Do and Don'ts of job interviews. . Dress to Impress! Wear that hoodie. Give the interviewer Lay your limp hand in a firm handshake. the interviewers, then cough
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Do and Don'ts of job interviews

Dress to Impress! Wear that hoodie.
Give the interviewer Lay your limp hand in
a firm handshake. the interviewers, then
cough nervously.
Bring a copy of your Spend five minutes
resume that you trying to find your
printed on the good resume on your
paper that cost extra. cracked iphone.
Use "buzzwords" Talk about being a
to impress the little buzzed with the
interviewer. interviewer.
Embellish your Give an open and
positive qualities honest report of your
and mastery of the skills and experience.
required skills.
Lie wildly about the Reveal your actual
legitimacy of that GPA.
unconformable
internship" you
had last summer.
Laugh at the Make a parting joke
interviewer' s and ask when you' ll
parting joke and hear from the
say you look interviewer.
forward to hearing
from him.
Get the job.
...
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Views: 73007
Favorited: 249
Submitted: 07/15/2013
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Comments(203):

[ 203 comments ]
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#2 - stabiloboss (07/15/2013) [-]
The light bulb really out did itself this time.   
   
The irony is in the last line:   
   
"Get the job."   
   
   
   
gif unrelated.. ralphrated
The light bulb really out did itself this time.

The irony is in the last line:

"Get the job."



gif unrelated.. ralphrated
User avatar #106 to #2 - douthit (07/15/2013) [-]
WTF is "the lightbulb"?
#114 to #106 - noschool ONLINE (07/16/2013) [-]
the light bulb creates text in the description by reading from the image.
User avatar #115 to #2 - alanflindt (07/16/2013) [-]
"Bring a copy of your Spend five minutes resume that you trying to find your printed on the good resume on your paper that cost extra. cracked iphone."
User avatar #162 to #115 - ICEDgrunge (07/16/2013) [-]
Just read it like you read the columns in the posts. It works if you don't read the entire line.
User avatar #3 to #2 - sannukas ONLINE (07/15/2013) [-]
Can someone explain the light bulb for me?
+24
#5 to #3 - hugotr **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #50 to #2 - tabarzins (07/15/2013) [-]
it can't read colours
#1 - maidenmk (07/15/2013) [-]
I pissed myself laughing
#180 to #1 - John Cena (07/16/2013) [-]
But I love doing that
I love staring someone down as I deepthroat a banana
#58 - redneckraider (07/15/2013) [-]
The lightbulb has a different opinion.
#81 - unholyjebus (07/15/2013) [-]
I thought these two people were actually the same person. The last panel blew my mind.
#57 - konradkurze (07/15/2013) [-]
neither got the job, because USA outsourced the job to habib in india
#188 to #57 - checkandmate (07/16/2013) [-]
Calling an Indian, Habib is like calling an American, Nigel.

Least you could do is get your stereotypes right.
User avatar #190 to #188 - konradkurze (07/16/2013) [-]
case in point
i dont give a damn about indians to remember their countries names
User avatar #195 to #190 - checkandmate (07/16/2013) [-]
Yet you do enough to make a joke about them. Just be more informed is all I'm saying. To a person that does know, it comes off as rather ignorant is all.

If you want to make misinformed jokes, facebook and 9gag should be perfect.
#179 to #57 - John Cena (07/16/2013) [-]
That's Sundar Pacchar, the lead developer for Windows Phone you idiot.
User avatar #184 to #179 - konradkurze (07/16/2013) [-]
indians mean nothing to me
i should care about this one because?
User avatar #156 to #57 - NinjaHermit (07/16/2013) [-]
Well, he works harder than you, and has five degrees.
#65 to #57 - John Cena (07/15/2013) [-]
isnt that the guy with hitler t shirt answer pls
User avatar #70 to #65 - konradkurze (07/15/2013) [-]
yes it is
#91 - John Cena (07/15/2013) [-]
**anonymous rolled user phanact ** youre a faggot
User avatar #93 to #91 - walcorn (07/15/2013) [-]
That's so rude
#94 to #91 - noodleofrassilon (07/15/2013) [-]
Holy crap if he had logged in he would ascend to funnyjunk godhood
Holy crap if he had logged in he would ascend to funnyjunk godhood
User avatar #95 to #94 - evictedone ONLINE (07/15/2013) [-]
Again.
#142 to #94 - dumbblackpeople (07/16/2013) [-]
if only I had.
#146 to #142 - noodleofrassilon (07/16/2013) [-]
thumbing you up just to cushion the blow of the 9 mill red thumbs coming at you for people assuming you're just taking credit x:   
   
