the old testament. . abraham: And Gad aadd unto Abraham, "Abraham." And Abraham replied, "What." Gad aadd to John, “Come forth and receive eternal life." But Jo
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the old testament

abraham:
And Gad aadd unto Abraham, "Abraham."
And Abraham replied, "What."
Gad aadd to John, “Come forth and receive eternal life." But John
came fifth and won a toaster.
And Judah approached the rabbis and Pharisees saying, "The one
whom I idea itt the one you BEBE"
To which they rammed, "Gay."
And thaa, Gad made Eve. And are waa bammin’ ' bootylicious.
...
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Submitted: 04/02/2013
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#1 - jesusmcbatmanjones (04/02/2013) [+] (2 replies)
So then Jesus said "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast the first stone at her." The crowd slowly began to leave and after they all had left he totally whipped a rock right at her face. Nice one Jesus.
So then Jesus said "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast the first stone at her." The crowd slowly began to leave and after they all had left he totally whipped a rock right at her face. Nice one Jesus.
#12 - shrapnelleader (04/03/2013) [+] (1 reply)
You know.... sometimes being a Christian makes these jokes even funnier.    
   
Totally lost it on this one. Well done.
You know.... sometimes being a Christian makes these jokes even funnier.

Totally lost it on this one. Well done.
User avatar #4 - streetninja (04/02/2013) [-]
Lost it at "John came fifth and won a toaster"
#8 - ilgattozaiga (04/02/2013) [-]
And Attenborough said unto Sloth, "Boo"

And Sloth replied, "Wow can you not"
User avatar #11 - newerusername (04/03/2013) [-]
And God said, “Let there be light.”

But at the time the generators were down and maintenance wasn’t going to be able to get around to fixing them until the following Tuesday.
#14 - doctorfoo (04/03/2013) [+] (4 replies)
That was actually pretty funny.
User avatar #3 - yourdadsdad (04/02/2013) [+] (1 reply)
And on the 7th day, God said "Eh, close enough." and rubbed one off.
#23 - aerosol ONLINE (04/03/2013) [-]
User avatar #2 - toughactintinactin (04/02/2013) [-]
Jesus and his disciples gathered for the sabbath and he said unto his followers "It's been real, but i must die, lets get ********* bros"

And they partook of the wine and jaggerbombs until the wee hours of morn.
#26 - liberator (04/03/2013) [+] (1 reply)
#10 - lukemeadows (04/03/2013) [-]
In the book of Chad 16 and a half
God said to Moses, "No means yes, and yes means anal."
User avatar #36 - edmin (04/03/2013) [+] (2 replies)
And on the third day, there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee. And it came to pass that all the wine was drunk. And the mother of the bride came to Jesus and said unto the Lord, they have no more wine. And Jesus said unto the servants: "Fill six waterpots with water." And they did so. And when the steward of the feast did taste from the water of the pots, it had become wine. And they knew not whence it had come.But the servants did know, so they applauded loudly in the kitchen. And they said unto the Lord: "How the hell did you do that?" And inquired of him: "Do you do children's parties" And the Lord said:"No." But the servants did press him, saying; "Go on, give us another one!"And so he brought forth a carrot, and said: "Behold this, for it is a carrot." And all about him knew that it was so. For it was orange, with a green top. And he did place a large red cloth over the carrot, and then removed it, and lo, he held in his hand a white rabbit. And all were amazed, and said: "This guy is really good! He should turn professional."And they brought him on a stretcher a man who was sick of the palsy. And they cried unto him: "Maestro, this man is sick of the palsy." And the Lord said: "If I had to spend my whole life on a stretcher, I'd be pretty sick of the palsy, too!" And they were filled with joy. And cried out: "Lord, thy one-liners are as good as thy tricks. Thou art indeed an all-round family entertainer. We've never seen anything like this. You shouldn't be wasting your time in a one camel town like Cana. You should beplaying in the big arenas in Jerusalem!" And Jesus did harken to their words. And he did go on to Jerusalem, and he did his full act before the scribes, the Palestines and the Romans.
But alas it did not please them in their hearts. In fact, they crucified him.
#18 - flipninefive (04/03/2013) [+] (3 replies)
The Third one was New Testament, not old.
User avatar #27 - foop (04/03/2013) [+] (1 reply)
And god said "Where the hell is Tim?" And there the hell was Tim
User avatar #6 - uncledick (04/02/2013) [+] (2 replies)
Adam and Eve were before Abraham and everyone else
User avatar #9 to #6 - kazorkthedork (04/03/2013) [-]
I was elready aware of that.
thanks anyways.
#5 - anonymous (04/02/2013) [-]
Then Saul said, “Thus shall you say to David, ‘The king desires no bride-price except a hundred foreskins of the Philistines, that he may be avenged of the king’s enemies.’” Now Saul thought to make David fall by the hand of the Philistines. And when his servants told David these words, it pleased David well to be the king’s son-in-law. Before the time had expired, David arose and went, along with his men, and killed two hundred of the Philistines. And David brought their foreskins, which were given in full number to the king, that he might become the king’s son-in-law. And Saul gave him his daughter Michal for a wife.
1 Samuel 18:25-27
#20 - biggrand (04/03/2013) [+] (1 reply)
**biggrand rolled a random image posted in comment #378808 at Video Games Board - console gaming, pc vs console gaming, video console and games **   
   
what eve really looked like
**biggrand rolled a random image posted in comment #378808 at Video Games Board - console gaming, pc vs console gaming, video console and games **

what eve really looked like
User avatar #37 to #20 - pudingcade (04/03/2013) [-]
kinda relevent (mmm yeah stalk that tree) (>`.`)>come here
#13 - notsureiffunny (04/03/2013) [-]
Then Jesus said unto his deciples, "My beard ******* rocks yo."
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