Sauerkraut. Found on Facebook.. suecide I need to clean my intestines out for 3 days to begin sigourney to day begins weed eat eat this point I have survived by Pooper persecution


suecide I need to clean my intestines out
for 3 days to begin sigourney to
day begins
weed eat
eat this point I have survived by drinking Gatorade to keep my blood sugar up, I am a **** monk. left bedridden
wingest three colon cleansers, a whole can of sauerkraut. 2 liters bywater
ego to sleep foryour hours
awake up feel my ass getting drops hat man on *********
Hit on my of ascension
ungodly fartthey lasts for 3 minutes straight
tthe smell is so bad my dog leaves the was my only companion in this troubled time, and he had forsaken me)
tthe ***** begin
sell is well first, until I feel **** moving inside of me
know it' s liquid lava concrete pouring out my ass
something huge coming after 15 minutes ofthis
at gets stuck
pstart crying and make amends with jesus. buddha, hitler. bob marley. allah.. and charles manson
PIT. begins
whit flies at mach 2 out my ass
i:) ait" s huge chunky chitchats red hot
like shards
an h/ drip of ********* is coming out my ass
c: is filling with **** . this is how I die
at subsides
long is dangling out my ass and squirming
sch **** oh ****
otheres a tapeworm coming out my ass
tthis ****** is long. he' s touching the water
pstart screaming HELP ME BABY JESUS while smashing the flush lever as much as possible
mmy ******* dog comes back in.. leaves because ofthe smell
tthe tapeworm rips in half due to the suction ofthe water
misandric force. I can feel the worm returning tothe safe haven of my asshole
muscle power in my anus, reach down and grab tapeworm, pull what must be 10 feet offord down into toilet
PUNCH all is said and down, I go take the longest ******* shower ever. lie in my bed naked and cry in the fetal position
1 never asked forthis knowledge ofthe beast that dwells in my ass
Dent fiddle with the doors that sauerkraut unlocks anew, you might not enjoy what is behind them.
Replies: v:
thats mo king terrifying. l
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Views: 53622
Favorited: 337
Submitted: 08/03/2013
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#20 - monkeybrains ONLINE (08/03/2013) [-]
#12 - eaglepoacherto (08/03/2013) [-]
Finished reading.
scrolled up to see this picture.
started making dolphin noises from laughing so much.
#76 to #12 - anon (08/03/2013) [-]
hurr durr im an overreacting faggot give me thumbs
#172 to #76 - anon (08/04/2013) [-]
you seem to be overreacting to his overreaction
#101 to #12 - anon (08/03/2013) [-]
how could you read the first part without seing the picture ?
#10 - puntsik (08/03/2013) [-]
User avatar #154 to #10 - blackrookfiend (08/04/2013) [-]
You can't spell therapist without rapist!

I have no idea why that's relevant, but I laughed, so shut up.
#3 - judson (08/03/2013) [-]
"feel my ass getting ready to drop a fat man on nagasaki"
User avatar #21 to #3 - imaginator (08/03/2013) [-]
User avatar #64 to #3 - sidrom (08/03/2013) [-]
The Nagasaki Fart
User avatar #131 to #3 - niggastolemyname (08/04/2013) [-]
Needed that pic thanks
User avatar #202 to #3 - machobeasttwo (08/04/2013) [-]
I love when they use sayings like that. It cracks me up
#130 - atangytaco (08/04/2013) [-]
"He was my only companion in this troubled time, and he had forsaken me"
"He was my only companion in this troubled time, and he had forsaken me"
#31 - atomschlumpf (08/03/2013) [-]
/b/ seems to kinda have an obsession with **** ...or at least there are a LOT of greentext stories involving **** ...
#211 to #31 - colehaffner (08/04/2013) [-]
not really, its pretty much traps furries and cp
#38 to #31 - demonatatoo (08/03/2013) [-]
u wot m8
#103 to #38 - originialname (08/03/2013) [-]
i thought this was gunna be a 			****		 story, my emotions where not prepared
i thought this was gunna be a **** story, my emotions where not prepared
#90 to #38 - atomschlumpf (08/03/2013) [-]
also, that mom was a bitch...
also, that mom was a bitch...