I do as well   
but I mean if I can make it 24 red thumbs instead of 25 the gallifrey dammit I'm gonna try
thumbing you up just to cushion the blow of the 9 mill red thumbs coming at you for people assuming you're just taking credit x:

I do as well
but I mean if I can make it 24 red thumbs instead of 25 the gallifrey dammit I'm gonna try
#149 to #146 - dumbblackpeople (07/16/2013) [-]
haha I could care less about thumbs

bronys are gay
**** half life 3
I think that fj ******* sucks

#150 to #149 - noodleofrassilon (07/16/2013) [-]
OH YEH WELL EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE DUMB, I"M GONNA GO THUMB UP ALL YOUR ****
#151 to #149 - noodleofrassilon (07/16/2013) [-]
you only have like 4 ******* comments
What the **** ? Do you like have a life outside of funnyjunk or something?
#152 to #151 - dumbblackpeople (07/16/2013) [-]
I trall a lot and have to make new accounts often
#154 to #152 - noodleofrassilon (07/16/2013) [-]
oh
that's
well yeah you're dumb
#105 to #91 - phanact (07/15/2013) [-]
This image has expired
User avatar #108 to #105 - TheDemonator (07/15/2013) [-]
I feel an oncoming *********
User avatar #132 to #105 - angelodlt (07/16/2013) [-]
I thought you were dead
#59 - thatbrevitything (07/15/2013) [-]
The dude does not agree with all that facist propaganda
#4 - John Cena (07/15/2013) [-]
Don't use buzzwords. They don't make you sound like a better potential employee and everyone uses them. They just piss off employers and interviewers, especially if you use them on your CV/resume. Everyone is "hardworking/honest/loyal/etc".
#10 to #4 - John Cena (07/15/2013) [-]
yo mamas a buzzword
#7 to #4 - John Cena (07/15/2013) [-]
Those aren't buzzwords; they are platitudes
User avatar #16 - AvatarAirBender (07/15/2013) [-]
I ******* lost a job opportunity because I didn't understand the person's joke. It wasn't even the person who interviewed me. I was told that I would have gotten the job, but because I didn't understand the joke I wasn't good for the team.
User avatar #20 to #16 - jokeface (07/15/2013) [-]
What was the joke?
User avatar #21 to #20 - AvatarAirBender (07/15/2013) [-]
He said something about my Jeep being a "race jeep" and I laughed along saying "yeah, it is" (because it actually is).

Keep in mind this was for a job at the most bad ass go kart racing place around. It had a huge indoor track. I would think they would want someone with racing back ground but I guess not.
User avatar #22 to #21 - jokeface (07/15/2013) [-]
And what was the implied punchline?
User avatar #23 to #22 - AvatarAirBender (07/15/2013) [-]
I didnt even really hear him, that why I did an awkward laugh.
User avatar #24 to #23 - jokeface (07/15/2013) [-]
Well then **** him. If whether or not you get hired depends on your ability to get a joke, then you don't wanna work for that kind of person anyway. He'd probably be the kind of arrogant self-entitled douche who has everyone below him sucking his dick around the water cooler every day.
#47 to #24 - John Cena (07/15/2013) [-]
You have to interact with your co-workers, and I, along with any other person looking to fill a position, wouldn't want a guy with no sense of humor who isn't going to get along with everyone else.
#61 to #47 - John Cena (07/15/2013) [-]
Not Understanding a joke =/= No sense of humour
#80 - toshietosh (07/15/2013) [-]
Samefag.
#107 to #80 - satnaam (07/15/2013) [-]
all white people look alike.

