Comebacks

#10 - tmbg

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(02/22/2013) [-]

Churchill was sort of an asshole, huh?

#18 to #10 - ktbmnf

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(02/22/2013) [-]

he also invented the tank!

#65 to #18 - ktbmnf

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(02/22/2013) [-]

i have been lied to by my teachers. aint that some ****.

#23 to #18 - anon id: 1eeb9234

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(02/22/2013) [-]

British engineers of the royal navy invented the tank, Churchill was the only politician that saw it worth investing in.

#24 to #23 - ktbmnf

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(02/22/2013) [-]

but i read in history class that he came up with the idea, and then they were produced in secret under the codename "tank", and were first used in the battle of Somme...

if thats not true then my history teacher is a **********

#28 to #24 - techketzer

Reply +4 123456789123345869

(02/22/2013) [-]

"if thats not true then my history teacher is a **********"

You learned a valuable thing here.

#56 to #24 - anon id: a53d4499

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(02/22/2013) [-]

tanks were invented during the first world war! years before churchill was in power. What books were you reading?!

#64 to #56 - ktbmnf

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(02/22/2013) [-]

yes. world war 1. which involved the battle of somme.

#36 to #24 - felixjarl

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(02/22/2013) [-]

He did not invent it, he simply was a great supporter of it and did many times accelerate the effort to make new tanks.

#13 to #10 - jacksterlad

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(02/22/2013) [-]

#15 to #10 - nang

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(02/22/2013) [-]

Yes.

But he was good for the country. Sometimes you have to be an asshole.

And at least he was hilarious as ****.

#60 to #10 - thatguynobodylikes **User deleted account**

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has deleted their comment [-]

#71 to #60 - clockworkmage

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(02/22/2013) [-]

Well....

It's been stated numerous times that he was incredibly racist. So, you know.

#14 to #10 - lieutenantshitface **User deleted account**

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has deleted their comment [-]

#92 - benighted

Reply +32 123456789123345869

(02/22/2013) [-]

Woman: Mr president, what shall you do in order to fulfill the need of the people effect by the war?

George Washington: What the **** did you just ******* say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the **** out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my ******* words. You think you can get away with saying that **** to me over the Internet? Think again, ******. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re ******* dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little ****. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your ******* tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will **** fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re ******* dead, kiddo.

#94 to #92 - Blasphemer

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(02/22/2013) [-]

''gorilla warfare''!

#103 to #92 - yunnie

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(02/22/2013) [-]

#106 to #92 - xermudco

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(02/22/2013) [-]

Haha navy seals, since I was 4 I have been trained by soviet spies, put through torture, shot, stabbed and anything you can think of so I can withstand pain from any little bitch like you. You think you're tough? haha good one little ******* I used to stack bitches like you 9 feet high back in the cold war. Only a moron like you would think nothing happened in the cold war, because in recorded history nothing did that's how good I am, the war only ended because of me I took down half of the USA military but nothing went in history books because recording such atrocities would offend some weak minded fool like yourself. I was the war and someday this one man army will rain **** on your house destroying everything you haven't worked for you spoiled little ******. oooh you can bench 375? that's pretty good for some wanna-be gangster crackhead because that's all you will ever be, some guy who thinks he's tough but he's actually not. Just talks but can't walk the walk, i'll rip your dick off any day you like and spoon feed it to your whole family it will be the only good thing you've ever done for any poor ghetto piece of **** family like yours.

#53 - mrkickasscomedy

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(02/22/2013) [-]

******* love this glorious bastard

#20 - Alchemyst

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(02/22/2013) [-]

George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill:
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend...if you have one."

Churchill to Shaw: "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second...if there is one."

#55 - marinepenguin

Reply +13 123456789123345869

(02/22/2013) [-]

I never get tired of this, no matter how many times it is posted.

#91 - pitvipertacos **User deleted account**

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has deleted their comment [-]

#74 - americantuesday

Reply +10 123456789123345869

(02/22/2013) [-]

I've always considered Coolidge one of America's more bitchin' presidents. He once asked someone to go with him to get a soda. The other man was overjoyed that he got to get a soft drink with the president, and chatted him up the whole way there. Coolidge put his own bottle on the counter, the man putting his right next to it. The president paid the bill, and the other man said, "Mr. President, this is only enough for ONE soda."

Coolidge replied, "I know. I said COME with me to get a soda."

And he just ******* walked out.

Calving ******* Coolidge.

#85 to #74 - fractalius

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(02/22/2013) [-]

He's my dad's mom's dad IIRC.

I've never seen him mentioned anywhere.

This has made my day. I love you americantuesday

#86 - mattossie

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(02/22/2013) [-]

You missed the best Churchill
One night, at a 1912 party at his family estate, Churchill apparently got quite boisterous and irked American socialite Nancy Astor. At her wit's end, Astor stated, "Winston, if you were my husband, I'd put poison in your coffee." Churchill replied: "Nancy, if you were my wife, I'd drink it."

#50 - pointblanc

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(02/22/2013) [-]

in the first one coolidge didn't say more than two words he said only two

#51 to #50 - blacklite

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(02/22/2013) [-]

That's the joke. She lost because she wanted to get more than two words, but he only said two.

#3 - cleverguy

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(02/22/2013) [-]

oscar wilde was the sassiest of gay men. just read the importance of being earnest. he based the character algernon on himself.

#12 to #3 - exploiterguyone

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(02/22/2013) [-]

Such a witty piece.

#49 to #3 - anon id: dd5785ae

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(02/22/2013) [-]

I just watched this play and I can say it was very witty indeed. Wilde is a ******* awesome writer and I would have loved to attend a dinner party with him being present.

Repost, but some good stuff.