I hate my friend.. i love you but scroll slower. my friend sends these every now and then.. 11 Dec 201211: 17 Someone offers you fll million, but you have to pu
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I hate my friend.

i love you but scroll slower. my friend sends these every now and then.

Tags: LOOOVE
11 Dec 201211: 17
Someone offers you fll
million, but you have to
punch a baby in the face.
Also, they tell you it' s an
evil baby. It' s got big thick
eyebrows and a frown. Do
you do it?
23 Nov 2012 13: 42
You know how normally,
when you fart, your own
farts don' t smell bad to
you? I just did a fart so
bad it made me cough
violently
17 Nov 201212: 20
Sometimes while peeing
I' ll go hands free, put my
arms up by my chest and
make claw hands, and
pretend I' m a new type of
dinosaur called
Dickasaurus Rex
I read a tip a while back
about how if you need to
get a poo out, don' t push
real hard. Instead, just
rock back and forth on the
seat. Or try coughing. This
has changed my life. Both
of those things work
perfectly. Rocking back
and forth cradles the poo
out. Coughing, for some
reason, looses your anus
for a second. My pooping
experience has been
revolutionised.
so Aug 2012 16: 59
There comes a time In
your last 2 weeks of work
when you just say " **** it"
and change your email
signature to a picture of a
roaring grizzly bear
31 Jul 2012 14: 54
I' m so tired, I' m having
crazy thoughts. I just had
dialogue with 6. The
number 6. I was doing
some multiplication and in
my head I was saying, "6,
why are you so
unpredictable? Why are
you doing this to me?"
and I then thought, "6 isn' t
so bad, at least she' s got
round edges, unlike 7."
I want to create a virus for
the iphone where if you try
to dial a phone number
there are no numbers, just
a large M, and if you dial
that M, you get through to
someone who picks up
and says, "MONKEY
SPEAKING". Imagine that
the only calls you can
make are to dial M for
Monkey ,
19 Jul 2012 13: 57
I' m working out right now.
I' m exercising my eyebrow
muscles by raising them
high. Try it. You' ll be
surprised.
14 Jul 2012 13: 55
Imagine playing bagpipes
on the bag of a dragon
I love how during WWY
when everyone was
fighting everyone else,
Spain was just like " ****
you guys, we' re fighting
ourselves" and then loads
of Russians, Americans,
British, Italians, French
and German Inners just
joined to whichever side
and fought like hell. It was
like the hipster war of last
century
14 Jul 2012 12: 24
What if... black hitler?
I just googled "how to give
someone ennui" and there
were no results
I hope you get human
myxomatosis
13 Jul 2012 16: 46
Imagine if you were
squeezing out a hard one,
and you sneezed. You
slam your body forward to
sneeze and your balls
swing backward. Your
poop squeezes out
simultaneously and
suddenly! Oh no. It has
happened. Your soft poop
caught your balls in the
beckoning. Imagine that
Chris. You' re an
imaginery. Imagine this
thing.
2012 15: 24
I just put my balls on my
phone, and if you asked
me why I did that, I really
wouldn' t be able to give
you an answer.
How long does it take to
**** your own body
weight? Assuming you
weigh 150 lbs, and you
poo .75 pounds a day, that
means that you **** your
own entire body weight
around once every 200
days. Imagine that Chris.
Imagine a big pile of poop,
the size of you, coming
out of your arse once or
twice a year.
2012 11: 23
Ages ago I forgot the word
put". I couldn' t work out
how it sounded, what it
meant, what context it was
used in. I Googled it and
was perplexed at my
findings - it was like
someone had muck a
word into my language
without my knowledge. I' m
still not confident in using
it and I think it should be
pronounced "pom", like
loot". Why did my brain
forget a word?
28 Jun : 27
You know how in
Schindler' s List, they all
just spoke English but with
a German accent? is that
what Germans do when
Germans make films set in
England? Just have a
bunch of Germans
speaking German with an
English accent? ,
25 Jun :
Somewhere, someone is
having their eyes gouged
25 Jun 2012 08: 36
There' s a fruit smoothie in
the kitchen with your name
on it.
P. S. it doesn' t actually
have your name on it... it' s
just a plain glass. It' s the
plain glass with smoothie
in it. It' s in plain sight. It' d
be hard to miss it. If you
missed it, I' ll send you
further directions.
7 May 201215: 02
On a coach from 2
to - about 20
miles outside of
recognised a very nice
portion of meandering
river and grassy banks.
Then I realised, that if I' d
been taken this journey 2
years ago, I' d have seen
myself getting a handjob in
a canoe
...
+3248
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Favorited: 1157
Submitted: 12/18/2012
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Comments(325):

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User avatar #6 - yojo ONLINE (12/18/2012) [+] (2 replies)
Reply to him, you *******
#21 - lewersss (12/18/2012) [+] (1 reply)
Lost my 						****					 at, "Imagine that Chris. Imagine a big pile of poop, the size of you, coming out of your arse once or twice a year."
Lost my **** at, "Imagine that Chris. Imagine a big pile of poop, the size of you, coming out of your arse once or twice a year."
#7 - boredomavenger (12/18/2012) [-]
>every 200 days
>every 200 days
+126
#109 - swiftykidd **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [+] (2 replies)
#50 - Xiiko (12/18/2012) [+] (2 replies)
>you're an imagineer   
   
this made me laugh
>you're an imagineer

this made me laugh
#60 - brothergrimm (12/18/2012) [-]
"imagine it chris"
"imagine it chris"
#36 - goodnewseveryone (12/18/2012) [+] (1 reply)
this guy...
this guy...
#55 - codyxvasco (12/18/2012) [+] (1 reply)
DUN DUN DUNUNUN NUN UN UN NUN! DUN DUN UNUNUN DUN NUNAH!!! DUN NAH NAH NAH !!!!!
#107 - pengpeng (12/18/2012) [-]
Did you use this?
#105 - langeland (12/18/2012) [-]
"A big pile of poo the size of you"

#54 - iviagicbanana (12/18/2012) [-]
Turn that M upside down and dial W for wombo.
#22 - thewellhungarian (12/18/2012) [-]
This man is a legend, all of my thumbs, OP.
#2 - cplyarb (12/18/2012) [-]
#89 - majormoron (12/18/2012) [+] (2 replies)
If I took that phone that could only dial "M" and tunred it upside down

Would I be able to dial Wumbo?
User avatar #51 - goodguygary ONLINE (12/18/2012) [+] (1 reply)
"imagine that chris. You're an imagineer. imagine this thing"

lost my ****
#127 - DrWeird (12/18/2012) [+] (4 replies)
I might just have to try the pooping one...
User avatar #225 - chucknorrisTHEGAME ONLINE (12/19/2012) [-]
I think my favourite part is that he gives no ***** that you never respond.
#53 - defacedcreeper (12/18/2012) [+] (1 reply)
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