Your dirtiest joke. common description. Total: MBP. gnu: dirtiest julie an 'T:.' nie pizzahut.. 1.Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly? A: Kick his sister in the jaw. 2.Q.When do you kick a dwarf in the balls? A.When he is standing next to your miss saying useless tags
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Your dirtiest joke

*common description

Total:
MBP. gnu: dirtiest julie an 'T:.' nie pizzahut.
...
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#1 - nehm (04/21/2013) [+] (32 replies)
That's harsh.
That's harsh.
User avatar #15 - tastycrisps (04/21/2013) [+] (17 replies)
1.Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly? A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
2.Q.When do you kick a dwarf in the balls? A.When he is standing next to your miss saying her hair smells nice
3.Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator? A: Why are YOU shaking? She's going to eat me!
4.Q. What do you call a book club that has been absolutely obsessed with the same book for the past 100 years? A: Church
5.Q: What do u call a bunny with a bent dick? A: ***** FUNNY
6.Q: What’s the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo? A: A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe
7.Q: How many Emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
8.Q: How do you kill a retard? A: Give him a knife and say "Who's special?"
9.Q: How do you get tickets to the Tampon 100? A: Pull some strings
10.Q: Why can't Jesus eat m&m's? A: Because he has holes in his hands.
11.Q: Whats the hardest part about eating a vegetable? A: The wheelchair
12.Q: How do you get retards out of a tree? A: Wave to them!
13.Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist? A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
14.Q: What did the Alabama sheriff call the black guy who had been shot 15 times? A: Worst case of suicide he had ever seen.
15.Q: Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? A: They named him Sum Ting Wong.
16.Q: Why don't orphans play baseball? A: They don't know where home is
17.Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? A: Wiped his ass.
18.Q: Why was the African American girl quiet during the movie? A: She wasn't.
19.Q: Why don't blind people skydive? A: It scares the **** out of their dogs!
20. Q: How many dead babies does it take to paint a house? A: It depends on how hard you throw them
#131 - budbrown (04/22/2013) [+] (6 replies)
I never got to suck my dad's dick
#137 to #131 - johnnyafire (04/22/2013) [-]
You can now.
User avatar #42 - Dap (04/21/2013) [+] (7 replies)
Not that dirty, but funny:

A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so he thought he'd better buy her a little something to keep her occupied while he was gone. He went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter.

He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except---" and he stopped.

"Except what?" the man asked.

"Nothing, nothing."

"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"

"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo Penis."


"So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked.

The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old wooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and there lay an ordinary-looking dildo.
User avatar #44 to #43 - Dap (04/21/2013) [-]
After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny and remembered the Voodoo Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said "Voodoo Penis, my crotch!"

The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three mind- shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.


Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road.

A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.

Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had anything to drink, officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won’t stop screwing me!"

The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an arrogant voice replied, "Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass."
User avatar #2 - nicopwnz (04/21/2013) [+] (1 reply)
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

Wiped his ass.

#17 - Jabberwocky (04/21/2013) [+] (1 reply)
What do you do when you're daughter tells you she's been raped by Spider-Man?   
   
Move on to the Batman costume.
What do you do when you're daughter tells you she's been raped by Spider-Man?

Move on to the Batman costume.
#148 - Sinless (04/22/2013) [+] (2 replies)
What do you do if you're in the woods and you come across a crying girl with broken legs who says she's been raped?   
   
Check my map, clearly I'm walking in circles.
What do you do if you're in the woods and you come across a crying girl with broken legs who says she's been raped?

