Title. . ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, ajust lie there. ATTORNEY: This grains, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And
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Title

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, ajust lie there.
ATTORNEY: This grains, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, "isn' t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn' t
know about it until the next morning?"
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the , how old is he?
WITNESS: He' s twenty, much like your IO.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you ******** me?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (ofthe baby) was August tth?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.
Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about so, medium height, and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I' m going with male.
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much ofa fight.
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
What school did you go ta?
WITNESS: Oral.
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8: 30 pm.
ATTORNEY: And, Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished,
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for El pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No,
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?
WITNESS: No .
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in ajar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
...
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Views: 23817
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Submitted: 06/16/2013
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#10 - allytiger (06/16/2013) [-]
These get a lot funnier if you try to imagine they're all from the same court case
#9 - betesta ONLINE (06/16/2013) [-]
mfw the fourth joke
User avatar #11 to #9 - icameheretotroll (06/16/2013) [-]
Same with ninth
#14 - taylorelise (06/17/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
User avatar #30 to #14 - weirdvintagegirl (06/17/2013) [-]
THANK YOOOOOOOOOOU
LABYRINTH IS MY FAVORITE
david bowie was ridiculously hot back then
still is
#33 to #30 - tigersstripes (06/17/2013) [-]
When people say they were scared by his bulge as children
but really tho
#16 to #14 - anon (06/17/2013) [-]
What power?
User avatar #17 to #16 - jjanddrew (06/17/2013) [-]
the power of voodoo
User avatar #18 to #17 - tigerrish (06/17/2013) [-]
who do?
User avatar #20 to #18 - sexualpandalumps (06/17/2013) [-]
voodoo
User avatar #19 to #18 - jjanddrew (06/17/2013) [-]
you do!
User avatar #21 to #19 - tigerrish (06/17/2013) [-]
Do what?
#22 to #21 - Magnisethered (06/17/2013) [-]
Remind me of the baaaaaaaaaaabe
#27 - anon (06/17/2013) [-]
You realize a lot of these are trick questions lawyers will ask the same question over and over again to see if the witness slips up.
User avatar #15 - blurpleman (06/17/2013) [-]
I have seen these like 20 times now and they get funnier everytime.
User avatar #6 - ullapool (06/16/2013) [-]

Aw, the light bulb tries so hard...
User avatar #8 - Lintutu (06/16/2013) [-]
the urine sample question wasn't stupid though. He meant are you clean enough to provide one?
#26 - rawfulz (06/17/2013) [-]
Better Call Saul
User avatar #31 to #26 - exacerbated (06/17/2013) [-]
You don't need a criminal lawyer. You guys need a CRIMINAL lawyer.
#35 to #31 - rawfulz (06/17/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#3 - achobs (06/16/2013) [-]
the last one
#23 - anon (06/17/2013) [-]
I'm convinced lawyers are idiots... Actually that makes a lot of sense.

User avatar #7 - tobyonekenoby ONLINE (06/16/2013) [-]
Inc Frontpage.
-59
#4 - emperorervinmar **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
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#34 to #4 - emperorervinmar **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #12 to #4 - minsheme (06/16/2013) [-]
I saw this at the top of the comments and wondered why I hadn't killed myself yet.
-10
#13 to #12 - emperorervinmar **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #25 to #13 - exclamation (06/17/2013) [-]
These are actual ******* quotes. Real (yet imbecilic) attorneys have said this **** ...
+29
#5 to #4 - lieutenantshitface **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #32 - doctadoc ONLINE (06/17/2013) [-]
oh my **** ! are you kidding me? This was on the frontpage less than a week ago! Somebody is using a proxy or FJ is getting a lot more visitors.
#29 - vaporous (06/17/2013) [-]
Lawyers do this as a trick to see if the witness will slip up. That and a lawyer should never ever assume so they need to get the witness to say what they want them to say.
#28 - anon (06/17/2013) [-]
*Insert feel frog image here* MFW i'm stufying law at Venezuela...
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#2 - givemethesalt has deleted their comment [-]
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