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10 Rules For Dating My Daughter "i?
If you pull into my driveway and how you' d better he delivering a package, because
you' re sure not picking anything LIP.
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do
not peer at anything heloo her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my
daughter' s hwy. I will remove them.
I am aware that it is considered fashionable tor how of your age to wear their trousers
so loosely that they appear to he falling off their hips. Please don' t take this as an
insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to he fair and
open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door
with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too hig, and I will not object.
However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not in tact,
come off during the course of your date with my daughter. I will take my electric nail
gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
I' m sure you' been told that in today' s world, sex without utilising a "harrier method"
of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the hauler. and
I will kill you.
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk
about sports, politics, and other issues of the day- Please do not do this. The only
information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter
safely hack at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."
I have no douht you are a popular fellow. with many opportunities to date other girls.
This is tine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter- Otherwise, once you have
gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one hut her until she is finished
with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an
hour goes by, do not sigh and willget If you want to he on time for the movie, you
should not he dating- My daughter is putting on her makeup. a process that can take
longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge- Instead of just standing there, why don' t
you do something useful. like changing the oil in my car"?
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where
there are hem, sofas. or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are
no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places
where there is dancing. holding hands. or happiness. Places where the ambient
temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-
shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - awed up
to her throat- Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to he avoided: movies
which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Did folks homes are
Do not lie to me. I may appear to he a ). halting, ,
But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the , merciless god of
your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance
to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing hut the truth. I have a shotgun, a
shovel, and tive acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in
the driveway tor a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent
Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I
wait for you to haing my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you
should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password.
announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early,
then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The
face at the window is mine.
I month ago (Tiebreaker) F