How to win a streetfight. Not oc, from 4chan. So, you’ re " and you’ re about to get into aaight. . Here": a Coma , Tip? Your grand puppy should tum» MM you I t 4Chan nigger Fight street

How to win a streetfight

So, you’ re " and you’ re about to get into aaight. .
Here": a
Coma , Tip?
Your grand puppy should tum» MM you
I t' s Friday night. You and your dorky are
hanging out at " pub adter work. Juggling a round on
your way back from the bar, you accidentally spill
a full beer all over some local douche.
You could , buy
Dancing Mcdouche Faee u beer, have a
laugh about the whole thing, and good
time: could be resumed by all.
H OI, ' Uer! Tonight, Douche Blaster Flex is fulfilling to let it go because
Two "ttow, ago his girlfr' xbud him my an even (lonely: bag Listing erectile as the
but youve about
Ifyou can keep your cool and remember "few simple tips, you might be the surprise victor.
This is the SING“ nos! moment In any fight. Always get the one armeh II. .
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get struck am... v. all x one allout to get stucked. lope F FF.
Position swivel arm around your
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Use whichever arm you manage
in get around the neck my
map the opposite
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pressure and have
Impish' ,_ and
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Rear Naked Choke.
The ultimate submission for which there is no defense
From this position you may issue your demands
Swear your ennui Slide down your
lo my pulls, you' re my
dork horde! woman now.
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Views: 30079
Favorited: 174
Submitted: 06/23/2013
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#4 - anon (06/24/2013) [-]
Let me get this straight.... You spill a drink on someone when he's in a bad mood already, then you punch him, choke him, and ultimately humiliate him?
User avatar #32 to #4 - sefyu (06/24/2013) [-]
This remembers me of a story I was told once.
A friend of a friend once went to a bar, didn't drink too much but mixed too many different drinks and got drunk as **** , ending up running to the toilet to vomit.
He opened the first unlocked stall, but the guy who was taking a **** in it forgot the lock it and this guy couldn't contain it anymore and starting puking all over him. After he puked on him, he thought about how he would react when being the victim in this position and came to the conclusion that he would probably knock the guy the **** out. So he punched the guy he just puked on in the face and ran away.

Now just imagine this guys face when he just wants to take a **** , and someone walks in on him, pukes him in the face, then punches him in the face and just leaves.
User avatar #6 to #4 - commontroll (06/24/2013) [-]
But remember! He's the douche, not you.
User avatar #1 - lolturtle (06/24/2013) [-]
lol all the people reading this will try it and get their ass kicked cause theyrll all funnyjunkers :
100-125 lbs
User avatar #8 to #1 - commontroll (06/24/2013) [-]
6'2" and a 150 or so. Or is it 6'? I never know, depends how long I've been awake. And on the measuring tape. Anyway, I'm certainly capable of handling myself in a fight. My only issue with this post is that they say that there is no defense for the RNC. Maybe not for grappling, but there are plenty of ways to get out of that hold in a real fight, most of them strikes.
#11 to #8 - anon (06/24/2013) [-]
You sir are a retard how can you strike someone when you are on the ground he is behind you and you are losing consciousness in a few seconds.
#18 to #11 - perfectionx (06/24/2013) [-]
You slowly put your hands over your head, you can do this for you are a human being and not an armadillo. Don't do it too slow because you have approximately 30 seconds. You then put your fingers behind his ears and then proceed to use your opposable thumbs (yea 			****		 you animals without these babies, you're 			******		 in this scenario!) and you gently apply pressure to your captors eyeballs. He will have approximatly 3 seconds before you permanently blind him so he will make the wise decision to stop his current entanglement in the name of all his yet to masturbate to porn.
You slowly put your hands over your head, you can do this for you are a human being and not an armadillo. Don't do it too slow because you have approximately 30 seconds. You then put your fingers behind his ears and then proceed to use your opposable thumbs (yea **** you animals without these babies, you're ****** in this scenario!) and you gently apply pressure to your captors eyeballs. He will have approximatly 3 seconds before you permanently blind him so he will make the wise decision to stop his current entanglement in the name of all his yet to masturbate to porn.
User avatar #23 to #11 - commontroll (06/24/2013) [-]
What perfectionx said, as well as anything from headbutting, groin kicks using the muscles of your hamstrings, to ******* elbows to the gut. **** yeah, human pride bitches.
User avatar #27 to #23 - newforomador (06/24/2013) [-]
A good way if you are standing up is the elbows. If you catch them right below the ribs it should at least knock the breath out of them and give you opportunity to wiggle out.
User avatar #14 to #1 - defectivetoast (06/24/2013) [-]
What the **** did you just ******* say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the **** out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my ******* words. You think you can get away with saying that **** to me over the Internet? Think again, ****** . As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're ******* dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little **** . If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your ******* tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will **** fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're ******* dead, kiddo.
#2 to #1 - anon (06/24/2013) [-]
6"8, 300+ pounds, I will fall on his ass and squash him into the ground, try me, my infinite chins shall simply crush his bones, and his heart. I am your fat god.
#10 to #2 - ullonei (06/24/2013) [-]
All hail the god of fat, may his ass crush our enemy's, may his chins lead us to eternity and his veins forever be full of fat.
#3 to #2 - supremetaco (06/24/2013) [-]
That was beautiful
#33 to #2 - mattyjay (06/24/2013) [-]
For I respect you greatly. Someone that uses, what is seen as an impairment, or restriction, that may deal you great pain both physically and mentally to his advantage.

