Haphazard facts

Yes, but that's nothing to do with keeping presentation up is it? They can be funny, but they can not openly degrade themselves because it is not "lady-like".

You've probably seen the stand-up female comedians that try to do this and degrade themselves, it's really off-putting and really not funny at all.

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#191 to #103 - anonymous (02/27/2013) [-]

Jokes aside, this dude/girl pretty much got it
I'm a girl and I can confirm

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#241 to #103 - danniegurl ONLINE (02/27/2013) [-]

idk, i know lots of girls who can.
i was wearing heels and my shoe caught and i fell, and i made fun of myself.

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#410 to #241 - pianoasis (02/28/2013) [-]

>wearing heels

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#414 to #410 - danniegurl ONLINE (02/28/2013) [-]

yeah, i had a presentation and we were supposed to dress nicely for it.

i guess guys here aren't taking to kindly to my shoe choice.
my point was that girls do make fun of themselves sometimes.
not only me, but other ones too.
case in point: jennifer lawrence did it at the oscars and an fj user commented how they thought it was cool that she made fun of herself.

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#516 to #414 - pianoasis (03/02/2013) [-]

you really fail on the anonymous aspect of the internet, your username and profile pic is basically screaming to everyone that you're female

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#518 to #516 - danniegurl ONLINE (03/02/2013) [-]

well this particular website isn't anonymous, now is it?
that's /b/
this is funnyjunk.
i realize people wont care that i'm a girl (especially since i'm one who wont post **** ) but i still have a right to speak from personal experience.
when guys do this (i.e. stories about fapping or something else penis-owning related) no one cares, but if i mention something i relate to as a girl, suddenly i get red-thumbed.
so in reality, guys don't actually "not care" about girls on the internet, and rather they just don't like them if they say absolutely anything that shows they are a girl.

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#522 to #518 - pianoasis (03/02/2013) [-]

There should be no gender on the internet because on the internet it doesn't really matter
To call yourself male or female on the internet is simply an attempt to reap the social privileges from being that gender in real life
Just because this isn't /b/, doesn't subtract the anonymous factor
Why do you insist on declaring yourself as female if there is no point to it other than you will gain attention?

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#523 to #522 - danniegurl ONLINE (03/02/2013) [-]

it's not like i go around everywhere saying "i'm a girl and blah blah blah"? no, i don't.
you obviously didn't get the point of what i just said.
i know no one cares, and i'm not trying to get any benefits.
my point is, the internet in general is NOT anonymous, only certain parts.
facebook certainly isn't anonymous, and no where in this site does it say that it's anonymous either. we all have usernames, right? that alone subtracts from anonymity.

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#476 to #414 - Dwarf (02/28/2013) [-]

Tits or gtfo

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#489 to #476 - masri (02/28/2013) [-]

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#507 to #489 - Dwarf (02/28/2013) [-]

"idk, i know lots of girls who can.
i was wearing heels and my shoe caught and i fell, and i made fun of myself."

Basically, "I'm a girl and I'm different."

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#173 to #19 - andmyaxe (02/27/2013) [-]

Here's my theory :

Men laugh at attractive women's jokes in order to "get in their pants". These girls go on to think that their ****** jokes are funny, and that they, by extension, are funny. Uglier girls don't get this attention and are generally funnier. Also, some girls are way too sensitive and thus get offended too easily.

TL;DR: Don't laugh at ****** jokes

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#348 to #173 - dirtyharold (02/28/2013) [-]

this guy is a genius

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#432 to #173 - oxYKellark ONLINE (02/28/2013) [-]

MFW

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#201 to #19 - ICEDgrunge (02/27/2013) [-]

I feel that women are simply ****** at thinking of and delivering jokes sometimes, but they are extremely witty when it comes to slander humor, like insults and **** .

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#456 to #19 - ofc (02/28/2013) [-]

Tardaasa

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#472 to #456 - anonymous (02/28/2013) [-]

i hate her

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#361 to #19 - inflatablewalrus (02/28/2013) [-]

Hitchens did a really good article on that question.
The crux of his argument was, men have to be funny to be attractive to women, whereas women have boobs, so don't need to make us laugh for us to want to have sex with them.

