Attorneys. . These are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts", and are things people actually said in court, word for, word, taken down and now pu Attorneys These are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts" and things people actually said court word for taken down now pu
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Attorneys

These are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts", and are things
people actually said in court, word for, word, taken down and now published by
court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were
actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your' husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am T, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susana
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: This graves, does it affect your' memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your' memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your' daughter, has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn' t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn' t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar, exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the , how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he' s twenty.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your' picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you ******** me?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August tth?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gettin' laids
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you ******** me? Your Honor', I think I need a different attorney.
Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your' first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
ATTORNEY: Is your' appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your' attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: Doctor', how many of your' autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to
rephrase that?
ATTORNEY: ALL your' responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8: 30 p. m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy
on hcml
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh.... are you qualified to ask that question?
ATTORNEY: Doctor', before you performed the autopsy, did you check for, a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for, blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for, breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
...
+1710
Views: 59000 Submitted: 10/19/2012
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27 comments displayed.
#2 - harryboom
Reply +73
(10/19/2012) [-]
that 5th one reminds me of the babe
#3 to #2 - lexarcommander
Reply +64
(10/19/2012) [-]
What babe?
#7 to #3 - beasert
Reply +65
(10/19/2012) [-]
The babe with the power.
#8 to #7 - colinb **User deleted account**
+64
has deleted their comment [-]
#10 to #8 - beasert
Reply +64
(10/19/2012) [-]
Power of voodoo.
#12 to #10 - colinb **User deleted account**
+63
has deleted their comment [-]
#13 to #12 - beasert
Reply +62
(10/19/2012) [-]
You do.
#14 to #13 - colinb **User deleted account**
+64
has deleted their comment [-]
#15 to #14 - beasert
Reply +69
(10/19/2012) [-]
Remind me of the babe.
#25 to #15 - samxdaxman
Reply +16
(10/20/2012) [-]
I SAW MY BABY. CRYIN' HARD AS BABE COULD CRY.
#38 to #25 - eliggett
Reply +7
(10/20/2012) [-]
oral
#63 to #25 - blackcomet
Reply +4
(10/20/2012) [-]
What could I do?
#114 to #15 - EdwardNigma
Reply +1
(10/20/2012) [-]
I saw this coming. I love it.
#11 to #10 - colinb **User deleted account**
0
has deleted their comment [-]
#30 - merrymarvelite
Reply +48
(10/20/2012) [-]
Has it occurred to anybody else here that maybe lawyers ask stupidly obvious questions so they would then have the witness plainly stating something and having it on the record?
#35 to #30 - anon
Reply 0
(10/20/2012) [-]
Oral.
#37 to #35 - anon
Reply 0
(10/20/2012) [-]
oral coral
#36 to #30 - makethingsworse
Reply 0
(10/20/2012) [-]
I found this post funny, but you are correct. Law students are taught to ask plain, direct questions in order to get a plain, direct answer. Maybe not as stupid as the fake ones above, but I've heard some things that made me facepalm very, very hard.
#20 - jzaned
Reply +42
(10/20/2012) [-]
MFW when he said "Did you actually pass the bar exam?"
MFW when he said "Did you actually pass the bar exam?"
#86 to #20 - pollux
Reply +6
(10/20/2012) [-]
MFW 'mfw when'
MFW 'mfw when'
#85 - dengekisushi
Reply +27
(10/20/2012) [-]
My step dad was a public defender when my mom met him about five years ago, and she went to watch him do his work once.   
There was this murderer who had murdered somebody in Florida, and murdered a woman on a bike trail in Iowa near where I used to live.   
So the murderer is chilling in the stand, and only a few people are there for preparations.   
   
So then the murderer starts subtly checking out my mom, and he leans in to my step dad and says "Who is she?"   
It disturbs me knowing my mom was practically hit on by a serial murderer.
My step dad was a public defender when my mom met him about five years ago, and she went to watch him do his work once.
There was this murderer who had murdered somebody in Florida, and murdered a woman on a bike trail in Iowa near where I used to live.
So the murderer is chilling in the stand, and only a few people are there for preparations.

So then the murderer starts subtly checking out my mom, and he leans in to my step dad and says "Who is she?"
It disturbs me knowing my mom was practically hit on by a serial murderer.
#23 - vukzgbl
Reply +27
(10/20/2012) [-]
lost it on voodoo
lost it on voodoo
#1 - SamiGirl
Reply +21
(10/19/2012) [-]
Last one is my favorite!
#95 - waffies
Reply +16
(10/20/2012) [-]
"You remind me of a man!   
   
What man?    
   
the man with the power!   
   
What power?   
   
The power of voodoo!   
   
Who do?    
   
You do!   
   
Do what?   
   
You remind me of a man!"   
   
I coulda sworn the voodoo one was gonna turn into that....
"You remind me of a man!

What man?

the man with the power!

What power?

The power of voodoo!

Who do?

You do!

Do what?

You remind me of a man!"

I coulda sworn the voodoo one was gonna turn into that....
#34 - FJrulez
Reply +16
(10/20/2012) [-]
Last one.
Last one.
#17 - archangelnight ONLINE
Reply +16
(10/19/2012) [-]
#9 - commissarcrunch
Reply +10
(10/19/2012) [-]