Giggidy. I read this in Gilbert Godfried's voice Source is expreacher on facebook.. "'Sail!" Mary gasped. 'Sail into my uterus!' Joseph proceeded to unpack and assemble his new sailing boat he got from IKEA for an excellent price. 'Hu
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#95 - bigboyblue (03/09/2013) [-]
“Then the firstborn said to the younger, “Our father is old, and there is not a man on earth to come in to us after the manner of the earth. “Come, let us make our father drink wine, and let us lie with him that we may preserve our family through our father.” So they made their father drink wine that night, and the firstborn went in and lay with her father; and he did not know when she lay down or when she arose. On the following day, the firstborn said to the younger, “Behold, I lay last night with my father; let us make him drink wine tonight also; then you go in and lie with him, that we may preserve our family through our father.” So they made their father drink wine that night also, and the younger arose and lay with him; and he did not know when she lay down or when she arose.” Gen. 19:31-35
“Then the firstborn said to the younger, “Our father is old, and there is not a man on earth to come in to us after the manner of the earth. “Come, let us make our father drink wine, and let us lie with him that we may preserve our family through our father.” So they made their father drink wine that night, and the firstborn went in and lay with her father; and he did not know when she lay down or when she arose. On the following day, the firstborn said to the younger, “Behold, I lay last night with my father; let us make him drink wine tonight also; then you go in and lie with him, that we may preserve our family through our father.” So they made their father drink wine that night also, and the younger arose and lay with him; and he did not know when she lay down or when she arose.” Gen. 19:31-35
#70 - grandmabetty (03/08/2013) [-]
"'Sail!" Mary gasped. 'Sail into my uterus!' Joseph proceeded to unpack and assemble his new sailing boat he got from IKEA for an excellent price. 'Hurry up Joseph before I have my ******* period' announced Mary in passionate desperation. Ceasing his craft and whittling, Joseph dared not to delay Mary's embellishing lust for him any longer. With haste, he sets the sails and shifts the unfinished yacht into turbo mode with its 8 litre W16 engine and mashes the throttle. Jesus appears before him and farts with astonishing force unto the sails, causing Joseph to accelerate from 0-60 in 500 milliseconds. A little poo came out and stained the fabric, but Joseph was far too overwhelmed at the fact he was about to go up Mary's vagina at 180 miles per hour. Faster than a Rwandan man can do squat thrusts in a potato field, Joseph disappeared into Mary's cave of righteousnesses. 'PRAISE BE THE LORD I'VE BEEN SAVED' muffled Joseph, blasting gospel from his boat's 500 watt sound system inside the pussy of Mary."

- Jezza 70:9823
#124 to #70 - furtehlulz (03/09/2013) [-]
I logged in just to thumb and fav this gem of a comment you saucy bastard
#126 to #70 - jamesrustler (03/09/2013) [-]
That was so damn funny   
   
I award you a coveted Gamer Poop gif
That was so damn funny

I award you a coveted Gamer Poop gif
#71 to #70 - obesefury (03/08/2013) [-]
I just snorted milk out my nose and proceeded to laugh so hard no sound came out and I just sat there clapping like a retarded seal.  Thanks for the laugh, you have my thumb!
I just snorted milk out my nose and proceeded to laugh so hard no sound came out and I just sat there clapping like a retarded seal. Thanks for the laugh, you have my thumb!
#75 to #70 - crazyolitis (03/08/2013) [-]
This just made my day so much better!
This just made my day so much better!
#1 - bossauce (03/08/2013) [-]
****		 you OP   
You made me read it in Gilbert Godfried's voice too
**** you OP
You made me read it in Gilbert Godfried's voice too
#3 to #1 - teranin ONLINE (03/08/2013) [-]
good, good....
good, good....
#115 - rstickman (03/09/2013) [-]
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Bless it is he who in the name of charity and good will, Shepherd the weak through the valley of darkness for he is truly his brothers keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the lord, when I lay my vengeance upon you
#118 to #115 - anon (03/09/2013) [-]
************ , coming up in here quoting Pulp fiction like that expecting a cheap ass thumb. Knowing damn well we will.
0
#129 to #115 - pulluspardus has deleted their comment [-]
#133 to #115 - palindromia (03/09/2013) [-]
Blessed is he*
#77 - robertolee (03/08/2013) [-]
"...And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you!"

Samuel L Jackson
#94 - infinitereaper ONLINE (03/09/2013) [-]
I don't remember the exact verse or translation but it won't something like this:   
   
"He spilled his jizz on the floor because he was frustrated the other dude got with the cousin or sister or female or whatever so god got pissed cuz he was like 'ew 			****		 you' and he killed him."   
   
Apparently though shall not masturbate.
I don't remember the exact verse or translation but it won't something like this:

"He spilled his jizz on the floor because he was frustrated the other dude got with the cousin or sister or female or whatever so god got pissed cuz he was like 'ew **** you' and he killed him."

Apparently though shall not masturbate.