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#356 to #19 - deezknuts (02/28/2013) [-]

Women who are funny: Sarah Silverman, Ellen DeGeneres

Women who are not funny: Chelsea Handler, Kathy Griffin, That indian girl from the Office, Lisa Lampinelli, Margaret Cho, Whitney Cummings, Wanda Sykes, Joan Rivers, Whoopi Goldberg, Rosanne Barr, Chelsea Goddamn Handler, Maya Rudolph, Janeane Garafolo, Rosie O'Donnell

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#517 to #356 - pianoasis (03/02/2013) [-]

Hah **** , you're right. I hadn't thought of Ellen Degeneres. I guess it's not weird when she degrades herself because she's basically a bro.

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#478 to #356 - imonamouse (02/28/2013) [-]

sarah and ellen came to my mind first but, maya rudolph is ******* hilarious. but i agree with you about the rest.
kristen wiig, molly shannon, and carol brunett are all also funny

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#469 to #356 - tyraxio (02/28/2013) [-]

Sarah Silverman is absolutely hillarious.

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#451 to #356 - freakaleak (02/28/2013) [-]

i agree except lisa lampinelli and joan rivers are funny too.

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#479 to #451 - imonamouse (02/28/2013) [-]

im sorry but they try way to hard to be vulgar, if it were in an intelligent way, they would be somewhat funny. but they just let garbage spew from the gigantic orifice on the over operated on thing they call faces

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#473 to #356 - broorb (02/28/2013) [-]

matter of taste, doll. try not to speak of your own opinion as if it's fact

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#481 to #473 - mussyo (02/28/2013) [-]

That was not funny at all.

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#270 to #19 - A Pickle (02/27/2013) [-]

This is true. I have never actually laughed at anything any woman has said. Even women comedians.

I'm not sexist, they just aren't funny

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#466 to #270 - dearlybeloved (02/28/2013) [-]

probably doesn't help that you're a pickle.

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#467 to #19 - walhor (02/28/2013) [-]

This is literally the only female comedian that made me laugh:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9Pl1B0Anq8

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#422 to #19 - krispybananaz (02/28/2013) [-]

>be me
>10 seconds ago
>think there are plenty of funny female comics and youre just talking bs
>tried to think of a funny female comic
>couldnt do it
and in the time it took to type this i thought of about 8 funny male comics too. im okay with this

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#383 to #19 - maxoverderp (02/28/2013) [-]

Amy Schumer's pretty hilarious. Not so much on the comedy central roasts, but she had me crack up a few times during her guest appearance on John Oliver's stand up show.

She was the only female guest to make me laugh

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#490 to #383 - sammyjankiis (02/28/2013) [-]

Isnt she the bitch that on Charlie Sheens Roast she made fun Of Ryan Dunns death to steve-0 saying everybody wishes it was him?

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#504 to #490 - maxoverderp (02/28/2013) [-]

Don't really remember, maybe. Roasts are supposed to be somewhat tasteless and brutal though, so probably.

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#506 to #504 - sammyjankiis (02/28/2013) [-]

ya but this was literally 3 months after his death! To soon! But ya she was pretty funny besides that!

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#475 to #19 - supamonkey (02/28/2013) [-]

Assuming you mean female comedians:

Female comedians are less funny than males because their material is always about being a woman, whereas male comedian's material is not being a man. Also female comedians tend to be fay and ditzy or men-haters. Male comedians are more likely to make fools of themselves for comic effect (eg. Robin Williams, Lee Evans, Russell Howard...)

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#75 to #19 - felixjarl (02/27/2013) [-]

Hardly any females i know posses any good jokes.

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#500 to #19 - dobbelganger (02/28/2013) [-]

Ellen is only funny coz she's a lesbian

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#498 to #19 - didactus (02/28/2013) [-]

/watch?v=I7izJggqCoA my thoughts on this. Prepare for butthurt feminist on youtube

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#495 to #19 - ningyoaijin (02/28/2013) [-]

Shappi Khorsandi, Ellen Degeneres, Sarah Millican and Jo Brand **** on your beliefs.

