scumbag parents. . new You PM WIDE on cannut. My parent took away everything I could possibly lock my room with. I don't get it? Do they want me masturbating in front of them?
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[ 107 comments ]
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#88 - thechosentroll (09/24/2012) [-]
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Well, apparently I'm the only pwerson here whos' parents are neither idiots, nor invade my personal space.
User avatar #104 to #88 - georgeapg (09/24/2012) [-]
yes
User avatar #105 to #88 - lordketchup (09/24/2012) [-]
Nope
User avatar #111 to #88 - Viggiator (09/24/2012) [-]
Nope.
#90 to #88 - anon (09/24/2012) [-]
Nope.
#96 to #88 - anon (09/24/2012) [-]
Nope.
User avatar #98 to #88 - XxJACKISHERExX (09/24/2012) [-]
Nope.
#103 to #88 - anon (09/24/2012) [-]
Nope.
User avatar #3 - codyxvasco (09/23/2012) [-]
My parent took away everything I could possibly lock my room with.

I don't get it? Do they want me masturbating in front of them?
#4 to #3 - mememeisters (09/23/2012) [-]
Do it when they're out bro
User avatar #5 to #4 - codyxvasco (09/23/2012) [-]
But there's always someone awake in my house. My door could swing open at any second.
User avatar #10 to #5 - SheWolfie (09/23/2012) [-]
LOOK THEM IN THE EYES AND FINISH LIKE A BOSS
User avatar #11 to #10 - codyxvasco (09/23/2012) [-]
THEN WHERE DO I LIVE AFTER I GET OUT OF THE HOSPITAL?
User avatar #14 to #11 - SheWolfie (09/23/2012) [-]
DO YOU HAVE A CAR!?!
LIVE IN THE CAR UNTIL YOU CAN RENT AN APARTMENT
MY CAPS LOCK IS BROKEN
****
User avatar #15 to #14 - codyxvasco (09/23/2012) [-]
I don't have a car, type holding **** like i did.
User avatar #8 to #5 - SquishyHaribo (09/23/2012) [-]
leave a thick jumper or t-shirts in front of the door so when it opens the clothes will jam the door but you are still left with the excuse of laziness for your clever locking system
User avatar #9 to #8 - codyxvasco (09/23/2012) [-]
I used crutches to lock my door, my dad took them away.

If my towel falls off my door hook and makes it 10% harder to open my door he throws a fit.

Annoying part, he never once had a conversation about the subject with me.

If I did what you say he'd kick the door down.
#12 to #9 - SquishyHaribo (09/23/2012) [-]
I'm all out of ideas but your dad sounds like a nutcase   
   
moving out very soon might be a smart plan
I'm all out of ideas but your dad sounds like a nutcase

moving out very soon might be a smart plan
User avatar #13 to #12 - codyxvasco (09/23/2012) [-]
But I'm an unemployed 16 year old :(
#28 to #13 - SquishyHaribo (09/23/2012) [-]
I give up
get a phone that can browse the web and supports flash and then go nuts on your gonads in the bathroom
#6 to #5 - mememeisters (09/23/2012) [-]
Beat your meat in the bathroom, it might sound bad but it is your best option.
User avatar #7 to #6 - codyxvasco (09/23/2012) [-]
But....I can't use my laptop there....
#23 to #7 - anon (09/23/2012) [-]
Memory is best porn
User avatar #25 to #23 - codyxvasco (09/23/2012) [-]
Really? The last time I closed my eyes to imagine porn I fell asleep for 10 minutes.
User avatar #42 to #25 - SquishyHaribo (09/24/2012) [-]
yoo rack disaprin
#65 to #42 - anon (09/24/2012) [-]
kill your parents and wear their flesh
User avatar #16 to #3 - aahrg (09/23/2012) [-]
listen for footsteps?
User avatar #17 to #16 - codyxvasco (09/23/2012) [-]
I can hear them coming from upstairs, but my room is too close to everything else to hear them. My house is rug.
User avatar #18 to #17 - aahrg (09/23/2012) [-]
put a ******** of sun chips bags on the ground, those are loud as ****
User avatar #19 to #18 - codyxvasco (09/23/2012) [-]
-_-

It's official


I'll never fap again.
User avatar #20 to #19 - aahrg (09/23/2012) [-]
ok but seriously, open up a facebook tab, porn in another, and fap under your blanket.

if you hear someone at the door just stop fapping and close the porn tab
User avatar #21 to #20 - codyxvasco (09/23/2012) [-]
*door slams open, sister jumps in*

Cody Blanket emergency!
*takes blanket*

D:
D:
*leaves*

well, thanks aahrg, that worked well.
User avatar #22 to #21 - aahrg (09/23/2012) [-]
put your pants on as you sit up/stand up
User avatar #24 to #22 - codyxvasco (09/23/2012) [-]
I'll just fap with my dick through my fly. under all my blankets and comforters....I need some genius idea to keep people out of my room though....something......Genius.
#26 to #24 - justthisonepost **User deleted account** (09/23/2012) [-]
Let them walk in on you a few times, and they'll learn not to.

