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#1 - traelos
Reply +145
(06/28/2013) [-]
Get your ******* **** together.
#223 to #1 - imnotkickthecat
Reply +1
(06/29/2013) [-]
#25 to #1 - meachummail
Reply 0
(06/28/2013) [-]
A dwarf fortress related post? By gods you are my new favorite person.
#24 to #1 - TheOriginalNerd
Reply 0
(06/28/2013) [-]
so ******* true
#3 to #1 - whycanticaps
Reply +1
(06/28/2013) [-]
What is Dwarf Fortress?
#4 to #3 - echobase
Reply +40
(06/28/2013) [-]
Dwarf Fortress is a game. Said game is hard. Harder than the nipples on a blind lesbian in a fish market.


Imagine, if you will, two parallel universes. Everything in them was the same until around 1980. In one universe, Universe A, the game designers continued on their path, focusing on graphics and realism. That's what we have today. Universe B, on the other hand, is different. Game designers went for control of and depth in the games they created. Now jump to 2006, and imagine that one of their games made the jump to our Universe. That game would be Dwarf Fortress.

Dwarf Fortress is hard. Harder than a Catholic Priest at a playground.

Why is it so hard, you ask? The game details everything. And I literally mean everything. Who was birthed from whom, what they did. You can get as intricate as biting off a goblin's toe and having the toe stuck to your tooth. You can then remove the tooth from your mouth, and use it as a weapon to kill the de-toed goblin. You can go into a village at night, and gouge the eyes out of every child, and then ripping out their tongue. You can sleep easy, knowing that for over 20 terrified children, your face was the last thing they will ever see.

You can lock infants into small rooms filled with rabid turkeys (dogs will most likely kill the child). After 11 years of fighting them and being pecked, you can remove the child from their vault, and with careful application of magma and water, melt off all their skin and fat. Once they're peeled, you can coat them in steel. Once they are coated, you can have them murder their parents, just to turn them into a cold, soulless, calloused killing machine. You can use these dwarves as the forefront of your Spartan project.

You can take and breed mermaids, and once they give birth, take their children from them, butcher them, and turn their bones into rings.

If this sounds disgusting, horrible, and vile, know that this is only the beginning. You can do ANYTHING you can imagine. Anything.
#218 to #4 - traelos
Reply 0
(06/29/2013) [-]
>Implying Dwarf Fortress is difficult
>Implying Dwarf Fortress is difficult
#134 to #4 - iamchicken ONLINE
Reply +15
(06/29/2013) [-]
My experience of dwarf fortress   
>Watch a **** ton of tutorials   
>Decide i am ready to play   
>Holy **** was i wrong   
>**** was going good for the first in game year   
>Then everything changed when the fire nation attacked   
>The fire nation being a combined attack of a dragon like hell thing and a metric jesus ******* of goblins   
>Let's do this **** mother *******.   
>Army is divided Goblins have sprung all traps and are still coming   
>Dragon is ******* up **** in the lower levels of the city   
>Finish goblins   
>Send ALL available dwarfs to **** that dragons **** up   
>Supersaiyandragonmodeengage.stone   
>Kills everything   
>Rapes the main hall   
>A small few escape to the storehouses   
>One goes insane and kills 2 survivors before being put down   
>The last warrior in the hole ******* city is ordered to fight the dragon   
>He died heroically   
>Cry for 5 minutes over 3 weeks of game lost   
>Dragons FW my Dwarves
My experience of dwarf fortress
>Watch a **** ton of tutorials
>Decide i am ready to play
>Holy **** was i wrong
>**** was going good for the first in game year
>Then everything changed when the fire nation attacked
>The fire nation being a combined attack of a dragon like hell thing and a metric jesus ******* of goblins
>Let's do this **** mother *******.
>Army is divided Goblins have sprung all traps and are still coming
>Dragon is ******* up **** in the lower levels of the city
>Finish goblins
>Send ALL available dwarfs to **** that dragons **** up
>Supersaiyandragonmodeengage.stone
>Kills everything
>Rapes the main hall
>A small few escape to the storehouses
>One goes insane and kills 2 survivors before being put down
>The last warrior in the hole ******* city is ordered to fight the dragon
>He died heroically
>Cry for 5 minutes over 3 weeks of game lost
>Dragons FW my Dwarves
#130 to #4 - infamoustrapper
Reply 0
(06/29/2013) [-]
Isn't Dwarf Fortress like Terraria?
#221 to #130 - kandazz
Reply 0
(06/29/2013) [-]
You ignorant son of a pig sow.
#250 to #221 - infamoustrapper
Reply 0
(06/29/2013) [-]
It looks a lot like it....my friend is obsessed with it
#111 to #4 - anon
Reply 0
(06/29/2013) [-]
well. hard to learn not to play...
#30 to #4 - Shaostoul
Reply 0
(06/28/2013) [-]
I've been playing this game since it didn't have elevation and I must say this is a very accurate representation.

