Killing zombies the right way. .. In all seriousness, a pickaxe or an axe would be a weapon. Unless the calcium in the zombies bones have degraded enough (don't know how long that would take), y Killing zombies the right way In all seriousness a pickaxe or an axe would be weapon Unless calcium in bones have degraded enough (don't know how long that take) y
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#22 - ultimoz
Reply 0
(02/27/2013) [-]
zombie land was so ******* sad, especially when the pickaxe guy was talking about his son
#32 to #22 - TIDYKIWI
Reply +2
(02/27/2013) [-]
I also liked pickaxe guy, but I preferred big girl brown hair.
#40 to #32 - ultimoz
Reply 0
(02/27/2013) [-]
She was sexy
#24 to #22 - twatmissile
Reply +40
(02/27/2013) [-]
no, obviously the saddest part was when bill murray died
#2 - KayRed
Reply +34
(02/27/2013) [-]
In all seriousness, a pickaxe or an axe would be a **** weapon. Unless the calcium in the zombies bones have degraded enough (don't know how long that would take), you'd run the risk of impaling the axe in the zombie, and while pulling it out isn't a big deal for one zombie, in a horde you'd be ******. That's why you always gotta go with ranged or blunt weapons.
#3 to #2 - Mudkip
Reply 0
(02/27/2013) [-]
I always thought of having a katana, a skin tight morph suit, and some kind of scuba diving tank with an airtight helmet. Morphsuit and Helmet prevent infection by the blood of the infected, and walking and slicing the heads of zombies would be a very effective way to warn others.
#4 to #3 - KayRed
Reply +6
(02/27/2013) [-]
That is dumb, yet oddly erotic, so I'll let it happen.
#5 to #4 - Mudkip
Reply +5
(02/27/2013) [-]
Not so erotic when you realize im a guy, and probably m cock would be swinging in beat with the blade. Skin. Tight. Morphsuit.
#6 to #5 - KayRed
Reply +8
(02/27/2013) [-]
Seriously though, that is a horrible idea. You package will attract too much unwanted attention.
#7 to #6 - Mudkip
Reply +6
(02/27/2013) [-]
Slut Zombies?
#11 to #7 - goodguygary
Reply +12
(02/27/2013) [-]
damn slut zombies and their ZAIDS.
#23 to #11 - trojanmannn
Reply +2
(02/27/2013) [-]
I tied a zombie to a pole once and ****** it. Got ZAIDS.
#45 to #11 - bighairyfart
Reply 0
(02/27/2013) [-]
ZOMG!
#13 to #3 - eddymolly
Reply +3
(02/27/2013) [-]
Problem with a Katana is it needs a great amount of care, you need to clean it, sharpen it and polish it regularly, plus they're a lot more fragile than people think.

You'd be much better with a traditional sword, less slicey (technical term there) but a lot easier to look after
#15 to #13 - hardtuner
Reply +1
(02/27/2013) [-]
scimitar is strong and doesn't need a lot of care. but it's just how you sharpen de sword. a good sharp sword beats an avarage katana everyday.
#77 to #3 - rieskimo
Reply 0
(02/27/2013) [-]
Light cotton shirt, leather jacket, jean pants, and leather chaps. Looks dumb but it's durable, it makes it difficult to get a grip on(especially when bloody), and you can stay comfortable and mobile. I'd also wear a hockey helmet(with full mask).



By the way I definitely never think about this stuff at all.
you believe me right?
#12 to #3 - angelious ONLINE
Reply 0
(02/27/2013) [-]
again.slicing somebodys head off is actually more harder than they claim in the movies.even with katana.

i would rather get something smaller that has good maneuverability and could be used on multiple tasks.like machete.
#14 to #2 - counterannon
Reply 0
(02/27/2013) [-]
IMO, the best kind of CQC weapon would be something along the lines of a stiletto knife.
along with quick precise jabs to the eyes, temples, ears or back of the skull for quick brain destuction
#74 to #14 - rieskimo
Reply 0
(02/27/2013) [-]
Let's see how precise you are when these ************* are all reaching for you. When being chased or surrounded a little stiletto knife isn't going to be an effective enough weapon. It's going to put your hand close to the mouth and hands of a zombie, that's a no-no. It requires skill to be effective with it at all, once again no good. It also would easily dull and you'd have to do a lot of work to pierce any bone, super big no. I'd say for your money, a crowbar(long pry bar would be better) or a pipe filled with something not too heavy would be your best friend in dealing with zombies. You can swing wildly, you don't have to worry about keeping an edge, and the likelyhood that an item like this will break is relatively low, as well as they're fairly light weight.
#96 to #74 - counterannon
Reply 0
(02/27/2013) [-]
Maybe, but i wont be exhausted from 'swinging wildly' and will have enough strength to hold them at bay whilst driving it through the soft tissue areas. rather than make one wrong swing with a heftier weapon and create an opening for one to take a big chunk out of me
#97 to #96 - rieskimo
Reply 0
(02/27/2013) [-]
The "swinging wildly" was just an example that the only way that you can use a crowbar badly is if you use it on yourself. Crowbars are generally pretty light, only a couple of pounds most of the time. Swinging it for hours will definitely exhaust you, but you're not expending much more energy than with a blade.

