You're a winner. Masturbation is murder, and I believe Jesus takes in all haploid cells. ♥. I' "oters ago new Stadion, " G You were the first sperm to the egg.
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You're a winner

 
You're a winner. Masturbation is murder, and I believe Jesus takes in all haploid cells. ♥. I' "oters ago new Stadion, " G You were the first sperm to the egg.

Masturbation is murder, and I believe Jesus takes in all haploid cells.

I' "oters ago new Stadion, " G
You were the first sperm to the egg. You were burn at
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Submitted: 10/29/2012
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Comments(398):

[ 398 comments ]
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#7 - upunkpunk (10/29/2012) [-]
>AMERICA   
   
What?
>AMERICA

What?
User avatar #10 to #7 - jibb (10/29/2012) [-]
It's like I should comment NORWAY on every post that includes someone intelligent norwegian.
User avatar #88 to #10 - upunkpunk (10/29/2012) [-]
Honestly sometimes I feel like 40% of this site is Norwegian.
User avatar #129 to #10 - koppmelk (10/29/2012) [-]
Well we usually do. Everytime a content is related to Norway the comment section is spammed with norwegian ****
User avatar #1 - FroshWeek (10/29/2012) [-]
If masturbation is murder, then I really don't want to end up in hell. Must be one sticky unbaptized-haploid-cell mess
User avatar #385 to #1 - turboderp (10/30/2012) [-]
******* to make a baby is almost as much murder as masturbating.. only one (maybe 2-3?) sperm things get to "live"... What about the rest of the million++ who get "killed"?
User avatar #409 to #385 - FroshWeek (10/31/2012) [-]
Don't ask me ask the idiots who came up with this ridiculous theory XD
User avatar #410 to #409 - turboderp (10/31/2012) [-]
Yeah.. Well, I'm kind of worried I might be accused for being a mass-murderer.
#11 to #1 - sunnydaycoffee (10/29/2012) [-]
>implying hell exist
>implying hell exist
#2 to #1 - retrochris (10/29/2012) [-]
Oh well, in the end the one's you "murdered" didn't do something wrong, so they won't end up in hell. Guess where it's sticky then...
User avatar #3 to #2 - FroshWeek (10/29/2012) [-]
I met these Mormons at this camp I went to in grade 10. They tried to convert me (I'm Hindu) by telling me about heaven. Apparently there's different levels, the best for baptized people, then a lower one for children who died before getting baptized, followed by a bronze-level one for people who were never given the chance to convert aka Amazonians. Needless to say I lost the chance to make it to the bronze level by rejecting their offers of conversion
User avatar #6 to #3 - goodguygary (10/29/2012) [-]
go gold or go home to hell
#4 to #3 - retrochris (10/29/2012) [-]
Beeing an Amazonian sounds cool.
User avatar #188 to #3 - adrianking (10/30/2012) [-]
Close.

The highest tier is for faithful members of the church, middle is for good people of the earth, and the lowest is for the scum.

And apparently if we saw how awesome the lowest tier of heaven was, we'd all kill ourselves to get there.
#224 to #188 - onceapiece (10/30/2012) [-]
Close, but wrong again. There is no heaven. Ya, I know that we were supposed to be implying that there's a heaven whether we believe it or not, but the Bible doesn't always agree with it's own definition of things, and heaven is no exception. People will even make up their own ideas of Heaven BASED on scripture and call it good.
User avatar #318 to #224 - captainrattrap (10/30/2012) [-]
Kill yourself.
#319 to #318 - onceapiece (10/30/2012) [-]
Ummm, first of all, I've tried, and it's actually a lot harder than it looks. Second of all, why?
User avatar #320 to #319 - captainrattrap (10/30/2012) [-]
Just go around town punching people in the face. Eventually someone will beat you to death.
#415 to #320 - onceapiece (11/04/2012) [-]
It's a lot more likely that I'll just get sent to juvy though
#380 to #319 - anonyrnoose (10/30/2012) [-]
>a lot harder than it looks
>get a knife
>stab yourself in the neck
>bleed out

There you go. Have fun.
#394 to #380 - onceapiece (10/30/2012) [-]
I tried it with a knife but I wasn't strong enough to do all that much damage. I also tried sticking a needle in my jugular vein, but even though it went all the way in, I didn't bleed at all. Anyway, why?
#413 to #394 - anonyrnoose (11/03/2012) [-]
That didn't work out? Try sharpening the blade. You don't need much strength if you do that. Or, how about:

Jumping off a high building head-first
Hanging yourself
Taking a whole bunch of pills

