Y'all ain't got **** on me.
So here's the real story. in 8th grade, my friends and I were in art class. One of my friends had a speech impediment. I forget why, but he said "Eat my cookies" and I misunderstood as "eat my pussy." I said "dude, did you say eat my pussy?" and the teacher heard. I didn't get in trouble at all. But one of my other friends has a ****** up mind and came up with this:
The rumor was that I stood up on the table, ripped off my shirt, started twisting my nipples, and shouted "EAT MY PUSSY." The teacher told me to get down and I responded by slapping her in the face with my dick.

PEOPLE ACTUALLY BELIEVED IT(albeit in lower grades, like 6th grade). I played along, and now a handful of people 2 grades below me think I'm a psychotic rapist.