Slicing the soft tissues is not the endgame that you're looking for. Zombies(in theory obviously) are mindless killing machines numb to everything but a good braining. You're blade won't do enough damage even if you do get through the ocular cavity, you're trying to do some serious trauma to the brain and brain stem(historically speaking of course).
#98 to #97 - counterannon
Reply 0
(02/27/2013) [-]
but a stiletto isn't a slashing weapon, it's a Thrusting one, designed to go in n out, and in the series a screwdriver saves people like crazy,

but you have made your point sir, and have given me something to think about
#99 to #98 - rieskimo
Reply 0
(02/27/2013) [-]
Oh I understand what is shown a lot, and I'm sure a puncturing instrument could be effective. I'm not saying it's not usefull, but I'd keep something like that at my side as a "last hurrah" thing(as is shown in most situations). A stiletto could be useful for a final attempt as well as other practical utilitarian purposes. I've thought about this ******** waaaaaaay too much. There's something entertaining in calculating the logistics of surviving in a logically impossible situation.
#20 to #2 - rockmanneos
Reply 0
(02/27/2013) [-]
Machetes are best weapon.
#57 to #20 - megaton
Reply +1
(02/27/2013) [-]
believe it or not machetes are more brittle than people think. also with bladed weapons you need to strike fast enough or you will never make it through bone. like KR said
#100 to #57 - rockmanneos
Reply 0
(02/27/2013) [-]
Unless you use the right kind of machete.
In war torn regions of Africa, foot soldiers use machetes all the time, to great effect, actually. An exceptionally great example is the Kukri Knife (pic related).
A lot of companies make high quality blades that are a lot more durable than your average $5 machete from Wal-Mart.
Now, are guns superior? DEPENDS!
That's the whole thing the weapon argument boils down to: situation. If you need to kill something from far away, obviously a gun is the best option. If you need to make a stealth kill, a blunt or sharp object would be best. I just prefer the machete because it can double as a tool, whether it be an overly big ass knife, or something to just chop thin limbs of a tree off.
#101 to #100 - rockmanneos
Reply 0
(02/27/2013) [-]
Derp, forgot pic.
#64 to #20 - koalasonfire
Reply 0
(02/27/2013) [-]
Bladed weapons dull ******* fast. I think I'd like hatchet or and axe. It's sharp but when it gets dull I assume it's still affective
#102 to #64 - rockmanneos
Reply 0
(02/27/2013) [-]
<This
During your down time, just use this to sharpen whatever bladed item you have. Quick, efficient, and gives you something to pay attention to rather than the battering undead outside your house.
Now, if you're in a situation where your weapon is getting dull in the midst of fighting, then you're probably taking on more zombies than you can handle, and that's when you run.
#103 to #102 - koalasonfire
Reply 0
(02/28/2013) [-]
You're right, I guess. I mean, if it gets dull in the middle of fighting, that's your own fault. I wouldn't fight more than 4 or 5 at a time.
#41 to #2 - octaviano
Reply 0
(02/27/2013) [-]
Well, if the virus transfers trough liquid, and that zombie splatters for sure, you are f*cked.
How about you use a borad'n'nail?
GAME THEORY.
#19 - murrlogic
Reply -16
(02/27/2013) [-]
HEY ZOMBIES HAVE FEELINGS TOO YOU KNOW!!!
#66 to #19 - cupotruth
Reply 0
(02/27/2013) [-]
The movie isn't that terrible but you just have to aware of how deep the irony hole goes.

I mean it's a comedy so it's not meant to be taken seriously.
#21 to #19 - bitchplzzz
Reply +1
(02/27/2013) [-]
I had a heartbeat
You've probably never heard of it
#28 to #19 - eccleston
Reply +2
(02/27/2013) [-]
I don't know why, but this picture looks kinda wrong to me...
I don't know why, but this picture looks kinda wrong to me...
#29 to #28 - blackcurrant **User deleted account**
+1
has deleted their comment [-]
#70 to #29 - dingbox
Reply 0
(02/27/2013) [-]
"totally wrong and disgusting" at least it was something new, the only reason zombieland got so popular was because it gave beta-faggots hope about getting laid someday because of zombies, other than that it had nothing new and nothing creative.

The movie didn't have a plot more than running from zombies, the movie didn't had a real antagonist more than just zombies and the ending sucked major dicks, theres so much better zombie movies out there.