Or, if you're too pussy to do it yourself, get someone else to help you.
#414 to #413 - onceapiece (11/04/2012) [-]
I'm not old enough to go anywhere by myself, and my parents know I'm suicidal, so jumping off a building doesn't work. Also, I don't have any structures in my home that are strong enough to support my weight, and even when I just tried choking myself, the stuff I used broke. First, I tried using headphones, cause they were close, and they broke, so the I tried using a belt, but I just ended up tearing it apart. Also, We don't have any pills in my house that would kill me over-night, and if it doesn't, then my parents will take me to the hospital to get my stomach pumped. And, finally, when I was to pussy to do it by suffocating myself, I actually asked a couple of people to help, but they refused. I don't think you understand how much thought I've put into this.
#416 to #414 - anonyrnoose (11/04/2012) [-]
Your belt tore? Lying **** .
#417 to #416 - onceapiece (11/04/2012) [-]
Alright, I'll admit that it WAS a really weird belt, but I'm not lying. It's made up of about 8 or 9 threads that are interweaving throughout it, and those are made up of some material that isn't standard belt leather. I don't really know what to call it, but it almost seemed like a mix between leather, Styrofoam, and cardboard. I couldn't find a real belt at the time.
#418 to #417 - anonyrnoose (11/04/2012) [-]
You also stated you weren't old enough to go anywhere by yourself. How old are you, 10?
#419 to #418 - onceapiece (11/04/2012) [-]
14. It's really not that I'm not old enough, but since my parents know I want to kill myself, they keep a close eye on me.
#420 to #419 - anonyrnoose (11/04/2012) [-]
Have you tried drowning yourself? And just out of curiosity, since you said there aren't any strong enough structures to hold your weight, how much do you weigh?
#421 to #420 - onceapiece (11/04/2012) [-]
Actually, I have not tried drowning myself, because I am horrified of dying a slow and painful death, especially by water, which is why I don't ride on boats. About my weight, I actually just weigh 100 pounds, so I guess I should rephrase what I said; there is nothing in my house that I could hang from that could hold the weight of a human
#422 to #421 - anonyrnoose (11/04/2012) [-]
Do you or anybody in your family drink soda from a can?
#423 to #422 - onceapiece (11/04/2012) [-]
Yes, occasionally. At the very least, I can buy canned soda
#424 to #423 - anonyrnoose (11/04/2012) [-]
Next time you get a can, twist it so the can rips. The ripped edge is very sharp. You can use that to slit your wrists multiple times until you bleed out, or just simply slit your neck (which would be faster).
#425 to #424 - onceapiece (11/04/2012) [-]
Thanks for the tip. I oughta try that if I ever get the chance. Besides, it's always good to have a way out when things inevitably go wrong.
User avatar #226 to #224 - adrianking (10/30/2012) [-]
I was speaking on Mormon beliefs. Not reality.
#228 to #226 - onceapiece (10/30/2012) [-]
Didn't even know the mormons belief was different. Good to know I guess.
User avatar #233 to #228 - adrianking (10/30/2012) [-]
As far as Christian beliefs go, Mormons are pretty radical.

For example, there is absolutely nothing you can do to get into their version of hell, which they call "Outer Darkness."

That place is reserved for people who spoke with God, walked around with him, went to bitchin' raves with him, but then were like: "no way, God. You're a dick, I ain't worshipping you."
#236 to #233 - onceapiece (10/30/2012) [-]
I've always thought the Mormons' beliefs were stupid :/ now they seem even stupider! I'm glad I'm so many smarterer than they
#152 to #2 - thenewnuggubler (10/29/2012) [-]
they're not clouds...
User avatar #48 to #2 - heartlessrobot (10/29/2012) [-]
They're not baptized. Anyone that isn't baptized, regardless of personal virtue, ends up in hell.
User avatar #160 - SUPERJOSH (10/29/2012) [-]
My sisters stuffed animals are covered in winners then
User avatar #167 to #160 - winners (10/30/2012) [-]
sorry bout that
#183 to #167 - robotzombie (10/30/2012) [-]
both you guys
both you guys
#73 - rawrpalooza (10/29/2012) [-]
I hope that no one actually believes that this is at all accurate.

Upon Ejaculation 200 to 600 million sperm are released into the Vagina. Now upon entry countless millions of the sperm will die due to the highly acidic environmental in the Females reproductive tract. (You survived round one) Next the sperm will migrate to the Fallopian tubes, half will travel down the tube that has the Gamete, the others will go the wrong way. (You survived round two) Now assuming there are no other males sperm to battle off in the tubule, your sperm will reach the egg, and the first wave of sperm will surround the egg in its entirety. Each of the sperm trying to push through the outer wall. None of these sperm die, or give up in the process, but eventually one will gain entry. (You've achieved victory) After this within seconds of the zygote being formed a thick outer shell is developed in order to prevent entry of the other sperm. (And you give the middle finger to all your competitors)
#227 to #73 - onceapiece (10/30/2012) [-]
But wait, isn't "zygote" used for fungi? Maybe I just haven't heard it used in reproduction before.
User avatar #411 to #227 - rawrpalooza (11/01/2012) [-]
Zygote is a term used to refer to the merging of any two gametes during sexual reproduction.
#321 to #73 - anon (10/30/2012) [-]
Dude, if the sperm is going into the fallopian tubes, something has ****** up.
[url deleted]
User avatar #412 to #321 - rawrpalooza (11/01/2012) [-]
Negative Anon, that is where the egg is fertilized.