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#474 to #19 - tellybear (02/28/2013) [-]

First off, the voice. It's hard to use the right tone when you either sound like an annoying asshole or snow white. Why are women not funny on the internet? False. There are no women on the internet.

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#458 to #19 - vanoreo (02/28/2013) [-]

This part of my all time favorite documentary is perfect for this.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsRHDdHsFo8

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#454 to #19 - dinkleiceberg has deleted their comment [-]

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#450 to #19 - theexplodingcheez ONLINE (02/28/2013) [-]

idk why, but I guess they just seem less sincere giving their lines? Like it's more acted? And also they generally have a harder time delivering raunchy jokes, or at least they seem out-of-place when doing so.

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#448 to #19 - dinkleiceberg has deleted their comment [-]

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#322 to #19 - uberender (02/28/2013) [-]

I read somewhere that testosterone is what makes men more comedic than women. Don't know how legit that is though.

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#119 to #19 - anonymous (02/27/2013) [-]

Actually, I know a chick who's surprisingly funny with me and her other friends, but when she actively tries, she ends up forcing it and it just doesn't work out at all.
Damn shame, honestly.

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#93 to #19 - anonymous (02/27/2013) [-]

I read a study once claiming that men are the ones that make the jokes and women laugh to them. That's why you will see women just make small giggles here and there, even if it isn't funny.

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#43 to #19 - anonymous (02/27/2013) [-]

Different pathways than men.

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#291 to #19 - thedungeonmaster (02/28/2013) [-]

"ITT"? This isn't /b/. Just saying

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#101 - kanade **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [+] (7 replies)

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#369 to #101 - dtcrawl (02/28/2013) [-]

Thank you for saying this

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#483 to #101 - pellemadsen (02/28/2013) [-]

the amount of likes on this is scary

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#486 to #483 - trojandetected (02/28/2013) [-]

**trojandetected rolls 531,127,599** Likes?
this is not facebook
you must be new here look at this: www.funnyjunk.com/channel/harrypotter/Harry+s+Wand/tnskGga/222#222

Also there has been an anon who rolled a perfect .........

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#510 to #486 - infamoustrapper (03/01/2013) [-]

**** bro! that's nothing! www.funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/3692469/Now+back+at+me/1#1

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#488 to #486 - pellemadsen (02/28/2013) [-]

I am deeply sorry, my point with the comment was that it tells something about some of the users

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#487 to #486 - trojandetected (02/28/2013) [-]

www.funnyjunk.com/bronies/872187#872187 even better

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#505 to #101 - AlexPaincakes (02/28/2013) [-]

Explains everything now

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#13 - mctoilet **User deleted account** (02/27/2013) [+] (2 replies)

Why the fact about Rihanna?

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#31 to #13 - lawlight ONLINE (02/27/2013) [-]

damn, that gif match perfectly!

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#192 to #31 - anonymous (02/27/2013) [-]

your picture, on the other side,makes little to no sense at all. But it's cool anyways because my day was great...

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#70 - stallwallwriter (02/27/2013) [+] (17 replies)

Hey, how come I didn't get a 34-minute-relationship-potential-radar-sense? Do I have a defective vagina or something?

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#90 to #70 - intrepidy (02/27/2013) [-]

We should test your vagina to be sure. For science, of course.

I couldn't resist i'm sorrydon'thatemeimsolonely

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#96 to #90 - stallwallwriter (02/27/2013) [-]

All I could think when I read "we should test your vagina. For science."

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#213 to #96 - hocolol **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]

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#253 to #213 - Zaxplab ONLINE (02/27/2013) [-]

Some vaginal testing may require prolonged interaction with lethal military androids.

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#175 to #96 - yindragon ONLINE (02/27/2013) [-]

Sexy.

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#92 to #70 - THaTnOObgUY (02/27/2013) [-]

I may not be licensed gynocologist but I am willing to take a good look for you and tell you what's wrong

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#84 to #70 - mohne (02/27/2013) [-]

get it? it's ****** :D

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#406 to #70 - flutterdoc (02/28/2013) [-]

are you using google chrome?

