Sauerkraut. Found on Facebook.. suecide I need to clean my intestines out for 3 days to begin sigourney to day begins weed eat eat this point I have survived by Pooper persecution
Home Original Content Funny Pictures Funny GIFs YouTube Funny Text Funny Movies Channels Search

hide menu

Sauerkraut

Found on Facebook.

suecide I need to clean my intestines out
for 3 days to begin sigourney to
day begins
weed eat
eat this point I have survived by drinking Gatorade to keep my blood sugar up, I am a **** monk. left bedridden
wingest three colon cleansers, a whole can of sauerkraut. 2 liters bywater
ego to sleep foryour hours
awake up feel my ass getting drops hat man on *********
Hit on my of ascension
ungodly fartthey lasts for 3 minutes straight
tthe smell is so bad my dog leaves the was my only companion in this troubled time, and he had forsaken me)
tthe ***** begin
sell is well first, until I feel **** moving inside of me
know it' s liquid lava concrete pouring out my ass
something huge coming after 15 minutes ofthis
at gets stuck
pstart crying and make amends with jesus. buddha, hitler. bob marley. allah.. and charles manson
PIT. begins
whit flies at mach 2 out my ass
i:) ait" s huge chunky chitchats red hot
like shards
an h/ drip of ********* is coming out my ass
c: is filling with **** . this is how I die
at subsides
long is dangling out my ass and squirming
sch **** oh ****
otheres a tapeworm coming out my ass
tthis ****** is long. he' s touching the water
pstart screaming HELP ME BABY JESUS while smashing the flush lever as much as possible
mmy ******* dog comes back in.. leaves because ofthe smell
tthe tapeworm rips in half due to the suction ofthe water
misandric force. I can feel the worm returning tothe safe haven of my asshole
muscle power in my anus, reach down and grab tapeworm, pull what must be 10 feet offord down into toilet
PUNCH all is said and down, I go take the longest ******* shower ever. lie in my bed naked and cry in the fetal position
1 never asked forthis knowledge ofthe beast that dwells in my ass
Dent fiddle with the doors that sauerkraut unlocks anew, you might not enjoy what is behind them.
Replies: v:
thats mo king terrifying. l
who
...
  • Recommend tagsx
+1058
Views: 52647
Favorited: 340
Submitted: 08/03/2013
Share On Facebook
Add to favorites Subscribe to axb Subscribe to 4chan E-mail to friend submit to reddit

Comments(250):

[ 250 comments ]

Show All Replies Show Shortcuts
Show:   Top Rated Controversial Best Lowest Rated Newest Per page:
Order:
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#12 - eaglepoacherto (08/03/2013) [+] (4 replies)
Finished reading.
scrolled up to see this picture.
started making dolphin noises from laughing so much.
#10 - puntsik (08/03/2013) [+] (5 replies)
#20 - monkeybrains ONLINE (08/03/2013) [-]
#31 - atomschlumpf (08/03/2013) [+] (46 replies)
/b/ seems to kinda have an obsession with **** ...or at least there are a LOT of greentext stories involving **** ...
#38 to #31 - demonatatoo ONLINE (08/03/2013) [-]
u wot m8
#3 - judson (08/03/2013) [+] (4 replies)
"feel my ass getting ready to drop a fat man on nagasaki"
#40 - sienimies (08/03/2013) [+] (5 replies)
This image has expired
It was all fun and games until tapeworm
#26 - tredbear (08/03/2013) [+] (1 reply)
#130 - atangytaco (08/04/2013) [-]
"He was my only companion in this troubled time, and he had forsaken me"
"He was my only companion in this troubled time, and he had forsaken me"
#175 - theblowtorch (08/04/2013) [+] (2 replies)
My poop story..this is really disgusting just so you know
>Be in 6th grade
>My side hurts and I haven't taken a **** in almost 3 days
> My mom thinks I am constipated and forces ample amounts of laxatives into my system
>await for the battle of a lifetime
>another day passes and still no poop
>doctor says to take stool sample to check for serious issues
>Problem is I still haven't pooped
>mom waits for my body to go into labor and force out the ****** babies in me
>feel a pre poop rumble nd run to the latrine
> My mom thought to catch the poop as it comes out
>Moms hand is between my legs and i feel the huge rumble from within my bowels
> warn my mom that this could get ugly
> Absolute pandemonium breaks lose
>Niagra falls of poo falls upon my mothers hand
>Butt hole explodes with yellow and brown *********
>Moms arm is covered
>start to cry and quiver but mom is not fazed
>she delivers the stool sample as fasst as can
>find out i had appendicitis and within 2 hours of that i could of died from toxic wasste in my body
> Yellow was the toxin from my busted appendix

To this day I find my mom true warrior...So much respect for that woman.
#124 - Minnesota (08/04/2013) [-]
Wat
#164 - Cambro (08/04/2013) [+] (2 replies)
My poop story:
>Be in hospital for lung surgery. Bedridden for a week and can't get out of bed because I'm hooked up to breathing equipment. You want to go to the bathroom? Bedpan. **** THAT.
>Day 4 of no poop. Doctors and nurses still haven't noticed, ask no questions.
>Day 5 nurse becomes aware after reviewing my bathroom records.
>Starts pumping me with laxatives, but my sheer willpower keeps my anus closed like the gates of Mordor.
>Day 6. All tubes removed but kept under observation while I'm relearning how to walk.
>Day 7. Nurse begins extra dosages of laxatives, but I refuse to go until I can walk to a bathroom under my own power.
>Day 8. I can now walk the 10 ft to my room toilet. I have lost appetite, had cramps and gas. It is time.
>Stumble to toilet at 9 AM. Start pushing, but have to stop every 10 seconds because of my ****** up abdomen. Parents ask if I need help and I demand venomously that they do not notify any nurses.
>Suddenly feel *********** moving at 9:45. Try to push, but its not enough.
>10 AM. Time to get desperate.
>I begin to wiggle side to side while pushing. I bite down on a towel to stop from screaming.
>15 minutes later my bowels finally release a softball sized turd. I wipe my sweaty brow in relief, but suddenly hear demons growling and hissing from within my intestines.
>THE SOFTBALL WAS ONLY THE CORK
> **** what feel like pebbles covered in lava for the next hour, walk bowlegged back to my bed feeling like my spine was just ripped out of my butthole, take a hit of morphine and pass out before proudly telling the nurse to observe the bowel movement in bathroom 321.

Also bonus constipation green text.
#160 - matthewfuckingmain (08/04/2013) [-]
At least he pulled the tapeworm out of his ass.  (Hey)
At least he pulled the tapeworm out of his ass. (Hey)
#142 - kristovsky (08/04/2013) [-]
okay dude, like what the **** ?
#117 - YUSEIWHAT ONLINE (08/04/2013) [-]
#16 - ROTFLcopter **User deleted account** (08/03/2013) [+] (1 reply)
My god I haven't laughed that hard in so long I'm in the middle of a Starbucks trying to contain it but people are staring
#52 - deathofnight (08/03/2013) [-]
I could take the mountain of **** but when I got to the worm that is where I noped
#17 - jamesisawesome (08/03/2013) [-]
I just cried from laughing so hard.
I just cried from laughing so hard.
[ 250 comments ]
Leave a comment
 Friends (0)