not even kidding.
like a 10000 copies of each one of them.
#98 to #80 - John Cena (07/15/2013) [-]
Twins....
User avatar #96 to #80 - evictedone ONLINE (07/15/2013) [-]
Correction: Twinfags
User avatar #76 - thebombshell (07/15/2013) [-]
got a job at a media electronics trade-in store C.E.X which has some pretty cool benefits and is working with things I'm really excited about (tablets / phones / games / movies / computers / etc. etc.)
and all by wearing a hoody, entirely honestly saying I suck at tablets, phones and don't know the latest DVDs, making a cheap crack at a movie (which in fairness did lead to a lengthy and pretty fun conversation about pixar movies)
supposedly they're opening loads of stores all over the world recently so they're hiring pretty much everywhere anyone who isn't a complete moron, at the very least I'm getting paid and getting some tidy work experience.
User avatar #9 - stijnverheye (07/15/2013) [-]
what are buzzwords ?
User avatar #30 to #9 - payseht (07/15/2013) [-]
impressive words you slip in your phrases to look like you know what you're talking about, like if you're applying for a gas station you can say "oxygen" and "nitrogen"
User avatar #45 to #30 - appleboom (07/15/2013) [-]
I hate buzzwords. Everyone I've heard use them usually end up backfiring, as it makes you look desperate to fit in and that you don't have any idea what you're talking about.
User avatar #36 to #30 - stijnverheye (07/15/2013) [-]
thanks
User avatar #6 - moshimoshi (07/15/2013) [-]
That lightbulb... I read it to the tune of "lose yourself". Better check my pockets for spaghetti.
#74 - chiktikkavaspaus (07/15/2013) [-]
So the secret to getting a job all along was following the light bulb's advice?   
   
Damn, I knew I should have been paying attention.
So the secret to getting a job all along was following the light bulb's advice?

Damn, I knew I should have been paying attention.
User avatar #29 - jajathezombie (07/15/2013) [-]
I'm always honest at job interviews, even if it's not in my best interests, because I often vomit when I lie and I'm fairly certain that wouldn't go over too well.
User avatar #37 to #29 - freestyleristaken (07/15/2013) [-]
I don't vomit but I am honest too. Its better for both actually, if you lie about what you can do you will actually slack on the job and your boss will be annoyed about you anyway.
I rather would look longer for a job i will keep than find a quick job where i easily risk termination because of incapabilities.
#125 - SunilCCXXXVII **User deleted account** (07/16/2013) [-]
I've got an interview in a few days.. just googled up buzzwords.
That is the most stupid thing to do in an interview.

The people who are going to be interviewing you (assuming you aren't going for an entry level position or in a family run business) are smarter than you.
If an interviewer asks something like "Have you worked in a team before?"
and you reply "I'm a good team player, I co-operate well with others, as I am hardworking and dedicated to my role."
All the interviewer will think is... jezz another robotic idiot.
What you need to say is
"Yes I've had lots of opportunities to work as part of a team; during my final year at uni we were assigned to random groups and we had to design a product to fulfil a set of criteria. Fortunately for our team we had a person who was currently employed as a product designer and was doing the course part-time. We choose to allow him to lead our group as he had the most experience. Unfortunately half way through the assignment his work commitments prevented him from attending so the rest of us pulled numerous all-nighters and finished the project which earned a well deserved 1st."


You need to structure your replies.
Think about what the interviewer is asking, and yes he is looking for those buzzwords, but only in his head. He doesn't want you to say them, he wants a story, an experience where you actually expressed those buzzwords.

In my fake story the interviewer will see; works well with others, can work with random strangers, comfortable out of his comfort zone, ability to define strength of others, works for the good of the team, not selfish, able to cope with problems, persistent, hardkworking, determined, will go beyond limits.


DON'T USE BUZZWORDS, USE SMART STORIES.

Inb4 someone says don't take advice from an unemployed bum...
I'm employed, just want a better job.