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#298 to #70 - cthulhucupcake (02/28/2013) [-]

I think mine is broken too

heh, kinky

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#72 to #70 - irishlawyer ONLINE (02/27/2013) [-]

its subconscious...

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#80 to #72 - Blargosnarf (02/27/2013) [-]

Nah, I'm leaning towards that defective vagina option...

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#87 to #80 - stallwallwriter (02/27/2013) [-]

Dammit, I knew it. I'm probably getting interference from the ghost that lives in there.

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#110 to #87 - gabemczombie (02/27/2013) [-]

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#94 to #87 - animepsycchosecond (02/27/2013) [-]

damn it's a thumbnail

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#97 to #94 - stallwallwriter (02/27/2013) [-]

Yeah, sorry, I couldn't find a larger version.

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#99 to #97 - animepsycchosecond (02/27/2013) [-]

its cool, I'll look for one

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#340 to #70 - klotrock ONLINE (02/28/2013) [-]

Maybe it's a subconscious thing that you don't know about but is already embedded in your mind after that amount of time and affects your thoughts later when thinking on the subject of a future with someone.

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#143 - SuperCookie (02/27/2013) [+] (1 reply)

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#362 to #143 - thebearthatcares (02/28/2013) [-]

And they're the smartest as well......I think anyways, I never was any good at stuff like that

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#23 - xkmarcus (02/27/2013) [+] (4 replies)

I'm quite sure 90% of people don't even actively listen to music...

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#276 to #23 - alambsbronie (02/28/2013) [-]

But I mean... music has been around forever D:! Like, singing! Singing is amazing! When somebody sings it's always amazing when they pull it off nicely. And all peoples around the world definitely have a singer somewhere.

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#46 to #23 - thenewneone (02/27/2013) [-]

implying you need technology to "listen" to music.

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#73 to #46 - sao (02/27/2013) [-]

He wasn't implying that at all dude.

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#71 to #46 - xkmarcus (02/27/2013) [-]

No....?

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#208 - swiftcashew (02/27/2013) [+] (20 replies)

These are such ******** ....

"After 34 minutes women know if it will be a good relationship"
Seriously? Exactly 34? What the hell happens in that amazing moment of clarity between 33 and 35 minutes? Do they see the face of god?

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#211 to #208 - shelii (02/27/2013) [-]

I think they did several tests, and 34 happened to be the average. Maybe.

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#239 to #211 - comanderspy (02/27/2013) [-]

how the hell do you test a life time experience?... also you cant make an average on people, it is literally imposible

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#285 to #239 - exyted (02/28/2013) [-]

you cant make an average on people? why is that? how come that's impossible?

lets say the fact that women make are quick at choosing whom they want to be in a longterm relationship with or whatever, and theyre tested in saying when they think they know just this. and the most average time is 34 minnutes in to a conversation.

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#295 to #285 - exyted (02/28/2013) [-]

ill add, if my understanding of your statement was wrong. an average can never be of ALL the people but please dont tell me that was your point in your comment. ofc tests like that cant be 100% accurate without the test being taken by all female in the world, your biggest problem with this "fact" should be that its quite unreliable without a source.

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#296 to #295 - ofc (02/28/2013) [-]

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#297 to #296 - exyted (02/28/2013) [-]

sorry

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#300 to #297 - ofc (02/28/2013) [-]

It's okay my child. Ofc I love you.

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#313 to #285 - comanderspy (02/28/2013) [-]

well, i guess you CAN make an average, but it would be very vague, like; oh! all women love shoes... well yeah i guess, 70% of them do, but that it very vague, you want accuracy, what type of shoe, what size, color, shape. all of those come into consideration in a good aveage.

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#460 to #313 - exyted (02/28/2013) [-]

your'e talking about variables. the fact presented here has none, a good relationship is a desirable one. on average a woman only have to spend 34 minutes before she knows if a longterm relationship is desired.

also to be honest your point isn't even valid - if say; 70% of woman love shoes. that's the only variable the test has taken in consideration. you'll have to understand that they dont love all shoes, and have some they prefer over the other.

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#263 to #239 - shelii (02/27/2013) [-]

I said maybe...

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#269 to #263 - comanderspy (02/27/2013) [-]

you leid to meeh... prepaaar tur deeer!