If they take away electronics, keep doing it with your imagination
User avatar #27 to #26 - codyxvasco (09/23/2012) [-]
That won't work I know it, my sister once walked in on my Playing tf2 in my boxers (She believes I was fapping)

And everytime she walks by my door she opens it to piss me off.

I'm babysitting her child right now.....I could teach my sister not to walk in on me....the baby could have an "accident" in the bathtub....hehehehe...hahaha...MWAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
User avatar #30 to #3 - domogle (09/24/2012) [-]
A shower
User avatar #31 to #30 - codyxvasco (09/24/2012) [-]
My dad randomly comes in the bathroom no matter what i'm doing, Once I didn't even look notice and I just saw his shadow while I was about to fap.

My house ******* sucks.

User avatar #32 to #31 - domogle (09/24/2012) [-]
one time just start doing it in front of the door (as if it were your audience) then if you hear the handle turning just close your eyes and imagine Alexis Texas walking through that door, finish, they'll never bother you again. (probably because they'd kill you)
User avatar #33 to #32 - codyxvasco (09/24/2012) [-]
Nope, a whole thread trying to help me and not a single helpful answer.

Thanks for trying though.
User avatar #34 to #3 - devorezz (09/24/2012) [-]
Why not lean your back against the door? That way nobody can open it. Unless it opens out into the hall instead of into your room.
User avatar #35 to #34 - codyxvasco (09/24/2012) [-]
Any sign of blockage to my door and my dad morphs into the psycho hulk worst parent of the year. he's propel me headfirst into a wall.
User avatar #36 to #35 - devorezz (09/24/2012) [-]
Sounds to me like your family hates you being alone. What the hell is their problem?
User avatar #37 to #36 - codyxvasco (09/24/2012) [-]
I'm 16, they hate teenagers I guess.
User avatar #38 to #37 - devorezz (09/24/2012) [-]
And they're not religious?
User avatar #39 to #38 - codyxvasco (09/24/2012) [-]
My mom is, but she doesn't give two ***** about me being alone,

My dad has never set foot in church i'm pretty sure.
User avatar #40 to #39 - devorezz (09/24/2012) [-]
You can't just sit him down and say something like... "Dad, I hate that you won't let me be alone. I feel like you can't trust me. That makes it hard for me to trust you, and if I can't trust my own father, who can I trust?"
User avatar #41 to #40 - codyxvasco (09/24/2012) [-]
I don't know, every since I turned 15 every conversation with my father has ended with him screaming, and me crying from anger.
User avatar #43 to #41 - devorezz (09/24/2012) [-]
Maybe he has some reason buried in his past that makes him concerned for your own well-being. I wish I could give more ideas other than just talking it out, but honestly, I can't see any other method working.
User avatar #44 to #43 - codyxvasco (09/24/2012) [-]
Every since childhood I've been his precious lil golden child, now he hates how I don't like to talk to him, even though he only gives me reasons not to. He hates seeing me do unproductive things. Once I was playing CoD zombies after school and he told me to shut it off, I said, ok let me just tell my friends I have to end the game. Then he took an hatchet off the wall and started hacking my night stand table thing into pieces.

He's not very approachable to me.
User avatar #45 to #44 - devorezz (09/24/2012) [-]
Jesus H. Christ he sounds positively psychotic. I'm starting to think you have much worse problems than not being able to fap in peace.
User avatar #47 to #45 - codyxvasco (09/24/2012) [-]
We're on a good streak now, he hasn't flipped in days.

He was always like this, just never to me in the past, and NEVER in public.

He once slapped my sister and held her up to the wall by her neck for some reason.
He threw french fries at her door for not wanted food.

and when I was about 15.5 he wanted to hit my best friend, (cat) and he grabbed him so I held onto his arms so he picked me up by the neck and held me to the side of my bad and screamed don't put your hands on me lke that or i'll punch out your teeth or some **** .

