Quoth the Raven. . I ante upon a midnight DEAL WITH IT. I give a tuck, nevermore. merely a tire. nothing more. suddenly there came a wagging as demeans gangsta

Quoth the Raven

I ante upon a midnight DEAL WITH IT.
I give a tuck, nevermore.
merely a tire. nothing more.
suddenly there came a wagging as demeans gangsta
rapping arranging at my chamber deer
Death the raven. "Swag galore"
figga_ r allan bro
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Submitted: 01/11/2013
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#20 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (01/12/2013) [-]
Once upon a midnight party, while I downed six shots Barcardi, Over many a skant and crazy women of campus lore, While I flirted, nearly banging, suddenly there came a nagging, As of some one gently hanging, hanging 'round my chamber door. `'Tis some freshman,' I muttered, `hanging 'round my chamber door - Only this, and nothing more.'

Ah, distinctly I recall it was in the dancing hall, And each separate slutty hoe strutted her moves upon the floor. Eagerly I began to shred; - hoping I, at least, could bed A bitch without a slice of dread - dread from my girlfriend Lenore - For the cold and bossy bitch whom her mothers name she bore - Would crush my balls for evermore.

And the silken skin of women showed itself in boyhood vision Aroused me – espoused me with fantastic boners never felt before; So that now, to still the beating of my meat, I stood repeating `'Tis some honey busting moves down the dance floor -
Some horny honey busting moves on the dance floor; - This it is, now I can score,'

Presently my wood grew stronger; boldness then enticed the longer, `Babe,' said I, `or honey, truly your booty I implore; But the fact is I was jagging, and in Bentley's you came banging, And so boldly you came swagging, swagging on the dance floor, That I was sure you'd break your groove' - here I tapped and spun my score; - Ms.Franklin there, I'm done for.

Deep into her eyes then peering, long I stood there floundering, jeering, pouting, thinking thoughts no student ever dared to think before; To her breasts I gave attention, and Ms.Franklin gave no mention, The only way to ease the tension were the boldest words, `Let's score!' This I uttered, and a freshman sputtered back the words, `LET'S SCORE!' By this time my balls were sore.
#64 to #20 - dedd has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #21 to #20 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (01/12/2013) [-]
Back toward the door then turning, all my soul within me churning, Soon again I saw a banging somewhat bolder than before. `Damn,' said I, `damn that is something I could get into; Let me try than, whatever that is, and then interact the more - Let my balls be blue a moment while I interact the more; - 'Tis some jocks and there's Lenore!'

Over here I decked the ****** , when, with many skirt a 'flutter, In there came my bro named Raven from our freshman days of yore. Not the least he stopped to see, what was with the jock and me; But as if on a killing spree, brawled upon the dance floor - Pushed upon a butch named Pallas just outside the fighting floor - Punched, and spat, there was blood galore.

With my ebony bro beside me, my sad fate then turned to shining. Us the brave and bold classmates V.S. The football team plus whores, `Though thy form be drunk to stone, thou,' I said, `art sure to hold your own. Past the grim and hazy tone gained from the sailors shore - Tell me what our chance winnings are on this nights hip-hop floor!' Quoth bro Raven, `Nevermore.'

Struck I stood, this night's ungainly earnings could be given up so plainly, Though his answer making sense - little relevancy bore; For we are men with meaning hence the blood for pitching tents Will ever yet seem pointless when there's women on the floor - Bird or beast agreeing with the instinct “Blood for whores”, With such a name as `Heaven's door.'

But bro Raven, standing stoned against win or bust, spoke only, That one word, and by his soul in that one word he did no more. Nothing further could be uttered – as like cowards we then fluttered - Till I scarcely more than muttered `Other bitches we can score- On the morrow we will be free, as my girlfriends a ******* whore'. Then my bro said, `Bitches galore.'
User avatar #22 to #21 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (01/12/2013) [-]
Starting down the campus hoping, by our fathers way of coping, `Doubtless,' said I, `we'll get laid as seniors like before, With the help of drink to pass them we won't even have to ask them Cumming fast and ******* faster till the son rises from the shore - Till the depths of our minds are raised from stupor Virgins we'll be no more

With bro Raven still beside me all my sorrow turned to smiling, Straight I was but gay for him, a bromance named “The Score”; Then, upon our senior meeting, I betook myself to seeking Honey after honey, thinking what this glorious bro of yore - What this firm, staunchly, loyal, strong, and glorious bro of yore Said with “Bitches Galore”

This I sought composed with blessing, but not easily expressing To the bro whose shining words now fluttered into my bosom's core; This and more with drink divining, with my brain to plans conniving On textbooks cover copy that should have been my score, But whose textbook cover copy that was wet with beer odour, I shall not pass, ah, evermore!

Then, in dream, the text grew softer, as if muddled by its author Wrote by Thoth whose knowledge to truth was scholars score. ` **** ,' I cried, `thy Deen hath seen me – On a book sleeping silently despite - respite and nepenthe from thy lectures on the Moor! Quaff, oh quaff this kind detention, and forget this lectures lore!' Quoth Bro Raven, `Study's a chore.'