Even though you shouldn't let yourself get into that state, unless it's a disability or something that cannot be changed, I still have respect for you nonetheless.

are sloths even a thing anymore?
User avatar #29 to #2 - commontroll (06/24/2013) [-]
My Fat Fu is weak master...
#26 - fuckedbyapony (06/24/2013) [-]
>Be me
>8/10 girlfriend has just cheated on me with some total douche
>Feeling terrible so I go out for a drink
>I order my first drink and head toward the corner to sit by myself
>On the way over I accidentally nudge some guy and he spills his drink on me
>Whatever, it's been a bad day i should just go home..
>'Sorry about th-'
>All of a sudden this guys fist comes flying out of nowhere
>My reactions are nowhere near fast enough to avoid it
>I'm shocked and fall to the floor but oh no it's not over yet
>He literally dives on top of me and wraps his arm round my throat
>I can't breath.
>I'm trying to beg him to stop but i can't get a word out
>Soon enough I'm losing consciousness, slowly fading out..
>Wake up 5 minutes later covered in blood and beer
#28 to #26 - arandomanon (06/24/2013) [-]
Wasn't the original picture sad enough someone had to do a sadder one?
#30 to #26 - anon (06/24/2013) [-]
>I'm trying to beg him to stop but i can't get a word out
>Soon enough I'm losing consciousness, slowly fading out..
>Wake up 5 minutes later covered in blood and beer and wearing a stormtrooper mask
User avatar #9 - fitemeirl (06/24/2013) [-]
>spill drink on someone
>punch them before they get a chance to do anything
>choke them so they stop doing what they haven't done yet.

