Lack of Grey Matter
v use we AL s “Mel
714/ a teenage customers ask in can nnd a Ct/ n, for a school
Customer #1: “in, do you have Casablanca?“
oh, its black and white?"
Customer " “that' s no gem we dent have a black and
white TV, only cow“
All Signs Point To Other Signs
men an h menu
Customer: "Haw Where are your biscuits on special?"
Me: " the display right next to you. Youre standing right
next to It."
oh. wen, you should have a sign there to point
1 point to the large sign above the biscuits. it' s black and red
and quite large.)
wen, you should have a sign that points to the
When Stupidity Hits The Pint of No Return
an ALMA in _ N’ use
I see you changed your sizes?“
M . Yeah, we had to change it from pint and quart because
too many people were asking which was bigger. new we'
got large and small."
Customer: "They cant ten by the price?"
Maybe they arent stressing it In schools anymore."
A second customer walks in and looks at a menu for a
But that is sad, kids dent knew which is bigger.“
Customer ' . What' s bigger?“
Me: “Pint or a quart."
that' s pathetic M
A few moments or silence pass.)
Customer " “so, which is bigger, the large or the small?"
Belaboring The Points
Me: "Thank you for caning --n how can I help you?"
custome “in, yes. [just got back from surgery end I cent
remember my password."
Me: “sure, in be glad to help. Let me pun up your account
end we can reset your password."
We proceed with a very routine process or setting a new
email password. About halfway through, she bursts out
Customer: “rm sorry. My coworkers just handed me a card
congratulating me on the new twins. Iguess you can ten whet
kind of surgery I had, huh?"
rue got “
Kill The Bill, Double The Trouble
the moi: l or a use
Me: “rm sorry, mum, but we cannot accept so bins. its
against our security policy
Customer: “when the N” did this happen?"
Me: “two years age, ma’ am.“
Customer: "I was In here last week end paid with a
Me: "Ma’ am, our register wouldnt anew us to enter
bins. Do you happen to have a credit card?"
what' s your numel [want to speak with your
what' s the problem?"
Customer: “vow staff is lying by telling me he cannot accept
a so bin. [was In here last week end paid with a min“
Manager: "I was on register an last week, mum, and I
wouid have told you the same thing. its against our policy to
accept bins so or larger."
Customer: "FINE)" "rips the MII in haw “How ABOUT NOW?"
we we l was e use
Customer: "Do you have the movie sense and ?"
Me: Wes we do, did you went the British or the American
Customer: "I dent knew which one it was, but it hes two
Me: "I think that wouid be the British version."
1 take her to the section and show her the movie.)
Customer: Wes, that' s ltl in take t"
Me: “cream Is there anything else I can do for you?"
Customer: "Does this movie use subtitles?"
Me: "Ma’ am, its British.“
Customer: “wen I dent know I' m not an English majora"
How About Ten To The
Kr x use
Me: “Hells, wercome to --- Bank. whet can I do for you
Customer: "I went to withdrew ten hundred dollars."
Me: "Ten hundred? Is that one thousand?"
Customer: "Dont say that so loud) I dent went people to
think I' m getting one thousand. that' s why [said ten
Please, Take A Cut or My Cheese
we we h use
Customer: 'completely stoned" "Hey, what' s your cheapest
thing In the store?"
Me: “them probably be these miniature whoopee cushions.
They' re a dollar apiece. There are three on the shelf behind
Customer: “in take an of thell"
As Cm the transaction, a mother
comes in with a young boy in tow.)
Customer: "Hey Look whet [just gitl" "shows them
the whoopee cushions-
Mother: -obliously uncomfortable‘ “um. .that’ s very. .nice, I
Customer: "Do you went one?"
Monte . on no, no thank you, we were Just-"
Customer: "Oman, I hue three of thell whet do I need
He shoves a whoopee cushion into the mothers hands and
wanders aft‘ happily.)
Stupidity Is Its Own Reward
we l u have we use
Me: "Do you hue your rewards card with you, slr?"
Customer: “uh, no, I dent. Do I not get a discount?"
Me: “or course you still cam What' s your phone number?"
Customer: “new old are you?"
Customer: "route not even mail I cant do that."
Me: “uh, no, sir. I need it to look up for your discount."
Customer: “oh r -tells me his phone number‘ " hilt dent
can me after 5. that' s when my wire gets hem M
yuseis l L ) L
Me: “Hells, may I help you?"
Customer: Wes, I was wondering if every creature you have
a statue of is actually living?“
Me: Wes sir, everything you see In here you can find
somewhere In the wilderness.“
Customer: "Then why do you have a beaver?"
Me: "Excuse me?"
Customer: Weu heard me. If everything In here is actually a
living creature then why do you have beavers?"
Me: “wen sir, beavers are living creatures. Havent you ever
seen one In the pond down the road?"
Customer: "What? Beavers are real? My whole we [thought
they were mythical creatures."
The customer walks away, looking lost and confused.)
mmg like, no thumbs whore, but i will be a
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