Your dirtiest joke. common description. Total: MBP. gnu: dirtiest julie an 'T:.' nie pizzahut.. 1.Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly? A: Kick his sister in the jaw. 2.Q.When do you kick a dwarf in the balls? A.When he is standing next to your miss saying useless tags
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Comments(320):

[ 320 comments ]
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#17 - Jabberwocky ONLINE (04/21/2013) [-]
What do you do when you're daughter tells you she's been raped by Spider-Man?   
   
Move on to the Batman costume.
What do you do when you're daughter tells you she's been raped by Spider-Man?

Move on to the Batman costume.
User avatar #15 - tastycrisps (04/21/2013) [-]
1.Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly? A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
2.Q.When do you kick a dwarf in the balls? A.When he is standing next to your miss saying her hair smells nice
3.Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator? A: Why are YOU shaking? She's going to eat me!
4.Q. What do you call a book club that has been absolutely obsessed with the same book for the past 100 years? A: Church
5.Q: What do u call a bunny with a bent dick? A: ***** FUNNY
6.Q: What’s the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo? A: A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe
7.Q: How many Emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
8.Q: How do you kill a retard? A: Give him a knife and say "Who's special?"
9.Q: How do you get tickets to the Tampon 100? A: Pull some strings
10.Q: Why can't Jesus eat m&m's? A: Because he has holes in his hands.
11.Q: Whats the hardest part about eating a vegetable? A: The wheelchair
12.Q: How do you get retards out of a tree? A: Wave to them!
13.Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist? A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
14.Q: What did the Alabama sheriff call the black guy who had been shot 15 times? A: Worst case of suicide he had ever seen.
15.Q: Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? A: They named him Sum Ting Wong.
16.Q: Why don't orphans play baseball? A: They don't know where home is
17.Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? A: Wiped his ass.
18.Q: Why was the African American girl quiet during the movie? A: She wasn't.
19.Q: Why don't blind people skydive? A: It scares the **** out of their dogs!
20. Q: How many dead babies does it take to paint a house? A: It depends on how hard you throw them
User avatar #211 to #15 - dehfurk (04/22/2013) [-]
You... I like you... in a not-so-questionable way.
#39 to #15 - slashendrix (04/21/2013) [-]
Number 5 got me.
#122 to #15 - sweateagle (04/22/2013) [-]
16Q
16Q
User avatar #344 to #15 - greenwithenvy (04/22/2013) [-]
I haven't heard the knife retard one in so long. the pure nostalgia alone is amazing, but our perception of retards today doesn't have them doing that arm motion anymore :(


how do chinese parents name their kids? they drop the silverware.
User avatar #313 to #15 - nrhv (04/22/2013) [-]
i find that jokes are ruined as soon as you put an ! at the end
User avatar #62 to #15 - awesomerunner (04/22/2013) [-]
Wow my favorites then thumbs either assholes thumbing you down or people forgot to thumb
User avatar #331 to #15 - yutdollacwwwthree (04/22/2013) [-]
Someone fell in the mud
User avatar #306 to #15 - kungfootittys (04/22/2013) [-]
How do you make a gay man **** a Woman? **** in her Cunt.
#339 to #15 - htmm (04/22/2013) [-]
Q: There is an African American and a Hispanic in a car, who's driving?
A: The cop
User avatar #354 to #339 - tastycrisps (04/23/2013) [-]
Telling a racists joke and using politically correct terms?
#357 to #354 - htmm (04/23/2013) [-]
That's how I role.
#315 to #15 - drlolpranks (04/22/2013) [-]
Q: What's black and sits at the top of a staircase?

A: A quadriplegic after a house fire
User avatar #87 to #15 - virginmaker (04/22/2013) [-]
#15 got me. I dealt with a customer named "Sum Wong" in a call center. After I talked to her I couldn't stop hoping that her middle name was "Ting"
#59 to #15 - trentsteelflex (04/22/2013) [-]
Q. What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of babies?
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
User avatar #244 to #59 - ryuuyoru (04/22/2013) [-]
Q: What is the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies?