perfect plan.
#21 to #9 - mezzjuc (06/24/2013) [-]
My exact thought.
My exact thought.
User avatar #51 to #9 - minsheme (06/24/2013) [-]
I feel like I'm the only one who has realized this isn't genuine fighting advice.
#45 to #9 - anon (06/24/2013) [-]
>Be at ball court with friends
>Some guy accidently spills water on me
>" **** . Don't worry abou..."
>guy throws punch at stomach
>throws another punch at face
>Guy does choke hold
>starts yelling "Calm down and I'll stop"
>I faint
>wake up in hospital
>mfw guy ran away with his auntie and uncle in Bel-air
#50 to #45 - spaceturtlecadet (06/24/2013) [-]
I never saw that coming. Nice
#5 - Karraidin ONLINE (06/24/2013) [-]
This made me lose it. Thumb for you!
#12 - dudeimlikeadude (06/24/2013) [-]
basically a big "ARE YOU ******* SORRY?" acted out
User avatar #42 - subaqueousreach (06/24/2013) [-]
>At a Karaoke bar with some friends
>Get called up to sing my tune
>Gonna rock House of the Rising Sun
>Feeling dry so I grab a water from the bar
>Turn around and immediately bump into the biggest, broiest bro I've ever seen
>Water goes everywhere. On me, on him, on the cute little old couple just minding their own business. Everywhere.
>He looks at his drenched polo shirt, then at me
>My heart slows to a crawl
>The giant bro speaks
>" **** man I'm real sorry, what were you drinking?"
>Totally caught off guard. "Oh, it was just water bud, don't worry about,"
>He snaps my glass out of my hand and proceeds to fill it with beer from his pitcher
>"It WAS water. Now it's a beer. Enjoy your night."

And that's what it's like living in Canada.
#17 - trailoftears (06/24/2013) [-]
Bro Tip: Don't use the Bic Lighters. They don't work well because they're not round enough and - for my lumberjack-hands at least, they are too small.

Get a Kubotan or at least a Tactical Pen, some of those have some more neat uses. But don't use the tips for striking, that ****** too rough for a brawl.
User avatar #25 to #17 - nggamer (06/24/2013) [-]
what the **** is this **** , you'd get rocked in a fight if you listened to 90% of this "guide"
User avatar #46 to #25 - trailoftears (06/24/2013) [-]
true, most is ******** . But it was the only related thing i had.

Don't trust /b/ guides either way.
User avatar #39 - indigobob (06/24/2013) [-]
Guise, I am a martialartsfag and seriously DO NOT **** around with the choke. It happened way too many times that people wanted to subdue the person and because they kept struggling ( being drunk and losing a sense of fear, for example ) they ended up dying this way. RNC is not something to be taken lightly, have that in consideration.
#40 to #39 - justbrandonreally (06/24/2013) [-]
There actually is one way out of a rear naked choke, I think...
I found it out when I was about 16
Me and some friends were ******* around wrestling..
and I don't like fighting, at all..the only thing I want to do is not fight..
so my best friend sneaks up behind me and tries for that rear naked choke **** ..
while I was just being a pussy and watching them **** around
and I instinctively popped my arm backwards and half gouged his eye out.
Got into a pretty solid amount of trouble from my mum and his mum.
I find almost all these silly fight style things are pretty dumb..
as long as a person has a groin, hair, eyes, or neck. ..then you can win a fight.
We are giant walking meat sacks of weakness.
Why not capitalize on them? If someone wants to be an animal and fight...
Not a martial arts fag here..just a guy that likes to watch cage fighting every now and again.
User avatar #44 to #40 - indigobob (06/24/2013) [-]
the way out was because he didn't execute it properly. He needs to put his face in such a position ( hard to explain ), a bit behind your shoulder so that your arms can't reach his eyes. Also when people catch you like that, what 90% of them don't know is that if you only slightly start pulling your shoulders backwards you start strangling him. Don't screw with it it can happen accidentally.
User avatar #56 to #44 - justbrandonreally (06/24/2013) [-]
You can even reach behind and work on grabbing just one finger.....and of them..
or two or many as you can get..
and break em' backwards...or sideways..whatever breaks....create a lever to break em''re in a choke..I mean....break em'...they put you in a choke..break there fingers..
I'm glad my grandad taught me how to fight.
User avatar #57 to #56 - glad (06/24/2013) [-]
I skimmed it and it sounded sexual.
#59 to #57 - justbrandonreally (06/24/2013) [-]
It was..
I do enjoy being dominated by a strong girl..
That's the only scenario I wouldn't put up a fight..
strangled to death by a strong naked girl.....that's the way to go..
User avatar #60 to #59 - glad (06/24/2013) [-]
It's the only other acceptable death.
User avatar #67 to #60 - justbrandonreally (06/24/2013) [-]
por que is the other one?
User avatar #68 to #67 - glad (06/24/2013) [-]
User avatar #81 to #44 - bluedwarf (06/25/2013) [-]
So what's your take on this, is it really unpossible to free yoursefl from the grip?
User avatar #82 to #81 - indigobob (06/25/2013) [-]
Well, yes. Because as soon as you actually get gripped like that, assuming that the person who grappled you knows what he/she is doing, you start struggling and they can just pull their shoulders back and knock you unconsciouss in a split second ( then you need urgent medical assistance otherwise you die ) . Alternatively, by slowly pulling the shoulders backwards and strangling slowly you can make anyone drop whatever **** move they are trying to pull. However, there is a chance that a random fag on the street knows the grapple but doesn't know the strangle, in which case you might want to try some **** but my advice is don't get caught in it, once you do it's too late.

