 - bandykoot (08/06/2013) [-]
See what you do is, you take about 5 pieces of some grade-a toilet paper. and you make like < shape with the tp with the point end as close to your hole as possible.
so like... hmm how would i show this other than posting a picture of my anus

kinda like that. and you just leave it there. that way, it just soaks it all up. basically wearing a diaper.
It's saved me once or twice like when i decided to eat 3 fiber one bars the day before a final. Just stuck that puppy in between and farts/sweats were no bother. just dont **** yourself. cuz manpons are mainly for ass sweats or leakybutt.
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