simple jobs are the hardest to do right. . I //lloll Eia[. >be male gender >be a heterosexual >meet a nice human female capable of reproduction >decide to apply emotions to her >the emotions are reciproca
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#3 - mattdoggy (06/19/2013) [-]
>be male gender   
>be a heterosexual   
>meet a nice human female capable of reproduction    
>decide to apply emotions to her   
>the emotions are reciprocated    
>human female subject offers to provide sustenance free of charge   
>i accept the proposition knowing that it will further our chances of mating   
>upon arriving to the dwelling place of the female i discover it at a hastened pace to prepare sustenance    
>i engage in menial communications to distract the female from the amount of time exerted on it's task   
>the verbal exchanges are successful and the banter was deemed pleasant by the female   
>a set amount of time had been transversed through and the thermal preparations upon the nutrition was nearing completion   
>unexpectedly, an audible alarm was set off with an exceedingly high decibel level     
>the female began releasing a high viscosity fluid from her optical region and declared a self inability at culinary skills   
>this unit retorted with a non serious comment of "well maybe we should learn that the smoke alarm isn't the cooking timer"   
>events then became unpleasant    
>a high pitched screech was emitted from the female to convey displeasure at the aforementioned comment   
>several small projectiles also conveyed the idea that the domicile was no longer acceptable to occupy    
>a rapid egress to a public transport unit, followed by a slow march to an abode where involuntary saline leaking and masturbatory actions took place   
>blame is still rest upon the detecting unit in this one's opinion
>be male gender
>be a heterosexual
>meet a nice human female capable of reproduction
>decide to apply emotions to her
>the emotions are reciprocated
>human female subject offers to provide sustenance free of charge
>i accept the proposition knowing that it will further our chances of mating
>upon arriving to the dwelling place of the female i discover it at a hastened pace to prepare sustenance
>i engage in menial communications to distract the female from the amount of time exerted on it's task
>the verbal exchanges are successful and the banter was deemed pleasant by the female
>a set amount of time had been transversed through and the thermal preparations upon the nutrition was nearing completion
>unexpectedly, an audible alarm was set off with an exceedingly high decibel level
>the female began releasing a high viscosity fluid from her optical region and declared a self inability at culinary skills
>this unit retorted with a non serious comment of "well maybe we should learn that the smoke alarm isn't the cooking timer"
>events then became unpleasant
>a high pitched screech was emitted from the female to convey displeasure at the aforementioned comment
>several small projectiles also conveyed the idea that the domicile was no longer acceptable to occupy
>a rapid egress to a public transport unit, followed by a slow march to an abode where involuntary saline leaking and masturbatory actions took place
>blame is still rest upon the detecting unit in this one's opinion
#8 to #3 - ankev (06/19/2013) [-]
That was beautiful
#14 to #3 - cjasper (06/19/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
User avatar #27 to #3 - rieskimo (06/19/2013) [-]
>the female began releasing a high viscosity fluid from her optical region and declared a self inability at culinary skills

This is what that line made me think of(I didn't think tears were all that viscuous)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=sKfbrnJeC4M
#19 to #3 - wroughten (06/19/2013) [-]
>Be male
>Into girls
>Meet a hot girl
>being attracted to her
> **** this **** i suck at english
#5 - emppilaf (06/19/2013) [-]
This is a stick u......OH **** NOT A FIRE ALARM!!!
User avatar #25 to #5 - primerpower (06/19/2013) [-]
Self jellying toast...i like it
User avatar #29 to #25 - emppilaf (06/19/2013) [-]
You're one of those glass half full people aren't you?
User avatar #30 to #29 - primerpower (06/20/2013) [-]
but if a glass is created empty would it not be half full?
User avatar #31 to #30 - emppilaf (06/20/2013) [-]
It's full of air....
#32 to #31 - primerpower (06/21/2013) [-]
the **** you say?
#1 - Ristay (06/18/2013) [-]
Be a real shame....

If something happened durring your first dinner date.


#2 to #1 - John Cena (06/19/2013) [-]
That's what you get for being a cheap faggot and not going to a proper restaurant.
#6 - prettyflyforaderp ONLINE (06/19/2013) [-]
This image has expired
HEY! thats not funny my parents were killed by toast!
#20 - skrewbacca (06/19/2013) [-]
Oh, you're cooking? Let me sing the song of my people for you.
#16 - archiferd (06/19/2013) [-]
And showers that get too hot and steamy

yes I need to replace mine.
User avatar #4 - ohgodwhatthefuck (06/19/2013) [-]
mine seems to go off when you point a universal remote at it for 10 seconds pressing absolutely nothing
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#22 - CheatCody has deleted their comment [-]
#26 - ExorArgus (06/19/2013) [-]
Pro tip: If your toast is setting off your smoke detector. Dump the crumb tray.
#15 - poniesnstuff (06/19/2013) [-]
Damn toast
User avatar #13 - gurtol (06/19/2013) [-]
Mine went off the other night when i was smoking a joint!
User avatar #21 to #13 - drastronomy (06/19/2013) [-]
3edgy5meeee
User avatar #12 - kyrozor (06/19/2013) [-]
My smoke alarm goes off if I have a shower and forget to close the bathroom door when I leave.
User avatar #17 to #12 - Furubatsu (06/19/2013) [-]
Do you shower in lava or something?
User avatar #24 to #17 - kyrozor (06/19/2013) [-]
Just really hot showers, there's a lot of water vapor and the alarm is about 3 feet away from the door, I have to leave the window in the bathroom open and close the door for like 10 minutes.
#18 to #12 - archiferd (06/19/2013) [-]
Mine like to do that to me when my mom takes her exceedingly hot showers at 6am
Mine like to do that to me when my mom takes her exceedingly hot showers at 6am
User avatar #23 to #18 - kyrozor (06/19/2013) [-]
That's really unlucky. I thought I had it bad..
User avatar #11 - ADeadlYLepricoN (06/19/2013) [-]
Lightbulb had a stroke.
User avatar #9 - mrfartypants (06/19/2013) [-]
but you must risk your life to change my battery's every time they go dead
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