If you were asking whether I know any viable escape mechanism, then no I do not and I don't think there's any that are safe to pull.
#53 to #44 - justbrandonreally (06/24/2013) [-]
You can also bite at the forearm before it gets under your neck,
or reach for the gonads.. if it's a male... ..and was a standing choke, that I was put in..
while standing there are still tons of ways twisting around..
,but on the ground it's a bit more difficult..
I can't stand the rear naked..
when you can just grab the top of their head with one hand, and the bottom of their chin with the other..and just go opposite directions as hard as you can..
and kill them easily..
My friends name is Jared....He's a real FAT **** ..the kind that lifts way too much..and eats like a hog..He does shrugs all the his shoulders are ******* ear high..and the fatness and muscleyness of his neck is just about impossible to get under, and ever you do get under the chin..he is retard strong..
User avatar #64 to #39 - defeats (06/24/2013) [-]
I wouldn't recommend a RNC for a bar fight anyway or any grappling ******** , people almost always have a friend with them and if you're the one who launched the first punch, chances are by standers won't take your side.

As a martialartsfag I recommend the pit of the stomach/solar plexus (whatever you all like to call it), the neck or the groin (Krav Maga's favorite), heel palm to about anywhere on the face (nose or jaw preferable).
I wouldn't recommend choking, trying to break bones or joints or any rolling about on the floor.

But of course in a real fight all of this talk goes out of the window.
User avatar #80 to #64 - indigobob (06/25/2013) [-]
User avatar #24 - aluminiumfoil **User deleted account** (06/24/2013) [-]
Anyone else feel bad for Douche master flex?
#22 - anon (06/24/2013) [-]
This is ******* stupid.....
1: The point of a "RNC" should never be to restrict oxygen, just the blood flow to the brain, which is part of the reason it's ******* dangerous and shouldn't be a go to move.
2: If you do try this and don't apply pressure to the correct areas you can crush some ones windpipe and they will die....hence the prison note [url deleted]