A: I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.
#343 to #244 - anon (04/22/2013) [-]
Brian the dawg/ DEW U REALLT THINK HER LOA FROM WORK/ CHASE CARS; SHES A CUNT WHO PLANNED THIS . YOU'RE 50 BIRTHDAY/ SUN/ NANAMES USED/ KELLY SAW U/ KAREN SAW U/ PEG SAW U? MY PHONE CUTS OYT IN CARBWE R TESTING NOW/ THANKS/ ADT ALSO / SADLY SHE SET U P OP/ U TRUE LOVE/ WHAT US THAT PICKLES??
User avatar #32 to #15 - Blarge **User deleted account** (04/21/2013) [-]
how do you find a blind guy in a nudist colony... it aint hard
#52 - anon (04/22/2013) [-]
I was eating out a girl, and I tasted horse semen.

I thought to myself 'Oh granny, so that's how you died.'
User avatar #76 to #52 - sexwithyourwife (04/22/2013) [-]
:( I don't get it. can someone explain ,I feel stupid
#121 to #76 - anon (04/22/2013) [-]
he was eating out a girl that tasted horse semen... so she got ****** by a horse and died... he was eating his dead granny's pussy. pretty simple... good fun, too.
-1
#120 to #52 - spacemoose **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #245 to #120 - ilovehitler (04/22/2013) [-]
How do you NOT?
#312 to #52 - wafumu (04/22/2013) [-]
Incest, Necrophilia, and bestiality all in one. JOLLY GOOD SHOW!
#54 to #52 - mummyslittlebitch (04/22/2013) [-]
this is one of the best ones I've heard in a while
User avatar #2 - nicopwnz (04/21/2013) [-]
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

Wiped his ass.

#185 to #2 - anon (04/22/2013) [-]
63
User avatar #171 - thissucksbiteme (04/22/2013) [-]
guy in vegas wins the jackpot over 2 million bucks, incredibly horny and alone he walks outside looking for a hooker. he goes down a the strip and see's this drop-dead-sexy hooker standing on the corner, pulls up to her asks how much for a hand job.
"1500 bucks"
"holy **** what a rip off"
"you see that strip joint there i bought that with the money i made from handjobs. im the best in town."
"well if you could afford that you got to be good ok get in"
few minutes later after the best handjob in his life he thinks damn if a handjob was that good what about getting head
"so how much for a blowjob"
"7500 bucks"
"no ******* way am i paying 7500 for head"
"see that car dealership there i bought that with the money i made from giving head, absolute best in town."
" **** if you did that ok lets go"
few minutes later after the best blowjob of his life he says
"damn that was great ok how much to go all the way"
"you see that casino there"
"yeah"
"if i had a vagina i would own it"
User avatar #42 - Dap (04/21/2013) [-]
Not that dirty, but funny:

A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so he thought he'd better buy her a little something to keep her occupied while he was gone. He went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter.

He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except---" and he stopped.

"Except what?" the man asked.

"Nothing, nothing."

"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"

"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo Penis."


"So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked.

The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old wooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and there lay an ordinary-looking dildo.
User avatar #43 to #42 - Dap (04/21/2013) [-]
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old wooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and there lay an ordinary-looking dildo.

The businessman laughed, and said, "Big damn deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"


The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said, "Voodoo Penis, the door."

The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form down the middle.

Before the door split, the old man said "Voodoo Penis, return to box!"

The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and lay there quiet once more.

"I'll take it!" said the businessman.


The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo Penis, my crotch."
User avatar #44 to #43 - Dap (04/21/2013) [-]
After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny and remembered the Voodoo Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said "Voodoo Penis, my crotch!"

The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three mind- shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.


Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road.

A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.

Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had anything to drink, officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won’t stop screwing me!"

The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an arrogant voice replied, "Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass."
#72 to #44 - anon (04/22/2013) [-]
now put that on a pizza box
#65 to #44 - anon (04/22/2013) [-]
10/10 would read again
#82 to #65 - bighairyfart (04/22/2013) [-]
Cop's FW
0
#266 to #82 - potatonuggets **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#307 to #44 - DivideZeroForFun (04/22/2013) [-]
Holy crap i have not heard this joke in a very long time. Thank you so much for reminding me of this, thumb for you good sir.
User avatar #23 - imthehybrid (04/21/2013) [-]
Although everyone has a different sense of humor, I find these pretty humorous.

Q: How do you starve a black man?
A: hide his foodstamps under his workboots.

Q: What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
A: A pedophile.