Also, if you are curious about a succession game that took place or a story to read that players created as a result of playing said succession game... Boatmurdered.
#5 to #4 - whycanticaps
Reply 0
(06/28/2013) [-]
that sounds awesome. I'm assuming this game isn't free
#12 to #5 - angryberdz
Reply +2
(06/28/2013) [-]
It is 100% Free. Always has. Always will be.
#13 to #12 - whycanticaps
Reply +1
(06/28/2013) [-]
I downloaded it, started up adventure mode, and promptly had no idea what I was doing or what anything was

I have a feeling this entire game is going to be abusive to me
#54 to #13 - wankershimm **User deleted account**
Reply 0
(06/28/2013) [-]
do you happen to have a link to the game?

i cant find it
#14 to #13 - angryberdz
Reply 0
(06/28/2013) [-]
It will be. But that's the fun of it. And when you die, don't get discouraged; LOSING IS FUN!!!
#15 to #14 - whycanticaps
Reply 0
(06/28/2013) [-]
Heres a quick question, I have no idea what anything is and there doesn't seem to be a legend. What is a U, and how do I interact with teh U?
#17 to #15 - angryberdz
Reply 0
(06/28/2013) [-]
Okay, for this game, you have to imagine EVERYTHING in this game from it's ASCII character ( +, *, A, U, $) to an item, landscape, or Character. The "U" is a Human. To interact with said human, press "k", and target the Human. a Chat list shall appear, ranging from Trade to the location to the Capital to Quests. Once you speak to a NPC, I HIGHLY suggest you take a Quest, select "Service", and a Quest shall be given. Happy Slaying!
#19 to #17 - whycanticaps
Reply 0
(06/28/2013) [-]
ah ok, thank you
#192 to #19 - zight ONLINE
Reply 0
(06/29/2013) [-]
tip. download MasterDwarffortress
its a whole huge addon. which can run on faster fps. in the settings you can make everything as it would be in the normal one if you want to try it normally first.
it also comes with graphics packs. to make it more easy for new comers to get into it. of coruse the ASCII isnt bad at all but the extra help isnt bad either. also it comes ith Dwarf hack. in it if you type ssense it opens up an isometric view that lets you see it more or less a bit more 3d. also pleasing to the eye. experiment with settings and enjoy
#193 to #192 - zight ONLINE
Reply 0
(06/29/2013) [-]
masterwork dwarf fortress*
#20 to #19 - angryberdz
Reply +1
(06/28/2013) [-]
For further help, go to the DF Wiki. It covers EVERYTHING. I also suggest you watch "Jefmajor" and/or "51ppycup". And remember, **** ALL the Elves!
#9 to #5 - anonibusii
Reply 0
(06/28/2013) [-]
Note that the graphics look like **** though. I love every single bit of it, none the less.
#10 to #9 - whycanticaps
Reply +2
(06/28/2013) [-]
thats ok. graphics don't always make a game
#29 to #10 - kandazz
Reply +1
(06/28/2013) [-]
I'm going to be shunned for this, but I can't play DF without a graphics pack. There are several fan made graphics packs for the game and several mods to it as well. My favourite was the Masterwork mod. It's been ages since I've played though.
#36 to #29 - whycanticaps
Reply +1
(06/28/2013) [-]
I might look at it because I am not ashamed to say I'm confused as balls while playing xD
#7 to #5 - anon
Reply 0
(06/28/2013) [-]
It is.