Good Advice Mallard Compilation. My first compilation. Again, tried to use some that I have personally have not seen before, and even if I have, that they would Good Advice Mall
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[ 773 comments ]
> hey anon, wanna give your opinion?
asd
#57 - karmakoala
Reply +692 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
Of course a duck would say THAT.
#791 to #57 - redtooth
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(04/17/2013) [-]
#795 to #57 - vivapinatapro
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(04/17/2013) [-]
User avatar #796 to #57 - sanshi
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(04/17/2013) [-]
Have this thumb... that makes it 666...
User avatar #801 to #796 - iwebby
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(04/17/2013) [-]
MWAHAHA I RUINED IT
#798 to #796 - karmakoala
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(04/17/2013) [-]
Would you mind taking thumbing down? It's at 667 now. Thanks anyway.
#800 to #798 - anon id: 47aa7933
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(04/17/2013) [-]
There, thumbed down. Someone can make it 666 again.
#802 to #800 - ghostlytaco **User deleted account**
0 123456789123345869
has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #797 to #796 - justxjames
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(04/17/2013) [-]
I ruined it
#794 to #57 - larsravn
Reply +5 123456789123345869
(04/17/2013) [-]
User avatar #499 to #57 - ohgodwaitimatheist
Reply +21 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
Moatha
*******
bread
crumbs.
User avatar #70 to #57 - PubLandlord
Reply +32 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
It doesn't stop you getting drunk , it just delays the rate of alcohol that can be absorbed into your system, which is why some people will drink more to compensate and then wonder why they are hammered later on.

So it kind of reduces your BAC in the short term allowing you to stay drunk at a lower rate for longer.

I work for drinkaware
#75 to #70 - karmakoala
Reply +71 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
I just meant that ducks like bread.
User avatar #77 to #75 - PubLandlord
Reply +20 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
ah yeah I was gonna comment it anyway but you gave me a good podium, of +10 thumbs to voice it ha

There are some really important tips on the drinkaware site to stay safe and healthy(ish) when getting drunk
User avatar #686 to #77 - traelos
Reply +3 123456789123345869
(04/17/2013) [-]
User avatar #508 to #70 - dayasalion
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
i read that eating before you drink actually speeds up your metabolism and gets you drunk faster.
User avatar #788 to #70 - bronybox
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(04/17/2013) [-]
It's how my grandfather used to drink rubbing alcohol back in Russia when there wasn't enough Vodka. BREAD.
#620 to #70 - anon id: 53623d8b
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(04/17/2013) [-]
or the yeast contained in alchohol isn't absorbed as more since yeast is inside bread
#37 - ashedust
Reply +358 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
Could I share an experience I had while working as a delivery driver?   
   
One night, we had an older couple order. They ordered a single sub cut in half. When I arrived at their house, I knocked on the door and the guy answered. He asked how much it was and I replied that it was $6. He nodded and went to get his wallet only to discover that he'd left it at work and his wife didn't have cash on her. Crestfallen, he apologized and went to close the door. Just as it was about to close, I stopped him. I told him that he could have the sub on me. It was only $6 and I could handle that cost, especially for an elderly couple just looking to enjoy a meal together. A week later, I got a call from my boss. "Hey Ashe, someone just dropped by and said that you footed their bill on a delivery? Well, they left $20 for you."   
   
That made my day. It turned a $9 in tips night to a $29 in tips night.   
   
TL:DR It pays to be kind.
Could I share an experience I had while working as a delivery driver?

One night, we had an older couple order. They ordered a single sub cut in half. When I arrived at their house, I knocked on the door and the guy answered. He asked how much it was and I replied that it was $6. He nodded and went to get his wallet only to discover that he'd left it at work and his wife didn't have cash on her. Crestfallen, he apologized and went to close the door. Just as it was about to close, I stopped him. I told him that he could have the sub on me. It was only $6 and I could handle that cost, especially for an elderly couple just looking to enjoy a meal together. A week later, I got a call from my boss. "Hey Ashe, someone just dropped by and said that you footed their bill on a delivery? Well, they left $20 for you."

That made my day. It turned a $9 in tips night to a $29 in tips night.