I'm surprised I'm not all emotionally ****** up from all of this.
User avatar #51 to #47 - devorezz (09/24/2012) [-]
I'll be honest. I don't care how long it's been since he flipped. You should go get some help. Don't even tell yourself any **** about "Oh, he's my dad, I can't do anything to my dad." or "What if he hurts me?" Just freaking get some help before things get really bad. I know that this is funnyjunk, and that personal problems are best kept to one's self, but good grief, you need to do something about that.
User avatar #53 to #51 - codyxvasco (09/24/2012) [-]
I agree with you completely, but in the end I won't.
User avatar #57 to #53 - devorezz (09/24/2012) [-]
And I apologize for making the generalization that you're living in the US. You might not be, but honestly, if you've got access to the net, and something to play games on, you're probably not living in total poverty.
User avatar #59 to #57 - codyxvasco (09/24/2012) [-]
Middle class, Massachusettes, don't worry.
User avatar #56 to #53 - devorezz (09/24/2012) [-]
******* just do it! I swear to every god that's ever been conceived, if you don't, then it's not going to ever get better.

Yeah, sure. You'll move out eventually, but what's to stop him from visiting all the time and butting in on your life? Then you meet a nice girl, want to have kids. Before you know it, he's butting in on his grandchildren's lives, or worse, you start to butt in on your own kids lives.

Don't let that ******* happen. Don't pass on the imperfections of your parents to your own kids. This isn't some third world country where there's nothing you can do. You said yourself that he's attacked not only you, but your sister and your friend. Do you really want him to attack more people just because you're too scared to do anything about it?
User avatar #58 to #56 - codyxvasco (09/24/2012) [-]
....you did read that my friend was a cat right? not named cat?

But everything just feels so normal when he's fine, he just came into my room and gave me two cookies with fluff between them. And I'm sure he won't butt in on my life, They don't care when I'm making something to eat, or doing 1 hours of homework, or looking at funny internet videos, He ignores me in said events, He only cares about door blockage, and me preventing cat slapping I think.

I've let many opportunities pass me by, and I'm just naturally afraid of things I guess.
#62 to #58 - anon (09/24/2012) [-]
If you have carpet flooring and your door opens inwards(into your room) a basketball is a decent locking device.
User avatar #63 to #62 - codyxvasco (09/24/2012) [-]
I. Can't. lock. it. he. will. flip.
User avatar #60 to #58 - devorezz (09/24/2012) [-]
Yeah, I read that. It's still no excuse. See? You're rationalizing his anger because it was directed at an animal, and not a person. Look, I've tried to let you know that you need to do something about it, but if you're not going to do it, then maybe talk to a friend about it. Maybe your family would be too scared to say anything about it, but a friend would gladly say something if they were truly your friend. That's all I'm going to say, as I'm sure OP is upset about this much space being taken for a discussion about an abusive parent. I hope everything works out for you, and I sincerely hope you decide to take the initiative and do something about it, rather than making yourself a victim.
User avatar #61 to #60 - codyxvasco (09/24/2012) [-]
I don't really have a friend I would say anything to like that though.

and I give you my apologies as well OP

I just wanted to jack off....
User avatar #72 to #3 - ragingbrony ONLINE (09/24/2012) [-]
You don't already?
User avatar #112 to #3 - SquishyHaribo (09/24/2012) [-]
one guy has a fapping problem
68 replies
I love FJ
User avatar #49 to #3 - rokkarokkaali (09/24/2012) [-]
Put a sign(A comedical one found off the internet) saying,"Don't enter, I'm masturbating" or something along those lines.
If they think it's a joke and play along, they won't go in. If they are party poopers, they realize they ****** up.
User avatar #50 to #49 - codyxvasco (09/24/2012) [-]
Good idea, but I don't have the balls to do it.
User avatar #71 to #50 - jaggedherp (09/24/2012) [-]
Women can masturbate too.
#74 to #71 - thepyras (09/24/2012) [-]
Well...you're not wrong, I just don't see how this applied.
Well...you're not wrong, I just don't see how this applied.
User avatar #77 to #74 - taternutz ONLINE (09/24/2012) [-]
He doesn't have the balls to masturbate.

Women masturbate to.

Women don't have balls.
User avatar #78 to #77 - DietWater (09/24/2012) [-]
no, he didn't have the balls to make the sign.
#92 to #78 - anon (09/24/2012) [-]
Thats the joke, he purposefully took the wrong meaning of the sentence to make the joke.
#79 to #78 - taternutz ONLINE (09/24/2012) [-]
...well, 			****		.
...well, **** .
User avatar #81 to #79 - DietWater (09/24/2012) [-]
it was a good try though, you should still be proud!
#82 to #81 - taternutz ONLINE (09/24/2012) [-]
I'll attempt to lift my self from this pit of despair I've found myself in. Your words of encouragement a shining beacon to lead the way.   
   
I love you
I'll attempt to lift my self from this pit of despair I've found myself in. Your words of encouragement a shining beacon to lead the way.