I am near the character count limit. I've never reached it before so I will just be blabbing on a bit, not long just 30 more to go. I like turtles..
#155 to #125 - John Cena (07/16/2013) [-]
"The people who are going to be interviewing you... are smarter than you."
I wouldn't say that. They're probably better at the job and good at reading people, but that doesn't make them smarter.
#160 to #155 - SunilCCXXXVII **User deleted account** (07/16/2013) [-]
If it's a corporate job, the person who is interviewing you, considering you're not going for an exec job, will be smarter than you. You can't get into that position without being smart to some degree to start with and once you're working your intelligence focuses more to the role/company/tasks that you do.
User avatar #163 to #125 - richardastley (07/16/2013) [-]
I agree. Showing actual understanding is more important than making sure you use the appropriate terminology. If you understand the conversation, the terminology will come without you consciously worrying about using buzzwords.
#164 to #125 - watchesupee (07/16/2013) [-]
Or you could skip all of that trouble and watch the movie How to Succeed in Business without Really Trying...
User avatar #133 to #125 - jacksipian (07/16/2013) [-]
can i hold him at gunpoint and tell him im coming in on monday instead?
#136 to #133 - SunilCCXXXVII **User deleted account** (07/16/2013) [-]
You could, but if you're applying for a weekend position your going to be really late. I don;t think they'd hire you in you are planning on being late, and once they let you know the bad news, you'll kill them. That's a no no.
User avatar #140 to #136 - GeneralLeeInsane (07/16/2013) [-]
Or it could be really early... depending upon your point of view.
User avatar #145 to #136 - jacksipian (07/16/2013) [-]
alright, ill tell him im coming in saturday. but depending on the job im going for, the chain of commad might mean someone gets promoted when i kill the current boss, and then that guy will like me more because i got him a promotion. damn im good.
User avatar #137 to #125 - lolollo (07/16/2013) [-]
Isn't it physically impossible to be comfortable outside of your comfort zone?
User avatar #139 to #125 - GeneralLeeInsane (07/16/2013) [-]
Are you related to William Shakespeare, by chance?
#158 to #139 - SunilCCXXXVII **User deleted account** (07/16/2013) [-]
No I'm Indian.

Ps. that was off the top of my head, just twisting a story that I use from my uni experience.

Always good to twist your stories to direct it to the job. Even if it wasn't related but you twisted it into being related, there's a sense of truth and you convey honesty... even if you're a lying piece of **** .

Maybe you aren't looking for a job, but I dunno.. I feel like replying like that lol, helps me too.
User avatar #131 to #125 - blakekendrick (07/16/2013) [-]
hey people new to the work force - read what this guy just said ^
#135 to #131 - SunilCCXXXVII **User deleted account** (07/16/2013) [-]
your thumb and comment have given me some confidence in my approach, I'll be taking this into the interview.

oh another comment for people going to interviews.

PREPARE YOUR ASS OFF. YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE!! 0!! TO NOT DO IT. YOU WANT THE JOB? WORK FOR IT.

I got a call on friday saying I'd have the interview on tuesday, so during a hot and sunny weekend I stayed at home, in my room, preparing. I missed 3 bbq's (I would have went to all 3) a night out which there were 4 birthdays to be celebrated, and an engagement party.

Oh and Monday was my birthday, also studied until I went work, where I found out it got delayed to Thursday.

The reason? this preperation will motivate you about the company and the role, and it WILL show to the interviewer. Also you won't make as much of an ass out of yourself, but it happens to everyone.
User avatar #69 - hairysmellyanus ONLINE (07/15/2013) [-]
I applied for dominos and as I left I said "cya later... hopefully" to the manager. I left and my friend told me what I said because he went with me. I didnt get that call back.
#66 - masterfuck (07/15/2013) [-]
yhrtgertfedw
User avatar #112 - kyoutu (07/15/2013) [-]
His body language whenever he is sat down in the "Do's" section is terrible.
Sit up straight with your hands in your lap.
Leaning in or moving your chair too close to the desk is space invading.
Use the back of the chair, it's what it's there for, but don't slouch.
User avatar #116 to #112 - hoshasei (07/16/2013) [-]
I disagree, leaning in show attentiveness and interest in what the interviewer is saying.
perfect posture makes you seem nervous and not outgoing.
User avatar #120 to #116 - kyoutu (07/16/2013) [-]
Sorry but that's wrong. You don't have to be as stiff as a plank, just up right.
This is the stuff that was taught at the employment center I used to attend.
#124 to #120 - John Cena (07/16/2013) [-]
And how long did it take to get a job with that method?
User avatar #127 to #124 - kyoutu (07/16/2013) [-]
A few months nut with the current state the UK is in for Job's I don't think any amount of correct posture would have helped.

Here's a better explanation of what I'm getting at.

www.forbes.com/sites/meghancasserly/2012/09/26/10-body-language-tics-that-could-cost-you-the-interview-and-the-job/
#89 - John Cena (07/15/2013) [-]
Of course he didn't get the job with that ****** suit oh my god
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