There's awesome, then there's this guy. . Okay, back story. Iwork at a cafe, and Wave that cafe there are apartments. Most ofthem belong to drug dealers and tho
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There's awesome, then there's this guy

Okay, back story. Iwork at a cafe, and Wave that cafe there are apartments. Most ofthem belong to drug dealers and those who buy from them. Then, there' s Denny.
Denny is about 65 now, I believe. He' s old, walks barefoot with a cane, wears a straw hat everywhere, and looks like Alan Moore, and usually refers to me as "Peach". He' s traveled the entire world,
twice, and still does. Usually he hitchhikes. He always tells me stories of adventures in exchange for a coffee and a brownie.
So, it' s winter, and it' s been a pretty lazy day. Denny' s sipping at his coffee, I' m an my laptop, when this dude with a horribly fake tan bursts in and demands a coffee. So, I work fast because I can
see the dude' s in a hurry, when I burn my hand pretty bad spilling same coffee an it. I can hearth's dude give out a laud "LIGHT So, I cool my hand up and give him his coffee, he snatches it from my
hand and says the service here sucks. Jerkwad meant even pay me, and suddenly Denny' s blocking his way out the door.
Denny: Ewes me sir, but Wu haven' t payed Peach there for haroark.
Jerkwad: Please. Tell "Peach" it' s not my fault she' s clumsy as hell.
Denny: Youve misunderstand me, sir. Peach overthere works a lat murderthon Wu, and Wu look like Wu cauld spare a dallay.
Jerkwad: Lark, just stop blocking the door and I' ll be an my way.
Denny holds up the cane, and pulls up the an the top of it. HE HAS A MC) SWORD IN HIS GCSE) AMN CANE. And Wu know what he says?
I' killed better men than Wu. Pay Peach her goddamn dues."
Jerkwad freaks out, runs back to the counter and shaves a fifty an it. Murmurs something like Weep the change" and runs out the door. Denny casually sheaths his cane sword and sit back dawn.
And asks for a refill.
...
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Views: 31139
Favorited: 190
Submitted: 10/01/2012
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Comments(102):

[ 102 comments ]
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
User avatar #49 - izzygirl (10/02/2012) [-]
Cane sword reminds me of my recent trip to the Renaissance Festival. I was looking at some leather goods, when this dude runs up to his friends and announces "I've achieved my life's dream: I own a cane sword."

I hope he hasn't hurt himself with it.
User avatar #29 - EdwardNigma ONLINE (10/02/2012) [-]
Denny sounds like my kind of guy. Cool stories, sword cane, purveyor of justice and badassery.

Where is this ******* Cafe and where can I meet this man?
#50 - slipperyjoe (10/02/2012) [-]
mfw when I thought "Peach" was a man up until Denny said "Pay Peach her goddamn dues."
mfw when I thought "Peach" was a man up until Denny said "Pay Peach her goddamn dues."
#36 - Yojimbo (10/02/2012) [-]
O hai Denny.
O hai Denny.
#43 to #36 - Empirehacker (10/02/2012) [-]
So hows your sex life?
So hows your sex life?
#44 to #43 - Empirehacker (10/02/2012) [-]
I have no idea what happend to that .gif.   
Corrupted file mabye?
I have no idea what happend to that .gif.
Corrupted file mabye?
User avatar #71 to #44 - LegititmateKyle (10/02/2012) [-]
It's a problem with funnyjunk, lot's of .gifs have been having issues uploading correctly lately
User avatar #47 to #36 - sgtwilliam (10/02/2012) [-]
Keep the change hello doggy bye
User avatar #32 - Lambda (10/02/2012) [-]
The Most Interesting Man in the World, in real life.
User avatar #7 - chuckstein (10/02/2012) [-]
"I've killed better men than you."
I don't know why, but that made me squee with happiness because it's so badass.
#25 - sergeantamerica **User deleted account** (10/02/2012) [-]
I scrolled down to hopefully find some awesome stories like this. I am disappoint.
#3 - aksion (10/01/2012) [-]
I cannot express my love for this man...
#51 - notsixroller (10/02/2012) [-]
On the subject as 'Alpha as ***** .
User avatar #54 to #51 - onionsam ONLINE (10/02/2012) [-]
that was easily the greatest thing i have ever read
#95 to #51 - hamdaman (10/02/2012) [-]
That was marvelous!
That was marvelous!
#107 to #51 - sefercil (10/02/2012) [-]
wait wait wait. so a real man would leave the woman who has his child?    
   
btw, if this even happened, that guy would be an ass. he basically says 			****		 you and your baby. a child that never did anything to him. and then he would go so far as to tell her to 			****		 off after a blowjob? why would he think he is so innocent when he is so ready to break that innocence with revenge in the first place? he obviously was no better than her. if it even happened.
wait wait wait. so a real man would leave the woman who has his child?