You can mindlessly jump on the band wagon like all the other but that doesn't change the fact that warm bodies contribute a lot more to the zombie genre than zombieland ever did.
#33 to #29 - eccleston
Reply 0
(02/27/2013) [-]
From the picture, I deduce that the film is like Twilight with zombies. Am I right?
If you answer affirmatively, I'll be seriously pissed off.
#63 to #33 - RipperMan
Reply 0
(02/27/2013) [-]
they way i heard it was, its like twilight with zombies, but a parody on how silly the whole premise behind twilight is.

So its a parody that acts serious somewhat, if you cant gasp that, you wont like it.
#35 to #33 - blackcurrant **User deleted account**
0
has deleted their comment [-]
#36 to #35 - eccleston
Reply +1
(02/27/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#58 to #35 - anon
Reply 0
(02/27/2013) [-]
its a comedy so...
#37 to #35 - anon
Reply 0
(02/27/2013) [-]
Did you watch the movie? If you didn't then it is not fair to rate it as ****. I still didn't watch it so I can't tell you if it is good or not, but from the trailer it looked more like a comedy than romance and besides John Malkovich is in it so I guess that it might turn out a decent movie.
#95 to #37 - blackcurrant **User deleted account**
0
has deleted their comment [-]
#27 to #19 - swiftykidd **User deleted account**
+16
has deleted their comment [-]
#31 - artificialego
Reply +12
(02/27/2013) [-]
#72 - theshmugy
Reply +8
(02/27/2013) [-]
#38 - quintonsword
Reply +8
(02/27/2013) [-]
That was a good film...
That was a good film...
#56 to #38 - Spikeydeath
Reply +2
(02/27/2013) [-]
whats that from
#61 to #56 - quintonsword
Reply 0
(02/27/2013) [-]
The .gif or the-
Well, I hope we all know what the .gif is.
The film is called Zombieland ( You need to login to view this link )
It has people like Bill Murray and Emma Stone in it.
#76 to #61 - hillbillypowpow
Reply +3
(02/27/2013) [-]
I think he meant the video of the gif.
#104 to #61 - Spikeydeath
Reply +1
(02/28/2013) [-]
I ment the gif, what minecraft video is that from
#106 to #105 - Spikeydeath
Reply +1
(02/28/2013) [-]
that gave me a laugh
#67 - nighthawxx
Reply +4
(02/27/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#10 - payseht
Reply +4
(02/27/2013) [-]
Barely...
#69 - fatspartan
Reply 0
(02/27/2013) [-]
I'd prefer a something a little more blunt for my zombie slaying arsenal like a sledgehammer or the back end of a hatchet. The way I figure guns run out of ammo, and blades/spiked weapons can get stuck. Sure you might need a little more strength to make the blow lethal, but I think I can handle it.
#82 to #69 - Keoul
Reply 0
(02/27/2013) [-]
A hatchet/Axe seems like the best choice, personally I'd be after a fire axe. For a blunt smack I could hit the zombie with the side and I could use the spike at the end for impalement if need be. Guns are still important for suppression fire for your teammates and good for attacking zombies in a distance should a massive horde show up.
#83 to #69 - ragnarfag
Reply 0
(02/27/2013) [-]
You should think about getting yourself a Super Sledge.
#89 to #69 - tomthehippie
Reply 0
(02/27/2013) [-]
One problem, the horde. Unless you are John ******* Rambo, a horde is gona plow you under if you are using blunt force trauma as your main weapon, where as a gun gives you the advantage of distance, as in not having to wait until they are within arm's reach of you to kill them.

Nine millimeter ammunition is the most common type in the world, carve a cross into the tip of the round and you have a crude hollow point (bullet deforms on impact, causing greater damage to soft tissue), one shot to the "T" zone (eyes and nose) and bam, brains splattered, zombie dead.
#94 to #69 - iliftandusenwords
Reply +1
(02/27/2013) [-]
In reality everyone on funnyjunk dies within the first day
In reality everyone on funnyjunk dies within the first day
#75 to #69 - tvfreakuk
Reply +2
(02/27/2013) [-]
It would be better to have something blunt like that (or even a knife/sword) but I don't think a sledgehammer would be affective. It would take a lot of back swing and too much time, even with only one zombie
#47 - sheperdofthestars
Reply -3
(02/27/2013) [-]
&gt;2013   
&gt;Not using Balkor's Weapon Mod
>2013
>Not using Balkor's Weapon Mod
#49 to #47 - asukalangley
Reply +1
(02/27/2013) [-]
>2013
>Not spelling Balkon's Weapon Mod correctly
#53 to #49 - sheperdofthestars
Reply 0
(02/27/2013) [-]
****... I even asked myself... "SHould I check that I got it right in google? Nah it's right..."