#100 to #38 - songemot (08/03/2013) [-]
brb inventing a new curse word for that one mother in particular
User avatar #105 to #100 - sinclairr (08/03/2013) [-]
User avatar #107 to #100 - stanleys (08/03/2013) [-]
I have two
Nickelbitch - The combination of Nickelback and a bitch
Both from urban dictionary
#120 to #107 - blackdaddy has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #89 to #38 - atomschlumpf (08/03/2013) [-]
I didn't say all greentext stories involve intense ******** sessions
#161 to #89 - demonatatoo (08/04/2013) [-]
But I have probably the same amount of sad greentexts as you have ******** greentexts. There are just certain stories that people see from 4chan, mostly being funny, but there are depressing ones that don't reach front page often.
#237 to #161 - trentacles (08/04/2013) [-]
>rip in piece
#238 to #237 - demonatatoo (08/04/2013) [-]
That sounds like you want more
User avatar #240 to #238 - trentacles (08/04/2013) [-]
That one gave me no feels. The first one was good, but I have friends and a girlfriend and a family who gives a **** so.
#241 to #240 - demonatatoo (08/04/2013) [-]
You're being difficult
#242 to #241 - trentacles (08/04/2013) [-]
You got me on that one.
You got me on that one.
#243 to #242 - demonatatoo (08/04/2013) [-]
How about this one?
User avatar #244 to #243 - trentacles (08/04/2013) [-]
Saw that one before, but still good.
#245 to #244 - demonatatoo (08/04/2013) [-]
Do you want me to keep it limited to greentexts?
User avatar #246 to #245 - trentacles (08/04/2013) [-]
nah post whatever your heart desires, my good man.
#247 to #246 - demonatatoo (08/04/2013) [-]
You're a bro.
User avatar #248 to #247 - trentacles (08/04/2013) [-]
Well thank you. Never saw that comic before. Pretty good.
#249 to #248 - demonatatoo (08/04/2013) [-]
I've got a few comics.
User avatar #250 to #249 - trentacles (08/04/2013) [-]
You have quite a collection, huh?
#251 to #250 - demonatatoo (08/04/2013) [-]
Yeah, I've got a ton, but seeing as you have a girlfriend, I'm filtering relationship/lost love ones out. I can stop if you're getting tired of my ******** .
User avatar #252 to #251 - trentacles (08/04/2013) [-]
Dump as many as your heart desires. I'm enjoying them.
User avatar #254 to #253 - trentacles (08/04/2013) [-]
That was good one. I was expecting him to try and fall.
#255 to #237 - demonatatoo (08/04/2013) [-]
Yeah. there are some that don't end the way you expect them to.
#257 to #256 - demonatatoo (08/04/2013) [-]
Seen it, still good though
User avatar #258 to #257 - trentacles (08/04/2013) [-]
Alright this has to stop, I'm gonna become depressed.
#259 to #258 - demonatatoo (08/04/2013) [-]
Join the club bro.
#141 to #38 - bariummanisback (08/04/2013) [-]
I've just realized: the mother was in the picture in the living room. Had he been angry, he would have cropped her out. The Dad forgave her, and probably still loved her.
I've just realized: the mother was in the picture in the living room. Had he been angry, he would have cropped her out. The Dad forgave her, and probably still loved her.
#180 to #141 - joeledo (08/04/2013) [-]
Take this.
Take this.
User avatar #147 to #38 - ieatdinoss (08/04/2013) [-]
M-my feels T~T
#144 to #38 - anon (08/04/2013) [-]
#222 to #38 - Maadmann (08/04/2013) [-]
I didn't need this feel....but I loved it.
#223 to #222 - demonatatoo (08/04/2013) [-]
User avatar #229 to #223 - Maadmann (08/04/2013) [-]
I appreciate this one too....but it's more of like an "aww what a great father" thing....but still love it
#230 to #229 - demonatatoo (08/04/2013) [-]
Sorry, not thw one I thought it was.
User avatar #146 to #38 - chiopet (08/04/2013) [-]
i thought it would end with him being george lopez
User avatar #145 to #38 - shfreaksixninesix (08/04/2013) [-]
that's feminists for you. instead of admitting that she was a tyranical bitch that he couldn't take anymore, just make it seem like the guy is the asshole. dosen't matter if you lie as long as you look like a powerful woman.
User avatar #182 to #145 - demonatatoo (08/04/2013) [-]
This has been around for longer than New-wave Feminism, so calm down there, buddy.