`Profit!' said I, `thing of evil! - profit still is this schools deal! - Whether lecturer helped, or whether lecturer tossed thee aside ashore Ignorant yet all time free, in this land of incompetence - On this home by slackers haunted - tell me truly, It's a bore - Is there -isthere calm in collage? - tell me - tell me, It's a bore!' Quoth bro Raven, `Always sore.'
User avatar #23 to #22 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (01/12/2013) [-]
`Profit!' said I, `thing of evil! - profit still is this schools deal! By the clouds that float above us - by that freedome we both adore - Tell this senior with hang-over (if), whenever lecture's over, So I shall claim a booze-scent lover whom the aged call “The Whore” - Claim a spry and slutty lover, whom the aged called “The Whore”?' Quoth bro Raven, `Not the score.'

`Be that word our sign of partying, bro or friend!' I shouted, starting - `Get thee beer into the campus-hall and the night will fill with whores! Leave no frat unchecked as no house in my gaze shall be quiet as a mouse! Leave my sobriety broken! - dance with blood on the floor! Take thy words from mine own heart, and take thy ass out from the door!' Quoth bro Raven, `Settle score.'

And bro Raven, never letting, still is betting, still is strutting On the dance of palace floor just above my chamber door; And his eyes have all the gleaming of a frat-boy that is dreaming, And the strobe-lights o'er him streaming throws his moves upon the floor; And my wood from out that lock that lays waiting for a whore Shall be lifted – Swag & Whores
#28 to #23 - zilance (01/12/2013) [-]
I hope these get the credit they deserve. This is really well done.
User avatar #31 to #28 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (01/12/2013) [-]
Thank you, sir. It took me a pretty long while to actually get it all done (although not as long as I thought)
#32 to #31 - zilance (01/12/2013) [-]
I am impressed sir
User avatar #34 to #23 - Awesomecarrot (01/12/2013) [-]
I think I love you
User avatar #37 to #34 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (01/12/2013) [-]
I would never do anything to hurt you
#39 to #23 - DrWeird (01/12/2013) [-]
Beautifully done, sir.
Beautifully done, sir.
User avatar #42 to #39 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (01/12/2013) [-]
Thank you, I spent quite a few hours on it
#40 to #23 - spamzor (01/12/2013) [-]
Ne'er have I seen such a poetic dream, as the bro that through the beer glasses of yore, read the raven, and spoke "Swag & Whores"

I applaud you, whoever you may be.
User avatar #44 to #40 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (01/12/2013) [-]
I'm you, and the gentleman below you. I'm your father and your mother, your neighbour and your mail-man. I'm everything you love and everything you hate

I'm batman
#47 to #44 - icecreamonnips (01/12/2013) [-]
#49 to #23 - asasqw (01/12/2013) [-]
Give this man a metal then give his metal a metal
Give this man a metal then give his metal a metal
#59 to #58 - ltpraptor (01/12/2013) [-]
Did I do good?
#67 to #59 - asasqw (01/12/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
User avatar #50 to #49 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (01/12/2013) [-]

Although it still works, my friend; as my middle name is Steel
User avatar #57 to #50 - daentraya (01/12/2013) [-]
Do you have more such poems? I think i love you
User avatar #66 to #57 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (01/12/2013) [-]
Haha, none this good sir. But I have many short stories and novelets, nearly all of which are on my facebook
User avatar #73 to #66 - daentraya (01/13/2013) [-]
I would very much like to read some. You could make a DeviantArt and post some stories there, in case other people asks
#68 to #23 - sobriety (01/12/2013) [-]
you said my name in this... yeah.... it's poinient, cus im so high
you said my name in this... yeah.... it's poinient, cus im so high
User avatar #63 to #23 - imabser (01/12/2013) [-]
You are a true literary genius. If only you applied it in school instead of ******* whores and drinking.
User avatar #65 to #63 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (01/12/2013) [-]
I do, good sir. I'm a writer by profession and have a few published short stories; all of which have achieved very high ratings. And I'm probably the straightest edge of all my friends. I do not drink, smoke, do drugs of any kinds, I don't even eat junk food. I try to keep completely puritan and curve my lifestyle with frequent meditation and exercise
#69 to #65 - imabser (01/13/2013) [-]
Well then.
#18 - Winnipeg (01/12/2013) [-]
i have been waiting far too long to use this
#11 - asasqw (01/12/2013) [-]
Am I doing it right?
#12 - AnonsForSure (01/12/2013) [-]
oh my god I laughed. Hard.
oh my god I laughed. Hard.
User avatar #41 - sabdoor ONLINE (01/12/2013) [-]
Thats so raven
#35 - Lambda (01/12/2013) [-]
I've had this floating around for a while.
#71 to #70 - kaycie (01/13/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#25 - crazyolitis (01/12/2013) [-]
If anyone wants the picture...
User avatar #26 to #25 - theangryrussian (01/12/2013) [-]
thanks... I'm too lazy to do it myself
User avatar #30 to #26 - crazyolitis (01/12/2013) [-]
Your'e welcome, bro.
#53 - emberknight (01/12/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#13 - garbagebrain (01/12/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#45 - tragono **User deleted account** (01/12/2013) [-]
Edgar Allen Probe
User avatar #54 to #45 - pictureperfectt (01/12/2013) [-]

Da hell is this?
#56 to #54 - tragono **User deleted account** (01/12/2013) [-]
Scott Manley for president 2013
User avatar #27 - BridgeTroll (01/12/2013) [-]
In other Raven related news, **** the Denver Broncos
User avatar #38 - drtrousersnake (01/12/2013) [-]
old but hilarious
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