Check my map, clearly I'm walking in circles.
User avatar #171 - thissucksbiteme (04/22/2013) [-]
guy in vegas wins the jackpot over 2 million bucks, incredibly horny and alone he walks outside looking for a hooker. he goes down a the strip and see's this drop-dead-sexy hooker standing on the corner, pulls up to her asks how much for a hand job.
"1500 bucks"
"holy **** what a rip off"
"you see that strip joint there i bought that with the money i made from handjobs. im the best in town."
"well if you could afford that you got to be good ok get in"
few minutes later after the best handjob in his life he thinks damn if a handjob was that good what about getting head
"so how much for a blowjob"
"7500 bucks"
"no ******* way am i paying 7500 for head"
"see that car dealership there i bought that with the money i made from giving head, absolute best in town."
" **** if you did that ok lets go"
few minutes later after the best blowjob of his life he says
"damn that was great ok how much to go all the way"
"you see that casino there"
"yeah"
"if i had a vagina i would own it"
User avatar #23 - imthehybrid (04/21/2013) [+] (2 replies)
Although everyone has a different sense of humor, I find these pretty humorous.

Q: How do you starve a black man?
A: hide his foodstamps under his workboots.

Q: What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
A: A pedophile.

Q: What is red and crawls up your leg?
A: A homesick abortion.
#28 - timmyyocum (04/21/2013) [+] (3 replies)
Whats the worst part about killing a baby?   
Getting blood on your clown suit
Whats the worst part about killing a baby?
Getting blood on your clown suit
User avatar #89 - snakebelmont ONLINE (04/22/2013) [+] (3 replies)
Q1: What does a baby sound like in a blender?
A1: I don't know i was too busy wanking

Q2: What's the best thing about an 8 year old girl?
A2: Turn her over and she's an 8 year old boy

Q3: What's the best thing about an 8 year old boy?
A3: You don't have to pretend

Q4: What's the best thing about twenty eight year olds?
A4: There's 20 of them.
#92 - TheCynic (04/22/2013) [-]
What do you get when you 						****					 a pregnant chick?   
   
A baby with a black eye.
What do you get when you **** a pregnant chick?

A baby with a black eye.
#7 - mikehawk (04/21/2013) [-]
What's slimy cold long and smells like pork?


Kermit the frog's finger
#302 - suponion (04/22/2013) [+] (2 replies)
>Type comment into box but don't hit send
>wait for pizza to come
>write message yourself and claim pizza guy did it
>post on FJ
>get thumbs
User avatar #201 - shazmothree (04/22/2013) [+] (7 replies)
I think I have a pretty good one

A man has forgotten that today is his anniversary. He panics and goes out looking for a present. He ends up in a weird old Chinese store where he sees a large statue of a cat. He grabs it and goes to pay for it because his wife loves cats. The old Chinese man at the counter tells him that it is a special statue that costs $100 and for an extra $50 he would tell him an old prophecy. The man gave him a hundred dollar bill, said he was in a hurry, and left the store. As he left the store he noticed that a cat began to follow him. As he kept walking it seemed more and more cats began to follow him. He began to run and before he knew it there were thousands of cats running after him. He finally reached came in sight of the pier and decided that he needed to throw the statue into the ocean and so he did. Right after the statue hit the water it was followed by thousands of cats who all followed the statue to their deaths. The man then decided to run all the way back to the store where he found the old Chinese man snickering at him. The old Chinese man said to him, "Would you like to hear prophecy now?" And the man replied, "No, but I'll give you $1000 for a Martin Luther King Jr statue."
#301 - suponion (04/22/2013) [-]
I guess you could say...    
   
The pizza guy delivered.
I guess you could say...

The pizza guy delivered.
#94 - tylertuesday (04/22/2013) [-]
dad's face when
#64 - harryblazer (04/22/2013) [+] (1 reply)
whats black and blue and hates sex?
the child under my stairs
#303 - suponion (04/22/2013) [+] (1 reply)
#181 - stormtrooperbob (04/22/2013) [+] (1 reply)
I was gunna make a gay joke.. Butt 						****					 it.
I was gunna make a gay joke.. Butt **** it.
#184 to #181 - tonkkax (04/22/2013) [-]
Haven't heard that one before!
Haven't heard that one before!
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