User avatar #235 to #38 - dinoking (08/04/2013) [-]
Going to cry now
User avatar #193 to #38 - elcreepo (08/04/2013) [-]
My emotions... dammit woman why do you have to **** up other people's relationships...
#124 - Minnesota (08/04/2013) [-]
#164 - Cambro (08/04/2013) [-]
My poop story:
>Be in hospital for lung surgery. Bedridden for a week and can't get out of bed because I'm hooked up to breathing equipment. You want to go to the bathroom? Bedpan. **** THAT.
>Day 4 of no poop. Doctors and nurses still haven't noticed, ask no questions.
>Day 5 nurse becomes aware after reviewing my bathroom records.
>Starts pumping me with laxatives, but my sheer willpower keeps my anus closed like the gates of Mordor.
>Day 6. All tubes removed but kept under observation while I'm relearning how to walk.
>Day 7. Nurse begins extra dosages of laxatives, but I refuse to go until I can walk to a bathroom under my own power.
>Day 8. I can now walk the 10 ft to my room toilet. I have lost appetite, had cramps and gas. It is time.
>Stumble to toilet at 9 AM. Start pushing, but have to stop every 10 seconds because of my ****** up abdomen. Parents ask if I need help and I demand venomously that they do not notify any nurses.
>Suddenly feel *********** moving at 9:45. Try to push, but its not enough.
>10 AM. Time to get desperate.
>I begin to wiggle side to side while pushing. I bite down on a towel to stop from screaming.
>15 minutes later my bowels finally release a softball sized turd. I wipe my sweaty brow in relief, but suddenly hear demons growling and hissing from within my intestines.
> **** what feel like pebbles covered in lava for the next hour, walk bowlegged back to my bed feeling like my spine was just ripped out of my butthole, take a hit of morphine and pass out before proudly telling the nurse to observe the bowel movement in bathroom 321.

Also bonus constipation green text.
User avatar #271 to #164 - bewbsguy (08/05/2013) [-]
"lovecraftian horrors from beyond the veil of human understanding"
oh jesus I cant breathe
#40 - sienimies (08/03/2013) [-]
This image has expired
It was all fun and games until tapeworm
#160 - matthewfuckingmain (08/04/2013) [-]
At least he pulled the tapeworm out of his ass.  (Hey)
At least he pulled the tapeworm out of his ass. (Hey)
#142 - kristovsky (08/04/2013) [-]
okay dude, like what the **** ?
#175 - theblowtorch (08/04/2013) [-]
My poop story..this is really disgusting just so you know
>Be in 6th grade
>My side hurts and I haven't taken a **** in almost 3 days
> My mom thinks I am constipated and forces ample amounts of laxatives into my system
>await for the battle of a lifetime
>another day passes and still no poop
>doctor says to take stool sample to check for serious issues
>Problem is I still haven't pooped
>mom waits for my body to go into labor and force out the ****** babies in me
>feel a pre poop rumble nd run to the latrine
> My mom thought to catch the poop as it comes out
>Moms hand is between my legs and i feel the huge rumble from within my bowels
> warn my mom that this could get ugly
> Absolute pandemonium breaks lose
>Niagra falls of poo falls upon my mothers hand
>Butt hole explodes with yellow and brown *********
>Moms arm is covered
>start to cry and quiver but mom is not fazed
>she delivers the stool sample as fasst as can
>find out i had appendicitis and within 2 hours of that i could of died from toxic wasste in my body
> Yellow was the toxin from my busted appendix

To this day I find my mom true warrior...So much respect for that woman.
User avatar #212 to #175 - qpcugh (08/04/2013) [-]
Did yours burst inside you? My appendix burst on the operating table, odd thing is for the last few hours before the surgery if felt perfectly fine. Although before that I could barely walk and was puking non stop..
User avatar #179 to #175 - beloth (08/04/2013) [-]
that story brought a tear to my eye
#52 - deathofnight (08/03/2013) [-]
I could take the mountain of **** but when I got to the worm that is where I noped
#17 - jamesisawesome (08/03/2013) [-]
I just cried from laughing so hard.
I just cried from laughing so hard.
User avatar #169 - floopdawhoop ONLINE (08/04/2013) [-]
...I can fully understand taking a long shower and curling up in the fetal position after such an ordeal.
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