Q: What is red and crawls up your leg?
A: A homesick abortion.
#31 to #23 - anon (04/21/2013) [-]
more like how do yo starve an indian
User avatar #34 to #23 - vorigito (04/21/2013) [-]
Q: What's long and black?
A: An Unemployment line.
#131 - budbrown ONLINE (04/22/2013) [-]
I never got to suck my dad's dick
#279 to #131 - dcdt (04/22/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#154 to #131 - shinypokemans (04/22/2013) [-]
Then he never loved you.
#137 to #131 - johnnyafire (04/22/2013) [-]
You can now.
#151 to #137 - koalasonfire (04/22/2013) [-]
You need more thumbs cause that made me crack up.
You need more thumbs cause that made me crack up.
User avatar #165 to #137 - hammerfell (04/22/2013) [-]
I'm sure his dad's dying of laughter at that one.
User avatar #166 to #165 - hammerfell (04/22/2013) [-]
He might even be rolling over in his grave.
#92 - TheCynic (04/22/2013) [-]
What do you get when you 			****		 a pregnant chick?   
   
A baby with a black eye.
What do you get when you **** a pregnant chick?

A baby with a black eye.
#302 - suponion (04/22/2013) [-]
>Type comment into box but don't hit send
>wait for pizza to come
>write message yourself and claim pizza guy did it
>post on FJ
>get thumbs
User avatar #328 to #302 - ichies (04/22/2013) [-]
This text is floating, shameless and badly executed shoop.
#310 to #302 - codyxvasco (04/22/2013) [-]
BUT I WANT TO BELIEVE!
BUT I WANT TO BELIEVE!
User avatar #201 - shazmothree (04/22/2013) [-]
I think I have a pretty good one

A man has forgotten that today is his anniversary. He panics and goes out looking for a present. He ends up in a weird old Chinese store where he sees a large statue of a cat. He grabs it and goes to pay for it because his wife loves cats. The old Chinese man at the counter tells him that it is a special statue that costs $100 and for an extra $50 he would tell him an old prophecy. The man gave him a hundred dollar bill, said he was in a hurry, and left the store. As he left the store he noticed that a cat began to follow him. As he kept walking it seemed more and more cats began to follow him. He began to run and before he knew it there were thousands of cats running after him. He finally reached came in sight of the pier and decided that he needed to throw the statue into the ocean and so he did. Right after the statue hit the water it was followed by thousands of cats who all followed the statue to their deaths. The man then decided to run all the way back to the store where he found the old Chinese man snickering at him. The old Chinese man said to him, "Would you like to hear prophecy now?" And the man replied, "No, but I'll give you $1000 for a Martin Luther King Jr statue."
0
#216 to #201 - sundanceholiday **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #234 to #201 - divinecreator (04/22/2013) [-]
statue of cats, cats jump in so then statue of human, humans jump in so technically white people would jump in too
User avatar #241 to #234 - hypocritical (04/22/2013) [-]
white people can't jump.
User avatar #243 to #241 - divinecreator (04/22/2013) [-]
fine fall into the water
User avatar #340 to #234 - shazmothree (04/22/2013) [-]
Get outta here
User avatar #342 to #340 - divinecreator (04/22/2013) [-]
im here to stay baby
#148 - Sinless (04/22/2013) [-]
What do you do if you're in the woods and you come across a crying girl with broken legs who says she's been raped?   
   
Check my map, clearly I'm walking in circles.
What do you do if you're in the woods and you come across a crying girl with broken legs who says she's been raped?