TL:DR It pays to be kind.
#496 to #37 - hobys
Reply -11 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
Alright, thats nice. not trying to be a huge dick, but i hate people like you who do one good thing and suddenly think they're jesus reincarnated. Just be a great person and get great things back, but dont go around telling everyone how amazing you are just to get attention..
#511 to #496 - ashedust
Reply +10 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
There's a difference between bragging and sharing a (semi) relevant story.

I try not to brag. Sorry if that's what it came off as.
#724 to #511 - lolibear
Reply +4 123456789123345869
(04/17/2013) [-]
User avatar #613 to #496 - paintmered
Reply +5 123456789123345869
(04/17/2013) [-]
Because we'll erect a statue of Jesus 2.0 because he anonymously told a website that he paid for a six dollar sandwich.
#718 to #37 - IncarceratedNinja
Reply -3 123456789123345869
(04/17/2013) [-]
mfw "Crestfallen"
mfw "Crestfallen"
#167 to #37 - anon id: 30b3d3a6
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
*$23 in tips night...
But good for you!
#228 to #37 - anon id: cb3fb057
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
I had to spot a guy on his pizza once. He was super nice and he didnt even realize it wasnt enough. I got back into my car and i didnt want to go back to his house and ask him. It was only a 4 dollar difference, so no big deal.
#739 to #37 - anon id: 3f6ef11c
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(04/17/2013) [-]
We have to tip delivery drivers?! Ididn't know that. This is news to me.
User avatar #776 to #739 - ashedust
Reply +3 123456789123345869
(04/17/2013) [-]
To be honest, you don't.

Just remember that delivery drivers make less than minimum wage. Tips are what boosts their pay.
User avatar #789 to #776 - jalthelas
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(04/17/2013) [-]
I always tip drivers $5-$10, sometimes higher depending on the cost of the order.
#389 to #37 - victorsin
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
I don't know if its karma or something, but when you do good, good does you.

<--------- good.
#303 to #37 - welcometoatl
Reply +4 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
Your name is Ashe? that is so ******* cool.
User avatar #351 to #37 - monkeysniper
Reply +4 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
That's definitly some positive karma, the world needs more nice people like you.
User avatar #723 to #37 - xXthabeastXx
Reply +6 123456789123345869
(04/17/2013) [-]
Now I wanna share:
I worked at Kmart (horrible job security by the way) as a cashier for about three months. One day around Christmas time, a beautiful woman comes up to the register with a beautiful toddler boy in her cart and what looks like a few presents for that child, but she seemed very flustered. I scanned all her items and her total was like 26 bucks or something like that. She reached in her pocket and grabbed her credit card, swiped it, but it came up declined. When I told her, she said "Oh" and then paused before taking somethings out of the buggy to lower the price. She looked like she was on the verge of tears... So I told her not to worry about it. She was skeptical, but I insisted and she accepted. She took her things and went out to her car. About five minutes later, she comes back in the store with her makeup running down her face, and she gives me a hug and says thank you.

I got fired the next day because another employee saw me do that... But it was worth it to know that the little boy was going to get his presents on Christmas.