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#274 to #269 - shelii (02/28/2013) [-]

I is sorry. Also pic not related, if you happened not to understand a cat had nothing to do with that, I mean I'm not saying you're not capable of understanding...but if you weren't then...I will stop typing now

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#281 to #274 - comanderspy (02/28/2013) [-]

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#326 to #208 - subcelestial ONLINE (02/28/2013) [-]

>mfw

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#501 to #208 - sefyu has deleted their comment [-]

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#502 to #501 - swiftcashew (02/28/2013) [-]

Ever heard of comedy? It's probably a joke

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#251 to #208 - Loopholes (02/27/2013) [-]

That's usually when the date rape drugs kick in or not.

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#218 to #208 - swifterly (02/27/2013) [-]

Made me lol, here's a thumb

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#237 to #208 - Zaivia (02/27/2013) [-]

34 minutes.....
34 take away the four.....
You get 3 left over.............
Half life 3 confirmed.

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#200 - soggytomatoe (02/27/2013) [+] (8 replies)

>Someone shooting up the school
>Sitting in Geometry
>Decide to find this ****** and kill him
>Start looking around
>I find him
>He runs at me with a knife
>I go full ninja
>Break his neck while doing a frontflip
>Seen as an American hero
>Disregard wenches, acquire currency

This is me everyday in shool

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#206 to #200 - guiguito (02/27/2013) [-]

>school catches fire
>saves crush
>get maried
>hero

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#314 to #200 - theafroman (02/28/2013) [-]

>Go to Bathroom during 4th hour
>Meanwhile psycho killer comes into school
>Kills everyone in front office so no alarms are raised.
>Makes his way to my class
>Kills teacher, everyone's scared
>Takes crush hostage, standing at door
>Comeback, realize what's happening
>Snap bad guys neck
>Proceed to be thanked by crush in various ways
>Generally considered a badass by everyone
>Everyone lives Happily ever after

A lot of people get killed to fulfill my fantasies.

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#250 to #200 - comanderspy (02/27/2013) [-]

+1

#220 to #200 - hocolol **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]

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#224 to #220 - soggytomatoe (02/27/2013) [-]

Out of bullets

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#229 to #200 - anonymous (02/27/2013) [-]

>Go to school covered in clothing to hide identity
>Bring M4 and Glocks, each having a few extra mags.
>Bring a single Rose
>Start shooting school people, people dying left and right, nobody can stop me
>Go to a class room and see crush huddled in corner crying for dear life
>Sees me approach her, beg me not to kill her
>Hand her Rose and tell her to run
>Escape and disregard all equipment
>Come to school next day, ask what the **** happened, people tell me some asshole shot the school up

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#232 to #229 - anonymous (02/27/2013) [-]

Cont

>People tell me crazy guy gave crush a rose
>Comfort crush

>Fast-forward many years later, on deathbed, married to said crush
>As I'm dying, bring her close to me
>Mutter my last words
>"Remember, when I gave you that rose while you were crying, cuddled up into a ball, crying for your life?"
>Die

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#14 - Ninotori (02/27/2013) [+] (1 reply)

Where the hell do they get these? Post some frigging sources and I'll believe half this **** .

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#284 to #14 - crafty (02/28/2013) [-]

The very credible You need to login to view this link

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#279 - radiomix (02/28/2013) [+] (3 replies)

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#286 to #279 - williaint (02/28/2013) [-]

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#354 to #279 - lamarisagoodname (02/28/2013) [-]

didn't see that one coming, well done

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#330 to #279 - generaljackass (02/28/2013) [-]

Well played you have earned my thumb.

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#91 - deezknuts (02/27/2013) [+] (7 replies)

>Hugging someone that you really miss can literally improve a person's mood and relieve stress
>can literally improve a person's mood
>literally

>hugging someone that you really miss can figuratively improve a person's mood and relieve stress

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#376 to #91 - coolcalx (02/28/2013) [-]

how do you figuratively improve someone's mood? that makes no ******* sense

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#377 to #376 - deezknuts (02/28/2013) [-]

no...

no....

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#378 to #377 - coolcalx (02/28/2013) [-]

yes?

