Shit stories general. .. A true Classic, this one. four chan


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User avatar #47 to #8 - meestaa (11/26/2012) [-]
>3 mile journey

>30 minutes later

How slow were they going?
#1 - KoCChampion (11/26/2012) [-]
A true Classic, this one.
User avatar #34 to #1 - iamnaked (11/26/2012) [-]
I remember someone in the same thread had an even better idea, ******** on the top of the ceiling fan. When the owners enter the room they will try to remove the smell by turning on the fan, that way **** will be thrown all over the room.
#5 to #1 - sidathon (11/26/2012) [-]
A legend I'll never forget, made my day when I read it
#18 - huskygunner (11/26/2012) [-]
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User avatar #28 - genasi (11/26/2012) [-]
Took a train trip to the city and back a couple of years ago, 40 minutes ride with no toilets on board (pretty old wagons that are replaced by now). Of course 10 minutes into the ride home, I gotta go really bad.

Held it like a man and walked as calmy as I could towards the toilets when I finally got off the train. Entering the men's restroom, I was greeted by the worst smell I have ever smelled in my life, and by the sounds of it, the guy wasn't finished yet. The smell was so horrible, I went outside for a smoke, hoping that in the meantime the guy would leave or at least flush every once in a while. He did neither.

Unable to cope with the stench without gagging, I went into Hitman mode to enter the most hostile of territories: The women's restroom. First I walked past the outside window to check for sounds. All quiet, good. I went back inside and took my phone out, pretending to text something so I could claim I was distracted in case there was a lady in there, or coming around the corner of the hallway behind me. Luckily the room was emtpy, and I wasn't spotted entering.

My luck didn't last long, because as I went about my business someone entered the restroom. I "cut the rope" (if you know what I mean) and kept as quiet as a mouse while lifting my feet off the ground, so whoever was out there wouldn't see my hairy legs (wearing shorts) and rather large shoes. It may be odd so see a locked door with no one inside, but people don't usually report (or worse, check) things when there's free booths nearby. The woman didn't notice or didn't care and left shortly afterwards.

I finished, flushed and waited for the noise of the toilet to stop so I could hear if anyone was walking towards the restroom. Hearing nothing I quickly made my way to the door, opened it an inch and peaked outside with my phone's camera to check the hallway. All clear.

Mission Successful. Rating: Silent Assassin.

Silent, but deadly.

#30 to #28 - larfang (11/26/2012) [-]
Beautifully done my good man.
Beautifully done my good man.
#12 - peyko (11/26/2012) [-]
User avatar #41 to #12 - actuallyisdolan (11/26/2012) [-]
The guys name is Alex Sammarco, I remember when this first happened everybody on his facebook page was flipping the **** out.
User avatar #24 to #12 - bitchplzzz (11/26/2012) [-]
When I first saw that posted as content, a year ago, i was eating chocolate...
I still cringe
#35 to #33 - megatrondecepticon (11/26/2012) [-]
oh god, can't stop reading or laughing.
#32 - confusedasian (11/26/2012) [-]
Something about diarrhea feels so satisfying when it comes out.
Something about diarrhea feels so satisfying when it comes out.
User avatar #36 to #32 - justanoreo (11/26/2012) [-]
Listening to Knights of Cydonia at the end. Completely in sync.
User avatar #10 - stcronin (11/26/2012) [-]
I became lactose intolerant in college as can happen, but I didn't know and I love milk so I got a jug of it everyday and it gave me terrible diarrhea, so for the first week i was lactose intolerant I went to the best bathroom that was always the quietest, which was in the music hall.

For about 3 days I had the worst smell diarrhea ever, but apparently that is the only bathroom the band directors have and I have made it smell like **** for days so the Head of Bands walks in and tells the band.

If your going to use the restrooms here please don't **** in them, its the only restroom we have and for the past few days someone has made it unbearable so please go somewhere else.

For whatever reason I was laughing so hard on the inside and felt bad but it was hilarious because to this day I know I made such great excrement that the director of bands had to address us XD And how terrible it must have smelled.

Kind of like a good silent but deadly fart but no one knows

Anyways that's my story
#11 to #10 - ryanfitzy has deleted their comment [-]
#25 - gotbannedicusvile (11/26/2012) [-]
This image has expired
Oh how I did laugh.
#13 - stallwallwriter (11/26/2012) [-]
There are so many stories about strange ******** habits on /b/. What the hell are they eating?
#17 to #13 - cptnigelofwolf (11/26/2012) [-]
mostly pf changs and jimmy deans breakfast sandwiches...
User avatar #37 - bun (11/26/2012) [-]
In middle school, I always had horrendous diarrhea after lunch. It was always really urgent too. Anyways, it hasn't happened to me in high school at all, for some reason. Except once. One day I suddenly got the horrible urge to take a wet diarrhea **** , but the bell had just rung. If I went to the bathroom now, I would miss the bus. I decided I'll hold it. I went onto to the bus, and I felt my stomach moving and grumbling, just ready to let go of the beast. That ride home was horrible. I clenched my buttcheeks together like no tomorrow. I got dropped off at my bus stop, and the urge was unbearable. I wished that I could teleport to my house, but I couldn't. I walked as fast as I could. My buttcheeks containing a wet sloppy monster. I saw the girl who's house is right there and wondered if I should ask her to use her bathroom, but I decided against it. After she was long gone, I contemplated using to woods to **** , but I decided against that too, knowing I had nothing to wipe my ass and somebody would probably see me. I walked as fast as I could home without running--if I ran, it would explode out. Finally, I got to the end of that street and was on my street. ALMOST HOME! I was almost ******** myself just thinking about the bathroom. Finally, I just dropped my (extremely ******* heavy) backpack, and just booked it. I could feel a little clump of **** about to unleash the monster within my anus and finally made it too my door, and ran inside. Just outside the bathroom, was my brother. "What's the-" "I HAVE TO **** !" and I proceed to unleash myself in the bathroom. That was close.
#51 - Fuzzymarsupial (11/26/2012) [-]
At least he was only "sick" for a day.
#15 - anon (11/26/2012) [-]
reading this while listening to "don't stop me now" me
#14 - Venedlor (11/26/2012) [-]
I will transcribe a text I sent to a buddy. Alas he never responded.

**** . I have lest the worst smelling **** ever. I am gagging and there is still a lot left!!!! Gahhhhhh!!!! The door is open and so are the windows, but the wind is blowing just right to keep the stink in!!!! I am dying here!!!! It hurts so much...I. Do. Not. Know. How. I. Can. Take. I may survive, alas my air freshener (+10 against **** ) is down the stairs and I can not get it!!! The dog is crying man! The Dog!!!
At lest I have TP.
#50 - anon (11/26/2012) [-]
This reminds me of my friends that would climb on top of the cubicle walls and try to **** in the toilet they usually made it in.
#4 - anon (11/26/2012) [-]
Dude this same thing happened in my elementary school, I kid you not.
User avatar #7 - mahjimmiesarusslin (11/26/2012) [-]
Here is one for ya,

Be 23
In jail for 3 months eating ****** food having the ***** every day.
Get out and eat 5 Mcdoubles a large fry 4 large cokes and a mcchicken
next day took a **** so large, multicolored, and stank it could of been called modern art

The jail diet lost 38 pounds then lost another 7 when i took a ****
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