I love you
#85 to #83 - taternutz ONLINE (09/24/2012) [-]
Hello, fellow spud.
Hello, fellow spud.
#86 to #85 - derpypotato (09/24/2012) [-]
hai there
User avatar #2 - Edi (09/23/2012) [-]
Put a lock on your phone?
#84 - tffan (09/24/2012) [-]
That's why I only charge my phone...at night...next to my nightstand...with a string attached to the phone and my finger... and my phone having a password lock.
That's why I only charge my phone...at night...next to my nightstand...with a string attached to the phone and my finger... and my phone having a password lock.
User avatar #48 - Lintutu (09/24/2012) [-]
this has never happened to me
#52 to #48 - thexiled (09/24/2012) [-]
*That you know of
User avatar #54 to #52 - Lintutu (09/24/2012) [-]
no, cause i ALWAYS have my phone with me, and when i need to charge it, i'm in the same area. If i need to leave the room even just for a minute, i still take my phone
#46 - theoriginaltyson (09/24/2012) [-]
>2012   
>not having phone password protected   
ISHYDIGGYGIGGITYGOO
>2012
>not having phone password protected
ISHYDIGGYGIGGITYGOO
#29 - dcmp (09/23/2012) [-]
> Sitting on couch, phone in pocket   
> Get up, don't realize that phone falls out of pocket   
> Get confronted by parents later   
> "Your phone was on the couch so we went through it"   
> mfw
> Sitting on couch, phone in pocket
> Get up, don't realize that phone falls out of pocket
> Get confronted by parents later
> "Your phone was on the couch so we went through it"
> mfw
User avatar #87 - Sambenmaggie (09/24/2012) [-]
Oh man, I had it bad when I was growing up. My parents were really over protective in terms of my access to technology. I couldn't get any gaming consoles (Xbox, Gamecube, Playstation) or anything handheld like a GBA. Hell, I got my first phone in Freshman year. We had a family computer in our house but when I was younger it was always monitored. We weren't allowed to use it unless a parent was with us. In 7th or 8th grade they lifted that ban but still limited what we were allowed to use the computer for. I remember once I went to Weird Al Yankovik's website to hear a song, after my friend gave me a c-d with some of his music on it. The next day I got grounded because apparently my father would check the computers history daily using some program he got from his office. I couldn't watch movies that were over PG-13 until I was in Highschool. It was pretty rough growing up like that but luckily I had a friend who always allowed me to use his stuff at his house. Thanks to him I grew up with Warrio Land 4 and pretty much constant Smash Bros.......although I did miss out on Pokémon and a lot of the other basics like Halo and MoH. Also, my younger brother had it completely differently. He had his own computer by 6th grade and was playing any games he wanted by 7th. Sucks to be first born, doesn't it?

TL;DR - Over protective parents and younger brothers suck. Friends are awesome.





#100 - Thenewguygunther (09/24/2012) [-]
parents look through your phone



yell at you for being extremely boring and only using your phone to ask what the homework was
#94 - theshwedda (09/24/2012) [-]
sometimes, i get sad because i feel like the only adult in a funnyjunk of teenagers. but then i see the angsty posts and either laugh at how spoiled kids are, or remember how good i have it now and everything is okay. thank you, funnyjunk.
#106 - rollcore ONLINE (09/24/2012) [-]
**rollcore rolled a random image posted in comment #99 at Cups **
User avatar #102 - samuraicrack (09/24/2012) [-]
that has never happened to me
User avatar #99 - PartyPanda (09/24/2012) [-]
I probably don't really know how this feels because I don't have a phone

or parents

the absence of the two are related.
User avatar #97 - supermegasherman (09/24/2012) [-]
when my parents started looking through my phone i just stopped using it
User avatar #95 - hugster (09/24/2012) [-]
That's invasion of privacy right there. We had a guy stay at our house once, and he asked if he could use my cell for a bit. He was a jerk and used about 30 texts or so on his girlfriend. He didn't delete them. He's still a douche, but I didn't go through his texts cause that's private stuff.
0
#93 - dwarfdolan has deleted their comment [-]
#91 - alucardshellhound (09/24/2012) [-]
**alucardshellhound rolled a random image posted in comment #112 at The Badger **
#69 - toasterbomb (09/24/2012) [-]
"why don't you put your phone on the charge"
User avatar #68 - darkjustifier (09/24/2012) [-]
I like to screw with my parents, so I left necrophilia in the search on google images and waited for them to look in the other room.
User avatar #73 to #68 - ilovehitler (09/24/2012) [-]
I read that as "I like to screw my parents" then I saw the word "necrophilia".

Needless to say, I was a bit concerned.
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