Bible. Source: Mock the Week, BBC . UNLIKELY lla) , lac: in a galaxy‘ fa! far awa!. At first there was nothing,then god said "Let there be light!" and there was light...there was still nothing but atleast you could see it better.
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User avatar #1 - furryflava (07/07/2013) [-]
At first there was nothing,then god said "Let there be light!" and there was light...there was still nothing but atleast you could see it better.
#20 to #1 - yomommabinshoppin (07/08/2013) [-]
Not to ruin your joke but if there was nothing to see than technically shouldn't you still see nothing but the light
#26 to #1 - anon (07/08/2013) [-]
1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. 2 Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.
User avatar #19 - thecomkiller (07/08/2013) [-]
And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that, with it, Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats. And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'
#21 to #19 - marcury (07/08/2013) [-]
#22 to #21 - thecomkiller (07/08/2013) [-]
Three, sir!
#28 to #24 - pbeldin (07/08/2013) [-]
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#39 to #28 - viscerys (07/08/2013) [-]
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User avatar #37 to #24 - warzon (07/08/2013) [-]
#44 to #27 - anon (07/08/2013) [-]
Probably best prank in game i think many religious faggots died that day.
User avatar #8 - RequieminMortis (07/08/2013) [-]
"To my dearest niece Suzy, the contents of this book are entirely fictional, and any resemblances to persons living or dead is purely coincidental."

At least I THINK that's how the quote goes; I remember a movie having that line (I believe it was Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy).
#16 to #8 - rymes (07/08/2013) [-]
just went and checked all five books' dedication pages, and sorry, but no, i don't think it's from THGTTG (unless it was in the actual story somewhere, in which case - you're on your own mate)

oh wait. you said movie...
#38 - draxdiesel (07/08/2013) [-]
"and god said unto abraham "come forth and recieve eternal life," but abraham came fifth, and won a toaster.
#42 - maxsexington (07/08/2013) [-]
FINE i am the Messiah. NOW **** OFF
#40 - bonlino (07/08/2013) [-]
'christ! stop beating around the bush and kill your son!'
#29 - anon (07/08/2013) [-]
Wakey wakey! Bible fakey!
#33 - robinwilliamson (07/08/2013) [-]
And on the third day, there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee. And it came to pass that all the wine was drunk. And the mother of the bride came to Jesus and said unto the Lord, "They have no more wine." And Jesus said unto the servants: "Fill six water pots with water." And they did so. And when the steward of the feast did taste from the water of the pots, it had become wine. And they knew had come.
But the servants did know, and they applauded loudly in the kitchen. And they said unto the Lord: "How the hell did you do that?" And inquired of him: "Do you do children's parties" And the Lord said.."No." But the servants did press him, saying; "Go on, give us another one!"
And so he brought forth a carrot and said: "Behold this, for it is a carrot." And all about him knew that it was so. For it was orange, with a green top. And he did place a large red cloth over the carrot and then removed it, and lo, he held in his hand a white rabbit. And all were amazed and said, "This guy is really good! He should turn professional."

And they brought him on a stretcher a man who was sick of the palsy. And they cried unto him: "Maestro, this man is sick of the palsy." And the Lord said: "If I had to spend my whole life on a stretcher, I'd be pretty sick of the palsy, too!" And they were filled with joy. And cried out: "Lord, thy one-liners are as good as thy tricks! Thou art indeed an all-round family entertainer."

And there came unto him a woman called Mary, who had seen the Lord and believed and Jesus said unto her: "Put on a tutu and lie down in this box." And then took he forth a saw, and cleft her in twain. And there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth. But Jesus said: "Oh ye of little faith!" And he threw open the box and lo, Mary was whole! And the crowd went absolutely bananas. And Jesus and Mary took a big bow. And he said unto her: "From now on you shall be known as Trixie, for that is a good name for an assistant."

Here ends the lesson.
User avatar #34 - birthdaybrony (07/08/2013) [-]
"And so, it was revealed to Moses the reason kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and this secret was to be forever protected in the Ark of the Covenant."
User avatar #2 - redstonealchemist (07/07/2013) [-]
#13 to #2 - anon (07/08/2013) [-]
pi edgy phi me
#47 to #13 - redstonealchemist (07/09/2013) [-]
i have pi memorized to 40 significant places, but if i tell you, you can't be sure if i'm cheating, so have a gif!
i have pi memorized to 40 significant places, but if i tell you, you can't be sure if i'm cheating, so have a gif!
User avatar #17 to #2 - mercyburris (07/08/2013) [-]
all this edgy
User avatar #45 - douthit (07/08/2013) [-]
Second anti-Bible post I've seen in the last five seconds. Geez people, we get it. I see more anti-Christians shoving their anti-Christianity on people than Christians doing the same.
#4 - anon (07/07/2013) [-]
cough.. phanact
#5 to #4 - duvallwhitey (07/07/2013) [-]
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User avatar #46 - djgeeza (07/08/2013) [-]
"Just kidding"
User avatar #31 - strangemoo (07/08/2013) [-]
Maybe your bible.
User avatar #11 - upyourarsinal (07/08/2013) [-]
i dont know what bible they're reading
User avatar #9 - dunkdastar (07/08/2013) [-]
what game show is this?
#10 to #9 - Bibby (07/08/2013) [-]
It's not a game show, it's an English comedy show called, "Mock The Week" where a panel of comedians make fun of the weeks events
User avatar #6 - Rollerofdouble (07/08/2013) [-]
"And on the eighth day, the Lord created a magical talking hyena and forgot all about us"
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