Check my map, clearly I'm walking in circles.
User avatar #149 to #148 - koalasonfire (04/22/2013) [-]
Round 2?
#102 - anon (04/22/2013) [-]
A Chinese guy, an Irish guy, and a Black guy all go to hell. Satan greets them and offers them a challenge, saying "If your testicles melt in my grasp then you will be sent to the seventh layer of hell. However, if they remain unharmed, you will be spared." Satan grabs the Chinese guy's balls first, and sure enough the melt right off, earning him a trip to the seventh layer. He moves on the the Irish guy, who's balls also melt off, and he too is sent to the seventh layer. Satan finally arrives at the Black guy, but try as he might the guy's balls just won't melt off. When Satan asks how this is possible, the Black guy responds "Chocolate melts in your mouth, not in your hands".
User avatar #107 to #102 - failsc ONLINE (04/22/2013) [-]
oh god i **** my pants
#1 - nehm ONLINE (04/21/2013) [-]
That's harsh.
That's harsh.
#345 to #1 - enlil (04/22/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#3 to #1 - warofdawn (04/21/2013) [-]
what is this gif from
User avatar #10 to #3 - TheLastEFG (04/21/2013) [-]
paprika
#8 to #1 - niblowpizza (04/21/2013) [-]
what is this gif from? holy hell of sources i must know. please.
User avatar #9 to #8 - TheLastEFG (04/21/2013) [-]
paprika
#153 to #9 - niblowpizza (04/22/2013) [-]
thanks to all. ^_^ can't wait
#110 to #1 - shamrockbandit (04/22/2013) [-]
her face at the end
#123 to #1 - anon (04/22/2013) [-]
What the **** ?? What is this gif from??
#273 to #1 - anon (04/22/2013) [-]
source?
#30 to #1 - ettne ONLINE (04/21/2013) [-]
User avatar #210 to #1 - sippay (04/22/2013) [-]
This was one trippy-ass movie.
User avatar #238 to #210 - ryuuyoru (04/22/2013) [-]
Correction: This was one trippy ass-movie.
#14 to #1 - waffies (04/21/2013) [-]
to niblowpizza, cakefaceify, and warofdawn, i say that Paprika is an excellent 			********		, but if mindgames and insanity arent your thing, don't watch
to niblowpizza, cakefaceify, and warofdawn, i say that Paprika is an excellent ******** , but if mindgames and insanity arent your thing, don't watch
0
#341 to #14 - cakefaceify has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #63 to #1 - mlpokeyuan (04/22/2013) [-]
at first, i was like: "Gon' fap to this."
but then i was like: "Nope"
#318 to #63 - azinfoo (04/22/2013) [-]
Amateur.
User avatar #336 to #63 - hokeymon (04/22/2013) [-]
The gif is cut. after this scene inside of the other skin is a naked woman in the movie. They also showed her tits and she's sexy as **** .
User avatar #353 to #336 - mlpokeyuan (04/23/2013) [-]
I'm going to trust you. Do you have the sauce?
User avatar #356 to #353 - hokeymon (04/23/2013) [-]
"Paprika" ******** anime movie.
#325 to #1 - rustyoldrainbow (04/22/2013) [-]
da fuq is that gif from
da fuq is that gif from
User avatar #278 to #1 - likeallthecomments (04/22/2013) [-]
this is by far the most nasty gif i have ever seen.
#124 to #1 - anon (04/22/2013) [-]
MY GLASSES! I CANT SEE WITHOUT MY GLASSBLAAEINHKML7qFNIOKJLK
#239 to #1 - anon (04/22/2013) [-]
Sauce?
#16 to #1 - anon (04/21/2013) [-]
what the hell is that from?
#295 to #4 - anon (04/22/2013) [-]
ASIANS CAN ACTUALLY READ MINDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Asians hide their mind reading abilities by having completely expressionless faces so they don't accidently show facial expressions when people think things they don't like, find funny, astonishing, etc, and Asians segregate so their not nearly as susceptible to that happening.
Asians also segregate, and are untaltative to avoid accidently saying things that are similar to what people are thinking and going to say.

All Asians are keeping their mind reading abilities a secret, they don't want ANYBODY to know that they can read minds, they will never seriously admit that they can read minds!

Try thinking, and visualy picturing things in your mind that are as wild as you can when you are around Asians, and look for Asians who give people dirty/particlar looks for what appears to be for completely no reason.

PLEASE SPREAD THE MESSAGE!!!!! THE WORLD NEEDS TO FIND THIS OUT!!!!!
#94 - tylertuesday (04/22/2013) [-]
dad's face when
#64 - harryblazer (04/22/2013) [-]
whats black and blue and hates sex?
the child under my stairs
#267 - anon (04/22/2013) [-]
Q. What's worse than giving your grandmother oral sex?

A. Banging your head on the coffin lid after you're done.
#28 - timmyyocum (04/21/2013) [-]
Whats the worst part about killing a baby?   
Getting blood on your clown suit
Whats the worst part about killing a baby?
Getting blood on your clown suit
User avatar #36 to #28 - hipsophobadon (04/21/2013) [-]
What's worse than a dumpster full of dead babies? One alive at the bottom.
What's worse than that? It having to eat its way out.
What's worse than that? It coming back for seconds.
User avatar #160 to #28 - bannon (04/22/2013) [-]
What's the funniest thing about killing that same baby?
Watching its family break down in court
User avatar #298 to #28 - skrewbacca (04/22/2013) [-]
I love this gif. Thats exacty how the audience looks like when you tell these jokes to others.
#7 - mikehawk (04/21/2013) [-]
What's slimy cold long and smells like pork?


Kermit the frog's finger
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