btw, if this even happened, that guy would be an ass. he basically says **** you and your baby. a child that never did anything to him. and then he would go so far as to tell her to **** off after a blowjob? why would he think he is so innocent when he is so ready to break that innocence with revenge in the first place? he obviously was no better than her. if it even happened.
User avatar #108 to #107 - ddemiddon (10/02/2012) [-]
It wasn't his child, that bitch dumped him, ****** someone else, and ran to him for help. depending on how much of a bitch she was it's completely justified, and she was trying to sue him for no reason. I would do the same thing if the stupid slut showed up on my doorstep asking for help after (supposedly) ripping my heart out and acting like the slut she is blows me for help. She deserves what she got, she shouldn't have been a whore, she shouldn't have sued this dude, and she shouldn't have lied. And even if it didn't happen, it's still funny as hell.
User avatar #53 to #51 - snoopyshouse (10/02/2012) [-]
that was perfect
#57 to #51 - elmokllr **User deleted account** (10/02/2012) [-]
Amounts of win = OFF THE CHARTS
#55 to #51 - ownemall (10/02/2012) [-]
I can imagine this was his face when the video started playing. On another note, that was awesome!
#63 to #51 - anon (10/02/2012) [-]
Sure, that definitely happened. Introducing new evidence in the middle of a trial is just that easy!
User avatar #86 to #63 - faggotishshit ONLINE (10/02/2012) [-]
It is pretty easy, i mean, the guy had concludent evidence(probably a friend of the judge or something) anyway, bitch got what bitches get
User avatar #101 to #63 - whtkid (10/02/2012) [-]
it is a lot easier for the defense to admit evidence than the prosecution, all it takes is both of the parties lawyers to approach the judge, while the jury excuses itself, and argue weather or not it should be allowed. Takes 15 min, tops, in any normal case, but if the media gets involved, then it can take days.
#74 to #51 - ompalomper (10/02/2012) [-]
absolutely glorious
#35 - lordbyronxiv ONLINE (10/02/2012) [-]
OP: "Denny, Denny, he's our man. If he can't do it, no one cane!"

Douche: "What? It's can, dumbbitch."

Denny: " **** you say, faggot?
+10
#11 - lukedempsey **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #8 - paintballgun (10/02/2012) [-]
I now want a cane sword
User avatar #64 to #8 - lailii (10/02/2012) [-]
They are fun. My boyfriend has one. One year he was a pimp for Halloween and he brought it to school, and nobody knew.
User avatar #9 to #8 - kamehamehanurd (10/02/2012) [-]
I have a cane sword
User avatar #10 to #9 - paintballgun (10/02/2012) [-]
Lucky where did you get it?
User avatar #23 to #10 - sergeantamerica **User deleted account** (10/02/2012) [-]
I got mine in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. The handle of the sword/top of the cane is a dragon.
User avatar #110 to #23 - paintballgun (10/02/2012) [-]
Thats badass man how much did it cost you.
#111 to #110 - sergeantamerica **User deleted account** (10/03/2012) [-]
Only $17.00 even, it was a ******* steal. I didn't even know it was a sword at first, I just needed a cane due to my ****** knees.

Pic related, it's the one I bought. Online it's only $12.99 but oh well.
User avatar #112 to #111 - paintballgun (10/03/2012) [-]
Damn that is cheap, It looks so cool. That sucks to hear about your knees man
User avatar #113 to #112 - sergeantamerica **User deleted account** (10/03/2012) [-]
Yeah, it's my own fault. Too many sports and **** when I was younger.

On a better note, I get to carry a sword with me when I walk.
User avatar #114 to #113 - paintballgun (10/03/2012) [-]
Yea true haha well man hope your knees get better I'll see you around.
User avatar #12 to #8 - vanoreo (10/02/2012) [-]
**** a cane sword
I want a Denny
User avatar #13 to #12 - paintballgun (10/02/2012) [-]
but, cane sword
User avatar #14 to #13 - vanoreo (10/02/2012) [-]
Denny comes with a canesword genius
User avatar #67 to #14 - fargone (10/02/2012) [-]
And kung-fu grip?
User avatar #15 to #14 - paintballgun (10/02/2012) [-]
ok then
User avatar #56 to #12 - playfaire (10/02/2012) [-]
I want Peach, she sounds lovely.
+8
#38 - captan **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #34 - therealslim (10/02/2012) [-]
This man is my hero
If I may meet one man in my life by choice
it is to be him
User avatar #72 - midnightdove (10/02/2012) [-]
That guy is a win at life.
User avatar #91 - ilogixjuanker (10/02/2012) [-]
why did I expected something like "but then I was on another castle"
#82 - bigredtomato (10/02/2012) [-]
When I'm old, I want a cane like that...
User avatar #52 - tripscausedthis ONLINE (10/02/2012) [-]
I had a 65 year old silat instructor who had a cane like that, never admitted to killing anyone though. nor was he that nice.
#20 - shadowstepone ONLINE (10/02/2012) [-]
this is the best old man ever
this is the best old man ever
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