#43 - felixjarl (03/08/2013) [-]
Somewhere somehow someone did make a porn based on that quote.
User avatar #134 to #43 - masterboll (03/09/2013) [-]
source
or it didnt happen
+8
#120 - garagesale **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#119 - potatofarm (03/09/2013) [-]
I thought of this completely once I saw the word "Bible"
User avatar #116 - KabulMan (03/09/2013) [-]
"The next day as they were leaving Bethany, Jesus was hungry. Seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to find out if it had any fruit. When he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs. Then he said to the tree, “May no one ever eat fruit from you again.” And his disciples heard him say it.
Mark 11:12-14
User avatar #135 to #116 - holdup (03/09/2013) [-]
the **** does that mean?
User avatar #136 to #135 - KabulMan (03/10/2013) [-]
I guess jesus doesn't have patience for trees cause after saying that, tree just ******* withers and dies
User avatar #137 to #136 - holdup (03/10/2013) [-]
that tree shoud have hurried up and not been a bitch.
#142 to #137 - sovereignty (03/14/2013) [-]
Yea what a ....... BIRCH
#2 - iamtheblackgoat (03/08/2013) [-]
Emissions like horses?
Emissions like horses?
#91 to #2 - anon (03/08/2013) [-]
I'm pretty sure it means horse cum
#4 to #2 - teranin ONLINE (03/08/2013) [-]
I have another gif of that scene
I have another gif of that scene
+8
#7 to #2 - garagesale **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#66 - nightroller (03/08/2013) [-]
Go down to 23:25    
   
25 I will direct my jealous anger against you, and they will deal with you in fury. They will cut off your noses and your ears, and those of you who are left will fall by the sword. They will take away your sons and daughters, and those of you who are left will be consumed by fire.
Go down to 23:25

25 I will direct my jealous anger against you, and they will deal with you in fury. They will cut off your noses and your ears, and those of you who are left will fall by the sword. They will take away your sons and daughters, and those of you who are left will be consumed by fire.
#76 - BowChickaBowWow (03/08/2013) [-]
Emissions like Horses, you say?
#103 - thunderpony ONLINE (03/09/2013) [-]
MFW   
i need to read the bible more...
MFW
i need to read the bible more...
#111 to #103 - ichbinlecher (03/09/2013) [-]
In case you were unaware, the bible is very Rated R - maybe X (or NC-17) for the rape scene or two.
#54 - anon (03/08/2013) [-]
Wow, all this serious atheist talk makes it feel like this is one of those circlejerking threads in reddit.
User avatar #59 - mayormilkman (03/08/2013) [-]
We all have already heard of that one. Come up with something new.
#60 to #59 - teranin ONLINE (03/08/2013) [-]
...It's a bible quote. Kind of hard to come up with new 			****		 from a book that hasn't changed significantly in over 1000 years.
...It's a bible quote. Kind of hard to come up with new **** from a book that hasn't changed significantly in over 1000 years.
#62 to #61 - teranin ONLINE (03/08/2013) [-]
Heh. Church of England joke.
User avatar #105 to #62 - screwyouman (03/09/2013) [-]
Is it because they take order from a religious leader than a proper leader?
#106 to #105 - teranin ONLINE (03/09/2013) [-]
Kinda. it's a joke on the church of england because they broke off from catholicism, did away with a papacy and made their monarchs the equivalent of their versions of pontiffs.
User avatar #107 to #106 - screwyouman (03/09/2013) [-]
Well depending on the Popes' way of thinking, that's like putting a shark in charge of a chum factory.
User avatar #104 to #63 - screwyouman (03/09/2013) [-]
Is that from angel beats?
User avatar #132 to #104 - holeymoley (03/09/2013) [-]
nope, to aru majutsu no insex
User avatar #51 - gelind ONLINE (03/08/2013) [-]
actually it reads for she doted on their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of horses. and adding 21 to it says "thus thou calledst to remembrance the lewdness of thy youth in bruising thy teats by the egyptians for the paps of thy youth.
#33 - anon (03/08/2013) [-]
I don't know what all the fighting is about. I was raised in a Catholic household, but I put more of my trust in science. And rather than be uptight about it and deny faith, I believe in live and let live, tolerance, and love for thy fellow man. You know, things Christ would say.
What I don't do is take the Bible at face value and use it as an excuse to impose my way of thinking on others who may or do have different views because they are "immoral" according to "my" views.
The Bible says homosexuality is immoral, I would gladly hug a gay man and let him marry.
The Bible says we should not eat certain creatures, but they are so tasty and some have health benefits.
The Bible says we should not commit incest, ******* DUH...
But the Bible also tells the tales of a man who preached love, charity, tolerance, and respect.
If you are a person of faith, I will pray with you. And likewise I will further the realm of science with a fellow researcher. Live and let live.
PS yes I am a G.Carlin fan
User avatar #48 to #33 - kingofqueens (03/08/2013) [-]
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zhl9MLno424
If more Christians were like the guy at 4:10, I would consider religion again
#37 to #33 - teranin ONLINE (03/08/2013) [-]
Then you aren't part of the problem and this joke isn't a rip on you.
Then you aren't part of the problem and this joke isn't a rip on you.
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