TL;DR show kindness. It may just turn someone's life around.
User avatar #165 to #37 - shaneac
Reply +9 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
i can't read your text I'm too distracted by the gif
#564 to #37 - ddemiddon
Reply +10 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
I feel like sharing now:   
While working in my aunt's bakery in salt lake you see some weird people... I was just about to close up when two tiny kids came running up to the door. They were twins and begged me to let them in. It was only like 5 minutes after closing so I'm not gonna turn people away, so I said they could. They called to this elderly lady in a suit dress thing and she comes fast walking up. I let them all in turn off the open sign and lock the door while they tried to decide on what they wanted. The kids obviously exciting to be getting sweets, but the old lady looked at them all sad. I asked what was up and she said they were in foster care and that it was their birthday. At the end of everyday the workers at the bakery are allowed to take home whatever they want because it would be thrown out or sold at a discount price. So I had a bag of stuff because I forgot to go grocery shopping and my girlfriend loves the cookies we make, but I went back and grabbed the bag I filled with already day old stuff and gave it to the twins. I lost my mother and almost my dad so I know it hurts to be without one parent, it must hurt worse to live in foster care without even foster parents. I told them happy birthday as they jumped up and down. The old lady teared up and gave me a hug. Now they come every time I work and I always slip them something special, and they always bring in comics or any extra candy bars they have.
I feel like sharing now:
While working in my aunt's bakery in salt lake you see some weird people... I was just about to close up when two tiny kids came running up to the door. They were twins and begged me to let them in. It was only like 5 minutes after closing so I'm not gonna turn people away, so I said they could. They called to this elderly lady in a suit dress thing and she comes fast walking up. I let them all in turn off the open sign and lock the door while they tried to decide on what they wanted. The kids obviously exciting to be getting sweets, but the old lady looked at them all sad. I asked what was up and she said they were in foster care and that it was their birthday. At the end of everyday the workers at the bakery are allowed to take home whatever they want because it would be thrown out or sold at a discount price. So I had a bag of stuff because I forgot to go grocery shopping and my girlfriend loves the cookies we make, but I went back and grabbed the bag I filled with already day old stuff and gave it to the twins. I lost my mother and almost my dad so I know it hurts to be without one parent, it must hurt worse to live in foster care without even foster parents. I told them happy birthday as they jumped up and down. The old lady teared up and gave me a hug. Now they come every time I work and I always slip them something special, and they always bring in comics or any extra candy bars they have.
#217 to #37 - pringlez
Reply +24 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
>it pays to be kind
Literally.
But in all seriousness, I really wish you were cloned abut 100 times and replaced 100 kids at my high school.
#59 to #37 - atheistzilla
Reply +61 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
it makes me so incredibly happy to know there are still people like you out there!!   
   
i hope your life gets filled with everything you desire!
it makes me so incredibly happy to know there are still people like you out there!!

i hope your life gets filled with everything you desire!
User avatar #184 to #59 - ashedust
Reply +6 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
I love that gif

And right back at ya
#144 to #59 - anon id: 24e691e4
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
that gif >
#161 - xsap
Reply +273 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
my female friend asked me to guess my birthday present, I guessed a purple dildo...



I don't really want a purple dildo...







...i want a red one
User avatar #696 to #161 - pickstar
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(04/17/2013) [-]
Does he have six fingers?
#444 to #161 - jebuss
Reply +12 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
I typed "weird red dildo" into google images to get a picture for a reply to this, and genuinely found this.



I hope you're happy...
User avatar #464 to #444 - condormcninja
Reply +29 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
Did you type "solved" at the end?
#688 to #464 - stallwallwriter
Reply +4 123456789123345869
(04/17/2013) [-]
Yeah, the "solved" bit is key.
#808 to #464 - nelflover
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(04/17/2013) [-]
< HFW
User avatar #810 to #464 - unicornmangina
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(04/17/2013) [-]
did you turn it off and on again?
#90 - josephwolfe
Reply +231 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
MFW "Put solved at the end for faster results"

Oh god i don't live by myself i should not save these images on my computer
#459 to #90 - anon id: 296916ed
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
That's what your face looked like? Are you Google?
User avatar #478 to #459 - josephwolfe
Reply +8 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
Yes.
#622 to #459 - anon id: 53623d8b
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(04/17/2013) [-]
he's showing the mfw of the computer or the computer's screen (face) and what it wanted to share or maybe it's mmw major mind win
User avatar #809 to #622 - therealtjthemedic
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(04/17/2013) [-]
dude what the hell are you saying
#449 to #90 - deezknuts
Reply +5 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
Youu are a good person
Youu are a good person
#208 - alekksandar
Reply +221 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
#252 to #208 - anon id: e6fec741
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
Oh boy, lets spend more parts of my life doing things I hate, when I already work 12 hours a day, yeah, then I'll look back on life and think how enjoyable exercising and working half the day was!

Yeah, good advice!
#427 to #252 - errdayimfjing
Reply +8 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
Actually exercising will make you happier
#695 to #427 - mangosplit
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(04/17/2013) [-]
mmmm crispy
User avatar #627 to #252 - spysappinmysasha
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(04/17/2013) [-]
looking at it the wrong way man. Think about it. Aside from the genuinely scientific reasons why it will make you happier and healthier, think of it like this...