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#379 to #378 - deezknuts (02/28/2013) [-]

I was pointing out that she didn't need to use literally because figuratively wouldn't make sense, therefor there is no need to specify that it was literal. In fact, her use of "literally" had no meaning in context

also i'm implying that the author is a girl because nobody with testicles would ever write these "facts"

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#381 to #379 - coolcalx (02/28/2013) [-]

oh. it appears that I'm just ******* retarded then. my apologies.

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#382 to #381 - deezknuts (02/28/2013) [-]

it's alright bro

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#384 to #382 - coolcalx (02/28/2013) [-]

I finished my two day long history midterm today. I'm a little bit fried

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#198 - KungFuZerO (02/27/2013) [+] (1 reply)

I guess we know why Rhianna isn't dating Kanye

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#219 to #198 - anonymous (02/27/2013) [-]

Because he dates males!

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#207 - sirbutterballs (02/27/2013) [+] (2 replies)

Usually my perfect scenario is to become a killer and the way I'd kill people as well as ways to avoid the police

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#222 to #207 - muhcocksafloppin (02/27/2013) [-]

I've always wanted to kill someone just to see if I could get away with it.
And if I got caught just rewind everything.

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#230 to #207 - Xaftz (02/27/2013) [-]

I thought I was the only one that did that... and yes, I know that the world is huge but still...

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#287 - CrackPubes (02/28/2013) [+] (3 replies)

I thought I was just lonely

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#294 to #287 - zombieginger (02/28/2013) [-]

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#331 to #294 - generaljackass (02/28/2013) [-]

I pity the fool who's lonely.

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#327 to #287 - powerglove (02/28/2013) [-]

so did i.
the fact that im less of a freak than i thought just made my day

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#371 - dtcrawl (02/28/2013) [-]

hur hur hur hugging makes you happy look at all these facts I know

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#225 - rieskimo (02/27/2013) [+] (5 replies)

*Singing improves breathing and significantly strengthens the diaphragm because the lungs don't have muscles.

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#236 to #225 - thepandaking (02/27/2013) [-]

I'm glad someone caught that.

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#238 to #236 - rieskimo (02/27/2013) [-]

Honestly, every.single.one.of.these ******** facts turned me into a rage-fueled parkinsons patient, but that was the one that drew first-blood.

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#240 to #238 - thepandaking (02/27/2013) [-]

I know what you mean, I can't help but unleash my rage in the comments whenever I see these. I thought there were far less people who disliked them as much as I.

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#242 to #240 - rieskimo (02/27/2013) [-]

Considering that in the comment section the most popular comments are talking about how ******** they always are instead of "oh I didn't know that" or "interesting", I would say the majority of funnyjunk doesn't like them. The reason they get to the front page is because of gullible dumbasses thumb them up but not enough people who don't like them thumb them down.

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#355 to #242 - thepandaking (02/28/2013) [-]

yeah exactly. I would expand on that but that's all there is to say as far as I know

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#77 - felixjarl (02/27/2013) [+] (2 replies)

I just see so much **** here, some of them are not physiology related. Some are using wrong numbers and some are just wrong.

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#166 to #77 - funkyrednipples (02/27/2013) [-]

>Felixjarl
>Fact post
>Doesn't post his "What's on FJ today" reaction pic

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#468 to #166 - felixjarl (02/28/2013) [-]

I counted it, it is a 1/3 ratio of posting to rater than not posting it.

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#389 - cleverguy ONLINE (02/28/2013) [-]

no **** , sherlock

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#228 - CapnInterwebz (02/27/2013) [+] (1 reply)

This is all ******** fueled by a dangerous amount of semi-pubescent hormones

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#233 to #228 - thepandaking (02/27/2013) [-]

thank you sir. you speak for me.

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#256 - spidahridah (02/27/2013) [+] (1 reply)

Fun fact;
Nearly 100% of people lives on earth.

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#306 to #256 - thelegitmetalhead (02/28/2013) [-]

Except Morgan Freeman. He lives on Mars, where he is the Martian supreme emperor.

...I don't ******* know. My head just comes up with this **** and I post it.

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hope not repostablely reposteds.....

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