this article does not illustrate how to apply this choke properly at all
User avatar #43 - twofreegerbils (06/24/2013) [-]
>be at party, drinking
>girlfriend just dumped me, trying to forget about it
>said it was because of my ED, as if I could help it
>some lightweight is stumbling around
>spills his ******* beer on me
>just sort of stand there like wtf
>time to go home I guess..
>out of nowhere the lightweight jabs out like he's gonna hit my stomach
>it was a fake and he comes in and punches me in my tucking face
>he follows me to the ground and puts me in a headlock
>starts screaming about me joining his dark horde
User avatar #7 - commontroll (06/24/2013) [-]
Me and my now ex-roommate (our lease just ended) almost got into a fight in the parking lot today. That was fun, especially when he screamed at me to pull out a knife, and all because I got out of my car after him talking **** and screaming at me. Apparently I'm not allowed to stand up around him. Who woulda thunk?
User avatar #49 - bandoslootshare ONLINE (06/24/2013) [-]
i thought it said fisting tips.. was disapointed but then i remembered i could apply the same theory
User avatar #47 - starzero (06/24/2013) [-]
I would wait for him to punch me... Dodge it then counter-attack or get punched then sue his ass.
User avatar #48 to #47 - internetrage (06/24/2013) [-]
not an option in the UK. its every man for himself
User avatar #63 to #48 - defeats (06/24/2013) [-]
The UK is stupid... My friend and his father both got ASBOs when they were jumped and defended themselves... (Well this was Scotland, which is even worse than England, law wise)
User avatar #52 to #47 - vatra (06/24/2013) [-]
I refuse to start fights, but you. I hate your type, suing over everything. Take care of your own damn problems.
User avatar #55 to #52 - starzero (06/24/2013) [-]
I'm not suing over everything... Never sued anybody in my life but if a Douche hit me in the face for spilling beer on him, he deserved to face the law.
User avatar #58 to #55 - vatra (06/24/2013) [-]
When he gets you in the choke hold, stretch as hunched over as you can get, then reach behind you, his head will be in range if you manged to bend over at all, grab the back of his head, then slam you body back in to the possession it started out in while gripping his head. You'll flatten his nose. That's plenty good retribution.
User avatar #61 to #58 - racrox (06/24/2013) [-]
ah yes but, money.
User avatar #62 to #61 - vatra (06/24/2013) [-]
For a simple assault case like that, every penny you earned would go to paying your lawyer.
User avatar #69 to #62 - starzero (06/24/2013) [-]
In Quebec, where I live, you can sue somebody for under 10,000$ for free, you can represent yourself. You bring a buddy who was there as a visual witness and bim blam, 10,000$ dollars.
User avatar #70 to #69 - vatra (06/24/2013) [-]
They have similar in the US, it is called a small claims court, but, at least here, you are still very unlikely to win without a lawyer.
User avatar #71 to #70 - starzero (06/24/2013) [-]
Even if you bring the tapes from the bar where it happens?
User avatar #72 to #71 - vatra (06/24/2013) [-]
That would be a different story, an easy win. But in my experience, most places have cameras directed at the entrance, that's about it.
User avatar #73 to #72 - starzero (06/24/2013) [-]
Well... Alright I'll just kill the man.
User avatar #74 to #73 - vatra (06/24/2013) [-]
Well, if it self defense that is technically legal, but you still bare the burden of proof.
User avatar #75 to #74 - starzero (06/24/2013) [-]
I'll kill the judge, jury and audience.
User avatar #76 to #75 - vatra (06/24/2013) [-]
Hmm, if you faked your own death among all those you slaughtered this might actually work.
#77 to #76 - starzero (06/24/2013) [-]
Well, I'm off to a bar.
#78 to #77 - vatra (06/25/2013) [-]
See you on the news!
#15 - anon (06/24/2013) [-]
too bad most of these virgin neckbeard faggots wouldnt get invited to a party to start with much less win a fight
#54 to #15 - vatra (06/24/2013) [-]
You realize you are included in that too. You're using the site just like the rest of us.
#79 to #54 - anon (06/25/2013) [-]
>imploding im a virgin neckbearded faggot
#19 - GingerCOM (06/24/2013) [-]
Never throw the first punch unless you are alone, you can say later he hit you first and then he will be the asshole.
User avatar #16 - chrisoid (06/24/2013) [-]
>strike first

or dont... because he may not actually throw a punch, he will just be pissed.
Plus some legal **** about how it could be considered assault on your part and self defense in his.
User avatar #65 - danyrambo (06/24/2013) [-]
Does anyone have the source?
#41 - AbcDenny (06/24/2013) [-]
If you have time to throw the first punch, you most likely have time to run away! Coming from someone who grew up in a pretty rough area, you want to run if you can. Doesn't matter how little the other guy is, he's probably got friends, a knife or worse.
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