Another Interesting Fact is that sperm can survive for days in the Fallopian tube until the female ovulates. 3-5 days to be more precise.
User avatar #203 to #73 - shfiftyfive (10/30/2012) [-]
read this in my bio teachers voice
+36
#102 to #73 - StevieMaxis **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#204 to #187 - spidermanthreading (10/30/2012) [-]
And I'm just standing outside the door
#148 - beep (10/29/2012) [-]
If abortion is murder, then masturbation is genocide.
User avatar #369 to #148 - christofferse (10/30/2012) [-]
if abortion is murder isn't condoms kidnapping?
#150 to #148 - gosh (10/29/2012) [-]
My girlfriend is a cannibal.

Her name is Jill (:
#31 - rainbowshurrburt (10/29/2012) [-]
Wow, there went that last strand of respect I had for myself. I'm glad I got to where I am today for the death of my brothers and sisters.
Wow, there went that last strand of respect I had for myself. I'm glad I got to where I am today for the death of my brothers and sisters.
#20 - dinosauraids (10/29/2012) [-]
**dinosauraids rolled a random image posted in comment #1288557 at MLP Friendly Board ** But who was sperm?
User avatar #23 to #20 - LemonNADE (10/29/2012) [-]
Goddammit pony board..
+2
#61 to #23 - killakahn has deleted their comment [-]
#185 - vatra (10/30/2012) [-]
#192 to #185 - brothergrimm (10/30/2012) [-]
i imagine that wouldn't taste very good....................
i imagine that wouldn't taste very good....................
#221 to #192 - anon (10/30/2012) [-]
You imagine wrong
#222 to #221 - brothergrimm (10/30/2012) [-]
whatever ripens your peaches
whatever ripens your peaches
User avatar #168 - reservoircats (10/30/2012) [-]
Capitalism 1
Workers 0
#357 - stiffbeefyone (10/30/2012) [-]
**stiffbeefyone rolled a random image posted in comment #29 at Title ** MFW i was the only sperm
#366 to #357 - neoexdeath ONLINE (10/30/2012) [-]
I raped the pillage and womened the village...No idea what the hell the last one is...I did do a lot of ironing while I was there though.
User avatar #60 - sweateagle (10/29/2012) [-]
Were the muricas really necessary?
User avatar #216 to #193 - rymes (10/30/2012) [-]
"lazy, credit-stealing prick who's success is built off the work of others"
#147 - tickleshits (10/29/2012) [-]
Comment Picture
User avatar #271 to #147 - epiccappytan (10/30/2012) [-]
But dad, thats for you and mommy to make babies more slaves :(
#196 - dtcrawl (10/30/2012) [-]
What's Americas greatest export?



FREEDOM
User avatar #200 to #196 - reican (10/30/2012) [-]
which is made in China
#153 - ismet (10/29/2012) [-]
GOD DAMNIT JON!
#112 - mariasaturnina (10/29/2012) [-]
I never thought this would be relevant. And then I saw the description.
User avatar #123 to #112 - nigman (10/29/2012) [-]
So masturbation is basically the same as genocide... imagine what a blowjob is.
#137 to #123 - anon (10/29/2012) [-]
Cannibalism
User avatar #128 to #112 - goldenpotato (10/29/2012) [-]
There are so many holes in that argument, which is why I despise it so much.

Though, it doesn't really surprise me, given the origin and already-clouded mind of the person arguing.
#337 to #134 - remmyd (10/30/2012) [-]
**remmyd rolled a random image posted in comment #89 at Interesting mistery ** Why doesn't this have more thumbs?
#214 - deadmuerto (10/30/2012) [-]
ITS FERTILIZIN' TIME!
User avatar #238 to #214 - WitchKingTroll (10/30/2012) [-]
www.youtube.com/watch?v=UzRoZXd1v8c

You sure it's not feedin' time?
#243 to #238 - evantheboss (10/30/2012) [-]
That zombie did what I wanted to when I first saw this picture.
#244 to #243 - evantheboss (10/30/2012) [-]
Sorry, it's my fetish... Eating people...
#356 - anonsupporter (10/30/2012) [-]
Comment Picture
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