Working out = looking good
looking good = other people think you look good
other people think you look good = getting girl
getting girl = getting pussy
getting pussy = awyeah.jpg

its quite simple really.
User avatar #517 to #252 - popkornking
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
Working out does make you feel good, but only if you don't tell yourself you'll hate it
#510 to #252 - anon id: 28c8bc26
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
you feel really good and confident right after a workout
#458 to #208 - anon id: 91729368
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
surprisingly I have something to solve this, when you feel like eating but don't want to gain weight, drink cold water. It fills you up faster and to a certain degree is good for your metabolism.

It also helps you differentiate between being thirsty and hungry, ever so slightly changing your behaviour to account for this.
#567 to #208 - anon id: 092884c3
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
lold so hard
User avatar #338 to #208 - admiralen
Reply +8 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
protip, people dont respond well when you insult them
User avatar #2 - theturtletorres
Reply +128 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
I thoroughly enjoyed this... Some repetitions though.

Keep up the good work!
User avatar #3 to #2 - brainiacs [OP]
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
Yes, I know about the repetitions. Tried to find many that I never heard of (And that hopefully not many other people had), but I went along with a few old, good ones to give it more of a read for people. But yeah, thank you so much! :)
#24 to #3 - anon id: 7b9ac6a6
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
He means that you repeated some of them a couple of times.
Such as the chap stick and paper cut one.
#55 to #3 - nlreturns
Reply -9 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
dude.. we can see the ******* 9gag watermark, stop being proud with someone else's content.
User avatar #602 to #55 - brainiacs [OP]
Reply +3 123456789123345869
(04/17/2013) [-]
Well, I got a lot of these from Tumblr, along with many "Best Good Advice Mallard" sites.

I didn't go to 9gag for any of them, but that isn't to say some others haven't gotten it from 9gag.

As for the whole comp, I made it myself. I took the posts that I liked the most and pasted it myself. I didn't copy any other comp exactly.
User avatar #341 to #55 - lolzordz
Reply +3 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
what if i told you no one's content is truly their own because everyone learns and grows from others?
#195 - matralith
Reply +117 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
Tell that to the judge.
#432 to #195 - bongconnery
Reply +5 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#381 to #195 - Cambro
Reply +11 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
Heeeeyyyyyyy
#198 to #195 - icefried
Reply +22 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#215 - szymonf
Reply +107 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
I lost my **** right here
why can't people understand this
#315 to #215 - anon id: fcf56459
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
tall people deserve to be annoyed. you block my view at the movies, i'm going to **** on you and your people.
#407 to #215 - siryoloswagsalot
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
I'm tall enough to be tall but not tall enough for it to be the first thing people think when they see be. 6 foot 2 master race.
#483 to #215 - anon id: 73128236
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
i showed my grandmother cause all her customers always say im so tall
User avatar #619 to #215 - alxon
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(04/17/2013) [-]
Holy crap is it annoying. I just awkwardly reply with "I know."
User avatar #396 to #215 - critique
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
maybe they constantly forget how tall you are and have to remind themselves?
User avatar #429 to #215 - lasmamoe
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
No matter how annoying it is to have morons pointing this out, there is one major bonus to being tall.

You will NEVER get rejected by a girl for being too short.
I'm 5'10, and where i live, this is actually quite short. When i go shopping, i can easily spot 4 or 5 girls who are taller than me. I **** you not.

You haven't experienced pain until you hear the words "I'm sorry, you're really cute, but i cant be with a guy who's shorter than me".
User avatar #532 to #215 - nigeltheoutlaw
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
"Oh wow anon, you're so tall! How tall are you?"

"The same ******* height as I was the last time you asked that ******* question you ********. ****."
#726 to #215 - RedRooster
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(04/17/2013) [-]
6'5" Here, I love it when people point out I'm tall.
I love being tall.
Tall is awesome.


Idk, you just gotta own it!

User avatar #227 to #215 - thisotherdude
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
What? No I didn't know I was tall! I figured the reason I could easily see above most people's head was because I was ******* floating.

Seriously, do these people think I have eyes in my ******* chest or something?
#236 to #227 - anon id: cb3fb057
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
lighten up man. imagine if you werent tall, and people came up to you and were like "wow dude youre short." I bet youd feel like ****. And if a girl says "wow youre tall" thats a ******* good thing. They find that attractive.
#661 to #215 - thisguyisawesome
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(04/17/2013) [-]
I was once used as a landmark at a party. I was the tallest person there and two dudes just came up to me and started following me. I asked them what they were doing and they said they were waiting for a friend and i was the meeting point. Their friend showed up 5 min later and they all left together. Never saw them again.
User avatar #678 to #661 - szymonf
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(04/17/2013) [-]
When I went to New York for a a trip in high school the teachers used me as a mark to pinpoint the end of the line of students.
#406 to #215 - vaginismus
Reply +4 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
It's the same when you're short...

Yes, I'm quite aware that if I lose you in a crowd, neither of us can find each other ever again, thank you very much for reminding me.
#333 to #215 - zanderguy
Reply +8 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
"ive lived long enough to realize this myself, after towering above the peasants. you are not telling me anything new, you lesser being"
User avatar #348 to #333 - lolzordz
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
i find that lots of taller people (im talking 6'5 and up) are actually insecure... about their height? dont know... for what reason? i wish i knew, im only 5'8
#637 to #348 - lmaobutts
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(04/17/2013) [-]
A lot of tall people could be insecure because their height makes them stand out more in a crowd and make them feel like all eyes are always on them.    
Speaking from experience, I'm 6' 4, and I used to be very insecure about my body.   
gif unrelated
A lot of tall people could be insecure because their height makes them stand out more in a crowd and make them feel like all eyes are always on them.
Speaking from experience, I'm 6' 4, and I used to be very insecure about my body.
gif unrelated
User avatar #786 to #637 - lolzordz
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(04/17/2013) [-]
thats what i assumed.. made the most sense in my mind
#618 to #348 - jwpro
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(04/17/2013) [-]
have you ever felt like everyone was looking up your nose?
#352 to #348 - zanderguy
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
i dont measure myself but id say im about that height, if not taller.
im easily the tallest out of my friends and ive never felt insecure about it, however being naturally skinny it does give the look of a very tall lanky guy which at times makes me fell tad self conscious i.e. at the beach
User avatar #356 to #352 - lolzordz
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
5'8 is short... its the reason i hate going clubbing
#366 to #356 - zanderguy
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
its noticeably short, but its easier (from my point of view) to look more muscly which could counter balance the shortness people will see in you?
User avatar #220 to #215 - galkawhm
Reply +10 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
I've been running out of sarcasm for when people point out that I'm tall.
User avatar #368 to #220 - lordhasta
Reply +6 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
you're tall
User avatar #681 to #220 - narwhalstach
Reply +3 123456789123345869
(04/17/2013) [-]
"You're tall, you must play basketball?"

"You're short, you must work for Willy Wonka ?"
#211 - deliciousdee
Reply +78 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
User avatar #250 to #211 - twinmac
Reply +16 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
MURICA DOESNT NEED YOUR ADVICE.
#249 - toastableduckling
Reply +69 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
I have learned more today, listening to a duck, than I have in school.
User avatar #263 to #249 - ewowo
Reply -2 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
*reading
User avatar #354 to #263 - monkeysniper
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
Either way it would be listening, you don't have to actually hear someone to be listening but merely heed their advice.
User avatar #359 to #354 - ewowo
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
I propose that from now on you must add FiGURATIVELY in all caps when you use it this way.

Like, I learned stuff FIGURATIVELY listening to a duck.

When talking, you have to shout it Joe-Swanson style.
#268 to #249 - awesomeduck
Reply -2 123456789123345869
(04/16/2013) [-]
i learnt more today than in most of my life!!!
User avatar #578 to #249 - brainiacs [OP]
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(04/17/2013) [-]
Mission complete than? Thanks! :D
User avatar #738 to #249 - Johnsfer
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(04/17/2013) [-]
Not me, I learned the formula for Specific Heat today.
I learned where to put the power steering fluid in my new car
I learned a lot today, learn something everyday actually
It's nice.